Is it moral to go through your partner's things?

@trusko (198)
April 23, 2008 10:09am CST
One of my very good friend was suspecting that her partner is up to something no good. When he had a shower, she looked into his mobile. She then discovered that he was exchanging saucy picture text messages with some girl. Firstly do you think its right to touch your partner's mobile/his things. Secondly would you forgive him/her? She eventually forgave him and they are living together and are happy. But she gets very jealous now. What do you think?
2 people like this
19 responses
@reeseyj (906)
• United States
24 Apr 08
I think if you feel something is going on you have a right to find out and to go through there stuff because there going to lie and thats the only way to find out. When people cheat it can kill you or give you an std for life. You have to protect yourself. When you find out you have aids your gonna wish you went through there things. Lots of people get diseases even when they are in a relationship because the other person was not true to you.
1 person likes this
@trusko (198)
24 Apr 08
Thank you for your reply ;-)
• Philippines
23 Apr 08
I used to be that gf. I used to sneak into his web accounts and look into his mobile phone then I will certainly be mad in case I found some "not-so-good" things and messages. He will always be mad because he is always telling me to respect his privacy. After good explanations and all, I realize that it is really not proper to look into those things because if that would happen to me, if my bf looks into my stuff - I will certainly get furious. Then I also realize that doing that will just create a problem an a non-sense issue. The things and messages I saw in his mobile phone are not that incriminating to the point that I would lose my trust and love for him, thank God. So a good explanation was then enough for me. If however, I see things that are certainly doubtful - for example I see a picture of him and a girl kissing and all - then no explanation is needed. The thing will certainly speak for itself.
1 person likes this
@trusko (198)
24 Apr 08
THis is interesting to hear somebody admit. It good to see that you have overcame this ;-)
@qt_dsy (87)
• Philippines
23 Apr 08
i don't think its right to check on your partner's stuff, for the plain reason of privacy. but i would still do if i think or feel there is something wrong, or he's hiding something from me. remember infidelity is not privacy. about forgiving, maybe i will, but i will never forget. it will never go away even if you try.
@trusko (198)
24 Apr 08
Thanks for your answer ;-)
@smacksman (6074)
23 Apr 08
Sorry to be different. I think there should be no secrets between man and wife therefore each is quite at liberty to look at the others mail, diary, email, phone, etc. etc. This business of 'my own space' I think is nonsense. That phrase means 'secrets' by definition and is just asking for trouble. 'Do your own thing' by all means but it must be completely transparent to your other half. (steps back and waits for a huge pile of words to descend on him! haha)
@trusko (198)
24 Apr 08
Hi Smacksman, no need to be sorry. It's good to have different opinions. That is what makes it interesting ;-)
@smacksman (6074)
24 Apr 08
Thank you for your support. Its just that it happens so often that I read the previous posts and find I don't agree and I'm the 'grumpy old fart odd one out' again! I don't mean to be - honest! haha
@jesbellaine (4157)
• Philippines
23 Apr 08
Yes, it is wrong in some way but I think if it happens to me and the only way to find out is to go through with his stuff then I will do it. Forgive him? It really depends if he is sincere but you know as everyone said, once the trust is broken, it is hard to get it back, it needs to be earned so it really depends on how I look him in the eyes.
@trusko (198)
24 Apr 08
I think that sometimes you find yourself in a situation that you do things you wouldn't normally do. Thanks for your response ;-)
• Philippines
24 Apr 08
You are actually right! Sometimes things are unavoidable! We tend to do something in search of truth. Cheers!
• United States
24 Apr 08
I think it depends on what level the relationship is at, I wouldnt go through things of someone I was just dating but once youve made some serious commitment then there shouldnt be anything hidden between the two of you so I wouldnt exactly go snooping through my husbands things because I dont have a reason too but also I wouldnt think twice about reading something that I came across also I wouldnt be upset if he read something of mine because chances are no matter what he found out wouldnt be anything that I didnt already tell him
@trusko (198)
24 Apr 08
thanks for your response ;-)
• United States
24 Apr 08
I think that if someone is doing it just because, and they are constantly insecure then yes. But if they really honestly believe something is wrong or that person is up to that person , then I dont think anything is wrong with it.
@trusko (198)
24 Apr 08
Thanks ;-)
@skysuccess (8881)
• Singapore
24 Apr 08
I do not think that it is moral for one to go through one's partner's private things based on a hunch from who knows where this hunch may be from. In a relationship, trust is the most important here and I am sure that before the 2 of you actually committed yourself into this relationship I believe that you certainly have accepted the other parties qualities and short comings. Hence, it is important to learn and grow in mutual understanding and trust in each other as we increase our degree of faith and commitment with one another. If you do have a hunch and suspicions then it would be good that the both of you should sit down and speak out what is on your mind. Learn to accept that distractions and temptations are part and parcel of life and we should look out for each other to handle and face these obstacles as they present themselves in our various stages of a delicate relationship.
