Does religion have anything to do with how morals are instilled in kids?

@kieungoc (232)
United States
April 14, 2008 7:59pm CST
I was raised Catholic, but decided not to be a part of any religion years ago. My parents aren't very happy about it, but I think they have realized they cannot change how I feel. My husband and I have two wonderful boys and we are raising them to be considerate, loving, moral, good human beings. We are not going to void religion from their lives, but try to expose them to different cultures, religion and people. We want to give them choices and chances to be happy and accepting. It will be a challenge, especially when I have parents that I want to please. I have discussed the idea of baptism with my husband, but the only reason would be for my parents. It wouldn't be for our boys or for us and that is why we've decided not to pursue it. Regardless, my parents adore their grandkids and I think they know the kids will turn out great.
3 people like this
12 responses
• United States
15 Apr 08
Well, I think for religious people it does. They can't separate morals from their religion (and many I have met claim you can't be moral unless you believe in a higher power). For non-believers religion has nothing to do with morals. My kids were pretty devoid of knowledge about god until a couple years ago. They are pretty decent kids. I taught them manners and to be nice to all people they meet no matter what they look like or where they come from or what they believe. I taught them to care not just for people but the places we lived. We went to a park near our house one day and found it completely trashed so we spent 20 minutes cleaning it up before we played. It wasn't until my oldest daughter was in 1st grade (so 6 years old) that she learned about god and heaven...from a classmate at her public school. She instantly believed in god because otherwise you won't go to heaven. We moved last summer and because of poor public schools they now go to a Catholic school. So they are learning all about god and Jesus now. My daughter still believes (she's in 2nd grade). My son (6 years old and in Kindergarten) says he does not. I don't interfere with what they learn about religion in school. I just let them know that not everyone believes that or agrees with it and that I don't believe any of it and they can believe whatever they want. I always question them on why they do or don't believe something they are taught but don't try to change their mind. I want them to think about it, not just accept it as truth without question like so many.
• United States
15 Apr 08
Yes, she was very worried for awhile that she was doomed to hell because she wasn't baptized and we didn't believe in god or Jesus. It took me awhile to make her understand that not everyone believes that and that I didn't think, if god were real, that he would doom a child to hell. It is a constant balancing act with what I believe and what they are taught in school and how far I want to instill my beliefs and let them choose their own path. Sometimes I feel like I'm about to teeter off the beam and other times it seems like a non-issue. I'm pretty sure I have at least set up a foundation where they won't be afraid to question anything they are taught in school or by me and seek their own answers. I attended Catholic schools from Kindergarten-12th grade (high school by choice). I never truly believed what they taught me but still believed in a higher power up until a few years ago (and I'm technically agnostic atheist because I believe there could possibly be a higher power...I mean you can't really say one way or the other but I'm very sure it isn't any of the "gods" that have been devised by man over the years). My dad is agnostic (he also did the Catholic school thing for 13 years) and his parents let him choose his own path (even though his mother was staunchly Catholic). He let me and my brother find our own way, never supporting one belief over another. I thank him for that.
@kieungoc (232)
• United States
15 Apr 08
I would have had a discussion with my son if someone said that to him. Especially when it's a scare tactic. That is one reason I do not practice. I hated worrying all the time about going in which direction. There are a lot of other things to worry about, that's just my opinion. I agree with you about not trying to change their minds. Good for you. When I place an opinion or belief upon my son, I let him know that not everyone agrees and that it's fine. That way, he wouldn't preach and learn to accept others.
@Darkwing (21583)
15 Apr 08
I think the way you're going about exposing your children to different cultures, religions, and people is great. I feel that we should all have a choice as to our beliefs, and nobody should question them, because nobody's beliefs are wrong. I was Christened into the Church of England when I was a very young baby. I was sent to Sunday School and my young life was spent as a Christian. But when I grew older and started querying some of the Christian beliefs, I searched for other traditions, and ended up changing my path. I am now a pagan, following Anglo Saxon traditions, because I strongly believe that I'm descended from Anglo Saxon ancestors. I didn't Christen either of my boys. I let them decide which path they wanted to take, because I would have appreciated the freedom of choice when I was younger. So, I feel your parents will accept all that you're doing. If they adore their grandkids like you say, and they admire the way you're bringing them up, you must be doing something right. Well done, for standing up for what you believe in my friend, and Brightest Blessings.
@kieungoc (232)
• United States
15 Apr 08
Thank you. I was expecting a bunch of criticism, but it was nice to hear from you. It's my opinion, but a lot of folks that are religious are very judgmental. I also remember being afraid to step out of certain boundaries and when things didn't turn out a certain way, I was being punished. It might have been how my parents approached it with me, but I see it with a lot of other religious folks I encounter. Don't get me wrong, I have also met descent religious people who don't preach or judge me because of my choices.
