I believe she is glued to my hip.......
By speedy1279
@speedy1279 (2665)
United States
April 24, 2008 10:02pm CST
Okay I really swear that my daughter is the clingyest child there is. She is 4 years old and I can't do anything or go anywhere without her following me. Don't get me wrong!!! I love my daughter to death, but is it wrong for me to want a little space now and then??? I can't even go to the bathroom with out her finding me and coming in. If I have to run to the store, she will pitch a fit to be able to go with me.
There are times that I am able to walk away to do some cleaning and sure enough about 2 minutes later here she comes following me. Then if I ask her "what do you want?, you need to go find something to do." She says "I just want a hug". Now I know that shouldn't be a bad thing, but the thing is that is her reasoning everytime she follows me. She does have two brother that could play with her but the only thing is. One is much older and is not interested in playing with his baby sister. The other is only 10 months older than her, so all they do the whole time they are playing is fighting and hurting each other. So instead she just follows mommy around all day long. UGH!!! I have even tried giving her things to do to help me, since she won't leave me alone. But that is just another nightmare in itself. She will do what I give her to do for maybe a minute and then say I am done. So I never get anything done this way because I am spending more time dealing with her than I am doing cleaning I need to be doing.
Okay, before anyone starts jumping on me. Asking me if I try to spend some time with her. The answer is yes, I set out special time to spend with each of my children. The two boys are happy with that, but for my daughter it just doesn't seem to be enough.
My husband actually gets upset at how late I stay up. He is always asking why I don't come to bed at a more decent hour. My reason is because at night is the only time I don't have my daughter glued to my hip. It is my time to enjoy the peace and quite. This fall she will starting prek and will be separated from me for 3 hours. She is familiar with the place she will go to school at because that is where my son currently attends this year. But I am wondering if she is going to do to the teacher what she does to me or if she is going to not want to stay because I will be leaving. I guess I will just have to wait and see.
Do you have any kids that are clingy? How do you deal with them? Any advice on ways to get my daughter to play on her own instead of following mommy around?
Well now that I have vented! I am going to go and relax while I watch a little bit of tv before going to bed.
4 people like this
17 responses
@shizuoka (352)
• United States
25 Apr 08
My daughters (now 7 and almost 4) have both been like that, off and on. They still follow me around sometimes, want to help me with things at the worst possible times, and sit on the sofa and say, "Mommy, snuggle!!"
My best advice would be when the two of you are alone during the day, put whatever it is you think you have to do aside and just hang out with her. You're a stay at home mom, right? Spend a little less time on chores. Sit and watch TV together, go for a picnic, build something out of blocks, draw pictures. Right now you are her best friend, her only friend. Be her friend.
Once she is spending a lot of quality time with you, she might start letting up in the evening when dad and the boys get home (or not). I have always spent my days pretty much hanging out with my kids. I start dinner when my husband gets home, then stay up late to do what I want.
I know that you think you are giving her a lot of attention, but at her age she needs a lot of interaction and guided play. She is probably at the age where she talks incessantly and thinks that she is the center of the universe. It is a phase that most children go through.
One thing that has worked like a charm with both of my kids is the computer. They both love playing the games at nickjr.com and noggin.com. It is the one thing that, once they figure it out, they will do on their own for an hour or more.
@speedy1279 (2665)
• United States
25 Apr 08
Thank you for the great advice. I do set aside one day that while the boys are at school, I do nothing but spend time with her. But I can't do that everyday, I know the cleaning should wait but I like to have it done by the weekend, so that way I can just relax while everyone's at home.
1 person likes this
@shizuoka (352)
• United States
25 Apr 08
Understandable. I usually try to do basic pick up during the week and then have a major family cleaning day on the weekend, but that definitely doesn't work for everyone.
She will grow out of it and next year is school-that'll make a big difference.
