Would you throw pictures of you and your ex away if you had kids together?

United States
April 10, 2008 10:49pm CST
I would not throw them away because I know that when my children get older that they would want the pictures of their parents together. Or at least I think they would. I am asking because my boyfriend, might as well be my husband we have been together for 10 years, has two daughters from a previous marriage. When the oldest was 6 she brought me a picture of her Momma and my boyfriend and her when she was born. She asked me if I would keep it for her until she was old enough to have it for herself. She said that her Mom was going to throw it away and the only way she could keep it was if I would keep it for her. I still have the picture. She is 13 and still cannot have it. Her Mom has thrown all the pictures of their dad, my boyfriend, away. I have a few and have made copies for both of them to have when they turn 18. I do not think this is right. That picture hung on my walls until we moved of him, his ex-wife and my daughter( I think of her as mine too) and I never had a problem with that because that is her Mother no matter what.
5 people like this
31 responses
• United States
11 Apr 08
Did you get my email?? I was in a terrible marriage and my ex husband did me dirty in so many ways. I tore up every picture I could find of us. I have one wedding picture of us. It's in my scrap book. I have all the pictures of my daughter being born. Even the one with her when she came out and the go*ok with it. I have the picture when I held her on my chest and he had is head right there. I had not known that his other son was born a month after my daughter. He was watching my daughter and his son while both the mothers were working. Long story short. I don't need any pictures of the dog in my house. The pictures in my scarp book are for her on her wedding day. Or when she has her first child which ever comes first. The kids should always have a picture of their parents. Just not me having them. LOL
• United States
11 Apr 08
I believe kids should always have a picture of their parents also. I think it is nice that you saved a picture of you and him for your daughter. I just think if you don't have one they will wonder why. I have been wanting to do a scrapbook for both of my kids when theyare grown. I have a few letters for it. Anyways I'll save that for later. That's beside the point. I keep checking on e-mail and am double checking my trash folder.
1 person likes this
• United States
11 Apr 08
I found out a few people are not getting the emails. My sister is one of them. If you go to walmart you can find the starter scrapbook there. Once you start with one page. Your going to get ideas just popping in your head. Go get one soon. Koolaidpurse@gmail.com
• United States
11 Apr 08
I love scrapbooking. That is what I made my Mom for her birthday. I will e-mail you.
@mi2ok02 (406)
• United States
11 Apr 08
I did not throw away the pictures of the ex, but rather gave the pictures of him in them that had one of our children with him in them. It is good for the kids not to throw pictures of their other parent away. The other parent is just as important as you are.
• United States
11 Apr 08
Yes both parents are important. Even if they are not a good one it does not change the fact that their blood runs through that kid. Thanks a lot.
1 person likes this
@sid556 (31005)
• United States
11 Apr 08
absolutely not. I am not with my ex. It was a very bitter breakup and still....get rid of pics? It wasn't all horrible. It was what I wanted at the time and it didn't work out. My girls deserve the pics of their dad and happier times in our lives. Even if he was a dad that had nothing to do with the kids...the kids deserve the pics. I really can't understand the kind of thinking that would cause someone to do something like that. She is lucky to have you in her life. Sounds as if mom has a few issues.
• United States
11 Apr 08
That is the way I feel. I believe both of these girls deserve pics of their Mom and Dad together. That is why I feel as if I should keep them. They are not allowed to have pictures of me or my two children either. The older one that give me the picture to put up wanted a razer phone(this is when they first came out and were like $400) so I did not have a cable to print pictures so I give her my phone and just got me a cheap one and told her she could have it as long as she would save my pics and if she got rid of it I wanted it back. She came over crying and upset and thought I was gonna be mad. Her Mom and stepdad deleted all my pics. They said she did not need any pics of me, my kids, or their dad. Then like a month and a half later her Mom took the phone and sold it. But she wanted the phone and it made her happy for the length of time she had it and I would do it all over again as long as it would make her happy. Thanks a lot for the response.
1 person likes this
@sid556 (31005)
• United States
11 Apr 08
The woman sounds insane. All as she is doing is alienating herself from her kids. She'll regret it later, i'm sure.
@checapricorn (16066)
• United States
12 Apr 08
I wont especially that case you were asked by the child to keep it. That is very touching, and I feel for her, I know no matter how painful for sure for them the break up of the parents at least she has some souvenir in the future for her. I also appreciate the way you are, strong and very caring too for them, They are very lucky to have you also as their mom since you have the heart that is truly genuine! Keep it up!
