It's Not Easy To Forgive

United States
April 27, 2008 8:59am CST
Does anyone here in mylot have a hard time forgiving some one for something they may have done them? I do I know I should forgive befor that day is over w/ but depending on the situation it's hard not to.
5 people like this
12 responses
@Ravenladyj (22937)
• United States
13 May 08
I dont have a problem with it simply because I am a firm believer (and this has been proven in my life) that forgiveness ISNT necessary....People often believe that in order to heal or move on from a wrong doing they must forgive the one who's done wrong and as much as that may be the case for some ppl its certainly not with me...I've been able to heal, move on and grow from the traumas in my life done to me by others WITHOUT forgiving them....I'm also a firm believer that forgiving someone who isnt remorseful for what they've done actually creates MORE problems for the victim..
1 person likes this
@mommyboo (13198)
• United States
22 May 08
I would tend to agree! If you read my post further down, I mentioned the same thing! Somebody who is not remorseful really should not be forgiven, because they don't CARE that they hurt you or somebody. It's kind of odd to consider but there are still some people from my childhood that offended me, stepped on me, etc that their actions still bother me. I know it would not do any good to say anything but I almost wish I could see them and tell them that I did not appreciate their input into my life and that they should've left well enough alone even if they had good intentions. I think they don't realize they upset me so they didn't think there was anything wrong with what they did... when it was all kinds of wrong. It's also true that a victim will start to question themselves and think somehow it's their fault that someone else mistreated them, I've been in that boat before.
• United States
24 Jul 08
I do want to thank you both for your comments and yes I can understand where you are comeing from and you are right. I am trying to just let thigs just go and not let it get to me but pick up the peices and move on and learn from the experiences.
@Elixiress (3893)
22 May 08
I forgive people easily in some situations, but find it really hard to forgive people in other situations. It varies.
1 person likes this
• United States
24 Jul 08
Yes I agree with you for every one is different with how they do things such as forgiving and forgetting. I know I should and I do my best to do just that and move on for I don't want that hanging over my head decieding if I should or not. I know in my heart I should and will but just be very careful of how I talk or be around this person in the future. I know that's what god wants me to do and leave the rest up to him as far as how this person continues to do it to others. Thanks for responding and take care.
1 person likes this
@hellcowboy (7383)
• United States
8 May 08
I think there is times where everyone has trouble forgiving someone for what they have done, especially depending on how bad the thing they did to you is,Even though I know its not good to hold a grudge, because life is too short to hold grudges.
1 person likes this
• United States
22 May 08
I would abolutley have to agree w/ you on that one. You could be here today but gone tomorrow life is to short to be holding grudes. I will try to remember that for I tend to hold my grudges to long and I know it's not good to let it eat me up in side but to get that weight off my shoulders and forgive the person. Noone is perfect and we all mess up. Thanks for your response and take care.
@kiran1978 (4137)
• Australia
28 Apr 08
It does depend on the situation and it also depends on whether the person you are to forgive is genuinly sorry for whatever they have done. Sometimes I think it also takes a little time to forgive depending on the circumstances. For example for years I could not forgive my dad for blocking me out of his life and only seeing me once a year. He even admitted that he wanted to block us out as he did not know how to handle situation. Anyway it was not untill I was 26 years old (3 years ago now) pregnant with my second child. That I thought life is too short. I will forgive my dad and try and rebuild our relationship. Things have never been better. It took alot to forgive but now I am happier I think sometimes holding all that anger and resentment inside can be unhealthy and really bring you down. I feel like a huge weight is lifted off my shoulders. Now my dad is active in my life and my kids and he rings me weekly to chat, that is what I always wanted. So someone had to take the first step. I don't know your situatuion maybe if you tell me a bit more I can offer some advice.
1 person likes this
• United States
22 May 08
Yes I can see where you had a hard time w/ forgiveing your dad for blocking you out like he did. I know that must have been really hard for you. I'm glad he fineally is comeing around more to get involved w/ you and the kids life. He wouldn't know what he'd be missing and it would have been alot.I hope that family bond continues to stay strong like it is for you. I wish you the best of luck. Thanks for your response and take care.
@zed_k4 (17627)
• Singapore
15 May 08
I find it hard to forget although I have forgiven someone. I suppose that's just in my nature and I go by the saying, 'once bitten, twice shy'. Sometimes in say examples friendship, it's best to go separate ways after a particular fight or something because the friendship would not be the same again after that. Especially if you have been betrayed by one or two of the best friends whom you have come to love so much, and to be left in the lurch by them. And then they came back seeking forgiveness. You can forgive, but simply can't forget what they have done to you. This is a good discussion and has opened my portal of thoughts. Thanks and take care. ;)
• United States
24 Jul 08
Hey Zed I must say I like your thinking on things and thanks for shareing that. I am really trying now just to learn to let go and move on when things like this happen for it does no good to dwell on it wondering or not if you could ever forgive and forget. I like your saying you put of "once bitten twice shy" that is a song that is written by a band called Great White and that's the name of one of their songs "once bitten twice shy". It's good to know though you have forgiven a friend and it takes alot to and I'm glad you found in your heart to that's great. Thanks for responding and take care.
