Pet peeves in relationships

@mmiller26 (1932)
Canada
April 27, 2008 6:29pm CST
I've been married for almost 10 years to a great guy. I love him to pieces and we have so much fun together. But he has a few habits that drive me up the wall. One of them is his habit of talking through whatever show I happen to be watching. Our computer is in the same room as our TV, so if he's looking at something online that he finds amusing while I'm watching a show, he'll decide to tell me all about it while the show is going on instead of waiting for a commercial. I give him my best "I don't care" face and try to focus on what I'm watching, because what he finds amusing invariably doesn't amuse me as much as it amuses him. If I did that to him while he was watching Simpsons on Sunday night, or during his baseball game, he'd probably freak. lol. The other thing that gets me is that he'll come in while I'm sleeping and just start talking. I get tired earlier than he does, and usually go to bed between 10:30-11pm. He'll come into the bedroom around midnight and say loudly "are you asleep?", which of course wakes me up and my reply is "not anymore." You'd think he'd take the hint, but the next night it's the same thing. These are things I can live with. It's silly stuff that doesn't really hurt anybody. And I'm sure there are things that I do that drive him up the wall too. My question to all of you is, does your spouse/partner do anything that just drives you nuts? What is it? Is it something you can live with, or is it something you think they need to change or you're going to bail on the relationship?
6 people like this
14 responses
@Elixiress (3893)
28 Apr 08
Have you told him out straight that these things annoy you? You may only see them as little problems now, but over the years they will really start to grate on you. Better off getting them sorted now. My boyfriend doesn't do anything particularly annoying, except for the fact he does not put enough effort into his education and I find myself stressing more over him than I do over myself. It won't ruin our relationship, because all the exams will be over in a month and a bit.
2 people like this
@mmiller26 (1932)
• Canada
28 Apr 08
Oh yeah, we talk about this stuff. There isn't anything that we don't have out in the open. If I'm bothering him, he lets me know and vice versa. We did the whole "build up resentment until we explode" thing when we were younger and newly married and saw how badly that worked out. So we're a lot more open.
1 person likes this
@Elixiress (3893)
28 Apr 08
That is great to hear. I don't believe in keeping secrets.
2 people like this
• India
28 Apr 08
well I completed 11yrs this 23rd and by this time I know that try as much as I would want to, things are not going to change in my favour. Here goes my list: 1. Snoring at night. OMG … this is so big an irritant, specially after a particularly tiring day that many times I have actually thought of separate bedrooms. But have not had the heart to do it really (typically womanish sentiments). I have literally pushed him off the bed many times (he's a deep sleeper) and wanted to physically drag him to the doc (if I could i.e.) but nothing has happened and situation remains same. In summer, with the fan whirring above, I just manage a light slumber, but in winter, its really so worse as to warrant a divorce for the winter months at least. 2. Following me in the kitchen when I am particularly very busy and wanting to offload his day just then and there. He can't wait, he WONT wait. I have cut my finger, burnt my skin and dropped dishes while trying to look interested but he has not changed. And the worse part is that he wants me to look at him while listening. Just imagine, as if I have eyes in every direction of my overburdened head. 3. The above was for night (after the day was over). Now this is for the morning, just after I have seen off my son to school and want to sit with the newspaper and a cup of tea. In comes my hubby dear with his cup and his tale of the day to begin. MAN!!! I have actually thrown the paper on the floor on occassions, gulped my tea and walked out. Does he change??? You know the answer. But (like you) I love him to pieces.
2 people like this
@mmiller26 (1932)
• Canada
28 Apr 08
oh no...lol. You poor thing. it sounds like communication might be a problem. Have you tried talking to him about this stuff? Women like to give non-verbal cues, such as throwing the paper down and walking out, but sometimes it's better to just get it out in the open. Tell him that you need an hour after you get home to unwind, and you'll be happy to hear about his day AT supper, not while you're making it. Give him an elbow in the ribs when he starts snoring. If you've got to be awake, so does he. And really, he needs to see a doctor about it, especially if he stops breathing (sleep apnea), which can be dangerous.
1 person likes this
• India
29 Apr 08
Hi Miller, Yes, I have talked to him on several occasions and for the following week at least, he seems to remember and then its back to square one again. And then if I push him out too often, sometimes he starts to sulk! (Oh! men can be such babies, you know I tell everybody that I have two sons – the elder one is my hubby dear). As for the doc, yes we had discussed that too but I am very scared of the scalpel and with medical complications becoming an everyday affair, I think I will try living with a snoring hubby than a perennially sick one.
1 person likes this
• United States
27 Apr 08
Well i'm glad I am not the only one. He will turn on the light and ask if I am sleeping. years ago he would jump on the bed on me when I was a sleep knowing I had to wake up in a few hours to go to work and It would put me in shock that I would cry and not let him know and he would be mad that I was a sleep its like he thinks I don't need sleep or something. I wonder if he knows I am human. lol
2 people like this
@mmiller26 (1932)
• Canada
27 Apr 08
See, for me that would be something to definitely speak up about. If my husband jumped on me on the bed while I was sleeping knowing full well that I had to be up in a few hours for work, he'd be missing a few body parts. That's just rude and ignorant.
