Abuse Or Discipline?

@myrith (1830)
Canada
April 10, 2008 9:24pm CST
How do you deal with seeing a mother or caregiver slapping children in shopping malls or anywhere in public because they wont stop screaming or misbehaving? Should they be reported,or do you mind your own business, do you consider this abuse or discipline? Serious answers only!
5 people like this
14 responses
• Canada
11 Apr 08
I do not agree with any sort of violence as punishment. Some people think that spanking is okay, but I also disagree with this. Spanking can hurt a child just as much as a slap on the hand, arm, or face. Not only can it hurt them pysically, but also emotionally. I believe that there are better ways for disapline. A child doesn't learn what they are doing wrong when they are slapped or spanked, all they know is that if they do this again, they endure pysical pain. But if you send the child to their room, take away toys, and make the child write out what he or she did wrong and why it was wrong, they have a better understanding of why they are being punished. If I were to see someone hit their child in a mall, I would probably mind my own business, but I do consider it abuse. I am not saying that those who spank their children are bad mothers, I just do not agree with their choice of disapline.
1 person likes this
@myrith (1830)
• Canada
11 Apr 08
First off I think that manners starts in the home, if they are not properly trained at home then they will act out in public then later on go on to bigger and worse behavior, because they weren't taught not to.
1 person likes this
• Canada
11 Apr 08
Yes, manners do start in the home. But just because the kid was taught manners does not mean that he or she will not act out in public. And just because the kid does act out in public does not mean that violence is a great way to disapline or teach the kid how to act proper. Plus, it does take time to learn manners. And what is the child being taught when he or she is being hit or spanked? That its okay to hit others when they do something that the child does not like. This is just my view on the topic, its what makes most sense to me.
1 person likes this
@Hatley (164654)
• Garden Grove, California
11 Apr 08
I think that a lot of bullies are created first by the slapping and swatting andd beating thus creating little monster brats that other children cannot really stand up to. I did not beat on my son butused more gentle methods and he is a fine upstanding adult of whom I am very proud.
• United States
11 Apr 08
As a mother I do swat my daughter on her bottom if she persistanly misbehaves and If some one wants to call me in for abuse they are sad as it is my job as a mother to keep my kids in line,I feel it is disipline not abuse,but also some parents that do go over board,I have seen it first hand and makes me sick,but they may not see it as abuse they may see it as their way of disipline as everyone was raised different and had different ways of doing things. If I though a kid was in danger I would call someone in right then,because Its my job as a good person to report something when I do see it and I have done it before.
@Hatley (164654)
• Garden Grove, California
11 Apr 08
sassy I agree. a swat on the bottom is one thing but slapping is so awful and it makes adults furious if it is done to them so pity little kids.
@myrith (1830)
• Canada
11 Apr 08
Well good for you sassy, I believe a firm swat on the butt when the child acts up doesn't hurt any child, no one is talking about violence toward any child, I too would report that if I witnessed it.
@Darkwing (21588)
11 Apr 08
You have to discipline the kids somehow, but I don't feel slapping or smacking is the answer. I don't exactly call it abuse, but it does make my stomach turn. Ok, when my kids were young, they sometimes received a slap on the hand, or across the back of the bottom of their leg, but it was not a real smack. Most times, it's best to stop the child in their tracks when misbehaving, by grabbing hold of their hand. Then, make them sit and listen to what you're saying. Speak sternly, to let them know you mean it, and make sure they understand what you expect of them whilst out. Most of them will respond much better to that than a slap. Some even go into a paddy, close to fitting, when they're slapped. Brightest Blessings.
@myrith (1830)
• Canada
11 Apr 08
And I say dont spare the rod and spoil the child!
1 person likes this
@minnie_98214 (10574)
• United States
11 Apr 08
Well I agree spanking are needed sometimes but I would not do it in publi they would get it when we get home and they will know its gonna happen. But I think there is a fine line vetween spanking and hitting a child. A spanking on the bottom is okay but anything else and I think you are not doing it to help the child you are doing it to release your anger.
@myrith (1830)
• Canada
11 Apr 08
Sometimes that's what is happening, the parent taking it out on the child, then abuse like that is clearly recognizable I would not hesitate to call the cops.
1 person likes this
• United States
11 Apr 08
Same here I would not hesitate one second. Just call someones gotta protect those kids.
@jenni7202 (1598)
• United States
13 Apr 08
I personally think, that this day and age children get away with a lot more than they did back when I was younger. I'm not that old, only 21, but when I was a child, if I were bad in the store, I would get a warning slap on my rump. I learned from that, because if I were to continue than it would get a little harder. Children nowadays will just scream and scream until they get what they want. I think they deserve a little slap on their mouths to give them a little warning as to who is the boss. That's not what parents around here do though, instead, they give those children what they want, which only puts in their head that if they just do that everytime they want something.
@myrith (1830)
• Canada
13 Apr 08
I do too, Most of them are rotten to the core and really needs a good swat on the butt, If I had a child like that then he/she would know really fast that is not tolerated especially in public.
1 person likes this
@checapricorn (16066)
• United States
12 Apr 08
slapping? For me this is not the way to discipline the kids, we can talk to them and let them understand things and once they are train to be that way, Its not hard for the parents o let them listen, Kids acting so hard headed simpley because they lask discipline at home or maybe they were just being too pampered by the parents in a way that whatever they want, its there right away which is not also good since there will be times in our life that we can no longer afford what they are desiring and this will lead to any problem considerging, they were not able to experience"no" from any of their request! About what you have witnessed for me its an abuse to child's right! Its not good to put him in that situation for it will always give a psychological effect toward the child.like hatred, revenge and the more he will become worst!If I will witness such incident, I really dont have guts to report such action, I would like to assure my mind that parents should be very responsible enough in raising their kids but if its too severe or bad already, I will be reporting such incident!
