is it too much to ask?

@mistissa (1348)
Netherlands
April 13, 2008 3:59am CST
that when you are in a relationship and you are having a terrible day that you turn to your spouse for a hug. All he does is keep lying in bed and just listens, while I am crying. When I say I hate it that he won't even give me a hug, he got angry grabbed me and hugged me very condescending and said good so? Is it too much to ask a shoulder to cry on once in a while
3 people like this
19 responses
@banerowe (75)
• Philippines
13 Apr 08
Dust is from whence you came, and to dust does thou go to...so if man is dust, and a woman cries on his shoulder, then...he turns to mud!!! Kidding aside, I'm guilty of this too. This is more of a heads-up for me, so thank you to the responders here for pointing this out to guys like me. Yes, we're insensitive. Yes, we're slow. But *beep* it, we definitely want to be with the ones we love, okay? Maybe I'll try to change this tendency of mine...oops...okay, I won't just try, I'll change it. That should be fine with everyone, right? And in behalf of guys like me, who acts like me and thinks like me, I'm honestly sorry for this behaviour. *walks to significant someone and gives a hug* *was thanked by significant someone then pushed aside because she was watching her soaps* Oh well, you can't have 'em all... .
1 person likes this
@kezabelle (2985)
13 Apr 08
No it isnt too much to ask, I dont expect much from my man but I do expect him to be there arms wide open with his shoulder ready for me to sob into when ive had a bad day. I dont even mind if he says nothing i just ask that he is there to quietly if he so chooses to give me support and show me he understands
1 person likes this
@fredgame (1261)
• China
13 Apr 08
Hmm!!!!!!!!!!!!!, i'd say probably he's not being fair to you. you should not have asked for before he gives you that comforting hug to help you ease your tension or emotional stress. well, he might also going through his own thought of how to bring smile on your face instead of the crying. take care. always ask for and you'll be given.
1 person likes this
• India
13 Apr 08
Of course its not too much, but as you know we r emotional and they just dont seem to care, infact they r wondering y do we care so much? I cant relate such guys, i dont nderstand, i have a son who is too little to b understood, but i hope he doesnt turn to some 1 among them....
1 person likes this
• China
13 Apr 08
Well,I think that was his bad You should talk to him and what is happened with your relationship,keep calm and talk with him good luck!
1 person likes this
• Philippines
13 Apr 08
No it's not. In fact, what I expect the most is not only my man listening to me when I am having a bad day or I am releasing my sentiments to him. I also need him to hug me, make me feel secure and that he is with me. Physical touch is also a way to express that we feel for the person who is confiding to us. But you know, I also understand that not all men are this touchy or is sensitive enough to do this kind of things, some of them have this thinking that it is already enough that they are beside you when you feel down. We can sometimes understand and I know you can tell him that. Both of you can talk about it and maybe you can meet halfway.
1 person likes this
@madlees (1381)
• India
13 Apr 08
That's right dear, sometimes it is just too much for them. I have seen it many times in these 31 years. We women are emotional creatures and get upset for each and everything. He has told me even that women are cry babies. So I have stopped asking him for support, but I have seen that he needs support when he is upset and he expects me to understand. Some things are not in our hands. I feel it is better to have friends to open our hearts out and seek emotional support. We won't get it from our husbands. This much I have found out
1 person likes this
@stephcjh (32327)
• United States
30 Aug 08
I don't think it is too much to ask for at all. My husband used to sit and watch me cry also. I used to ask hiom why he does that? It made me feel like he didn't care. He told me he did not know what to do ro say. I told him it might be nice if he just asked me what is wrong or if there is anything he ccould do for me. A hug would have been nice also. He now consoles me. You might try that on your spouse also.
@busta1baby (1238)
• United States
21 Apr 08
no i dnt think its to much to ask for at all...if u needa a hug they should just give it to u wen they see u r haveing a bad day
@Hatley (164484)
• Garden Grove, California
14 Apr 08
no indeed every one needs a shoulder to cry on ocassionally. But some men just are not naturall huggers and you hgave to teach them to show their emotions. If he is affectionate in other ways you can teach him to give you a hug and not be snotty about it. be sweet and gentlebut tellhim just what you are telling us. communications is part of a good marriage, a very important part I might add. us women are really better at providing shoulders to cry on than our mates.
@mimm45 (168)
• Australia
14 Apr 08
Could it be that men are just scared when women cry? My husband does the same when I am in one of my crying spells. He just sits/lies there and listens. The most that I get is a pat on the head. It got me thinking that perhaps men are at a loss when women cry and don't know what to do. So what I did was not to show him that I am crying and instead give him a hug. Nothing he can do but hug me in return.
14 Apr 08
No that isn't too much to ask. But hey guys are like that. So I guess we can't expect them to be like us(females), always wanting to talk and express are feelings. But damn you did say you were crying, when you first started he should have gave you a hug.
@thuynhu (663)
• United States
14 Apr 08
It isn't too much to ask for at all. He shouldn't be that way towards your feelings. I'm sure it was something serious to why you needed a shoulder to lean on. I don't understand why guys can be so insensitive towards a females feelings. What is so hard about listening and giving your girl a hug when she is down. Maybe you should try and confront in your friends when you have some issue, even though you may want to talk to him, but it doesn't look like he's gonna help you out in that area.
@ciades (1624)
• Philippines
14 Apr 08
i guess sometimes is it too much if you are always crying every single you feel of things that you thought its already a big matter to you but other observed it just for nothing to worried about. Or just maybe your husband is so insensitive of what you feel. I guess he also not that strong to comfort you coz even him is depress???..
@mikeysmom (2092)
• United States
13 Apr 08
i know how you feel. i never feel like i can turn to my husband for support and comfort. my 7 year old son is more loving and understanding then him. i am sending you a hug if you still need one. most times i find my female friends are the ones i get comfort and understanding from. i can talk to them about anything but my husband does not want to discuss or talk about anything so i have to keep it all inside and then he wonders why i get upset and cry sometimes. we are just such different creatures. and to answer your question, it is definitely not too much to ask but i think it is too much for them to give.
@BYOLA2871 (4373)
• South Africa
13 Apr 08
its not too much to ask for a hug or a shoulder to cry on but i want you to also realize that probably at that time your man also had things on his mind and needed a shouldr to cry on but you were not there at that time because you were also down so he prefer to just be so he wont bug you with his own problems,or maybe he never really understood what was wrong with you at that time.dont get angry with him just try to find out why he did what he did and you may find out he also have things bugging him and needed more than jus a hug at that point
@cderrs (69)
13 Apr 08
I've been with the same guy for 18months and he's more.. cuddly and touchy-feely than i am. I guess i'm lucky. He hugs me .. too much. So i guess it's one or the other?
• Canada
13 Apr 08
That is so very inconsiderate of him. You shouldn't even have to ask for a hug he should just want to hug and console you. I am sorry your having to go through that hun. If it were me i would talk to him about it and find out why he doesn't feel like he should be your rock. Hugzzz
@ellie26 (4128)
• Malaysia
13 Apr 08
Very insensitive of him! He shouldn't have done that. He should have at least console you with tenderly. The next time he cry, do the same to him! That will wake him up.