living with someone who can't be happy

@traengle (145)
United States
April 23, 2008 8:53am CST
My partner and I have been together 6 years we have 2 beautiful children and we at most times get along just great but he suffers from depression along with anxiety issues. I feel bad when he gets into one of these deep depression modes but of course I can't seem to snap him out of it and it causes me to feel lousy not only by just having to see him this way but also he says things that make me feel like I'm the one making him unhappy or the children seem to really annoy him very easily when he's like this and that annoys me. I know it's not me, his mother told me he's been like this for a long time, he's tried going to doctors for help but they give him these drugs that make him feel worse, he is like a zombie when he takes them so he don't. He will usually snap out of it after about 2 weeks but I'm starting to tire of it cause it's hard to deal with at times. Anybody else have a loved one suffering from depression and how do you (or they) deal with it?
3 people like this
11 responses
@littleone3 (2065)
23 Apr 08
My partner suffers from serve depression. This is down to the fact that he is in pain 24/7. It is very hard living with some one who suffers from depression. He often has days when he turns round and tell me he feels like killing himself.It makes me feel like such a failure. It also makes me feel useless as i just want to help him and don't know where to start. I try to be postive and do try to encourage him to get out and about. Its not easy as some days he doesn't want to get out of bed. My partner takes anti-depressants they do seem to help him. But its not for everyone. How about counselling as that is suppose to help some people. I just take one day at a time.
1 person likes this
@traengle (145)
• United States
23 Apr 08
Yes it's very hard, sounds like you have the same feelings as I do. If you don't mind me asking what kind of anti-depressants does he take and do they have other side effects? Maybe counselling would be best for him I must try to talk to him about it.
23 Apr 08
No i don't mind he takes Fluoxetine so far the only side effect he gets is that they make him very forgetful. He can't remember what he has done an hour ago let alone yesterday.
• Canada
23 Apr 08
That is a very sad situation. It sounds like he really does need to get some help. Have him talk to his doctor about herbal supplements that help improve and stabalize mood such as St John's Wort and B-vitamins and even Omega-3's. And then I would recomend that he get counseling - even if it's just someone he can trust to vent all his feelings to and hopefully gain a little perspective. Depression isn't something that can be snapped out of, but neither should he accept it as a normal part of his personality - I believe that letting depression go unchecked will just make it worse over time. For your children, his health of mind is very important. On a day when he is feeling receptive, talk to him about how his behaviour affects you and the kids and ask him to consider finding some outlets that will help him to feel better. All out of genuine concern for him, or course, not judgement. If he feels judged, he'll probably just back away. I hope you have more success in handling your situation!
1 person likes this
@traengle (145)
• United States
23 Apr 08
Thanks I will look into that.
1 person likes this
@dangnabit67 (2021)
• United States
23 Apr 08
I sound like your hubby. Ive had depression issues since I was a teenager. I know my family suffers along with me. It is so hard to explain the feelings of hopelessness, and feel like your nothing, and your life is going no where, you wish you had done something with your life and didnt. I have learned that I cant rely on others to help me. I have to do it myself. It is hard to change your way of thinking. Not saying I dont get in my depressed state sometimes but not as often as I did. I actually cause the rest of my family to feel depressed when I'm down. But at the same time my family knows when I'm down how to help-laugh lots and laugh some more. Laughing is fun, its a stress reliever, and helps your mood. Cymbalta is a good choice. And I would suggest a mood stabilizer with it like Seroquel. The combo helps. Cymbalta by itself doesnt work. At least it didnt for me. I hope this helps. Have him talk to the doctor about the mood stabilizer as he may need something differnt.
@traengle (145)
• United States
23 Apr 08
Thanks so much I'm glad someone with his problem responded, you do sound alot like him, those are the feelings he has too. he also has panic disorder too was wondering if you did too thought maybe the 2 issues could be related some how. It is hard on the family and I do try to cheer him up and even have our daughter do different things to get him to smile and it works for the moment. I will tell him to talk to the doctor about the combo that helped you. Again thanks!
