We Have A Warrant To Search Your Premises - What?

@ellie333 (21029)
April 11, 2008 5:22am CST
My friend answered to door to the police to be told they had a warrant to search her house as they had just arrested her 14 year old sold in possession of a large amount of cannibis. Of course she let them in and they found in his bedroom weighing scales and more of this stuff. She is in total shock, she knew he had been moody and horrid lately but put that down to teenage hormones, has two older boys who now have left home who she never had any problems with and is now asking where she went wrong as if charged for dealing rather than possession she could be charged also though completely innocent. I want to be there for her but at the same time really don't want to visit as I don't want my children around anyone taking drugs as I have already lost someone close to me who was murdered by someone out of their head on drugs so it is a very sore point. How would you be there for her without involving yourself and what advice would you give. She is totally gobsmacked, can't believe this and she is definately not a mother that looks at her children through rose coloured spectacles. Ellie :D
7 people like this
9 responses
• United States
12 Apr 08
Incidents like this is very unfortunate for a parent who can be seen as "innocent" by friends, family or anyone else. By innocent we mean that she was not the one doing the selling or within the possession of. However, as the parent and guardian of her child she is responsible for the actions that her child makes. Yes, I realize he maybe a teenager, but he is still her dependent and a minor in her care. I don't want to say she's wrong, because as you stated two of her boys turned out fine; unfortunately, she ended up with one stray swallow. I do not know this person, or her child rearing methods, but this could have been prevented with some good old fashioned snooping. I don't mean that she simply sneak around in her child's room before talking with him, but it is her house and she has every right to know what comes in and what goes out regardless of who's bringing what.
2 people like this
@ellie333 (21029)
12 Apr 08
Hi Bluetemle0 and Sid556, I have read and appreciate both your views on this one. I am a non snooping parent and I have been lucky enough for both my girls to have never bought the police to the door, my son is still very young so I have that yet to deal with, I am also a single parent and to be quite hones my middle daughters moods I put down to teenage hormones, which is was, but could so easily have been something else, but if a child is that determined even if the mum had snooped you can bet he would have hid in a shed outside or somewhere else still leaving her none the wiser. Thanks both of you Ellie :D
• United States
18 Apr 08
bluetemple0 I agree with you!
2 people like this
@lingli_78 (12844)
• Australia
12 Apr 08
well, nowadays the world is becoming more and more scary and we don't know what our children is doing... i am sorry to hear about what happen to your friend's son... may be you can call her and have a chat with her on the phone to comfort her... if not, may be you can visit her without taking your children with you... i hope everything will be alright soon... take care and God Bless you...
2 people like this
@ellie333 (21029)
12 Apr 08
Hi Lngli_78, Thank you for your kind words of comfort. I have spoken on the phone today indepth and I will go and visit. When I initally posted it had raised some bad memories within me which my daughters also suffered so I was in protect my own mode and shocked then, but my friend lives some distance away but I will visit after speaking to my children in a couple of weeks. She has her faith which will help keep her strong through this too. God bless. Ellie :D
• Philippines
11 Apr 08
This is the time your friend needs you the most. If she is innocent through all this you should try to give her comfort by being there..Give her your support. Kids do the darnest things. I once was told my 15 year old son was smoking. I got so mad and now I watch their every mood. Our laws here doesn't punish the innocent like if your son got caught you get punished for it because your the mother. What mistakes the children made they made it on their own but we as parents should always be aware of what our kids are doing.. where they are at... what their problem is and what their needs are. I do believe that we as parents should be always there not only physically but emotionally. It doesn't matter if our kids our older we still should be there for them.. aware of everything that's going on. We should not stop once they come to teen hood..
