Is Your Kindness Being Abuse?

@julyteen (13259)
Davao, Philippines
April 20, 2008 11:13am CST
i observe most people if they found out that you are kind they prone to abuse you kindness. Example, they approach you more often if they need something which of course even not really needed. They lend money without returning back. instead, go away if they will see you or see you face at a distance. Have encounter this kind of people. For me, they did many times.
6 people like this
23 responses
@jillmalitz (5132)
• United States
21 Apr 08
I guess so of us never learn. My husband and I have helped a lot of people (family included) and sometimes we find ourselves feeling that it was not worth it. I keep trying to tell myself that we should help others just because it is the right thing to do and we should not expect anything in return but when people take advantage of you over and over you tend to not want to help anymore. It really bothers me that we always help others, but when we need help we always seem to hear, sorry I cant help you. Makes you wonder.
3 people like this
• India
21 Apr 08
Yes it happens with me lot of time. Infact because of money I lost my freinds. At my colledge time one of my freind whom I supposed to be my best freind ask me some money but I could not help him because the amount was huge for me at that time and I was helpless . It doesnt mean that I didnt try for him, I even asked from my father but my father simply denied. So from next day he stop talking with me and cut all the connections with me. till date i coold not get the anwer that just because of money my best freind stop talking with me.
2 people like this
@kiran1978 (4137)
• Australia
23 Apr 08
Hi, I think if someone is going to stop being your friend because you did not lend them money, then they were never a friend in the first place. Now you know there true colours, you don't deserve that treatment from a friend. Take care, there are many decent friends out there that will appreciate your kindness.
1 person likes this
@chrissieatu (1033)
• China
21 Apr 08
I do meet these kind of people from time to time. But maybe I do not seem to be that kind-hearted enough, they seldom do that do me. Generally, I am kind to people. When I feel I am used, I'll resist it in my way, like sending some kind of message telling that person I know that. In this way, hopefully the person will withdraw.
2 people like this
@bluemars (952)
• Australia
21 Apr 08
I am not sure sometime but I know that some people have walked over me because I have been to nice and kind. So I guess they have taken advantage of me in that instance and they know I am the way I am and don't appreciate it but that is why an individual should grow as a person and become a bit stronger so that they can stand up for themselves and not allow people to abuse their kindness.
2 people like this
@longbangod (1791)
• Philippines
21 Apr 08
I agree with you other people do that. But for me its okay to lend money to these people as long as they will return it in due time or when they have money already. Though of course when I observed that the person is not paying you well and in the time you think he is capable but stil hesitant, he can never expect something from me in the future.
2 people like this
@SHAMRACK (8532)
• India
21 Apr 08
Dear friend, I hope those persons who knows where to use their kindness is well gone. When the one gets their kindness abused hope it might be better to avoid it or not show kindness. In wars kindness has no roles it is only result of being the victory.
@pillusch (1149)
• Mexico
21 Apr 08
Exploitation - and I don't mean the exploitation of, let's say Bolivian peasants by wealthy landowners, but the kind of exploitation you're talking about - always needs two parties: the exploiter and the exploited. Now, I want to be careful here and emphazise that I don't necessarily talk about you, since I don't know you. But there are people wo feel superior to others without actually deserving it. I'm talking for example about the rich kid who shows his perceived superiority by giving away his dad's money to his 'poor and unfortunate' class-mates. Are they going to take advantage of that? You bet! The person who allows himself to be cheated by a greedy landowner, covering it up like some Christian mercy he shows towards that unfortunate sinner, and all because he doesn't have the guts to stand up to him. (And more so, doesn't know that he doesn't have the guts.) I for one have exploited other people, and I have been exploited. It goes both ways, but I guess that as long as I learn from it, it's okay.
2 people like this
@ozzeth (942)
• Philippines
21 Apr 08
Many times its happened to me...I can't refuse them especially if they really need it. Some other friends of mine but i never ever regret to help them coz its my own will. But i learned and i realized from myself. You or we should learn to say the word "NO" sometimes.
• United States
21 Apr 08
"First we try, then we trust." Offer small kindnesses to people. If they behave appropriately and repay, you can offer a bit more. First and foremost, there is no need to help people who are not committed to helping themselves. If a person doesn't try to solve their own problems and will only beg you for help, then helping them essentially solves nothing. They need to take control of their own destiny and do what they can to change their fate. If they are not committed to this, then they are not the type of person you should waste your time on.