1 person likes this
@speedy1279 (2665)
• United States
26 Apr 08
I really hope next year in school will make a difference. I love my daughter, all my children for that fact, so much. But I just need a little down time during the day.
@skinnychick (6905)
• United States
25 Apr 08
Welcome to my world. My son is like this but he is 2.5 so I think it's the nature of the beast.
What I try to do is play with him on the floor or start to watch a program with him and then leave and do something else. I just let him know what I'm doing and where I'm going. Then he is usually ok with that. It has taken a few months though. He used to just do the same thing your daughter is doing and it was hard to take even when you can't go to the bathroom.
School will be hard at first but just build up a lot of excitement around it. Once she makes some friends then clingyness will die down. She will probably cry and scream at first but she will be ok.
Hopefully, it evens out sooner than later.
1 person likes this
@speedy1279 (2665)
• United States
26 Apr 08
My daughter has been like this since she could walk and talk. At first I thought it was just a phase. But now, I am thinking other wise becaue it hasn't let up any. I have tried getting her occupied on other things and walking away. But it never works. With in a minute she ends up following me.
@speedy1279 (2665)
• United States
27 Apr 08
You and me both. Shoot if not, I might just go crazy. Oh wait a minute, I probably already am crazy! LOL!
@skinnychick (6905)
• United States
26 Apr 08
Shoot, I hope it passes soon for you.
1 person likes this
@angelface23 (2494)
• United States
25 Apr 08
my daughter is 2 years old and she does the same thing. I can't leave the house without her. She will cry and freak out if I try to say, go to the store and leave her with her dad or something. I just took this new job in sales so my hours are sporadic. I feel bad because she is acting out now in retaliation to this.
1 person likes this
@angelface23 (2494)
• United States
28 Apr 08
i have a theory about why my daughter is like this with me. In the hospital, I had a csection. I didn't see her for about 2 1/2 hours afterwards. So maybe this is why she clings to me.
@speedy1279 (2665)
• United States
27 Apr 08
Well you see I am a stay at home mom, so it's not like I am leaving her all the time with someone else. So I really don't think it could be speration anxiety. But yet I can't go or do anything without her glued to my hip. My mom seems to think that she is like this because of the fact that I have always been there since she was born (since that is when I decided to not return to work) and maybe she if afraid if I leave I won't return.
1 person likes this
@dragon54u (31636)
• United States
25 Apr 08
My oldest son was clingy! I went through a lot of what you're going through and his first day at preschool (age 4) was a little upsetting for him-and me, because he was upset-but he knew I would be back in an hour as we had agreed, it just seemed like an eternity for him at first. Once he got interested in what was going on, he was fine. When I came back after an hour, he didn't want to leave until he was supposed to! The third time he went (3 days a week, 3 hours per day) he told me to go do something.
You're the most interesting and secure person in her world right now. She can depend on you, and she should be able to. Most children are clingy at that age! Don't forcibly separate her form you. She'll be fine, don't worry. As long as you don't make her wonder if you love her (go away, I'm tired of your clinging) or think you may not return to her, she'll get more independent in her own time.
My son is now 20 and very independent and secure! Believe me, you'll get through this and be glad that you were her rock.
1 person likes this
@speedy1279 (2665)
• United States
27 Apr 08
I love my daughter so much and I am very greatful that she wants me around all the time. It's just that it would be nice to be able to go to the bathroom by myself or just step out side for 5 minutes to take a breather without her following me.
@dragon54u (31636)
• United States
27 Apr 08
I know, I know! I used to have to go potty with the door open!!
It'll get better. We love them so much but sometimes feel caged. Just a few minutes, please!!! Oh well, it'll soon pass. Chin up and all that, in fifteen years you'll look back and be so happy for this time. It just doesn't ever seem like it while it's happening, does it? 
@SweetVanillaKisses (173)
• Canada
25 Apr 08
My son was clingy until he started daycare but i dont' think it was as clingy as your daughter. i have a friend that has a duaghter that used to be as clicngy as your daughter. It wasn't until my friend took her to daycare and had to leave with her screaming and crying that her daughter finally realised that mommy was coming back.