@ellie333 (21029)
12 Apr 08
My friend lives some distance away, I have been on the phone indepth earlier today and yes of course I will be there for her, this situation just triggered bad memories of mine and my daughters past hurt and I was shocked and emotional. I will visit her as soon as I can to give a real hug rather than one over the phone. Thanks for sharing your thoughts on this situation, appreciated. Ellie :D
• United States
11 Apr 08
Just because her son did something wrong does not mean you should turn your back on her. I can understand you not wanting your children involved with her son but you can still help give support without involving the kids. She is not the bad guy here.
1 person likes this
• United States
11 Apr 08
I am so happy to hear that she still can count on you. She really needs a friend now and as her son goes to court she will continue to need a friend. I hope she will not have to face charges herself. As a parent I know it is easy to ignore the little signs the something is up in your child life/
1 person likes this
@ellie333 (21029)
11 Apr 08
Thanks so much for your kind words, we should count our blessings that it wasn't the police knocking at our door eh! I have been lucky with mine but all they need to do is to start mixing with the wrong crowd and we as parents then have a real battle on our hands. I am hoping that because of his age they will charge him for the lesser charge of possession which will also not involve her. Ellie :D
@littleowl (7157)
11 Apr 08
that is really upsetting -how you can involve yourself is just to be there for her-is it not possible to visit her without your children or would it be too painful for you after what you have experienced?? littleowl
1 person likes this
@ellie333 (21029)
11 Apr 08
I will still be there for her as that what friends do for friends was still in shock myself really when I posted but I have spoken to her indepth today and sent lots of hugs but cannot get to see her for a couple of weeks anyway as I am away and she lives a long distance journey away from me. I think it triggered past hurt intially but I will tell the kids and let them know I am not condoning it but need to be there for her and I think they will understand eh! If I visited now all I would want to kick his butt for doing what he done and also for hurting his mum and not my place too. Thanks for sharing your thoughts. Ellie :D
@littleowl (7157)
11 Apr 08
hi ellei you are such a good friend-i can imagine what it must be lke for you as one of my nephews did a similiar thing to my sister-i hope all turns out alright for your friend blessed be littleowl
1 person likes this
@stephcjh (32327)
• United States
4 Aug 08
I would just offer to lend her an ear and tell her that you will be there for her if she ever needs anyone to talk to. I would just be honest and tell her that you do not want to put yourself in a bind with law enforcement and with your own children. I feel sorry for her. It does not matter sometimes how we raise our children. They have a mind of their own.
1 person likes this
@gabs8513 (48715)
• United Kingdom
14 Apr 08
Ellie you need to explain to her that you want to be there for her but that you can not come to her house because of what has happened in the Past and because you do not want your Children near him,but tell her that she is very welcome to come to you and talk when she wants to I hope this helps a bit and I am so sorry for your Friend I hope that she will not be charged
1 person likes this
@raydene (9874)
• United States
11 Apr 08
Hi Doll Smoking pot doesn't make this young man bad.. so he has made a bad choice... She didn't go wrong! She has a normal kid... She should be very happy it's not coke or heroin like many his age. Everyone makes bad choices! Tell her to stop beating herself up and be there for her boy.. He needs her now. And Sweets..give her a big hug from a mom of grown kids xoxoxoxoxo
1 person likes this
@ellie333 (21029)
11 Apr 08
Thanks for your wise words Raydene, appreciated. Ellie :D
@Ravenladyj (22937)
• United States
11 Apr 08
Well you can still be there by way of phone etc ya know...I understand you not wanting your kids around their house and so on, thats completely understandable! but if you want to be there for her you still can be without putting yourself or your children in a less than savoury position...Just do it by phone...
1 person likes this
@ellie333 (21029)
11 Apr 08
Oh yes I have already been on the phone in length earlier. As she lives some distance away I can't just pop over to give her a hug bless, but no I will still be there, I think I am in shock myself too and when I posted was feeling a bit emotional because it triggered past stuff off, but know I will give her all the support I can, it could have so easily have been one of mine rather than her sone eh!. Thanks for shating your thoughts. Ellie :D