1 person likes this
@zed_k4 (17627)
• Singapore
15 Aug 08
I hope it's not too late to ask, my friend. So how have you been coping so far..?
@mommyboo (13198)
• United States
22 May 08
Sometimes. It depends whether the other person admits whatever part they played in the situation. It's very hard for me to forgive somebody who purposely wronged me, knows they did, and isn't remorseful or particularly sorry about it. Maybe this makes me not such a good person but I refuse to let some things go. Forgiving someone who doesn't care that they hurt you and would do it again in an instant to you or another person needs a reality check, not kum ba yah. LOL! Also, forgiving does not mean forgetting. It's even harder to forget somebody that may have ruined your whole day... repeatedly.
• United States
24 Jul 08
I do agree and it's never easy to do either of these in general. I have had people cross me many times in my life and I wondered if they were even true friends, family, ect. I know god wants me to forgive so I do my best just to do that and leave the rest up to him to deal with the way the person is not only towards me but others as well and move on to bigger and better things. Thanks for responding and take care.
• Philippines
15 May 08
I don't have a problem forgiving. I can easily forgive someone if they ask to be forgived. My problem is not forgiving but forgetting. I can never forget what happened because if i do than it would probably happen again if i'm not careful. I'll forgive, but I won't forget.
• United States
24 Jul 08
I can understand how you feel on this matter and your absolutley right. I know I have had alot of times found it hard to do both but have made my self learn that I need not to do either and just move on and not ever think about it and hand the problem over to god and let him deal with it for it's a matter to big for me to even think or deal with. It has helped me in the long run by doing this. I thank you for your response and take care.
@chiyosan (29383)
• Philippines
13 May 08
that is true. it is not easy to forgive. but i believe through time, you will be able to forget the hurt you felt when something was done to you... you will forget how you cried, how your eyes swell, how much you felt betrayed... but i think you will never forget the words spoken to you. i have had my father spoke with me about his decision.. and i never forget how he looked and what he said to me the night our lives changed... it was over 15 years now. i have forgotten the pain, the amount of tears... but never the words spoken. maybe time heals all wounds, it can help you forgive... but still you will never forget.
• United States
22 May 08
Yes I do hear what you are saying and your right for we can forget about the pain and tears we carried but not the words spoken. I tend to take to long on forgiveing and part of it is because I can't forget. I want to forget but it's like paper work that we file away in a file cabinet. Our brains just hold certain things that we just wish we could delete and forget about but can't and it's sad but a part of life. Thanks for your response and take care.
@SomeCowgirl (32270)
• United States
8 May 08
A lot of people feel to stubborn and have a lot of pride, this causes them to not want to forgive. I think that people should just let some things go and forgive the person, I do agree that some things are harder to forgive then others but you must judge what those things are.
• United States
8 May 08
Some people are too stuburn for their own good and it causes them to not let things go which is stupid,and for most things it should be forgive and forget.
1 person likes this
@aries_0325 (3062)
• Philippines
27 Apr 08
Yes thats true that it is very hard to say sorry that to forgive. As like me, it is very hard for me to say sorry when I know that I am true and don't make any mistake. But forgiving the sin or mistake of the others is very easy for me.
• United States
22 May 08
Yes you are right and I just need to learn to forgive and forget. It's hard but I'm working on it. Thanks for your response take care.
@KrauseHome (35035)
• United States
18 Apr 09
There have been times in my life when things have happened that I have found it hard to forgive someone, and personally wish I never had too. But thru the yrs. I have learned that life is a lot better, and it is easier to sleep and relax some when you forgive someone who has hurt or wronged you even if you feel it is best to have no communications with them as well. Then even if you cannot express to that person you forgive them, it is up to them how they handle things from there, and choose to forgive you as well.
@bamakelly (5194)
• United States
1 Apr 09
I have had hard times in my life where I found it hard to forgive and even to forget. It is easier for me to forgive though. Of course there are those that are going to hurt you throughout your life. You need to be the bigger and better person to let it go. Those people that have hurt you really don't understand the pain that you are going through and might not even care what their actions have created for you in your life. Why let their memories survive by dwelling on things for too long? I used to not want to forgive others because I feel that it gave them too much of a sense of liberation from their deeds. I have coincidentally come to find that it was my heart that was given the freedom to move on when I finally forgave and let go. It won't always be easy but it is worth a try to just forgive others.