I think you will fined the preK to help a great deal and I would probably put her in daycare if it was me just so she can be prepared for prek.
Good Luck
Hugzzz
1 person likes this
@speedy1279 (2665)
• United States
26 Apr 08
I wish I could afford to put her in daycare. But for one, I can't afford it and two I perfer to raise my kids myself. That is why I choose to be a stay at home mom. I only have 4 months until she starts prek. So things should get easier by then.
@SweetVanillaKisses (173)
• Canada
2 May 08
Oh well ok I have a friend that thought the same way as you do but doesn't anymore because of how her daughter was. It is NO different then when they are in school. since your not working you could have your child in daycare for 1 or 2 hours a week how is that the daycare raising them? kids also need to socialize so they don't have problems in school such as getting so frustrated that they start biting or spitting.
It is your choice whether or not you put your child in daycare but I think by you not allowing your child to be away from you are feeding into the clinginess.
@akramali (52)
• India
25 Apr 08
I feel like parents are one of the best possible gifts from our lord 'cuz we just cant imagine our life without them !
As in your case i feel you'll have to go through it to bit of time...
You should rather enjoy this time as you find your child following you or just loving you to the maximum. Remember this got to be the time where you could guide your childern in the best possible way .
@speedy1279 (2665)
• United States
25 Apr 08
I love the fact that she loves me so much. Her love is so unconditional and I couldn't ask for anything more. And just so you know I do guide my children in the best possible ways. My world revolves around my kids. I don't leave them with sitters all the time, I am a stay at home mom. But following me around 24/7 when she is awake, to me is a little extreme!
@akramali (52)
• India
25 Apr 08
that's great ...!
I was perhaps thinking that you spared less time wid your kids so they were sticking to you...but it is really nice to hear that you guide them well but this is'nt the case in most situations....neways wish you a very happy life as a mother wish all your dreams come true:)
1 person likes this
@wisedragon (2325)
• Philippines
25 Apr 08
Haha cherish these times, for when she reaches her teens she may become the exact opposite: always going out, doesn't listen to mommy anymore.
1 person likes this
@speedy1279 (2665)
• United States
27 Apr 08
LOL! I am afraid of this happening as well. Of course I am hoping she takes after me. I never got to a point in my life growing up that I didn't not want my mom around. We are best of friends and when I was a teen, I used to love hanging out with my mom.
@musicman6 (2406)
• United States
25 Apr 08
Yes, when I was raising a family, there was one that was more clingy than the others!
And sometimes it's just a natural thing!
The thing to do, is not react to it, as if it were a major problem, just take it in stride, and soon things will change!
What you don't want to do, when you say "no", is wait and put off saying no until the last minute!
Say "no", from the very beginning, and stick to it!
Because this will give the child the message that you mean what you say!
Encourage the child to play with other children as often as you can, so they will enjoy children their age, and not cling, nor depend on an adult to entertain them!
Eventually, they will grow out of it, but you are going to find, that this dependency is -part of their personality, and will carry it into their adulthood!
My daughter is 23 yrs old, and she still looks for her mom, whenever she needs help!
You can still love them, but that "clingy" will have to be severed!
1 person likes this
@speedy1279 (2665)
• United States
26 Apr 08
Thank you from the bottom of my heart for your advice. I understand what you are saying. My mom and I are very close to this day. We talk on a daily basis. But I don't ever remember being so clingy to her, like my daughter is to me. I do hope when she gets older that she is able to keep the bond that we have and still be just as close to me as she is now. But I really need some "mommy time" with out having to stay up until late to get it.
@olivebranch56 (910)
• United States
25 Apr 08
Your little girl is bonding and learning from you. You are the only other female in the home, so she relates to you more than her siblings or dad. Give it another couple of years and she will be looking for dad's attention and approval as she does yours now. Then you will be saying, "why doesn't she want to spend time with me", and it will go back and forth like that until she gets married, then you will be her best friend again. Enjoy her while she is little, it changes so quickly.