@trusko (198)
24 Apr 08
Thank you for taking time to respond ;-)
@lucy02 (5017)
• United States
24 Apr 08
Well obviously she had reason to be suspicious. Normally I would say she shouldn't but I would have done the same thing in her situation. Apparently she can't trust him so he would have lied if she just asked. There is too many diseases out there now. She needs to know if he's being faithful or not. I don't know if I would get back with him or not. It would take a lot of time and proving he could be trusted.
@trusko (198)
24 Apr 08
Well this happened last year and today she found out from somebody, that he did again. Even he claims he loves her and wants to be with her. But then why do it? The girl who he kept texting called my friend and told her. She also forwarded her some of the texts and they were very explicit. He is sorry and bla bla, but I don't believe he wouldn't do it again. If you love somebody and you do it once and they forgive you, you don't do it again if you claim you love them. Or there is something wrong with him? ;-)
• United States
24 Apr 08
I think you have to remember one thing. Would you want your partner going through your things? I don't mind a lot of things but I would not want my partner to read my diary or some of my poems. Not anything recent. I do not keep a diary because it WILL get read and do not write poetry anymore because it WILL get read. It is not like I write secrets but if I am down in the dumps about things I am dwelling on that is my business. If I wanted everything that went through my head told I will tell it. Now as far as my purse I could care less and my phone who cares. I have so many customers that call and that is about all I talk to on the phone except my family. I do not feel right if I invade his privacy, unless I feel I have reason to do so. I do not mind if my partner gets pictures as long as I know about them. Now when I am not told about this I will be upset but it definately will be forgiven and swept away. We all make mistakes. We are only human. Maybe this girl gets an itemized bill and that is why she did this. Men usually do not know this if you do not tell them!
@trusko (198)
24 Apr 08
Thank you for your reply ;-)
@weiyi5151 (120)
• China
24 Apr 08
that's really bad. both of them have false i think.. both of them should correct it once forever..
@trusko (198)
24 Apr 08
Ta for your response ;-)
• China
24 Apr 08
I also agree with upstairs several friends said. Can forgive but not forget that the heart will always be a shadow.
@trusko (198)
24 Apr 08
Thank you ;-)
@jstaubin (423)
• United States
23 Apr 08
I think that you have to have trust in y our relationship and if you are spending your time looking through their stuff to find something that they are doing wrong there is no trust. But at the same time if a person feel that their partner is doing something behind their back they may not find out by asking their partner. So while searching through my husbands stuff would be my last resort I can understand why she did it.
@trusko (198)
24 Apr 08
Thanks for your reply ;-)
@chiyosan (30205)
• Philippines
23 Apr 08
i think it is okay for my mom. i always check on her phone and she lets me do it... she does not use the other functions of her phone like camera, games etc.. just calls and sms. hehe if they wont allow, we out to give the privacy they need , though.
@trusko (198)
24 Apr 08
well if your mum is ok with that, i don't see a problem.
• United States
23 Apr 08
I dont agree. One reason you my find something in there that is may make you angry or upset that really is nothing and you think should I ask or just keep it to myself and not trust him/her. I think if you feel like something is going on then confront it head on. No since in going behind there back and snooping around. If you are worried about things then talk it over and Most of the time if there is nothing to hid he will give you the phone or email and say look for your self.
@trusko (198)
24 Apr 08
I guess, if you have nothing to hide, you are happy to show your mobile/email. However wouldn't you get upset, that your partner is doubting you? Its tricky... Thanks for your response ;-)
@roadrat (274)
• United States
23 Apr 08
if you suspect it, ask questions first and then, if there is denial, avoidance or deception, do a little snooping. just give them a chance first.
@trusko (198)
24 Apr 08
I believe also in innocent until proven guilty. Communication is key
@teka44 (3425)
• Brazil
23 Apr 08
Hi trusko. I think that is wrong. If I think something is going on for sure I will waste the confidence in him and this way our relationship is break. I think that if you looking for you find for sure. So if I have a sure I never forgive him and our relationship is finished. In this matter I'm radical. cheers
@trusko (198)
24 Apr 08
Thanks for your response ;-)
@ravinskye (8242)
• United States
23 Apr 08
I think in a way it is wrong, but she must have had some idea that something was going on. I would do it. I would never forgive my husband if I found something like that. once the trust is broken in a relationship, it doesn't come back completely. I probably could forgive but i could never forget. and that knowledge that he did something sneaky like that would always be there, I would always be looking for signs that he was doing it again. It wouldn't be worth it to me. I want to be happy in my relationship and feel safe and secure.
@trusko (198)
23 Apr 08
thank you for your response ;-)
1 person likes this
@digerati (287)
• Philippines
24 Jun 08
hi trusko, it is better to ask permission, and if she/he hides nothing, an 'easy' yes should be expected but if not, something fishy is around... after, he or she is your partner, assuring no 'cheats' in between is part of the process... hate cheaters, digerati