@myrith (1830)
• Canada
12 Apr 08
Way to go there is no other, no abuse of any child should be left unreported, because you might be sorry later on that you did not report what you saw, after all it's only a child unable to fight back!
• United States
12 Apr 08
I saw alot of responses here that bascially said the same thing. So I did not read every one of them, my apologies. Here is my opinion: I remember what I thought of mothers I saw in public who used varying forms of physical discipline. What I noticed the most was, the reaction of the child after being "swatted" or "spanked". The stress level of the child went up, as well as the parent's. This seemed like a stupid solution to their problem. Also, I remember seeing mothers and fathers who would SCREAM at their children, in public, and even use some pretty colorful language. My first thoughts on these kinds of scenes, and of these parents, were a sickening in my stomach along with an urge to slap the parents, or call them what they were calling their children lol. I believe it's highly inappropriate to act that way in public, or at home. My daughter turned 3 this past November and since then has gone through some..interesting..phases lol. What I found to be the most effective way of getting her attention, and teaching her that her behavior is unpleasant, is to crouch down, and get to eye level with her. I take her hand and I ask her to look at me, and I tell her that her behavior hurts my feelings, and that i know she's a good girl, and I ask her to show me how she can be a good girl. * times out of ten I'd say this is a great way to handle it. the other 2 times, well, not everything can work out perfectly haha. So knowing now the frustrations these screaming hitting parents must feel, I haven't changed my mind. I still believe that kind of behavior is wrong, and worse, it teaches their children absolutely nothing. So you asked, would I report it? Would I say something? Would I turn my head? I have never reported it. I have never seen anything that looked dangerous, only stupid parents who are too lazy to properly teach their children. I think that's what it is most of the time. They are tired, frustrated, at their wit's end with it all, and they just can;t bring themselves to try harder, and teach their children right from wrong in a productive way. If I DID see anything dangerous, you can bet I'd be right over there in their business with one hand on my phone ready to call the police lol. What kind of person would I be if I didn't? I couldn't live with myself if I just turned and walked away. Could you?
@myrith (1830)
• Canada
12 Apr 08
Hell no! I see something like that I wouldn't hesitate to call the cops because it's the right thing to do. Thank you for sharing your thoughts.
• Canada
12 Apr 08
In canada where I live it is legal to spank as long as it is on the bum open hand and no excessive so if I saw someone giving a legal spanking I would ignore it. on the other hand if I saw someone smack their child in the face or start to smack the childs bum repeatedly I would first call them on it and if they were rude to me I would call the police and tell them that a woman was beating her child.
@myrith (1830)
• Canada
12 Apr 08
Well that would be the right thing to do if you see any child being abused.
• Philippines
11 Apr 08
I don't think slapping a child in public is acceptable. Don't they have shame in what they do? When I go to the mall with my family and my husband shouts at them in public I get mad at him. I also tell him if he have no shame... When the kids can't control it at the mall..If I can whisper my anger to them I do that instead of making a show in public. Not nice to see.
@myrith (1830)
• Canada
12 Apr 08
That only happens when the child is not taught the proper way to behave in public.
@Ravenladyj (22937)
• United States
11 Apr 08
Hhmm I think its not as black and white as it seems...or as one would think..Generally you can tell the difference between and abuser and a parent who is putting their child in line by other behaviours, things they say and so on so what I do would depend on other factors ya knwo...
@myrith (1830)
• Canada
12 Apr 08
Those are usually easy to spot, and if caught one should not hesitate to call the cops.
11 Apr 08
To be honest I don't think I would feel in any position to report the incident as abuse as such. When my son was younger he only ever received a tight slap on the back of his hand in extreme cases when he really needed the discipline but no way would that really be anyone else's business. When my son threw a tantrum in the shops I would ignore him, walk a few steps away from him and then wait for him to realise his tantrums didn't work.
@myrith (1830)
• Canada
11 Apr 08
I guess that's a good way that works for you, keep practicing it.
@Thoroughrob (11750)
• United States
11 Apr 08
I do not believe in it, although if they did not get really abusive with their slap, I would probably mind my own business.
@myrith (1830)
• Canada
11 Apr 08
Like I stated above I wouldn't stand by and do nothing, I'd be the first to call the cops but if it's not abuse I'd mind my own.
@mosvph (97)
• Philippines
11 Apr 08
Off hand I say I would mind my own business. I would normally not interfere in other people's private lives. But it really depends on the gravity of what I would see. I know there is a limit to what I would silently allow. If the child would be clearly abused I would definitely say something to the parent. Children must be "handled with care" because it is so easy to damage them in one way or the other. In the first place a young child has no place in the mall. The child will only be stresed and tired, exposed to so many people, germs and viruses. If they cry there would be a reason for it and the parent will be able to stop the child's unpleasant behavior only by understanding what is causing it, not by violent measures.
@myrith (1830)
• Canada
11 Apr 08
100% in agreement with that, I also would not hesitate to report that person mistreating that child if I was a witness to it.
@Hatley (164654)
• Garden Grove, California
11 Apr 08
Slapping is mistreatment of children and i guarantee it will not make kids behave it just makes them grow up to be slappers too.It is not discipline. what would you feel as an adult if someone slapped you because they were upset with you? angry right?I think that they should \be reported yes.
@myrith (1830)
• Canada
11 Apr 08
We're talking behavioral problems here, not mistreatment, and what makes them grow up to be slappers are the fact they grew up seeing daddy slapping mommy around constantly, not the fact that they are being disciplined.