Not invited to a close friend's wedding...

@aseretdd (13712)
Philippines
April 9, 2008 10:50pm CST
I love weddings... especially when it is a friend who is getting married... but i was so disappointed when i was not invited to the wedding of three of my close friends... The first time it happened... i understood why because she was so busy and she doesn't know where to find me... when i decided to visit her one time... that day turned out to be her wedding day... The second time was that of a friend who would tell me all the details of the wedding... where it will be... what her gown would look like... and when the day finally arrive... i was not invited at all... The third time was when a male friend got married... weeks before the event... he borrowed some money from me to be used for the wedding... promising to pay me a week after... he did not invite me to the wedding... and paid me months after... So has something similar to these ever happened to you?... how did you cope with the situation?...
11 people like this
33 responses
@Darkwing (21591)
10 Apr 08
No, it hasn't happened to me, but I think you've been used by these friends. I mean, how mean is that, telling you all about the wedding, her dress and everything and then not inviting you. Not to mention the one who borrowed money and didn't repay it for months. If a really close friend of mine gets married, I usually get an invite to at least, the reception, and I think if you're quite close friends with these people, their manners need to be kept in check! Brightest Blessings.
@aseretdd (13712)
• Philippines
10 Apr 08
You said it right... the last two so called friends really used me... and i thing i haven't spoken to them since the wedding happened... it was only then that i realized that they are not really friends... so it is not my lost but theirs... thanks for the response...
1 person likes this
@Darkwing (21591)
10 Apr 08
Yes, you're right when you say it's their loss. You've been a good friend to them, and they've scorned your kindness. Time to move on, methinks.
1 person likes this
@aseretdd (13712)
• Philippines
11 Apr 08
I have already moved on... but from time to time... i still think about it... and how stupid i was to consider them as friends... especially the one who borrowed money from me...
1 person likes this
@mari61960 (4895)
• United States
10 Apr 08
I was not invited to my supposed best friends wedding shortly after high school because her parents didn't approve of me..lol Oh well also her husband did not approve of any of her friends that were not in college..."sigh" Then my other real best friend's brother who is like family to me and has known me since he was 12 got married. Because of a stupid grudge he holds still to this day but won't admit it... I wasn't invited to his wedding.. and he actually made a point of telling his sister I wasn't invited...lol It's funny to me that he was so upset by what had happened, but to this day we aren't very close. I am very close to both his sisters and his brother. So obviously you are not alone;... we should form club.... Blessed be, Mari
@aseretdd (13712)
• Philippines
10 Apr 08
There are a lot of clubs that can be formed here in mylot... and that is one positive thing... seem like we have something in common... and i think it was quite immature of that brother but then... that is his wedding so he has the right not to invite anyone... thanks for the response...
1 person likes this
@aseretdd (13712)
• Philippines
11 Apr 08
Well, only time will tell and a change from childishness to maturity will make his change his heart... so the best way, i guess, is to just leave him alone... in his misery... he will soon realize his ways...
@drannhh (14680)
• United States
10 Apr 08
Borrowing money and then not inviting you is a new one to me. That is nervy, but eventually he paid you, so that is good. I would rather eventually get paid than be invited to the wedding and then never paid, but it shouldn't have to be a choice. You know something? I hate to go to weddings. Really I do, and have pretty much decided not to go to any more no matter whose they are. I just do not like all that getting dressed up stuff any more. Maybe a casual seaside wedding where everyone wears beach attire. I can think of several weddings I wished I hadn't been invited to, lol. I hope you didn't feel too bad.
2 people like this
@aseretdd (13712)
• Philippines
11 Apr 08
Well, it took him like 5 months... and a lot of lying before he paid me back... and that was also because i called his wife to tell her about the loan... and that is sort of embarassing for him... In my country... most wedding do not require the guests to dress up... only those who will take part in the ceremony... so jeans and a simple blouse is okay... i felt bad about not being invited... but i have since moved on... and from the responses that i got here... i realized that i am not alone... thanks for the response...
