What is this saposed to mean..

United States
April 14, 2008 11:33pm CST
[b][/b]If I am a giver and the he is a taker? I have to explain this a bit.. Say your the type to give things to your mate. Then the mate is the type to only take. Then You were talking to the person about your feelings. Your not looking for any diamonds or even a piece of chicken. But you let the person know after three months they could have offered you an ice tea. Every weekend he promises to cook for us. He asks what me want and nothing happens. I even offered to buy the food to cook. I was told by 4 people today I am being used. Now I am pissed because I have been used so many times. I can't help when I hear people say they need this or that. Then during a converstation I got up and remembered I bought HIm a set of sheets. I then said joking I promise I am not going to buy you anything more. Then the he says just remember your doing that on your own... That was about 11:30 last night. I stayed up till he got up at 4:am to ask what the heck that meant. He repeated it and That was it. 4 other people told me what they thought. What does that statement mean to you?
6 people like this
12 responses
@carmelanirel (20979)
• United States
15 Apr 08
Oh gifts, that doesn't sound right to me at all. A relationship should be a give and take, both giving and receiving, if you are the only one giving, and you permit it, then I take it as, what you are doing is setting down some standards that he may not be able to live up to.. I am not saying you should leave him, but unless he changes, you will always be the giver and always being the giver takes a lot out of a person..
2 people like this
• United States
15 Apr 08
It is enough on a person thinking about constantly giving. I am sure it's over this time. I just wish he would dump me. Thanks so much.
2 people like this
• United States
15 Apr 08
Oh gifts, I am not one to say that a person should leave anyone, even when my daughter was in an emotionally abusive relationship, I told her I didn't approve of how he was treating her, but I left it up to her, whether or not they continue..But if you are waiting for him to dump you, you may be waiting a long time, because he is receiving from you, why would he dump you..If you seriously are wanting to put a stop to the give/take relationship, either he has to change or you will have to leave..
• United States
15 Apr 08
I have sat here all day crying my stupid eyes out. I know in my heart of all hearts he is not going to change. I am also confused with why out of all the relationships I have been in. Why is it him that makes me feel like no other has. I can spend the rest of my life with him. I can't tell you how he makes me feel. The words are just not there. I am stuck on the giving and taking. I will not bring a dollar out of my pocket around him again. I have to find a way to have him leave me. I have tried to find the words to say it. Then I ca;;ed and the mans voice just made my heart happy. I know I am stupid,dumb and all the things I fought s hard to not be. I just don't want to leave him. I can't do it he has to dump me.
1 person likes this
@sedel1027 (17855)
• United States
15 Apr 08
To me this means, that he isn't asking your for anything, you are taking it upon yourself to do nice things for him. Personally, this doesn't sounds like he is using you at all. As far as him not cooking, could that just be because he has been so busy? If you feel taken advantage of, you need to talk to him about all this. He seems to treat you well, taking you out on dates and really cares for you. I don't think he is taking advantage of you at all. Could some of this be coming from your insecurity with the relationship?
2 people like this
@sedel1027 (17855)
• United States
15 Apr 08
I thought you were not going to give him any money? It is nice that you buy him stuff. Stop doing that stop giving him money, see what happens. You will see his true side.
2 people like this
• United States
15 Apr 08
I have not given him money since I said the last time I would not. Now I am not buying him anything either I will see what happens. I was told by my sisters man that it will not matter if I stop buying him stuff or giving him money. That I would have to do that and ease up on sleeping with him. That is when I will know the true him. Can you ask your husband about this and tell me what he says. Thanks
• United States
15 Apr 08
i can't tell if this is only in respect to monetary items and doing special things for each other. does he "give" in other ways? do you share a home, and does he take part in the day to day running of the house-hold (chores, etc)? if you DO share a home - and a bed - i would not consider the sheets a gift to him. maybe you simply need to discuss some things...does one of you work out of the house more than the other? can you take turns cooking the meals?