@speedy1279 (2665)
• United States
25 Apr 08
You are right!!! And on whole I am thankful she wants to be with me. It's just every once in awhile I would like just a few minutes to myself, where is isn't following me. I am not asking for her to stay away from me completely. Like going to the bathroom, I would be really nice if I could go in there by myself without her following me.
@enola1692 (3323)
• United States
25 Apr 08
My daughter use to be I use to tell everyone i am going to have to get her removed from my butt if I stop short because if i stopped walking she would walk into me but she had it hard when she was small she had lost 80% of her hearing an watched her godmother die which was to much for well she had surgey on her ears an has 100% of her hearing back an now she also plays the violin in school an don't have time for me now that she is 13
1 person likes this
@speedy1279 (2665)
• United States
27 Apr 08
So sorry to hear what your daughter has had to overcome. I am glad that she is doing better now. I know there will come a day that my daughter will not want me around. I am hoping she doesn't, I was never that way with my mom. We are the best of friends and there was never a time in my life that I didn't want her around. But you never know, everyone's different.
@violeta_va (4831)
• Australia
25 Apr 08
My son is like that somethimes. When he needs me he needs me 5 min ago. I will say not now I am working he would say no more working enough working (wish it was that easy). The way I deal with it is I will say I will give you 1 hug then you have to go draw me a picture (be specific what you want from them), Or I will say I will be there in 2 min or even set the timer on the one on my oven. Somethimes he forgets he wanted me but most times I try and give him some of my time. I also go where he is playing and ask for a hug and a kiss from time to time.
I also saty up late for the same reason as you. Not that he is so glued to me but I am with him 24/7 so I need a bit of time for my self.
My nephew is so atached to my sister I often joke that they are still conected by the umbilicon cord (whatever the spelling is). and he is 8 1/2 years old.
1 person likes this
@speedy1279 (2665)
• United States
27 Apr 08
Well I sure hope my daughter out grows the clingyness before she turns 8. If not then it is definitly going to be a long and bumpy road. My daughter is the same way, when she needs me, she needed me 5 minutes ago. If I don't give her my attention immediately then it is an all out temper tantrum until I acknowledge her. Which makes it even harder because I try to ignore the temper tantrums, so she doesn't get the idea that that is what will get my attention.
@wiser2 (237)
• United States
25 Apr 08
I have a grandson that is like that with me and his mother.I have him all day so it feels good when he goes home at night.It is not wrong to have some time to yourself at.You need some of that mommy time to yourself.We all need that time alone.So do not be to hard on yourself.
1 person likes this
@speedy1279 (2665)
• United States
27 Apr 08
I try not to be hard on my self. But there are some days that she just stresses me out so much. Of course it doesn't help that one of her brothers is ADHD and we are still trying different meds to find one that works. So that is added stress on top of what she does.
@athinapie (1150)
• Philippines
25 Apr 08
after reading your story, i instantly remembered my cousin who is literally glued to my aunt all the time. when my aunt leaves her even for just a second, she screams and throws tantrums. but sooner or later, she grew out of it and can tolerate the thought of her mom being away for a while.
@speedy1279 (2665)
• United States
26 Apr 08
Well it is refreshing to know that she will most likely grow out of what ever phase she is going through. I guess I will just have to bite my tonge until then.
@synuay (33)
• United States
25 Apr 08
I have a 2 yr old daughter, and a 5 year old son. and man do i follow your story to the letter as well. even the bathroom part.
My son is in pre-k 2 full days a week this year and it has helped him tremendously. Neither will even go out in the backyard and play by themselves.