@jennybianca (12919)
• Australia
10 Apr 08
Perhaps I can understand you not being invited to the first two weddings. It could have been that numbers were limited & the cost high. I have been married twice & always had to restrict the number of people I invited due to the cost. As for the male friend, he sounds like a bit of a user. Fancy borrowing money from you, but not inviting you. I dont think it is because of you, I think he is a user. Do you think that people are taking you for granted, because you are nice & easy to get along with?
@aseretdd (13712)
• Philippines
11 Apr 08
He is indeed a user... i should have realized that a long time ago... there were instances that he asked a lot of favors... but since i considered him as a friend... i did not mind... but the borrowing of money and wedding thing was the last straw... thanks for the response...
@subha12 (18472)
• India
10 Apr 08
it has happened to me many times. it seems they just did not invite me as they did not want to make he sopending more. i felt very bad about it. but what can be done, i felt bad. i have decided will not invie them either at any occassion at my home
2 people like this
@aseretdd (13712)
• Philippines
10 Apr 08
Well, they can always explain why we did not or why we are not invited... i would have understood it if they want the wedding more private... but since i know that a lot of people were invited... it made me think why i was not... I did not even do anything bad to them... maybe i was the only one who thought that they are my friend... but for them i was a mere acquiantance... thanks for the response...
• United States
10 Apr 08
Yes it has!! I had an old friend who told me all about her upcoming nuptials and then did not invite me. I thought it was really strange! If she could not invite me for whatever reason then I felt she should just state the reason. Instead she blabbed on about the wedding and never even mentioned the elephant in the room. Me not being invited!
1 person likes this
• United States
10 Apr 08
Oh yeah, I forgot to add how I coped with it...I cried the day of her wedding a little bit because I couldn't believe after all we had been through together over the years that I wouldn't get to see her walk down the isle. After that, I realized that she wasn't the friend to me that I was to her so I sucked it up became the better person and told her how great she looked in all of her pictures and how lovely the ceremony looked but then I pretty much ditched her! As you get older you will find out who your true friends are and realize that you shouldn't waste your time and energy wondering why your friend treated you so poorly. This is not to say that you should simply ditch every friend you have a conflict with because thats most certainly not the case. You just have to decide who is worth it and who isn't. In my case the "friend" wasn't worth it.
1 person likes this
@aseretdd (13712)
• Philippines
14 Apr 08
And she even showed you the wedding pictures... that is like adding insult to injury... you are such a good person and she doesn't deserve you... good thing you ditched her... and i agree that as we grow older... we will know who our real friends are... thanks for the response... welcome to mylot... i hope you enjoy every minute of your stay here...
• United States
15 Apr 08
Thank you, so far I am really enjoying it here!
1 person likes this
@Jezebella (1448)
• United States
22 Apr 08
nothing like that has happened. I would be hard to handle...i was though invited to a wedding at the last moment but she had some cancelations and i'm not as close as everyone else, but still good friends
1 person likes this
@aseretdd (13712)
• Philippines
23 Apr 08
It was indeed very hard to handle... especially after the wedding when a lot of friends and co-workers would ask me why i was not at the wedding... it was hard to say that i was not invited... thanks for the response... and welcome to mylot... i hope you enjoy your stay here...
@gr8life (6253)
• Malaysia
21 Apr 08
Hello aseretdd, Oh, it is really bad! I don't really understand why your three friends did it. Okay, the first might have a good reason - she couldn't find you. The third friend too, has a good reason - maybe he feels ashamed that he borrowed money from you and he really hope by not inviting you, the secret won't reveal! But the most amazing is your second friend. How could she told you all the details and still, forgot to invite you? Luckily, it never happens to me. Most of my friends invited me for their wedding, the problem is with me. I hardly have time to attend the wedding of my childhood friends or ex-school mates!
1 person likes this
@aseretdd (13712)
• Philippines
23 Apr 08
Well, whatever their reasons are... they did not make any move to tell me... maybe they did not really consider me as a friend... it was like a one way friendship... but i am glad that sort of thing has not happened to me for a while... thanks for the response...
@youless (67892)
• Guangzhou, China
14 Apr 08
Please don't feel bad about it. Sometimes they have some reasons to do so. Perhaps the guests are too many and it's hard to have more because of the budget. But as to your case, I think he should invite you as you lent money to him. I am afraid whether he feels embarrassed to see you as he may not return the money in a short time.