2 people like this
@98765m (1019)
• India
20 Apr 08
Yea,you are right. I am still in confusion whether to continue or not,that habit of helping almost all. Its definitely a good character, but when people take advantage of you because of that,it is not nice. So,I have made up my mind to be more reserved. I mean,to think twice before helping a person. Cheers! Have a great day Happy mylotting and happy earning
2 people like this
• United States
20 Apr 08
One house I lived at about 5 yrs ago, The neighbor acreoss the street would always send there child to get our lawn mower and never replace the gas, or come to ask for tomato, lemon, salt, sugar everything and I think Everytime I am out of something I go to the store or I do with out! It is not a money issue because they have parties all the time or go eat out alot. One day there daughter abouy 16 yrs. came to ask me for gas for the lawn mower they borrowed and her dad and uncle and freind were out side talking and three cars in the drive way, and I asked her pointing at her house 'What do you see there in your drive way?' And she said the cars and I said go tell them to get you gas. It might seemed meen but clearly she needed to brake the habit of borrowing when they have the means to get it them selves, am I right or wrong?
2 people like this
@worldwise1 (14887)
• United States
20 Apr 08
There will always be users, julyteen, who wish only to take advantage of your kindness-if you allow them to. I have been on the receiving end of this type of situation many times, but I have learned to "weed out" those people who only want to use me to their advantage. I believe that all of your intimate relationships should be give-and-take. Remember, it's just as easy to say "no" as it is to say "yes."
2 people like this
@wasim989 (2302)
• India
20 Apr 08
Shoe your kindness in such a way that people should not think that they can play with you. Remember this is a world where there is only one law and that is "Survival of the fittest" So try to be more in control of your life and everything will be balanced.
2 people like this
@agfarm (930)
• United States
20 Apr 08
Unfortunately....this is exactly why I developed a Fake tough exterior. People that really know me. Know that I will do anything in my power to help them , when they ask me. And yes....people will take advantage of this.
2 people like this
• United States
20 Apr 08
I know that some people are taking advantage of my kindness. That's exactly why I've stopped being so nice. I'm tired of giving spoiled people the things they think they deserve that they truly do not. I'm not fostering the sense in them that they can get what they want when they want, from anyone at anytime. I know that makes me seem mean, but I don't care. They have to learn eventually.
2 people like this
@lishiwei (1553)
• China
20 Apr 08
Yes,you are right.But it can turn on that you are very kind.I think most people will like you and you must be very popular.Some times this kind of things will happen but I think we shouldn't care of it.I think most of the people wouldn't do that.
2 people like this
@jenni7202 (1598)
• United States
23 Apr 08
I think there is far too much abuse of people's kindness. I personally am a very generous and kind person. I try to help anyone, whenever they need help, no matter what the case is. I've helped a number of people, and always seem to get stabbed in the back in the end. My own family has stabbed me in the back when it came time to paying me back, which is pretty rediculous. I've told myself time and time again that I won't help those people again, but I find myself doing it anyway. Maybe I have too much of a heart, and they just don't have enough of one.
@plumwish07 (4059)
• Indonesia
22 Apr 08
i think all of us getting the same experience to get abusing of our kindness by someone else or even from our close person to us. its sad but this is real world. we face so many people with different typical personality. what should we do just continuing our kindness and it will return back to us someday
1 person likes this
@Jemina (5783)
22 Apr 08
Oh yes. I had these so-called friends when I was in Bangkok who only come to me when they need money. Good for them I always have some extra cash to loan them. Unfortunately, when it was my turn to borrow money, they can't be approached. I don't want to think they are unfair but it looks like it. Anyway, I always tell myself, I'd rather be the kind one than the abusive one. At least I feel innocent and guilt-free.
1 person likes this
@zed_k4 (17627)
• Singapore
21 Apr 08
Hi there, I am not a perfect person, but more often than not, I will encounter "rude" people and ingrates who just use my kindness and than abusing them for their own selfish needs. I hate these types of people and I feel that they are really not kind at all. I hope that there will be lesser people like this and hope that life would be much simpler. I know it's wishful thinking, but I just would like to hope. Thanks and take care.