what would you do if your mom told you its your fault your daughter cant count?

United States
April 22, 2008 5:07pm CST
My daughter going to school for the first time next year I have worked with her, her grandma (her dads mom) has worked with her but when i took her to the kindergarten round up to register her for school she did not count well and now for some reason she cant get past 1 2.... I know Ive worked with her but the other day when i was talking to my mom the other day she was telling me summer hasn't been worked with enough blah blah blah. That upset me so I told her it sounded to me like she was saying that I'm not doing what I should be as a mother when it comes to helping my child learn and I didn't really appreciate it. she said yes it does, now mine you she did the same thing when summer was being potty trained and then I had my youngest and summer decided to stop being potty trained and we had to start all over she said it was my fault. do any of you have these problems with your mother doing this or any family members? and what do you do about it?
1 person likes this
5 responses
@dawnald (84146)
• Shingle Springs, California
22 Apr 08
No, thank goodness, I don't. I wouldn't take it well. It's OK when parents and/or in-laws are offering some gentle, constructive criticism that's meant to help, but assigning blame isn't solving the problem. All it's doing is making you feel bad for no reason!
@dawnald (84146)
• Shingle Springs, California
22 Apr 08
oops and what would I do about it? I'd start gently but saying that this kind of criticism isn't helping and that if there is any specific, constructive criticism, that is OK. In other words, don't tell me what I'm doing wrong, suggest alternatives that might help. But honestly, if it kept up, I'd be telling her to butt out if she can't be helpful.
• United States
22 Apr 08
Thats exactly how I feel, My mom has given me constuctive criticism before but sometimes she goes to far and it does hurt and makes me think what am I doing wrong? when I know Im not doing anything wrong.
@dawnald (84146)
• Shingle Springs, California
22 Apr 08
and you have enough self-imposed guilt as a parent without having somebody else make it worse!
• United States
22 Apr 08
I hate to sound rude or like a jerk, but if my mother said that to me, she probably would not be happy with the response she got back. I love my mother, and have the utmost respect for her, but mothers have a tendency to believe they were the best mothers in the world and the way they did things was always the very best and most proper way. Dont hang your head, your little one may just be very stubborn, or got shy that day. I have a 3 yr old, almost 4, and I have to come up with clever ways to get her to do almost anything. She is the most stubborn child in the world. If I may make a suggestion, for your daughter. Kids learn amazingly well through music, and games. Fool her into counting by singing the one little indian song, or purchase a counting game to play with her. The other thing I found, because mine insisted she couldnt count either, was to put some spoons, or cookie cutters whatever she might think is cool, in a pan and set them in front of her and say see if you can count these. You watch how fast she will count them.
• United States
22 Apr 08
My boyfriend and me were talking about on payday going and getting a cd to play while were in the car, Cause were in there a lot lol. And you didn't sound rude at all cause its exactly how I feel. There's so many things my mom doesn't either remember or she doesnt want to or whatever that I do remember she home schooled me and she would give me my work for the day and be gone all day, When I asked her for help on things she would get mad at me and tell me if she was a real teacher that they dont do so much one on one time with there students that I should be able to do it. so she definitely wasn't perfect. Honestly when I was younger me and her didn't get along the greatest but now its not as bad.
• United States
23 Apr 08
Honestly if I were you, and the next time she gave you grief, I would remind her of her flaws of teaching you. She will probably never mention it again. Best wishes, and the CD is a great idea.
@natgil (33)
• United States
29 Apr 08
Well, I have 5 children and was just 19 when I had my first one. Needless to say, my mother thought she knew it all as far as what I should be doing , and what not to do...I was young, so I listened AND learned the hard way... Grandmothers tend to be overbearing I think.. That is totally understandable... When my 2nd child came along, my mother tried to "give me the same advice" as she did with the first....I simply told her that I appreciated her input, however, this is MY child, not yours...We didn't talk for about 2 weeks after that....Then I got a phone call one day from my mom, she appologized for being that way....She said she realized what she was doing, but not aware of it at the time... Since then, mom has let me make my own mistakes with my kids....I don't think that you are at fault here... When my youngest entered kindergarten, she could only count to 10....she couldn't even form her letters correctly either.... Now the school year is almost at it's end...when I went for conferences a few weeks ago, she can recognize her printed name, she can write her name, knows her colors and shapes, And she can count up to 40....So, just give her some time...it will happen...The only thing they are required to do for kindergarten anyway is, being 5 before Sept., and being potty trained.... They will be tested to see what motor skills they have, teachers are trained for this.. that's the whole point of kindergarten is to prepare children for their further education years.... Try not to lay blame on yourself, as long as you feel that you have done all you can as a mother to prepare her for kindergarten....then you have done your JOB as a good mother.....
@tuhpaul (475)
• India
29 Apr 08
My dear friend,there is nothing that you should worry about-your daughter will learn as she grows-it is just the beginning for her-as for your mom's criticism-just let it in through one ear and out through the other ear-without back chatting or trying to prove that you are doing your best-just ignore her criticism and you will be mentally peaceful-but do what your doing for your daughter-I mean what you think is right for her.God bless you and your family.
@magrylouyu (1632)
• United States
25 Apr 08
No, I havent. I'm glad I havent, and I'm sorry your having this problem. My daughter is very bright for her age. Although she did back track on potty training when I had my youngest. She was 14 months old and almost potty trained then wanted to be the baby again. I would sit down and talk to you mom and say that a child has a mind of their own. Things dont always go as planned and life is very spontanious. Good luck and I hope you work this out with your mom.