2 people like this
• United States
15 Apr 08
He lives in a room in the Bronx. I live in a 2 bedroom apt in Mt Vernon. He has two sets of sheets so I thought about him when I went to the store. I have my laundry in the corner on the floor in my bedroom. Now I have a washer here so I never have more than a load on my floor. he told me to get a laundry bag for my clothes. I told him I don't have one he says it's only $5.00 so I then said oh so you can buy me a laundry bag right. Oh thank you very much. That was his last word. Thanks very much
1 person likes this
@minnie_98214 (10574)
• United States
15 Apr 08
That sounds like my ex. He was always so un grateful about things I bought him and rarely bought me anything. I dont think its being used this was just the way my ex was raised. I dont think he means to be a user its just the way things were when he grew up. I dont know anything about your mans family so I cant say thats the case here I just know from my experience it was.
2 people like this
• United States
15 Apr 08
I don't know anything about his family either. I know if this man was raised this way. I don't want any part of it. I am trying to move in July. I don't need anyone taking my mind off that. He is a goner thanks so much..
1 person likes this
@winterose (39921)
• Canada
15 Apr 08
that statement means, you did that out of your own free will, he didn't ask you to do it and he doesn't want you to lay the guilt trip, I do this for you and you don't do this for me,
2 people like this
• United States
15 Apr 08
I am seeing with open eyes. I am ending it today and that is the last I want to see of this man. I am not going to lie about it. It's killing me inside because he is the perfect man for me. remove the needy and the selfish part. I can be with him forever. Thanks very much.
1 person likes this
@Rozie37 (15503)
• Turkmenistan
15 Apr 08
To me, it sounds like he is saying, I am not asking you to do it, so do not expect anything in return. I read this Bible that a minister wrote a whole lot of things in to speak to women. His name is T.D. Jakes. He says that the way that a man shows that he loves you is when he buys things for you. He says, that men are not good at expressing their feelings. So if you ask them if they love you, they will usually make reference to something they gave you. I am very romantic and I know that if I do not have money, I can take a piece of junk and make it special. I remember when I was fifteen and dating this guy, I used my allowance to buy him colonge. It was the cheapest colonge in the world, called Aqua Velva or something. He still teases me about it to this day, because he knows I did not know what I was doing and could not afford better, but it said that he mattered to me. This was for Christmas. That following Valentines I gave him 14 cards. Most of them were hand made. but he loved it. I once wrote a poem and added his name in it. My point is, you do not have to spend a lot of money to show a person that you care. This man spoiled me rotten and I did my best to do the same in return. This is what a relationship is all about. If he has no money, cooking for you is perfect. I told you the other day you have to work on yourself and heal. I am not in a relationship right now because I know that there is something in me that attracts the wrong kind of men. I am not willing to settle anymore. You have to make up your mind that you are alright without a man. Work on you, so that you can become the woman who will attract the kind of man that you desire. You can do bad all by yourself. But you deserve happiness. There are some wonderful men out there who will love and respect you and your daughter. Don't feel like you have to settle for less because of her either. There is a man out there who can handle it all and he is just for you. Let this guy go!!!!!!
2 people like this
• United States
15 Apr 08
Oh I love to watch T.D Jakes on tv. He is the best inspiration to any woman. When I was single for that year and change. He was what got me through it. Your bottle of the cheapest was so cute. I know all about what your saying here. I feel I was just happy to have some who is a sweet as he is. I mean he is a user and I know this for sure. I went back on all we did and I was the one paying for it all. he took me out and I had a great time. Even then he was working me for break money. You should see when he came over one night. He said he would go get food for us to eat. He brought the $6.00 try from the restarant. My cat could not share that with me. I just went without that night. Now I have to find the way to break it off. I told him last night how I was upset that he could not have even offered me a ice tea. It's ok I am clear now on what I need to do. Thanks so very much
2 people like this
@maddysmommy (16236)
• United States
16 Apr 08
It means to me that your buying those things for him because you want to and not because he wants you to. Doesn't sound thankful for them either and I may not be with a person who doesn't appreciate the things I give him, nor gave anything in return. I read through the other responses and what you said in reply to them. I think he's going to be more of a pain in the long run and be more reliant and dependent on you and your money. I would think carefully before going any further in this relationship, IMO.
