I finally found out what is going on in my daughters life.

@linda345 (2661)
Canada
April 26, 2008 1:49pm CST
Well she finally admitted to me whats wrong. Well I sorta of guessed. She is pregnant. Remember from my last discussion she and her loser of a boyfriend had just broke up. She also lost her job because the place she worked closed suddenly. When she was pregnant with my granddaugter she developed a kidney disease. She is very sick right now. Here comes the kicker. She is going to have an abortion. Morally I am against abortion but I am going to support her. It is hard to try and tell her not to do this but I have to look at her point of view. She was on birth control. She is a single mother. She can't afford to get sick like that again and end up hospitalized. She wants to go back to school. She had to think long and hard to make this decision because she really doesn't believe in abortion but she doesn't know what else to do. Am I doing the right thing by supporting her decision? It kills me to think that she is carrying another grandchild of mine but it is her body and she has to think what is best for the situation she is in now. What do you all think?
7 people like this
35 responses
@rowantree (1186)
• United States
26 Apr 08
From what you've wrote, continuing with this pregnancy could possibly kill your daughter. While I could never abort a baby myself, I support women having the choice. I would prefer if women chose to give the babies up for adoption over abortion, but there are circumstances, such as your daughter, where an abortion is necessary. I say, she's your daughter, support her no matter what her decisions are and no matter what your own beliefs are. That's what being a good parent is all about, right?
3 people like this
@linda345 (2661)
• Canada
28 Apr 08
I am going to be there for her. Our relationship has been strained because of the way she rushed into the relationship with this guy. But now that they are broke up, I didn't say I told you so. I am just trying to be supportive. The only thing I really wanted to know was did he lay his hands on her or my granddaughter. He didn't and its a good thing. I will do whatever I have to do to help her out.
@rowantree (1186)
• United States
29 Apr 08
Sounds like she's lucky to have you. I'm glad that with you helping her, her life and her child's life will be getting much better!
1 person likes this
@patgalca (18164)
• Orangeville, Ontario
26 Apr 08
I think I could only accept it if the doctor said she was likely to have another risky pregnancy. If he/she says she will be alright then I couldn't support it. That is the ONLY reason I would support abortion, for medical reasons. I hope things work out for your daughter.
3 people like this
@linda345 (2661)
• Canada
28 Apr 08
The family doctor feels her kidney trouble will be back because she is already having trouble. All she needs is to go into hospital and have a tube put in her kidneys and a bag attached to her. Then she will have a two year old pulling on them all the time. She ended up in hospital 2 or 3 times last time. She couldn't work and she was very sick. Her kidney hasn't functioned properly since. They baby had to be born a month early. Thanks for your support, Pat. I really appreciate it.
@icyorchid (2564)
• United States
27 Apr 08
I think you are doing right by supporting her and I do totally understand the problems, but I strickly don't believe in abortion for any reason, no matter how good it may be. I don't blame her for wanting to do this, as you said, she can't afford another child or to be sick in the hospital like she was the firt time. I think maybe a doctor should be involved in the decision. See if it is what she had the first time before she does anything. She does need to do what is best for her. Going back to school, let me give a little advice on that. If she does go back, don't let her get a student loan. She will be haunted by that for the rest of her life, I know I am trying to get mine dismissed after over 20 years of having it on my back and no ged or hs diploma OR A JOB from the studies I took! If she can get a grant, that is great, free schooling. I wish you all the best of luck. Your daughter has to do what is best for her and any good mom would support their child in any decisions made by them.
2 people like this
@linda345 (2661)
• Canada
28 Apr 08
She didn't make the decision with out seeing a doctor. She has been to the doctor several times and they sorted out this is the best route to go.
@checapricorn (16061)
• United States
27 Apr 08
Hello linda, I can say whatever decision you will come up with, I know that it's for the best of your daughter and I know that you know what is best for her, Just support and be with her all the time. She needed you most.