1 person likes this
@Darkwing (21583)
15 Apr 08
With reference to your observation about "stepping out of boundaries", that's one of the reasons, I couldn't grasp or accept the Christian beliefs. Why is is that if God is so all-forgiving, He should judge and punish us? Isn't that just a little contradictory? I'm more at peace and a lot more content and receptive on my new path, than I ever was in the Christian faith. Granted, my way is not for all, but I respect their beliefs, and I hope they respect mine. However, we have to work towards gaining that respect, my friend, and I think you're doing a great job. Everybody's happy with the way you're raising your kids, and they have the freedom of choice, which is how it should always be. Well done!
@Ravenladyj (22904)
• United States
25 Apr 08
My husband and I have two wonderful boys and we are raising them to be considerate, loving, moral, good human beings. and THAT is the key right there..religion has NOTHING TO DO WITH whether or not a person has morals or is a decent being etc..In fact I often find that children raised in heavily religious families are LESS considerate, loving adn so on to be honest with you... We are not going to void religion from their lives, but try to expose them to different cultures, religion and people BRAVO!!! IMO, being a parent myself I think that is the BEST way to raise a child...I have such low to no tolerance for parents/caregivers who ARENT like that but instead subtly teach their kids to discriminate other races, religions, cultures etc etc and i see it SO frequently in many of the peers of the kids in my family...its disgusting as far as I'm concerned...Our children (especially in todays world) need to be raised to be ACCEPTING of others AND their differences
@pillusch (1147)
• Mexico
15 Apr 08
I believe the only way to instill morals in children or generally educate them is to ´walk the talk´, teaching by example, trying to be as congruent as possible in what you say and in what you do. Religions have generally a moral code (the ten commandments of the old testament, for example). And they all seem to share the same basic do´s and don´t´s, i.e. the rules of human behaviour. And they are independent from any religion, most atheist abide by them. So religion turns into a tool for teaching those rules, which by me is just fine. Do you need religion to teach your children morals? Absolutely not. I personally have been a buddhist for some time, then an agnostic, then I got deeply involved with Roman Catholicism, and right now I´m back to being an agnostic. And that´s exactly what I tell my children. Now, they go to a catholic school (we live in Mexico), all their friend go to first communion, and they want to, too. And of course they will, because in my opinion Roman Catholicism is a good religion. Do they need it to become independently thinking adults with moral values? Not at all, but it might help.
• Philippines
25 Apr 08
Hi, Everyone of us has the right to choose of any religion affiliations or whatever ways of showing worship to our Gods and i respect everybody else's opinions and beliefs. As for me, i was also raised as a very catholic child, in fact i was a member of a church organization in our province. And i grew up with it. But sometime in my life, i have read and mingled with people of other religious beliefs, i begin to realized that my belief was not that what i supposed to do. So now, because i'm sure that there is really God but the way i worship before somewhat mislead my true convictioin with what i believe is right. So now, i don't go to church but, i do worship God. In my own little way my communication with God never ceases. Thanks.
@kezabelle (2974)
15 Apr 08
I have no religion i do my best to instil good morals in them by showing them through my own behaviour. They are only little though 4 and 2 but as they grow older im willinging to let them learn about any religion they wish to and allow them to make their own choices in wether they wish to follow a religion or not, I will support them. However I think as long as you show your children what good morals are and lead by example your children will grow up with the good morals you wish them to have. Having the wish to see your children grow up with good morals and respect is part of the battle allready won it is those parents who care not a bit that will find their children may be lacking in them
@emeraldisle (13139)
• United States
15 Apr 08
I think what you are doing is the right thing. Religion can be an addition but it doesn't have to be the only source for morals. I do know how that is with the parents. My sister got my niece baptized only because of them as well. My mother is the type that nags on religion and tries to force it down our throats. She thought it was better to do so and keep her happy. In someways it can be better to please them even if it isn't what we want. Overall I think you are doing a great job in exposing them to the different ways and letting them choose for themselves. I wish more parents would do that and be accepting of what their child might choose.