• United States
12 Apr 08
Thank you very much and bless you.
@Shaun72 (15968)
• Palatka, Florida
12 Apr 08
I still have my ex husbands pictures. I also had a few of his kids from his second wife. I kept a hold of them to give them to him before we divorced. I know we didn't work out but at the same time I don't hold anger to him and I will not tear the pictures of us apart either.
• United States
12 Apr 08
Yes there is no sense in tearing them up. If something happen to that person then there would be no pictures for the kids. I really think in some cases, depending on the case, it could cause resentment from the child, if they knew you destroyed pictures. Thanks.
@mrsjbelle (1641)
• United States
12 Apr 08
I wouldnt throw them away I would save them for my son. I cant stand my boyfriends ex but there son has pics of them together in his room. I have no choice but to deal with it if I want to be with him. Heck he even has there wedding photo book which he is saving for his son he says sitting in our book shelve. I have to say that makes me a little ill. Thats a new question what to do with wedding photos?
• United States
12 Apr 08
His son will definately appreciate him saving those pictures for him. Thanks.
@leeesa (885)
• United States
12 Apr 08
My first husband was abusive to me. I don't have any pictures of him and I have no regrets. The pictures I did have, I put them in a scrapbook and gave them to our son, who's an adult now. There is no need for me to have pictures since it just reminds me of really bad times. I think that is sweet of you to keep the picture for the kids. I don't think anyone has the right to take those kind of memories away and the mom was clearly in the wrong.
• United States
12 Apr 08
Thank you. It was nice of you to save pictures for your son of his dad.
@jlcook (166)
• United States
11 Apr 08
I have 2 children with my ex husband, while I don't display the pictures in my home, my kids do have a few pics of us in there room. I packed all of the family photos of us together and placed them in containers so that they can have them when they get there own places. I totally object to getting rid of them. It is a part of history. Whether a good one or not.
• United States
12 Apr 08
Very true. Thanks for the response.
11 Apr 08
I would like to keep the pictures for the children's sake, I mean my parents are divorced but my mum still has pictures of us when we were younger. Im 26 now, they spilt up when I was 12, both my parents have re-married. Whereas my dad would probably thrown them away as when he was clearing his house out to move in with my step-mum, he wanted to throw out our baby clothes but my mum wanted them so she has them now. I think my dad wanted to start afresh with his wife. It doesnt bother my mum when we look at pictures from the past. I enjoy looking at the pictures especially seeing my dad with hair, and all my mum's funky hairdos!! I think its great that you offered to look afetr the photo and have copied them so that both children will have one each.
• United States
12 Apr 08
I don't think that men are as sentimental, about stuff like this, as us women. Your mom was nice to save those for you. Thanks a lot.
• United States
11 Apr 08
Ok this ones for me for sure, I didn't know my "mom" for the first 18 years of my life. I had NEVER seen ANY pics of her all that time. I had ALWAYS wanted to know what my "mom" looked like. I wanted to know if I looked like her and just what she looked like and I had never seen any pics of my her and my dads wedding no pics of my dad from before I was born cause they were all of them together. My step mom who I call my mom gave all the pics to my grandma to hold on to, Last year may 4th my dad past away, My grandma just sent me the pics I actually got them 2 weeks ago. when I opened the box and pulled out the pics my daughters were sitting with me I started balling. It made me SO happy to see the pics of my dad and her getting married and them together even though it didn't last it was still a part of my dads life and my life. It was important to me weather it was important to him or my mom at all. I think keeping at least some pictures is very important. My daughters dad doesn't see them ever and hes a deadbeat. never calls or anything. But I will never throw pictures of him and the girls together because I know in the future those will be an important part of there lives weather they like him or not. Cause I hate my biological mother she is the person that I say How could I have come from her??? but its still nice to see that part of my life. I think its great that you are keeping the pics for her that's basically what my mom did she had my grandma take them to keep them safe.
• United States
11 Apr 08
That is so sweet. Thank goodness your grandma was such a great woman to save them. I am glad that you finally have them. I cannot imagine you having to wait that long though. But at least now you have them. Thanks a lot.
