Would you stay in an unhappy marriage for your children?

hello rachel322, i feel for you and i feel for your kids. maybe you can talk it out with yout spouse? try asking where you both stand now as a couple? maybe there is something that is still there but just needs help? but if there really is nothing left between you as a couple then i feel that it would be better to separate. although i am not married and i do not have children yet, i am a product of parents that has fallen out of love plus with a lil bit of fighting [yelling and screaming] once in a while during my younger years till teen years, and ive always felt that it was tough for me, not just me but my older sister and younger brother. ive always felt that kids are very sensitive and intuitive and can tap into vibes that are being sent out by anyone. they would probably feel a distance between both of you making them sad and uncomfotable with the situation and eventually ask you both about it. and if you would wait, how would you and your husband feel about each other and your situation since your living together, and are still together but has fallen out of love with each other? it would be hurtful and unfair on both sides. that is why i feel, that while you both are still friendly with each other that cards should be laid on the table, and when you and your husband have cleared the air between you two and made a decision you could talk it over with your children? probably talk it out separately with your kids. like you and your kid would be coloring and then entertain the idea, how they would feel about parents separating [in other terms though] but are still friends? and make your spouse do the same thing? then come together as a family and discuss it? in my situation i never wanted my family to break up but i dont want the negative energy to stay as well. but it wasnt my decision and i felt that them separating would be much better than the fighting.

Honestly that would be extremely hard to answer. I know that it would be hard for me to live with someone who was not in love with me let alone even loved me at all. I do not think that is good for the kids either. For children to not see parents who are truly together as a loving couple I think can cause them to not understand what a true loving relationship is. Divorce is hard on everyone not just the children. I know many who have had a hard time going through with divorce even when there is no children involved. My friend went through a divorce and she came to the realization that she shoudl not have married her first husband after their 2nd year anniversary. It was at their 4th year anniversary that she started to look at other options. She got her career going and thought perhaps if she could at least live on her own she would be able to be okay. Her problem was that she was supporting her ex more so than he was supporting her financially. She knew that he would be okay but she did not know how to even approach the subject. She had an affair and finally got caught after about a year. He found out and they went to some counseling, her family was very unhappy with her and thought she should go to church to try to mend things. She finally felt okay after a few sessions of therapy that she needed to move away from the relationship. She apologized up and down for the fact that she waited for so long to say something but that she was able to admit to her ex and to herself that even just after 2 years of marriage she had these feelings of not being happy and frankly, just not being at all in love with her ex. She felt bad as she felt she took 5 years of his life with her when she should have tried to end it sooner than that. She had told me how they even got engaged and sounds like the only reason she married was to get out from under her parents. She was 21 and he was about 25. Anyway, it was tough for her too, she felt awful, had tons of guilt but once it was all final, she felt better. She has now remarried and they have a son together. She seems to have found the one that is for her, and that is wonderful. They have a lot more in common than what she had with her first husband. It is her second husbands second marriage as well so they have a ton in common,. I told my husband that I have no desire to even bother dating or anything. I told him that if I had no desire to love him anymore, I would not bother with giving up on the marriage, ultimately I think Divorce is just wrong, and I would try to work on a good relationship. But Divorce is not something I would see in our future and hopefully it never does happen. We have two children, they are 4 and 2 and we both know that we want to show our kids what love is....We want to set a good example. Both of our parents got divorced after 20 years of marriage and that scares us both. We are at 12 years currently.

I am doing that. I'm staying in it because: 1. I don't want to damage my children 2. economic reasons 3. laziness 4. don't want to hurt my husband (he's a good guy) 5. hope that maybe somehow we will get back what we once had It's incredibly hard sometimes though. I want that feeling back again so badly.

This is a hard question that I am currently asking my self.I still love my husband but he is just not where he should be in our marriage.We have a 4 and 5 year old that would be so upset if we did spilt up.I wish i could help answer your post.I wish i could answer my own question as well.It is harder when you have someone to think about in life other then your self.I think in the end though it would be best to move on and just be extra supportive to your children.Kids can pick up on tension in the home even if you try to cover it up.Good luck...