Almost upon accident i found a neat thing that actually got them in the yard by themselves while i was cleaning. I was gathering up and throwing out cardboard boxes. they were just tossed in the backyard to be broken down and disposed of later. Well the kids found them, and man did they have a time. From small shipping boxes to big big boxes, they were building towers, forts, castles and just having fun stacking and knocking them over.
I definitely agree with what someone else stated, dont react to it. Okay so she likes being mommy's shadow. And i understand the time to yourself. so say she does find something to occupy her interests for 5 minutes....the best thing i can say is, STOP what you are doing and take those 5 minutes for yourself. DO NOT take those 5 minutes and try to get extra cleaning done before she realizes mommy isnt beside her. Pour a cup of coffee, pick up a magazine, sit and put your feet up, pet the dog, go smell the flowers if you have a garden. If she takes 5 minutes to do something by herself, you do the same! Yeah it doesnt sound like much, but 5 minutes is more than you got now isnt it? And maybe even those late nights will start getting earlier and earlier too. :-)
I have accepted that my house is well lived in and that i have kids, if company comes over they expect toys in the floor. I used to be so picky about it, but i dont live in a museum and things are the way they are. Accepting this also helped, because i felt less stress to get the cleaning done. Believe me you can never get it all done! because keeping a house is endless, ecspecially with kids.
good luck with your search for personal space, every mom out there is looking for it too. :-)
1 person likes this
@speedy1279 (2665)
• United States
27 Apr 08
Thank you for the awesome advice. I do try to take a break any time she does manage to occupy herself. I wish I could have the same attitude as you in regards to the house being picked up. But my husband is a neat freak and does not allow toys out of the bedrooms. It is a struggle with him just as much as it is the kids. I tend to let it slide while he's at work, but then I have to make them clean it all up before thier daddy gets home.
@terri0824 (4991)
• United States
1 May 08
This can be tough, my daughters are grown so I don't have that to deal with, but my pets sure can be that way sometimes even following me into the bathroom. LOL
Hopefully when she starts prek that will give her some independence and she will be able to learn to do things away from you and will be able to rely on entertaining herself.
@overhere (515)
• United States
25 Apr 08
Has she always been this way or is it just a new phase she is going through. If it's the former well I guess you could look on the bright side - you'll get a break with preK if the later then maybe she is just going through a stage in her development. As for solutions not sure I can think of any other than giving her something to do to occupy her that she loves , painting, playdoh etc or inviting a playmate round who she gets on with or getting her out to a relative or friends for a break. Do make sure you make time for hubby too although I DO know what you mean about time for yourself. Just remember one thing ...... keep a a copy of this post for her teenage or college years when you would love to have her clinging but she'll be off out into the big world you'll smile at these days . Good luck for some peace and respite.
1 person likes this
@speedy1279 (2665)
• United States
25 Apr 08
I know there will come a time when she won't want me around and I will be wishing she did. But I need a break!!!! Even if it's for just 10 mins during the day. If I can remember correctly she has been like this since she could walk and talk. It's funny because before she could walk, it didn't bother her for me to walk out of the room. As long as she could hear me, she was fine. Where my son who is just 10 months older than her was right the opposite. When he was an infant, I could not leave the room without him crying. I had to be within sight and sound of him. Yet as soon as he was able to walk and talk, he didn't want anything to do with me anymore. Still to this day, he would rather go play in his room by himself then follow me around. I have tried getting her to do things she loves, but it only works for less than 5 minutes and then she is right by my side again. She doesn't have any playmates to come over as I really don't have any friends that live close who have kids and my family all lives too far away to go visit with to give me a break.
@pnelly (22)
•
25 Apr 08
A co worker kid sister was getting too glued to me,I have to bribe her , telling her , dont come here again unless you have been send. And good for me she obeyed.
but that must feel like I dont like the kid,which is opposite , I like her presence but some times you want to be alone.
Just find a good friend and give sometime that your daughter like to her. and let her stay with her for that gift. Many be by then she will not see u as the only lovable one around.
1 person likes this
