I dont know who i am anymore. How do i get my life back?

@Bijou1 (160)
Australia
April 26, 2008 5:33pm CST
My husband had cancer a few years ago and it completely changed our lives. Everything was focused on his cancer and getting him healthy, and being at hospital, surrounded by people dying etc. There was not much happiness at all during that period. It was so dark. He beat the cancer and i thought things would return to normal. It has been a couple of years now, and i am lost. I dont know who i am. During that time, i feel like i lost my personality. I lost my ability to socialise, i am not funny anymore. I used to be the funny one, i was witty, confident, honest, maybe too honest even. Now, i am quiet, and find it hard to mingle with people. I tend to sit back and i cant think of anything to say,a nd everything i do say is boring. I am over it. I feel like an 60 soccor mum.
5 people like this
6 responses
@p1kef1sh (45640)
26 Apr 08
You sound to me like you are severely depressed. You ought to make an appointment to see your doctor next week. You have been through a tough time and I bet that you are the one that everybody expected to be strong and to cope. I am surprised that you were not offered any form of support by either the hospital or your medical centre. Things will get back to some sense of normality. But you really do need to talk to a medical professional as soon as you can so that they can get you some help. Take good care of yourself.
2 people like this
@tjades (3592)
• Jamaica
27 Apr 08
Life does tend to throw some challenges at us that end up putting us out of sinc for a while. I think you have made the first step to recovery by identifying and admitting to yoourself that you are not the same. I think that it is also good that you are not satisfied with your present state of mind instead of just yielding to it. Like the passing of a loved one requires time for healing so will the effects of watching your husband fight for his life. Dont force yourself. Take your time and allow your emotions to get back on track. Continue to hang out and instead of trying to be the jovial and funny one allow your friends to make you laugh. Trying to be the same old you will only add strees to your already fragile emotions so much so that you feel hurt when the effects are not the same as before. You may also need counselling through this period as may your husband. Again take your time and all the best.
1 person likes this
@Bijou1 (160)
• Australia
27 Apr 08
everything you said, sounds so spot on.
• United States
27 Apr 08
You don't go back from that, you go forward. You will become acquainted with yourself again give it time, how much time? Who knows, but that's what it's going to take. You will never be who you used to be, you have seen the flip side of life up close and personal and it's not a happy, comfortable picture. . I am just now learning enough about the new me to begin to feel comfortable with who I was and who I am now. What the significant changes were and what they mean to me as a person. . My ordeal started in 2001 and lasted until 2003 and it has taken all this time to realise that I wasn't ever going to be the same as I was and to make the acquaintance of the new me. . I bet you a million bucks you are still funny and that when you feel like you know who you are now, you'll find you still have plenty to say and plenty to laugh at. . Going through something like what you went through requires strength and stamina and you are battle fatigued and changed. Rest
1 person likes this
• United States
27 Apr 08
Sorry to hear of the problems you are having Hope that all works out for the best and things get better for you and your family. But I am feeling the same way these days not knowing who I am anymore or stay feeling lost with every thing happening with economy these days, I stay feeling like there is no end in sight and i get lost in thought about everything that i loose myself.Now I feel like I am not the same person i was before and can't get a hold of it and find myself again. Is it because of being so overwhelmed that we do this?
1 person likes this
@ESKARENA1 (18299)
27 Apr 08
one of the things that is so little understood about cancer is that it effects everyone in the social group of the sufferer. I feel the amount of concentration beating this terrible disease takes can only leave a hole in your life when it is finaly beaten. Yes, you may well feel as if you have sold your personality to help beat this thing, but over time it does come back, you will crawl out from under the cloud of cancer, we all do blessed be
@Hatley (164524)
• Garden Grove, California
27 Apr 08
bijou1 you sound to me like you are depressed and you can get help for that too. You probably wentthrough a lot when your husband had cancer and you have not quit got over allthe stress. You should talk to your primary care doctor and tellhim how you feel emotionally and see if he does not recommend seeing a counselor to help you get over your depression. YOu need to take care of you now your husband is well again.