@mmiller26 (1930)
• Canada
15 Apr 08
I think it's up to parents to teach their children the concept of right and wrong and morality, and religion doesn't have to play a part in it. I would much rather that my son learn to do something right because it's the right thing to do to help the people around you, rather than to do something out of fear of some spiritual bogeyman. I think that the bible has a lot of good teachings, and should be taught as metaphors about the right way to live. "Do unto others..." and so on. But to teach it as historical fact...I don't get that. I grew up in a white, rural Christian community and didn't know anything about other cultures, religions, ethnicities, etc until I moved to Toronto. There, I was the minority. I've learned so much over the last several years about different cultures and beliefs, and to deny my son the freedom to choose to believe what HE thinks is right seems wrong to me. Besides, Christianity today seems to be more about "thou shalt not" than about love, which is what Jesus stood for. I see so many people, even in the community where I grew up, who have no tolerance for others who don't worship as they worship, or live as they live. There's a lot of hatred and fear and bigotry going on, and I'd much rather not have my son exposed to that. I teach him about respect for his fellow man and respect for the earth. I teach him about helping people and animals simply because it makes him feel good. He's one of the most giving, selfless people I know, and it makes me feel really good to know that he cares so much about people regardless of who they are, who they love, or their station in life. And he's 6, for Pete's sake. He's got such capacity for love, and such an open heart. And that's the kind of mentality that I want him to take out into the world around him because to do good brings good back. You don't need a god to teach you that. You just need parents who pay attention and are willing to put effort into making kids understand.
@santuccie (3384)
• United States
15 Apr 08
Different denominations, sects, and belief systems notwithstanding, do you or do you not believe in the Creator of the universe? I was raised without religion, and went to church with my first girlfriend when I was 14. I came to believe because of the complexities of biology and anatomy, and my faith has grown exponentially stronger since then as God has put me to work. I believe in the four gospels because they strike me as sincere testimony out of four diaries, and because of the persecution the Apostles faced for it (If I was an opportunist then, I would have thought twice about having the Roman empire after me.). I also place value in the moral lessons taught throughout the Bible, although I disbelieve much of it in terms of history, especially a lot of Moses' works. Personal opinions aside, I have dealt with my "Higher Power" long enough to know beyond the shadow of a doubt that He/She/It is definitely out there, conscious of my presence and the scenarios I face, and ultimately responsible for my very existence. For this reason, I seek to worship this being, just like children acknowledge their parents. I attend a Presbyterian church just because I'd performed at a Presbyterian church in Fremont years ago, and was pulled in by a former organist/choirmaster who hosted the event. The church I attend now made me feel welcome immediately. A man who'd sat in front of me during the service heard me sing and introduced me to their choirmaster. I asked her if she needed another tenor, and her reply was, "Oh, I love you!" My second Sunday at this church, I was robed and seated in the choir. Jesus said the two greatest commandments are to love God and love your neighbor (worship and fellowship). To me, these are basic morals. All but the most brazen of sociopaths should feel some degree of love and concern for those around them, anyone who believes God created them should put forth some manner of effort to please Him in thanksgiving, and anyone who believes God came to earth incarnate to reconcile us to Himself should be absolutely overwhelmed with gratitude. Most religions believe that God likes to be acknowledged in public as well as in private, and the main point of baptism is public declaration of faith (unless you're United Pentecostal, and believe that baptism is some sort of magic spell that makes you start speaking in tongues, and that your salvation depends on it). I think the best thing you can do for your children is talk to them about God, then let them choose for themselves how they worship. What say you?
@di1159 (1580)
• United States
15 Apr 08
I applaud you and your husband for your decision and for taking responsiblity in raising your children. I like you was raised Catholic,(sort of, as I was only baptized) and I have many views which clash with the Catholic interpretations. I understand your resolve and your feelings toward pleasing your parents. Obviously, your parents understand and don't make it an issue. Good luck to you!
@rock27 (31)
• India
15 Apr 08
I agree with u.everyone has his own right to choose his/her own relgion,it is depend each and everyones own belief.
@mommyboo (13174)
• United States
15 Apr 08
I was raised religious too and religion (organized) is not part of my life. I consider spirituality a much better thing to have anyway, there is too much judgement and division in a lot of religions. My parents are probably not happy about my choice either but that's the wonderful part, it is my choice. I don't see why you have to include any lists of dos and don'ts, fear or persuasion, and hypocrisy when you are trying to expose a child to the wonders of life and living. Having lots of different exposures to many things and seeing how you as parents react is a good way to teach about what is out there, avoidance, tolerance, and acceptance. I truly believe that each person needs to find the things that help complete them as a person, and makes them a better person. I don't agree though that people should browbeat each other into 'sharing' those things if they aren't truly meaningful additions. My older kids have attended different churches on occasion - with friends, or when they have wanted to explore. Our little one is not baptized and again I agree with you that if the only reason you are doing something is 'because you should' or somebody ELSE wants you to, it is the wrong reason. I am very pleased with your outlook and it sounds like your boys have a solid and caring foundation to learn about life!