What is it with men...!?

@kamran12 (5555)
Pakistan
April 15, 2008 8:55pm CST
Nearly every society that I have ever been in contact with, either by directly being there or through people belonging to that society/region, there are some well known abuses/slangs that directly hit women. Often, these abuses involve mother, wife, sister or any female relative of the person being abused. Like a man abusing another man by insulting his mother, sister, daughter, wife etc. Worse yet, I have seen this problem more in societies that CLAIM to respect women and more often by those who CLAIM to have respect for women. And, though women do that too but much less than men! When abusing a female, same people would go to the limits of verbally raping them in the most disrespectful manner. Again, I have seen this happening more by those who CLAIM to have respect for women more than others. Do such people really have respect for women or the respectable relations like mother, wife, sister, daughter? How 'manly' it is to abuse a weak person, a woman, and by nothing else but verbally raping them? Do you feel sick when someone does that to another human? What do you do in that situation?
7 people like this
9 responses
• United States
18 Apr 08
Claiming to respect women and really respecting them is two different things.I guess I am more of a male chauvinist than feminist because all those names you don't like, don't bother me.I feel that the words say more about the person than the person he is describing.
1 person likes this
@kamran12 (5555)
• Pakistan
18 Apr 08
They sure are two different things, sarah! "I feel that the words say more about the person than the person he is describing." Excuse me if I have misread, does it mean that, in your opinion, the abusive person doesn't mean to insult the relation but the very person he/she is abusing!? or that the person who is abusing is showing his own character than the one he is abusing?
1 person likes this
• United States
18 Apr 08
The second one. A person who uses that type of words to describe Anyone shows his lack of class and is worse than the person he is calling the name.
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@kamran12 (5555)
• Pakistan
18 Apr 08
Thank you for explaining, sarah, I am with you and think the same about abusive person!:-)
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@theprogamer (10539)
• United States
18 Apr 08
"How 'manly' it is to abuse a weak person, a woman, and by nothing else but verbally raping them?" Not at all. Yet somehow I know WOMEN who gravitate to the men that do this all the time... -_- "What do you do in that situation?" I'd intervene if possible. I've corrected others when they've gone out of line. "Do you feel sick when someone does that to another human?" Now its interesting you switch to human here. It is sick when its done to another person, there are even direct verbal and emotional abuses, not just general talk. I have to however point your questions right back at you. How womanly is it to verbally, emotionally or physically abuse a guy? Plenty of women will verbally insult or degrade guys, boyfriends, husbands and in some of the most disgusting manners. Is that even or fair!? Some people actually claim it is... others ignore the event altogether. That's right pretend it doesn't exist... "And, though women do that too but much less than men!" I disagree vehemently. Women do this more often than you want to believe. You can even see some examples here on mylot with threads denigrating husbands/boyfriends the ones of which are completely lopsided or otherwise unwarranted. I've seen a few lightbulb remarks, several saturday morning remarks (but they are "jokes" so its a-okay... -_-), quips about stupidity or height, and various instances of downplaying the partner (or the whole gender) altogether. I've seen and experienced much different from that remark Kam. And what would you (or ANYONE here) do in the situations I've described. And if you need more I'll be glad to hammer those too.
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@kamran12 (5555)
• Pakistan
18 Apr 08
Hello theprogamer! "I know WOMEN who gravitate to the men that do this all the time" Is it because those women like to be verbally abused in such manner or it is because they like something else about men who do it? There is a difference and I hope you do see what I am saying here!? It is very nice of you to intervene and correct people who do it. "How womanly is it to verbally, emotionally or physically abuse a guy?" I think abuse of any kind, in any form and manifestation is not a healthy exercise. It doesn't matter who does it. It wouldn't be womanly if someone indulges in that kind of activity. And, I did try to cover that not only in my discussion description but also in question by using word 'human' because I have seen abuse directed towards both. It appears that I didn't word my discussion as it should have been, for which I take responsibility. It is my observation, though, that men do it much more women wherever I have been or whatever country's population I have been in contact with. I am not contradicting your experiences or observations, it is quite possible that, in your case, there were more women doing it than men! "I disagree vehemently. Women do this more often than you want to believe. You can even see some examples here on mylot with threads denigrating husbands/boyfriends the ones of which are completely lopsided or otherwise unwarranted" Your disagreement is appreciated, it provides everyone a better chance to grow and learn! I would say though, if you see the description in my discussion starter, I make distinction. The two important and notable issues here are that, and which you might have observed yourself, one the slang/abuse word itself. Have you noticed that even when "women" use abusive/slang words, the target is usually another persons' female relations!? like son of B..., mother.... etc. Second, abusing someone directly concerned like husband/boyfriend is not same as abusing someone who has nothing to do with the problem you have with other person!! like mother or wife or any female relation of one you are angry at! It doesn't make abusing the person directly concerned right though! You see from where I am coming!? Have you seen someone say 'son of a dog' or fatherfu....! Thank you for your sharing your perspectives, I appreciate!:-)
@theprogamer (10539)
• United States
18 Apr 08
There was some light confusion and yes I've seen women use some women-based slang. It does make for a "facepalm" situation. People overall don't realize they are doing it. In response to the other remark... I've heard father-f*cker before (and variants). I've also seen the f word attached at guys in general for various situations (namely in relationship talk or "All men are...[samples: dogs, f*cks, d*cks, losers or... attach f'ing in front of these remarks]" type talk), as well as the other samples I highlighted earlier. That part of my point is still there though. There is female based derogatory slang and words... but there is also the same type that is specifically male based.
