the same mistakes all over again

Philippines
April 18, 2008 7:16am CST
why do some people never learn. life is a learning process. you have to think that not all you want you can get... i am talking about my friend. he was married to his first wife for seven years then his wife left him... reason? when he gets angry he hits. so when his wife left him he got into a lot of relationship then i just knew he was separated again because of the same reason. when he is angry he hits. of course no woman likes to be his punching bag. why cant he just learn to control himself. when i am angry i just get out of the house... just to breath in and out then when i am okay i go back hone then talk to my wife. we cant solve anything when we are always angry and furious and end the talking with a fist. if only he could change his style i am sure he can have a relationship for keeps.
2 people like this
10 responses
@goergineo (1498)
• Jordan
18 Apr 08
Well he can not control it. It is been a part of his personality for a long time. well, our next door neighbor has a kid that he got the same problem. to solve the problem they bought him cheap glass vases and told him to break one once he is angry instead punching someone. after a while. the boy became far better. his parents know how to pull the anger out of hem. I think your friend must find a way to knows how to control himself. he should consult professional people. passing through the situations many times does not mean you acquired the experience how to deal with it. It is my opinion.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
22 Apr 08
i saw once on TV in japan there is a place where you can go and throw plates, glasses and vase. they were saying, that place is where you can release all your anger and tensions. and your neighbors idea is samowhat like this. that sounds great. but your neighbor's son is still a boy this friend of mine is a grown up person already. but your idea is great
@jairgirl (2877)
• United States
25 Apr 08
hello, i have known a lot of people who have the same issues, strange but most of them are aware of what they are doing and even regret it but still do the same mistake over and over again. i have asked someone about this and i was amazed that it is rooted from the past (childhood) and or psychological disorder on their part. if i will base my judgement from those people i have known who have the same personality as your friend, i feel that they are feeling inferior inside out and the only way they can prove that they are the one on top is by hurting and or using their fist. it is not fair and i feel those who have problems like this should be place in a rehab because they are not only endangering their wives or partners life but as well as the kids and even those who happen to be on that scene. i know someone who beat a wife while she is pregnant and i just cant bear such scene. i honestly want to kill that person just to stop him hurting his wife coz i see how she suffers as well as the future kid. i do warned those girls who is having a relationship with that person and informed them that the guy is capable of hurting and even killing and she should be aware and warned herself if she is ready for that. anyway, i hope your friend find a way to fix himself and not let his fist do the talking and be aware that other's life is important too. takecare!
• Philippines
25 Apr 08
you explained your theory very well jairgirl. yes i think those kind of people has capability to kill someone specially if they are so furious. this anger they have inside is uncontrollable that it forms clouds to their minds and they can no longer think straight.
@jairgirl (2877)
• United States
25 Apr 08
thanks for the understanding. i really wish that those who are considered battered wives knows how to respect themselves and fight for what is right so the man wont just take advantage of them and sometimes it just ends up to separation and the man continues to do such habit to the next one. anyway, i hope things work out well not only to your friend but as well as to those who suffers from the same thing. takecare!
@checapricorn (16066)
• United States
18 Apr 08
There are really people who don't have self-control, maybe the way they were brought up when they were growing up!and it is something that they can't just change within them no matter how they tried!
• Philippines
22 Apr 08
yes i think so too. maybe when he was younger he is a spoiled brat that gets whatever he wants. then now if he can have his way he gets angry and parents gives what he wants. he grew up to be this person that he gets what he wants or else something bad will happen. maybe thats one of the reason
• United States
22 Apr 08
I agree and when they were not disciplined well when they were younger, much more than harder to do it when they are already old! they will be like that not unless they will strive hard to change, but it needs willingness and determination. It will not be easy but once people around him her will support all throughout, nothing is impossible!
• United States
23 Apr 08
it seems untill he wakes up and realizes what he keeps loseing due to his mistakes hes gonna end up alone or hurting somone really badly sadly to say
• Philippines
24 Apr 08
thats what i had in mind too, if he will commit same mistakes again and again he will end up sorry, lonely and alone. he has to think now and act now. seek help to control all those angers inside. thanks a lot for the response.