1 person likes this
• United States
24 Apr 08
panic disorder-he may need to try lexapro with the mood stabilizer. The doctor should be able to fix a good combo. I tried counciling-unless you have a good theripist it wont help. You have to want to change your thinking. You have to realize what your doing and want to fix it. Hugs, good luck to you. I know its not easy.
@traengle (145)
• United States
24 Apr 08
thank you, you've been really helpful
1 person likes this
@lucy02 (5017)
• United States
24 Apr 08
I suffer from depression too. I have to take meds or I would make everyone miserable. The problem in my case and probably your husbands is a chemical imbalance. It can make a person very irritable. Its not your fault. Somebody mentioned the 5HTP and B vitamins. Those are good. I tried those for awhile. Exercise and meditation also helped. Eventually it wasn't enough though for me. There are so many different meds out there now and a lot of them work of different chemicals in the brain. I would suggest he see a therapist. Counseling would probably help him and he might find another med that works for him.
@traengle (145)
• United States
25 Apr 08
Oh I'm so sorry, I know it's not my fault and I'm sure he isn't trying to make me feel bad. It's rough on everybody dealing with a person with the depression but I'm sure it's worse if your the one suffering from the depression. I will suggest the 5HTP and vitamin B and see if I can get him to counseling. Thank you....
@checapricorn (16066)
• United States
23 Apr 08
I am sorry about that traengle, I have no good idea about that case, but, I will just say, continue to support him and just be tough! I k now it's easy to say this and hard when you are really in the situation, but just get the best of strength from your children!Hopefully, by trying to follow some of the advices given by other members, you will help him to cope up with his depression!
@traengle (145)
• United States
23 Apr 08
thank you I appreciate your concern
• United States
23 Apr 08
Yes- my husband is depressed. He thinks he's "manic depressive". He is a wonderful person, good husband, great father to our son... but there are times when I just don't know what to do and nothing I say is right. I want him to get help but he thinks if he goes in for counseling or something he will be fired from his job!!! So... we're kinda stuck in this awful cycle of happy-sad with no warning signs. It's started to wear on me now too. :( Try to get him some help, it's the best thing!!!
@traengle (145)
• United States
23 Apr 08
I will, thanks. sorry to hear your stuck in that cycle...I know how you feel though and you know it hurts me to see him like that I will suggest counseling to him in hopes that he will get the help he needs .
• United States
23 Apr 08
Would he try couples counseling, maybe with that you both could learn ways to deal with it. Also, I'd try to find some books for people that have a lonved one that suffers with depression. Also the vitamn b thing is a good suggestion also. Health has a lot to do with depression. So taking vitamns could help.
@traengle (145)
• United States
23 Apr 08
good idea...thanks
@besthope44 (12145)
• India
9 Oct 10
Most time, its my work..with ontime deliveries and work loads. I try to divert mind on music and i feel better. We need to manage depression, as it is part of life in busy world. But if we concentrate, we can manage it. I does it through my yoga, listening music and going out on vacation.
@subha12 (18453)
• India
24 Apr 08
i think it is such a bad situation. you are drwn to a man who suffers from depression now and then. i think you can consult a different doctor who can help you. whatever may be he needs counsellings.
• United States
24 Apr 08
yes i know someone like that and it is so hard to be around someone like that cause it starts to bring yourself down also exspecailly when you are a out going person i would seek some other med with less effects cause he is your partner
• China
23 Apr 08
China has called Qinianzhiyang is an old saying,I do not know you and your wife how long the marriage ,i get married,have a 1-year-old baby,since my baby born,we between husband and wife seems to be a lot of strange,the Complete works of attention to the child ren who have less communication,and often quarreled for children,now do not know how to do ,i do not know life can continue after marriage will is it true we share?