1 person likes this
@kamran12 (5555)
• Pakistan
18 Apr 08
I am sorry for the confusion, theprogamer. Though I have never seen some of the abuses/slangs you are talking about but that doesn't mean they don't exist. Plus, direct abuse is still different, though despicable, than one directed at someone who has nothing to do with the problem. You are right, generalizations are made and that's just not right! Thank you for coming back and adding more to what you already said!:-)
@cdparazo (5768)
• Philippines
16 Apr 08
You are generalizing my friend and I don't really believe that all men are like that. A lot of men and even culture may still see women as lower class citizens and treat them as such, but it still doesn't mean that they are being abused. From my experience, the same could be said of women especially in those cultures wherein women are treated equally with men. Women has the capacity too for abuse. Just like everybody else. Also, I believe that we as women, we cannot really be abused if we don't allow it and just cower at those men. I for one have put my foot forward and said that I won't tolerate any form of abuse and it stopped because I don't allow it. Women who respect themselves too would never be abused. Some men might mistakenly try but they are immediately told to put to a stop to it or else they would know fury that hell have never known.
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@kamran12 (5555)
• Pakistan
16 Apr 08
Hello cdparazo!:-) Your views are appreciated, but I don't know from where this impression is formed that I am talking about 'all' men and physical abuse. I have cleared it in my comment to response above yours. I would like to hear your views, if there is any change!?:-)
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@cdparazo (5768)
• Philippines
17 Apr 08
I got the impression that you are generalizing though you didn't specifically say 'all men' but it was how you worded your discussion. Generalization doesn't also mean 'all' but only generally speaking. Anyways, I stand by what i said that abuse, in any form, is not only with men but also with women. I see and hear a lot of women abuse men too verbally if not physically.
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@kamran12 (5555)
• Pakistan
18 Apr 08
You seem to be right, cdparazo, I think it could be worded better and sorry for the confusion! And, thank you for coming back and sharing your views, I appreciate and agree!:-)
@julyteen (13259)
• Davao, Philippines
17 Apr 08
man and woman are equal in the eyes of our creator so we don't have right to abuse anybody. Our Creator love us and because of that he want us to be save. Even him didn't abuse us even all of us are sinners. He give us air free of charge not only for good people but all individual, regardless of our doings and undertakings.
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@kamran12 (5555)
• Pakistan
18 Apr 08
Hello julyteen!:-) You are right that men and women are equal in the eyes of who created them. It would be good if we refrain from doing such things that may be a sign of our lack of respect for others. Thanks for sharing!:-)
@I_LUV_U (2519)
• India
17 Apr 08
It is only too true that men are the ones who mostly use these abusive slangs most of the time, to insult both women and men. In India, your statement holds good to almost 100%. Here, we rarely ever see a woman using swear words. And when it comes to these mother/sister...words, it is almost extinct among women. On the contrary, men use it like nobody's business, so liberally, as if they have no voluntary control. But then, they are all mostly uncivilized and most probably uncultured and uneducated too. I have learnt out of experience that it is foolish (9 times out of 10) to teach them not to use those abusive slangs. I better avoid the company of these kind of people and have done it in the past as well. These people utterly lack respect for women and treat them no better than slaves. I wonder if we ever have a utopia, at least in terms of gender equality.
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@kamran12 (5555)
• Pakistan
18 Apr 08
Hello I_LUV_U!:-) I have the same observation that usually it's men who indulge themselves in such kind of abuse words. And, to me, it's a sign of their lack of respect for such respectable relations. If they do it just because they are careless, it's still a sign of irresponsibility and disrespect! You also seem to be right that mostly these are uncivilized people but to my surprise I have seen so many so called civilized people doing just that! I wonder if it's a habit they can't overcome!? There may never be utopia in this sense but we can always learn to be better and I do hope to see humans growing! Thanks for sharing your views, much appreciated!:-)
@Esoteric1 (866)
• Canada
17 Apr 08
I grew up hearing that vulgar vernacular, "mother jokes" and worse. I would see people that claim they love their mother prove they are hypocrites by engaging in the activity and bashing someone else's loving mother. Yet they mostly cannot take it if someone said such things about their mothers, and tend to cry or want to fight. Overall I think it is wrong taking verbal snipes at women, whether they are present or not. I totally agree with you, except that I do not consider women weak not even compared to men. That is a generalization I will not make as I've seen it to be the opposite to that. Most of the strongest people I've ever known are female, and a lot of them had to be the protectors of their families, and sometimes other people's children as well. Personally I would not accept it any where near me as I have learned differently than that. I would make it stop by any means, and I would make the woman understand (if she is present) that she does not have to accept thi behavior, and can make it stop!