• Argentina
22 Apr 08
Some people are not well educated and they don´t learn to treat well or properly other people, that is an awful mistake. It depends on the education that you received. best wishes ! Martín !
• Philippines
23 Apr 08
the only one who can help him is hiself only. he needs to get help and he needs to accept the fact that he can never control that anger. self acceptance is one and seeking help is two. thanks a lot for the response, welcome to mylot martin.
@mbs730 (2152)
• Canada
19 Apr 08
I didn't have the same experience like your friend but I have made mistakes over and over again due to my anger and impulsive behavior. If you don't learn to control any of that you will make the same mistakes over and over again. I am trying to control all of that now but I am sure there will be a time down the road that I may "forget". I just know what a fool I feel like after making those same mistakes. The last one was about 6 weeks ago and I asked a friend of mine if I am truly stupid. She said "no, just consider it as another fkn growth experience". True, that is true if you really look at why it happened and figure out why it happened again. However he will have to wake up and see this for himself. I have been told by others to control my anger and I never listened until one day I was FORCED to see it.
• Philippines
22 Apr 08
i just hope he analyze his life. nobody can really help him but himself. the greatest teacher is his experience and he needs that to teach him. he is very childish not learning from his past.
@moneyandgc (3430)
• United States
19 Apr 08
He needs help unlearning his behaviour. I am doubtful that he can do it on his own. My own husband is doing this right now. He does not hit but he has other patterns and behaviours that he turns to. He is getting help after finally realizing he can't do it on his own. It is a good thing too because I thought the same way you do. "Why don't you just stop?" and "Haven't you learned your lesson yet?" He realized what he was doing was wrong but couldn't control it. He learned this way of life since he was a boy. I hope your friend gets the help he needs.
• Philippines
22 Apr 08
i on the other hand is doubtful that he can do this on his own. lucky your husband she has you that guides him and still there and stand by his side. my friend is currently single right now. but i think i just have to encourage him to seek help.
• United States
18 Apr 08
The reason why he keeps making the same mistakes is because he needs therapy. Change brings change and he needs to talk to someone about the fact that he is an abuser. He may have deep issues from his childhood that you know nothing of. He will continue hitting women until he realizes he needs help. Try suggesting it to him.
• Philippines
22 Apr 08
theraphy is the answer to his problem really. good point on saying that he may have issue from his childhood. i hope he is open to fae councelling or theraphy. i dont want him to be lonely when he is older because he is alone and nobody want him. thanks
• Philippines
18 Apr 08
Yes you are right se7enthbird, life indeed is a learning process. I am also sure that your friend knows the part where he went wrong, unfortunately he keeps on repeating the same part, it's just that he can't control it. We must understand that every people has their own way of handling or managing anger. If your male friend keeps on doing it, he has a this poor way of controlling what he feels inside. Releasing anger should not in any way inflict pain to one's self or to others. He can seek psychological help for this I think. Ask your friend if he is willing to make some changes to himself or some help. He must hear some counsellings from specialist and some professionals about this matter- about his mental and emotional condition. And of course about his anger.
• Philippines
22 Apr 08
i agree with you that he really needs counceling. but that would be much easier for him if his partner will support him with that. but unluckily all the ladies that did had a relationship with him left him. well i can not blame them. but i wish i can encourage him to hear some councelling.
@ravinskye (8242)
• United States
18 Apr 08
It probably won't be that easy for him. Something like that you can just say "ok i'm not going to hit anymore" He is going to have to go see some sort of specialist that can help him get past his anger. he has to learn with other ways to deal with his anger instead of hitting.
• Philippines
22 Apr 08
yes i think thats a good idea. anger is really the hardest thing to control. even you are a girl or a boy anger is really hard to control. he really needs to learn to to other things instead of hitting. if he wont change i know he will be a lonely man in the future.