2 people like this
@linda345 (2661)
• Canada
28 Apr 08
Whatever she needs, for me to hold her hand, babysit my granddaughter, a shoulder to cry on. She will probably need some counselling after too because she is going to take this hard.
28 Apr 08
oh wow my friend was in a situation like that before.
1 person likes this
@gemini_rose (16264)
26 Apr 08
I am not against abortion and I am not for it, certain times we have to make decisions that we may not want to make but we have too. Your daughter has to do what is right for her and it is wonderful that she has the support of a loving mum because her burden will be easier to bear. It is so sad that it had to come down to this being the only choice but with you all sticking together you will get through it and be stronger together. She sounds like a very admirable girl and I think you are totally doing the right thing for your daughter.
2 people like this
@linda345 (2661)
• Canada
28 Apr 08
It is very sad that this is the only choice. She has been back to the doctor several times. The other thing I didn't mention is her last pap showed abnormal cells, so she is supposed to be retested about now to make sure it isn't cancer. She is really going through a hard time.
@gemini_rose (16264)
28 Apr 08
I know how frightening that can be as I have been through abnormal cells before, mine turned out to be ok, so hopefully it will be the same for your girl.
1 person likes this
@Hatley (163781)
• Garden Grove, California
27 Apr 08
I can see where you would be torn two ways and its a darned hard decision to make. Youwould love to see your unborn grandchild but still you do not want your daughter to suffer again and maybe even lose her life. It is her body and I guess under the circumstances her decision too. If she has the abortion she could go back to school and maybe make a better lifefor herself. Of course there is the chance with proper medical care she might not get a kidney infection if she did decide to go through with it and she still could go back to school as other young mothers have done.but it is still up to the two of you as to decide.Abortion sometimes is the best solution but not the only one of course. She could decide to offer the baby up for adoption. my blessingsand prayers to you both whatever you decide.
@linda345 (2661)
• Canada
28 Apr 08
It is not a kidney infection she has. She actually had to have surgery and have a tube but in her kidneys to drain them and wear a bag. Can you imagine a two year old yanking on that all the time? It became infected a few times the last pregnancy and she ended up in hospital. Her kidney is still not working at 100 percent.
@Marshell (60)
• United States
27 Apr 08
I was in the same situation, except it was my first grandchild. I supported my daughter through wanting an abortion, then she decided to give it up for adoption. I finaly sat her down and told her I loved her and wanted this grandchild more than anything. I know have a wonderful grandchild. If I where in your situation, I would support her in her decision again. I know my daughter very well, and as she went through these changes, her mind reeled. Icould see her worring about the same things; money; health; job; home... The best mind frame I can suggest is don't count your chicks befor they hatch. My grandma told me this; I know it's for eggs, but you can apply it to this by not thinking about the embryo as a child. There are so many things to consider here.If she gets ill who else can raise these children? I know it hurts, that alone is what makes us human. But, what type of life would the child have if she kept it? Would she grow to resent it? How would the other child feel about a sibling tthat could cause a potential melt down in mom and grandmom? I wish you much loveand will pray for you. Just continue to love and support your daughter; and remember, life goes in cycles, good, bad, fantastic, sad...
@linda345 (2661)
• Canada
29 Apr 08
I am sure she is making the right decision. The weight is falling off her and she is sick already. She wouldn't be able to handle a pregnancy right now. She is seeing a doctor too.
@faith210 (11224)
• Philippines
27 Apr 08
Hi linda345! This is a very difficult situation you are in and i know your heart is being broken right now. You can only be there to support her and hold her hand while she decides for herself. You can't dictate anyone to follow your beliefs. All you can do is stand by her whatever decision she makes. Hold her hand and pray for her as I will be praying for you and your daughter as well. Take care dear friend!
@linda345 (2661)
• Canada
28 Apr 08
I am doing what ever I can for her. I have faith that everything will be ok. I am glad everyone for the most part are supporting me and my daughter. Thanks.
1 person likes this
@faith210 (11224)
• Philippines
29 Apr 08
Hi linda345! You're most welcome my dear friend.