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@kamran12 (5555)
• Pakistan
18 Apr 08
Hello Esoteric1! I too think that it would be hypocrite to not respect others' mothers by indulging in abusive slangs insulting this relationship but getting furious when others do the same. You are right that women are not weak actually. I said it in the sense that they are physically and emotionally weak, generally and relatively! You are also right that there are many women who are protectors of their families. Telling abusive men that they can do better and women not to accept it is the best way to go in my opinion too. Thanks for sharing!:-)
@lecanis (16664)
• Murfreesboro, Tennessee
16 Apr 08
What I find really sad is that most people don't even realize they are doing this. When you hear someone say something bad about someone's mother as an insult to them, and you call them on it, they don't have a reason. They just say "I didn't really mean anything bad about his mother, I was just trying to get to the guy." They probably don't even know his mother, or care one way or the other about her. In fact, most people see it as just like insulting someone's clothing, or house, or car, or any other possession. It seems to be a holdover from women being viewed as possessions, and a lot of people don't realize that's what they are saying when they insult a man's female relative or spouse to get at them. They don't think about it, they just say it. *sighs* People really should just think about what they're saying, period. Good discussion, by the way.
1 person likes this
@kamran12 (5555)
• Pakistan
16 Apr 08
Hello lecanis!:-) Thank you lecanis for answering the very point I raised in my discussion starter. I would assume that you have read my comments because from responses that I got, it appears that I was unable to clearly state what I meant! You have raised some interesting points. First, that they don't even realize that they are abusing a relation that has nothing to do with someone's anger over another and second that it may be reminiscent of women being viewed as possessions rather than individuals having full personal identity, to which I tend to agree! It does make me feel sick that people don't pay attention to what they are saying and would insult none other than relations which, for the most part, are very respectable. Even if they aren't respectable for someone, it doesn't stand to reason that one should insult someone who has nothing to do with the situation between two individuals. Thanks for sharing your views!:-)
• Canada
16 Apr 08
i don,t think a man should hit a woman i was in a abusing relationship and they tear you down with verbal abuse so you self esteem is so low you start thinking you deserve this kind of treatment no one deserve that i don,t care if you wife is cheating she can,t clean house right whatever excuse they may use its wrong the first time a man raises his hand to you you walk out don,t look back and if he can,t talk to you with respect walk out treat people the way you would want to be treated
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@kamran12 (5555)
• Pakistan
16 Apr 08
Hello irishkoolcat! Welcome to mylot. I hope you will enjoy your participations here!:-) You are right about abusive relations, but I was talking about abusive language and slang words used in different societies. They mainly target female relations of someone even if it is a man. The there are those who verbally rape other women by using vulgar and low language, I find it cowardly!
• United States
16 Apr 08
well let me start off by first i am a man and i speak for the many and not the few, not all men are abusive. I had a girl that was very abusive physically and emotionally to me and i caught on to it quickly and left her. Why a woman thinks she has to stay in a relationship that is abusive is beyond me there are many of guys like me who would go to prison for trying to stop abuse of another woman I was brought up with knowing if you hit a woman you will suffer and pay for it. My dad was a gentle man and he told us if he ever caught us hitting a woman then he would show us what hitting is all about. I was at a bar one night and a man and a woman was fist fighting in the parking area. i went up and jumped the guy and beat the living daylights out of him when all the sudden the woman jumped on me and started hitting me saying that was her husband and for me to stop. She had a bloody nose a black eye and bruises all over her arms and legs where this man was beating her and badly. So i ask you why do women allow this to continue? the cops got there and she would not press charges against him. they both went to the hospital for treatment.
• United States
16 Apr 08
also to add when a man has to hit a woman to feel like a man then he is a coward and afraid of his weakness and is sick and should be treated or get help somewheres.
@kamran12 (5555)
• Pakistan
16 Apr 08
Hello foundmyangel, First of all, welcome to mylot. I hope you would be enjoying your participations here!:-) I am myself a man. I would first like to clear that nowhere in my discussion starter I said that all men are like this. Moreover, if you read my first two paragraphs, I am concerned with verbal abuse not the physical abuse which is also a grave matter but not the subject of this discussion. Perhaps, it is not that clear if one only reads the questions and not the opening parts but it is possible that I haven't worded it clear enough. I was, as an object of this discussion, concerned about slangs/abusive words existing in different cultures/societies which involve insulting women and women relations of a MAN and "verbally" raping a woman! So, with this clarification, I would like to hear your views!?