1 person likes this
• United States
16 Apr 08
Your right I am in need of some self esteem couching. I am not sure why I allow myself to get treated this way. Thanks
1 person likes this
• India
15 Apr 08
i understand so completely where you commin from and i always thought i was the only one going through this, hey there are a lot of people who are givers. i am one to, the kind who always gives. i know it is easyto say do not expect but it is natural to. i have alsways bought little things if not big for my man and i have never really got anythign in retun honestly i have stopped expecting also. its sad but he always seems to be having the money when he goes out with his friends but when it comes to me he is always broke. it hurts dear i know. i have never asked for diomands but may be just a bunch of flowers that it. it would have felt good.
1 person likes this
• United States
15 Apr 08
Boy you can really relate to me. I would not mind if he gave me a painted rock he found on the street. I am not going to expect anything from him. I want nothing he has. He can bank and hide his money. Pay his bills what ever the case may be. I remember a few days ago he told me his son wanted a pair of sneakers. I let that go in one ear and out the other. well I have plans to see where this is going. Thanks so much
@ellie26 (4128)
• Malaysia
15 Apr 08
Too much giving without anything in return is really bad in a relationship. I have been a giver throughout my marriage and what I received is only hostility. A person who is only a taker is selfish and insensitive. I am not clear what he meant but I suggest you to stop being too generous to him. Sooner later he will start to use you to get what he wants. Don't let this happen. It happened to me.
1 person likes this
• United States
15 Apr 08
My sister told me to stay with him. And stop giving him stuff to see where it goes. I have magnets coming for a car. It has my website on it. My mother said to wait for them to come. Let him know what they are and see if he offers to put it on his car. That she says would seal the deal. I am not going to buy a juice around him again. I will even slow down on sleeping with him. I will see just where it's going from there. Thanks very much
@chiyosan (29383)
• Philippines
15 Apr 08
there are people who does notgive too much things to their loved ones. i think my ex was like that too.. i mean he does not give me flowers, etc.. and then he knew that i was telling my friends he never gave me anything etc... then when i broke off with him, he was giving me flowers. haha as if that means something.. i know he will go back to his own ways again... :) any way.. i think he felt a bit awkward and he must have sensed that you were thinking that your relationship is not fair that he does not give and you do give a lot... maybe he did not mean anything with that.... or he could be sarcastic...
1 person likes this
• United States
15 Apr 08
Well at least you got flowers from this man. I did not even get a painted rock.
1 person likes this
• United States
15 Apr 08
My dear sister Gifts: Do you see what the majority here are saying? They are saying the same thing the other4 people said to you. But I like what one person said. She nor anyone else for that matter can or should tell you to leave him. You are a big girl now and have to make this decision on your own. Another person said that either he has to change or you have to leave him. But lil' sis that is up to you. I would not be with John right now if I would have listened to people saying that I should leave him. Just ease up with the giving (even if you need me to go shopping with you) and be careful that's all. I Love You!
1 person likes this
@chrislotz (8203)
• Canada
21 Jun 08
I am not sure what he means by that except to say that it is your decission and not his and so don't get mad at him if he doesn't do anything for you either. I am interested in seeing what other people have posted about this, and since I am posting from my emails I can't see your other responses till after I post mine. So I will read the others and if I have more to say about this topic, I will comment back. Right now I just want to know, where are our earning updates. They are over an hour and 10 minutes late today and I want to see how much I made yesterday since I posted lots here yesterday, Sorry for the subject change, but I am getting pissed as I want to leave mylot for now, but I just can't leave till I see my earnings from yesterday.