@danzer (2723)
• Philippines
26 Apr 08
I hope you will not be offended with my response in here. I think this is a private matter, a family matter between you and your daughter. Being a good mother, you do not come out here and burst out what is happening to your family, particularly in your daughter's situation. Yes, she has committed some mistakes and caused you some pain. But it's not the reason for you to display it to the world about her misfortunes. I hope you keep it in the family. If your daughter is reading your post, what do you think will she thinks of you as her mother?
@megaplaza (1441)
• Nigeria
26 Apr 08
i think she did the right thing by opening up here, besides, nobody here knows where she is from or who she and her daughter are?, I feel she just needed people to open up to, she just needed people to advise her, so dont blame her
@patgalca (18164)
• Orangeville, Ontario
26 Apr 08
I think we all put situations like this on here because of the anonymity aspect of it. That is what is so great about myLot - unless you have family members who are also on the board then it could be tricky. But I think most people are here to be able to be open about their problems and get some good, honest, and perhaps EXPERIENCED feedback. We all need someone to turn to and as you said, keep it in the family. Linda doesn't want to speak to a friend our extended family member about this situation so she came here. Out of the over 127,000 members here she is bound to find someone who is or has been in a similar circumstance.
3 people like this
@paulw33 (297)
• United States
27 Apr 08
well that one guy is right no one really knows you and your daughter and i feel you just posted this to get it off your chest and if it can indanger her health then i agree who knows if she decided to keep and have it and she did have all them problems who is to say she and the baby would die s i can see why she is doing this the only smart thing though is after she has the abortion she should take the extra messures to not get pregnant again but i agree with her and you keep your head up and do what youguys feel ave a nice night
@dragon54u (31636)
• United States
27 Apr 08
What a heartbreaking situation for both of you! I feel as you do about the issue but she has to think about the child she loves and cares for right now. What would that child do without her? I can't imagine what she's gone through, coming to this decision. I would do the same as you are, be there for her. She has enough that's weighing on her right now and needs her mom. Has she thought of having her tubes tied? Sounds as if pregnancy is dangerous for her and if birth control failed she might want to think about a more foolproof method. It's not guaranteed but much better than standard methods. I hope everything turns out alright for her, and for you. What a horrible thing for you both to go through.
1 person likes this
@linda345 (2661)
• Canada
28 Apr 08
Thanks for responding. I hope everything goes ok too. She is looking into other birthcontrol methods but right now she is planning on being in no relationship for awhile.
@dragon54u (31636)
• United States
28 Apr 08
That's a really good choice. There is so much that can go wrong when a single mom dates. I know it's lonely and all but with all the nutjobs running around, one never knows if their child will be hurt or if they themselves are even safe. Sad situation, but that's how it is nowadays. I don't see how single moms have any time left to date, anyways, let alone take care of themselves as they should!
@selby70 (283)
26 Apr 08
I am against abortion if a person has one just because they feel like it, I know a few people who have done that, but in your case my daughter and her health would come first, I would support my daughter even though it would upset me.
2 people like this
@linda345 (2661)
• Canada
28 Apr 08
I am backing her. We have really only sat down and discussed it once. I told her I would go with her. I hope everything is ok for her.
• United States
26 Apr 08
right now your daughter needs a lot of support. IT Wont be the end of the world for her. Even if you agree what she is going to do is wrong . I think its so wrong when I parent doesnt agree with something that their grown adult does, and they let it hinder their realationship, that wouldnt be good for you or her. Your family is in my prayers
2 people like this
@linda345 (2661)
• Canada
28 Apr 08
I don't want her to put her health at risk. She had to have my granddaughter a month early also due to the kidney problem.
@kezabelle (2974)
26 Apr 08
Yes you are doing the right thing, she has to do whats best for her and it will be slightly easier if she has your support. Im totally against abortion but I was there 100% when my friend chose to have one my veiws dont come into it then she had her reasons and I would rather support her than see her go through it on her own.