1 person likes this
@aseretdd (13712)
• Philippines
14 Apr 08
Well, if he cannot return the money... he just need to tell me... to save us all from the hurt and embarrassment... but whatever their reasons are... they never made a move to explain why... so i think i was never considered as a friend... thanks for the response...
@Hatley (118213)
• Garden Grove, California
11 Apr 08
something similar. I was invited to be maid of honor but my friend chose a dress for me that I could not begin to afford and so I asked her to pick someone else and just ask me to your wedding as a guest.she was miffed and no invitation ever came altho we were best friends and co workers . I finally got over it and went to her bridal shower and we renewed our friendship; but it was never quite the same afterwards between us.
@aseretdd (13712)
• Philippines
14 Apr 08
In your case... i guess she also got hurt and offended when you refused to be the maid of honr... but she should have also understood that you cannot afford the dress... and that should not be a reason for not inviting you to her wedding... i hope things will be better soon... thanks for the response...
@ladym33 (11012)
• United States
11 Apr 08
I actually did that to friend of ours for our wedding. It was completely unintentional. I honestly don't know what happened, I don't know if we forgot about him when making out the list, or if I missed sending the invitation to him, or if it got lost in the mail. I remember asking about him at the reception, and another friend said, "You guys didn't invite him." I couldn't believe it. I was wondering why nobody had said anything. The next time we saw him we apologized profusely. He joked it off, but I could tell he was hurt, we got married 18 years ago, and he still brings it up every time we see him. Talk about feeling bad.
1 person likes this
@aseretdd (13712)
• Philippines
14 Apr 08
Well, at least you had the decency to apologize to your friend... the other two did not even make a move to talk to me... and i surely will not do it first... but i know how your friend felt... so just laugh when he reminds you about the incident... thanks for the response...
• Philippines
10 Apr 08
Oh I am sorry to hear that but maybe they just thought you'd show up at their wedding since you already know about the 2 weddings...If this were your real friends they wouldn't forget to invite you but if they are your real friends and you know how each of you feel, maybe they really thought you would just show up. Nothing similar like this happened to me. I wasn't invited to my niece wedding who was my playmate when I was young but it's ok I know she is very busy and she really did forget about me since we haven't seen each other for years. We are just recently communicating though I sent her an email and she responded and it's cool to hear back from her. Saying I'm her favorite playmate...I guess if this happened to me..I would be hurt ofcourse but I would just set it aside and maybe not be that close to them if and only if I felt they meant to not invite me at all.
1 person likes this
@aseretdd (13712)
• Philippines
14 Apr 08
Well, they know that i am the sort of person who doesn't gate crash... and they took advatage of that... by not verbally inviting me... a common friend told me that... it seems that it was a one sided friendship... and now there is no longer any side since i don't consider them as friends anymore... thanks for the response...
@lingli_78 (12860)
• Australia
10 Apr 08
i had never experienced that before... i think they are not real friends... they are making use of you... a real friend especially close friend would not do these... i know how hurt you will be... i'm sorry that you have to experience this with your close friends...
1 person likes this
@aseretdd (13712)
• Philippines
14 Apr 08
It is good that you have never experienced this sort of thing... i got really hurt... and i am not a very sensitive person... i have long since moved on with my life... and i no longer consider them as friends... thanks for the response...
@Esoteric1 (867)
• Canada
10 Apr 08
Recently my ex girlfriend whom is the mother of my 12 year old son got married. The guy she married is great, they have 3 kids of their own now too. He is great with their kids, and mine as well. I'm not one for weddings, but I gotta say I was upset that I was not invited I mean we are still pretty close and there are no problems between her and I, or him and I. Like I said I'm not one for weddings but in that case I really wanted to be there. I just took it as it was a day all about the future and well I was a thing of the past. XD
1 person likes this
@aseretdd (13712)
• Philippines
14 Apr 08
Well, this is the irony of life... maybe you are the only one who thinks that everything is okay... and they also might think that it is weird if you attend the wedding... since you are the ex-boyfriend... or they might not want people to talk... thanks for the response...