• United States
11 Apr 08
My personal opinion is no. And this is from my own experience. My daughter's father divorced me many years ago. I was so upset at the time. I did want to throw away all of those pictures especially those of our wedding. But I put my big girl panties on and pack them all up for my daughter. She is soon to be 16 and does so enjoy seeing her dad and me together back then. We have been divorced over 12 years. I know his current wife does not like for my daughter to have those pictures but I feel they are part of her past as well.
• United States
11 Apr 08
Your daughter enjoys the photos is all that matters. Great job. Thanks a lot. I have pics of my parents and they split early in my life and it was not a good situation but my Mom still saved what pictures that she could and my dad's Mom saved all of the ones she had and give them to me. I am proud to have them. I love my Mom's husband now but that still don't mean I don't enjoy the pictures of my Mom and Dad together.
@ayou82 (3460)
• Philippines
11 Apr 08
Why throw.. yes the relationship did not work but it doesnt mean you have to throw those memories that you had.. maybe you are not interested to look at it in a second glance of sweet yesterday but your kids will enjoy and love that so keep it. It doesnt hurt that much
• United States
11 Apr 08
You can't throw the memories away even if you throw the pictures away. Keeping them for the kids is wonderful. Thank you so much.
@moneyandgc (3430)
• United States
11 Apr 08
I took all of the photos with just my ex with the kids and gave them to him. I kept all of the ones with me and the kids together. The ones from our wedding and a few others are at my mom's house. Neither one of us wanted them, but we wanted to keep them for when our children are older. Thankfully my ex and I get along.
• United States
11 Apr 08
At least they are still in tact. Thanks a lot.
• United States
11 Apr 08
I am going through a divorce right now. I have 3 children with my husband and a stepdaughter. When me and my husband got together there were pictures of him, his ex and my step daughter. I just got an album and put them together to give to her one day. But now that I'm going through this divorce with him, I think I will give him all the pictures of us and let him save them for the girls, rather than me destroying them. I figure every other aspect of our lives together I have to take care of, he could at least keep the pictures in safe keeping for the kids. That shouldn't be too much of a responsibility, I wouldn't think!!!!
• United States
11 Apr 08
It should not be that much of a responsibility but some men would not do this. Women are usually more sentimental than men. If we split I would save them for the girls because I know that it would be the right thing for me to do. These girls are like mine and I just feel it would be my responsibility but I can understand that this is how you feel. Thanks so much.
• United States
11 Apr 08
I would, and have kept the photo's in a box in my closet for when the children grow up. I think children should know that no matter what all happened afterward they were concieved in love, that is very important.
• United States
11 Apr 08
All children should feel that they were conceived in love that is important. Thanks a lot.
@TriciaW (2441)
• United States
11 Apr 08
I think it is wonderful you did that for her. I believe that no matter what we feel about the other parent we should remember that they are the parent of our children and the children will want that when they get older. I gave my oldest daughter not only pictures of her father but also pictures from her birth, his and my wedding anything that would show her that when she was born we were so very happy. I think it is important to for them to know that just because it didn't work out they were a wonderful part of what we did share once.
• United States
11 Apr 08
I believe this is true. Children should always have pictures of their parents. Pictures that would show you were happy are great because as I said before at least the children would feel that they were made out of love. Thanks so very much.
11 Apr 08
Well, I don't know about you but i wouldn't. I would place it in one box with all my memories and things from past
• United States
11 Apr 08
Thanks a lot.
@shynie (556)
• Philippines
11 Apr 08
For me, I would not throw them away. I want to let my kids know how their father and I were before. I do want them to think that we do have some good and fun times together. It is a memory and though things may have been different from what it was before, it is still part of what is it now. So, I will keep all the pictures and show them to my kid. I know my child would be happy for it.
• United States
11 Apr 08
I think it is nice to keep the pictures because even though parents split, maybe they will know that their parents once loved each other and that they were made out of love. I know this is not true in all cases though. Thanks.
@nice030481 (1108)
• Philippines
11 Apr 08
i think i will not throw it. yes, it is a remembrance no matter what happen, this is part of of your life. you cannot thraw away the past even you throw the picture, so t is better to keep them
• United States
11 Apr 08
Yes memories never go away even if there are no pictures. Thanks.
• China
11 Apr 08
I never throw pictures away,cause they are the signs of mu life.When I'm old,I can see them.
• United States
11 Apr 08
When I am old I will have plenty to laugh about. My picture albums when I was younger were 97% me and 3% of others. I loved taking pictures. There are some funny ones.