2 people like this
@linda345 (2661)
• Canada
28 Apr 08
I promised myself and I said i would listen to my friends on mylot when I found out I would support her one hundred percent. Plus her kidney has still not gone back to 100 percent function since the first pregnancy.
@magrylouyu (1627)
• United States
27 Apr 08
I think you did the right thing by supporting her. I am completely against abortion but it sounds like she has a more serious matter going on right now as well. I would just stay by her side and keep giving words of encouragement.
2 people like this
@linda345 (2661)
• Canada
28 Apr 08
I am not for abortion but what else can she do. I have to support her. She can afford to get the I don't know how to spell the kidney disease she has and not be able to feed and cloth her and the my granddaughter.
@TiffanieC (827)
• United States
28 Apr 08
Personally I am against abortion EXCEPT in a few cases and one of those is where the pregnancy will endanger the mother's life. This seems to be the case here. In any case... I am also not one to push ANY of my beliefs on anyone but I just thought I would give you my opinion since you asked.
1 person likes this
@linda345 (2661)
• Canada
29 Apr 08
Thanks for your response.
@Ravenladyj (22904)
• United States
28 Apr 08
Am I doing the right thing by supporting her decision? It kills me to think that she is carrying another grandchild of mine but it is her body and she has to think what is best for the situation she is in now. What do you all think? Yes linda you ARE doing the right thing..She has obviously made up her mind AND did it logically, thinking it through etc etc JUST LIKE YOU JUST DID...so yes, rather than trying to talk her out of it and risk ruining your relationship etc, do what any wonderful mother would do and SUPPORT HER CHOICE... I applaud you for doing this in the biggest of ways I really do!! Even though you are opposed to abortion here you are being a great mom and doing what is in YOUR DAUGHTERS best interest...That must be very hard for you feelign the way you do about abortion ya know..Kudos to you!!
1 person likes this
@linda345 (2661)
• Canada
29 Apr 08
I haven't known you long yet but I am learning fast you are one smart person. Thanks for the reassurance.
@mflower2053 (3223)
• United States
27 Apr 08
Your doing the right thing by supporting her decision. Like you I am against abortions but if its going to make her sick if she does carry this baby then maybe its the best thing she should do. If she wouldn't get sick then I say she should carry it even if she needs to give it up for adoption. There are many families out there looking for children which I'm sure you already know. Sorry you guys have to go through this. good luck I hope everything turns out ok.
1 person likes this
@linda345 (2661)
• Canada
28 Apr 08
Thanks for responding. I would raise the baby if it wasn't going to affect her health. She is sick already. She has dropped about 10 pounds already or more. She is way to skinny.
• United States
27 Apr 08
I would never have an abortion. But on the other hand, some people have situations on their hands and that my be the way they have to do it. I think tha tyou are doing right by supporting her if it is life threatening to her.
1 person likes this
@linda345 (2661)
• Canada
28 Apr 08
She never thought she would either but look now. I will be with her the whole way.
@ch88ss (2271)
• United States
27 Apr 08
The best situation for her would be to have an abortion, or have the new baby adopted (if it is against your belieft for abortion). I can honestly feel you pain because I was in your daughter position before. It is best that she concentrate of taking care of her first child who needs her mother more. She made a good choice and you also made a wsie choice to support her. She made a wrong choice, but since she came to you for help and support it is great that you still have that honesty and open communication line between you and your daughter. Best of luck and I wish the best for you and your daughter. Being there for her regardless of of her actions- is already one of the best gift you can give her and your granddaughter. Good luck.
@linda345 (2661)
• Canada
29 Apr 08
I find the last few days it seems like our relationship is a bit better. Maybe it is because she finally opened up to be and I didn't condem her. Thanks for your support.
28 Apr 08
It sounds like a difficult situation, but you are correct in that all you can do is support her. It sounds like she has put a lot of thought into this decision, like you I don't believe in abortion but when her life could be put at risk because of it- it becomes a different story. My thoughts are with you.
1 person likes this
@linda345 (2661)
• Canada
29 Apr 08
It is a difficult decision. Thank you for your thoughts. they are much appreciated.