Maid of honor or Materialistic Monster?
By smwilliams
@smwilliams (647)
United States
April 17, 2008 6:38am CST
Okay my wedding day draws ever closer and I have one small issue.Well actually the issue comes in the form of a person I thought to be one of my best friends. My fiance and I are paying for this wedding ourselves with little help from our families. Anyway, My "friend" and I got into an argument if you can call it that when I asked her to be my maid of honor and then she expected me to pay for the dress. I have asked a ton of people and usually the bridal party pays for their own. Am I corect on this? I have 2 other girls both considered Matrons of honor that bought their dresses. Anyway I thought the problem was resolved, but my "friend" got her taxes back and is now telling me that she cant afford to buy her dress either. Well I correct that statement..She says she has no money...but she did tell me about all the cool stuff she bought at Target the other day...Come on!!! Are you kidding me? I want to tell her that she is a selfish brat, but I'm sure that would do absolutley no good to point out her faults to her since her ego seems to be inflating soo much I fear she might lift off soon. I guess my question to you is how do I unask her to be in the wedding? Cause I have 2 months left and if she doesnt order the dress in the next week and a half it will not be here in time...I'm stuck, but I'm not going to revolve my wedding around her.
4 people like this
7 responses
@libertarianfreedom21 (3198)
• United States
17 Apr 08
This time and age i believe most people pay for there own brides maid dress. I didnt in my cousins wedding but her daddy payed 14,000 dollars for her wedding so the could afford it. If she was really a true friend she would understand that you cant afford the dress and she needs to get it, and she should also understand if she cant afford to get her dress that you have to find a differant Maid of Honor that can afford a dress, because you are on a budget. Or just go with to brides maids. She should understand and if she doesnt then you need to reevalute your friend. i had to tell my friend that i changed my mind and dont want any brides maids or anything and she didnt get mad.
1 person likes this
@smwilliams (647)
• United States
17 Apr 08
I'm going to cross my fingers that the sit down with her goes well...but I have a feeling that this will but a huge damper on our friendship. To be honest with you though I'm soo fed up with the excuses that I think maybe I will be relieved when its over. Thank You for your response :)
@mnflower (1299)
• United States
17 Apr 08
With her being your friend and the fact is that she has borrowed from you before I think it would be fair for you to sit with her and just let her know exactly where you stand and if she can't prove to you that you want to stand up for you and buy the dress then I would not ponder on it anymore and just find someone else to take her place and get the dress ordered, it is not your fault your friend is being selfish and if she is that good of a friend I don't understand what her issue is and in my eyes I wouldn't call her much of a friend if she can't do this for you...That is sad that your friend would with the deadline that close that she would shut down like she is doing..Be firm with her and give her no more excuses she is either going to buy the dress right now or not and let it be and let her know if she doesn't then you won't be taking part in your wedding either and let things happen and they must.
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@smwilliams (647)
• United States
17 Apr 08
Yeah i know what your saying. She has changed a lot in the past year and a half. I'm not sure what happened. I know that I would do everything in my power to come up with the money if the shoe was on the other foot. And maybe I have just been too blind to realize that she isnt a very good friend.
@lbinkley (1075)
• United States
18 Apr 08
Yeah, so I would say that I think she has had plenty, and i mean PLENTY of time to get that dress by this point. WOW... since NOVEMBER? And here it is... almost MAY... almost 6 months! And your other girls had no problem buying their dresses... so why should she be special? I think you should just talk to her about it. Be blunt, but not mean. Just tell her, I know you got your taxes back, and I know that you know that I can not afford to buy you this dress. Therefore, you need to get that dress ordered by (insert deadline, but make it SOON) or you can't be in my wedding, and I'm sorry it has to be like that but it's the only way. And if she doesn't like, that, then forget about it and just focus on your real friends who are there for you and treat you right.
@smwilliams (647)
• United States
18 Apr 08
Thank God for Real friends is all I can say at this point :) Thanks for your response!
@highflyingxangel (9225)
• United States
17 Apr 08
When I was in a few wedding parties, the bride bought the dresses for me and the rest of the party. However, that definitely does NOT have to be the case. There really isn't anything traditional about 'traditional' weddings anymore. If you do not want to buy the dresses, tell them and tell them there are not obligated to buy them either, that is if they don't want to be in the wedding of course. If they want to be in the wedding, then maybe they should pay for them and just get over it.
And, it sounds like she's just looking for a nice handout. I've seen that happen quite a bit with some of the people I know. They complain about being constantly broke, but they always go shopping and buy a lot of things and then complain that they can't buy anything and try to weasel money out of everyone else. I wouldn't buy her anything because she knew of her obligation beforehand but chose not to abide by it. I'd tell her then if she doesn't want to buy the dress then I guess that means she doesn't want to maid of honor.
1 person likes this
@smwilliams (647)
• United States
17 Apr 08
If she hadnt just gotten her taxes back and didnt talk about shopping all the time I would believe that she is broke because its hard times right now for just about everyone besides Bill Gates. However this is not the case at all. She has had since Novenmber of last year to save the 65 dollars for the dress...Should tell me something right?
@recycledgoth (9894)
•
17 Apr 08
As your time is now running short can I suggest you sit her down and tell her that the others have paid for their dresses with no complaints and that you cannot afford to buy her dress for her. If she is any kind of friend then hopefully she will take this on and pay for her dress. If not then all I can suggest is that you tell her that you cannot afford to have her as a matron on honour. Not an easy problem I know but you will have to make sure she knows that you mean it
@smwilliams (647)
• United States
17 Apr 08
Yeah...She knows our money situation. She has been in the same situation before herself. However, I did write her yesterday and brought it up and she totally avoided the questions I asked her about the dress. Thanks for the input though. Talking to her is not an easy thing believe me. :(
@idaantipolo (472)
• Philippines
17 Apr 08
Tell your friend straight up that since she told you that she doesn't have money to buy her own dress for your wedding, you would be replacing her instead for someone who's willing to buy her own dress, since you do not have the budget to shell out for her dress.
@smwilliams (647)
• United States
17 Apr 08
Oh believe me the drama is coming..I can already tell you what it will be like..I appreciate your response though :)
@ebsharer (5515)
• United States
17 Apr 08
Let me start by saying under NO circumstances should you offer to pay for the dress! Here is my suggestion. Because she should be the maid of honor she could be in a different dress then the rest. Pick out a few less expensive dresses and see if she will agree to pay for it.
How to unask?? I would call her and explain nicely and calmly. My wedding is just 2 months away and I am finalizing arangements. Will you be able to get your dress this WEEK? If her answer is no then you can respond with. I realize the situation you are in so please feel free to come to the wedding as a guest. That way you don't have to worry about not being able to afford the dress. And I can finalze things. (Ask some thing to detour what you just said such as did you order the chicken or beef?)
Good luck I understand your situation more then you know. At least your finding out a couple months before. My maid of honor and the ONLY one standing by my side called about a week before the wedding to tell me she wasn't going to be able to make it ... she was going on a cruise!!!
@smwilliams (647)
• United States
17 Apr 08
I like your idea of distracting her with another question right afterwards..Thats a superb idea..Thank You.
And I'm soo sorry that you got shafted for your wedding. I would have been all sorts of irate. Hopefully you have less of a temper than I do:)
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