It would really depend on the circumstances. If you were in a friendly relationship that would maybe work. If there were some kind of agreement on how you would live seperatly. Like sleeping arrangements. I wouldn't want to sleep next to him. That would just be awkward. If the kids were fine and you could date and have your own lifestyle outside of the home then I wouldn't see a problem with it.

no i would not stay in a marriage if i was that unhappy. u should never stay in a marriage if u are very unhappy just b/c of children,i think that they kids would deal better if u were able to get a divorce when they are young.

I just don't find any problem with your husband the way you describe your relationship with him. Well I would just look at it this way. Do you love your children? If yes, then what makes you happy to see them happy too? If you separate with your husband would it make your children happy? If the answer is no then which is more important to you? Your happiness or your children's happiness? I think you know your answer in there. Being loving parents we should always put our best to our children's welfare at all cost. Why not focus on your children's' welfare than in our own personal happiness and freedom. I think it will be worth keeping that once in our lives as parents we loved and sacrifice for our children's welfare and happiness. I think that would be more of value than your own freedom. It was our choice when you chose to love your husband and it was both your choice to have children. Now are you ready to give them all up for your own happiness or perhaps freedom? Maybe for your husband it's easy to say yes but how about your children?

Yes I did stay for 10 years in an unhappy marriage because my children needed stabilty.(I should say the last ten years of my marriage was unhappy, because i was married for 20 years) There was no fights. we just didn't talk at all. He didn't come home till late and left very early. I slept on the couch and so we never saw each other. On his days off he would do his own thing. I would do mine.. We both loved our children and our love for them was always there. We did go to school functions as a family so no one really knew that I was unhappy. My ex didnt even know. I am glad not to be living with him anymore. I am happy now where I am. My boys are grown and they are doing very well. They do know now how unhappy i was and they support my decision. I dont feel bad for staying because my boys needed both of us. Their dad always found time for them just none for me.I will never say anything bad to them about him because he was a good dad. if i had it all to do over again. i would because I love my boys.

No I wouldn't. My kids deserve to have a happy mom and dad. I would leave and be civil in the breakup. Kids' can sense when the parents are unhappy no matter how they try to cover it. I would not want any of my kids to stay in an unhappy relationship for any reason and therefore I would not do it myself. It isn't good for the kids.

I have been in a situation like this before. We have 3 children together. We did not stay together. The unhappiness usually leads to the fighting at some point. I do know parents that did stay together for the kids and as the kids got older; they knew what was going on. I don't know how many times I heard from my friends, "I wish my parents would just get divorced!" My ex-husbands aunt and uncle stayed together for this reason. Everyone knew it. As soon as their child grew up and got married they divorced. Both of them are much happier now.

if you ask me now, i would of course say that i would definately not leave the marriage because of the kidz. But if i'm in the situation, i think i'd do the opposite. It's always easier to say but talk is cheap. Even if you leave the marriage with your kids, you can still allow them to visit their other parent freely.

I'm single and don't have any kids but I am a poduct of a boken home. And I just would like to share the point of view of a child who's a product of a broken family. As a child, I grew up with a lot of insecurities. I had a hard time adjusting in school and was always afraid to make friends because of fear of being rejected. It always breaks my heart everytime I see my friends and classmates with both of their parents and happy especially during special occassions like christmas. Every year on my birthday, I always wished that my family would be together again until I was 14. But as I was growing up I begin to understand why it has to happen and learned to accept the situation. I became stronger and more confident about myself. My point is, kids are kids, seeing their parents apart will surely break their heart no matter how you try to hide it. But I believe that it should not be a reason for somebody to stay in a relationship that is no longer working. It will just lead to a major disaster later. The most important thing is to continually support your children and to show them that you love them no matter what. Try to let them understand what happened. They might not understand how you feel right away but they will surely do when they grow older.