• India
10 Apr 08
Im not here to justify for their mistakes or whatever you take it to be, but my understanding has given me three different opinions about all the three people. 1) You cannot even blame her for not inviting cos she could not contact you. It's an unfortunate coincidence that you had to turn up at her doorstep when she was getting married. Well she should have been very happy to see you. 2) She must have directly assumed that you are invited to the wedding, since you helped her with her wedding stuff. It usually happens that when we are with friends who have great plans for a party or so, and take our help for organizing, automatically think that, we have assumed to be invited. Well Its on their part to officially invite, even if their friends were with them till the last moment of organising. 3) This guy must have been ashamed with himself, for not repaying you, the money he borrowed and promised to return it in a few days time. He must have thought that you would ask him got the money on the wedding day, making him look bad. And didn't want to invite you. To be on the safe side. I have never been in such kinda situations, although I do not like to go to weddings. Some of my friends have conveniently forgotten to invite me to parties, and I wouldn't bother about them cos that would lead to misunderstandings between them. bourne
@aseretdd (13712)
• Philippines
14 Apr 08
1. I don't blame here... and we have spoken about it... and we are still friends today... 2. With this person... i don't think she forgot or assumed that i am already invited by just telling me about the plans... other friends told me that she is really like that... out to the 10 things she will say... only 1 or 2 are true... 3. He knows me well enough to know that i will never embarrass him or make him look bad infront of other people especially on a very special day... i understand about him being embarrassed about not paying me back... but not inviting me made it worst... Thanks for the response...
@rhane7315 (5679)
• Philippines
10 Apr 08
i guess those people didn't considered you as their close friends. they're only just using you for their own sake
1 person likes this
@aseretdd (13712)
• Philippines
14 Apr 08
Yes, the last two individuals did not certainly consider me as a close friend... but a mere co-worker... it was a one sided friendship... and in the end... i think it was their loss not mine... thanks for the response...
@mefadon3 (299)
• United States
10 Apr 08
I like weddings to. I even caught the garter off of a bride at one wedding. I never experienced not being invited to a wedding of one of my friends, I know that probably hurt your feelings.
1 person likes this
@aseretdd (13712)
• Philippines
14 Apr 08
I have caught the bride's flower bouquet quite a number of times... and each wedding was very fun indeed... whether is a the wedding of a relative, close friend, or just an acquiantance... so i was so dissapointed when i was left out in the two wedding i mentioned here... thanks for the response...
@maddysmommy (16243)
• United States
10 Apr 08
I can understand if I wasn't invited to a wedding because they couldn't afford to have everyone come (happens a lot in our family) but to be asked for money for a wedding and then not get invited? I think that is just not on. I don't think I would of given it if I knew it was for his wedding.
1 person likes this
@aseretdd (13712)
• Philippines
14 Apr 08
When he borrowed the money... he made it clear that he will use it in paying for some of the wedding needs and promised to pay me back immediately... and since i considered him as a friend... i loaned him the money... but if it was a budget wedding... i would have understood not being invited... but it was quite lavish... thanks for the response...
@izathewzia (5145)
• Philippines
10 Apr 08
It is so sad to know. I know also someone who got hurt when her long time friend did not invited her on her wedding. It is really hurting, I saw it in her. And i felt it for her.
@aseretdd (13712)
• Philippines
14 Apr 08
What could be the reason why she was not invited?... it would have been more comforting to know why... but for me... i guess it was because they needed someone to use... especially with the person who borrowed money... but did not bother to invite me... thanks for the response...
@checapricorn (16076)
• United States
10 Apr 08
wow..this is strange...hehehe...not yet but if it happens for me, i will really feel bad being their close friend! if ever, they have some problem with the number of guest and they can't afford anymore to feed , I am very much willing to understand and listen and maybe I will offer 1 menu as a help you know!Maybe if this will happen to me I will really ask them the reasons why I was not invited and honestly tell them about my feelings. It helps a lot so that the closeness you have started will remain rather than keeping it by myself and affecting our friendship!
1 person likes this
@aseretdd (13712)
• Philippines
14 Apr 08
I was able to talk to the first friend... and i understand her... because there was not way she can contact me... since cell phone were not yet that popular... with with the other two... i did not bother to ask the reason anymore... because they made it clear that they never considered me as their friend...