i think we should not box our definition of family as a group of people composed of a mom, a dad and their kids... a family, i think, is a collection of people who love, respect and understand each other... I would prefer having a so-called broken family but still happy than a complete family that doesn't function how a family should really be... try fixing your problem, but don't sort to any band-aid solution just to salvage the image of a "whole, happy family"... "home sweet home" is still the best! good luck!

it would be better to be separated as early as possible. if the children are young, they would easily get over with the separation of their parents unlike teens who's knowledgeable enough. they would think much more and many things will run into their minds like reasons why their parents separate, etc. they will have a hard time to recover from a failed relationship of their parents or to a broken family.

its a very very tricky question i must say. it varies from culture to culture. in some societies, its always your preference. i have seen in my country, there are countless women who are still there in an abi=usive relationship for the sake of children. it may be they can't provide the livings for themselves or think it will make the life of children a hell.

No I wouldn't. I would make the decision to fall in love all over again for the sake of our family. Love is a decision and not a emotion. Who ever you try to start over with again will come to the same dull crook in the road. It is time to make a decision to nuture each other and the love will flourish once again. It is a proven fact that this is so. It starts with the choice to love each other no matter what. Then begin to court each other again. It will all turn around if you want it to. Besides why start over when you have already invested all these years into a person you have created little lives with. It just is not worth it.

Counseling is a place to start, I will agree with that. But I believe confronting these issues together as a married couple would be the first step. It just makes more sense to talk about it first with each other so that you know whether or not you are just putting off the inevitable and paying for a counselor that will tell you the same thing. I'm not saying that it's not worth the effort, I'm just saying that both parties have to have the same goal as far as the marriage is concerned. Staying together for the sake of the children alone would be a mistake in my opinion. As one Mylotter said here, it would just cause more damage for the children since they can perceive more than we realize. Also, no matter how you look at it...humans are designed with a need for companionship and a room-mate type relationship will not be enough to satisfy that need. Eventually it will lead to infidelity for one or maybe both parties...and how would that go over with the children? At least if the husband and wife agree to go their separate ways in a civil manner, then when the children get older they will be able to respect their parent's decision to separate. On the other hand, if the husband or wife or both of them seek attention from some one outside the marriage to make up for what is lacking at home, then the children will be taught the wrong things about marriage and will resent the parent(s) that did it and the parent that allowed it to get to that point. It's a bad situation all around, there really isn't an easy way to deal with it. What gets me is that this type of thing has been going on between married couples for many years and they have all said at one point "that won't happen to us"...and then it does. Why don't people invest more time and energy in their marrital relationship to avoid this and make it a priority to keep up with the things that will prevent this from happening. Seems like a much better choice than saying it will never happen, because it usually does. Sorry to hear about yet another situation like this. Hope it turns out for the best for all involved.

God forbid but if such a situation arises, I would stay for my children. If I cannot improve the situation, I will increase my tolerance level. It takes two people to fight. If one decides not to fight, the other would not be able to do much alone. Or children are our responsibility. A child needs both a father and mother. So instead to expecting, I would do the sacrifice. Hope such a situation never arises.

I work at a preschool and I have seen what divorce has done to several of my preschoolers. It is hard on them, too. But the parents deserve happiness as well. My boyfriend has two children from his previous marriage and I often think what if he had stayed with her? I would have never met this wonderful man and have a great relationship with him. Even if they are not fighting, it does not make it ok to stay married. Eventually in the long run it could end up hurting that relationship. They could grow to hate eachother. Why not end the marriage on a good note where they can remain friends after divorcing? That would be better for the kids to see that their parents were still civil to eachother.

I think you should stay together. Do everything to help you revive the feelings. Do take time to spend more time together and always try to communicate often. Communication help a lot in any relationship. Do it not just to save the relationship for the sake of your children. Love! 1 Corinthians 13:1-13