1 person likes this
• United States
28 Apr 08
Yes I have retard for a husband.sorry to say. Some people are just lucky and find the right man. for me I was lonely, depressed and had 2 babies when I met him. He was a sweet talker and was (working). lol A year later I had a daughter with him and felt old and no one would ever want me again and I survived these 15 years, putting up with his fool/selfish self. Who knows what tomorrow will bring. :) You sound like you got a guy who share's things with you. Thats a good thing. In my house I am the only one who share's.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
28 Apr 08
I have been married for 15 years. My marriage is not as perfect as yours but I try to live with it. I don't like it when he shouts. Like when he is driving and this other driver did something wrong he will shout at them and say bad words when they won't even be able to hear him because they are both driving a moving vehicle. It just annoys me because the kids hear him. Also when he's at home doing nothing and tell his kids to do things when he should be doing it. Anyways, there is more where that come from I don't want to say much but I guess you're luckier than I am.
2 people like this
@mmiller26 (1932)
• Canada
28 Apr 08
My marriage is far from perfect. We just got all the ugliness and drama out of our system in the first years we were married. lol. My husband (and I, sometimes) yell in traffic too. It's stupid to yell because of course the other guy can't hear you, but it helps tension sometimes to throw up your hands and yell "WTF was that? You __fill in the blank__." *L* We try not to do it in front of our son though, but sometimes it just happens.
1 person likes this
• United States
28 Apr 08
ok so now we know his faults what about yours the ones he sees? every one has faults or things that drives us batty.its the little things that gets us the most. You have to pick and choose your battles because if we fussed about every little detail no one could live with you or satisfy you. its what you can put up with that matters
2 people like this
@mmiller26 (1932)
• Canada
28 Apr 08
I'm moody. I'll fully admit that I can be cranky for no particular reason. And I asked him what bothers him about me, and he says its my procrastination and putting off important things that bother him most. Like if he asks me to make a phone call that I don't really want to make, I'll put it off until he has to ask me 3 or 4 times. As I said in my post, these are all silly things, and of course we can live with it.
1 person likes this
@AnakSuNamun (2084)
• United States
27 Apr 08
There are several small things that annoy me but I don't really care because I'm not perfect either. What really bugs me is that he gets very talkative and/or pushy after a couple of drinks and gets easily annoyed if I don't comply. Usually he's considerate enough but when tipsy,my partner might go in the bedroom at 4 am and start a discussion the depth of which could put all of us here on MyLot to shame lol It's also not very funny when he's jamming to some rock while I'm trying to sleep. I'm positive that needs to be changed and I don't like it a bit
@mmiller26 (1932)
• Canada
28 Apr 08
Talkative is one thing, pushy is another. Hopefully pushy never becomes abusive when he's drinking, or both of you have a problem. It's funny, because I'm not generally a very talkative person. I can go a whole day without saying a word. Like you, I have a very talkative man. It's annoying sometimes, but thankfully it's something I can live with. It sounds like the major issues I'm hearing from everyone who is responding are sleep issues, and not respective boundaries. Maybe we all need to open some communication lines?
• United States
28 Apr 08
Well,it goes both ways so there is a problem but hopefully we''ll be able to solve it sometime soon
1 person likes this
@tammytwo (4304)
• United States
28 Apr 08
I have noticed the longer people are together the more little things bug them about their spouse. When my husband and I were just teenagers in love nothing annoyed us about the other. Now it seems we find something new everyday to pester the other.
1 person likes this
@mmiller26 (1932)
• Canada
28 Apr 08
I feel just the opposite. When we were newly married we fought constantly about everything to the point that I thought we were going to divorce. Now, 10 years later, we've ironed out the wrinkles and get along really well. The little things that bother us are just that, little things. If it were big stuff that bothered us about each other, we couldn't last. These are just pesky things that irk us a bit.
@barehugs (8986)
• Canada
28 Apr 08
Ok so you are married to,"a Great Guy!" and you,"love him to pieces!" and you have," so much fun together!" Would you say that "you love him unconditionally and absolutely?" If you Can and Do say That, Here is something that you may not have considered before.~ Unconditional and Absolute Love demands Absolutely Nothing!~ Meaning- You love this guy so much that Nothing Else Matters! Now isn't that a Lovely Thought?
@mmiller26 (1932)
• Canada
28 Apr 08
I can't say that I love him unconditionally. If that were true and he were a serial killer or child molester, I'd love him anyway. I wouldn't love him under those conditions. In any relationship there are "deal breakers" and I don't believe anyone truly loves "unconditionally". Do these little pesky habits keep me from loving him? Of course not. That's why they're called pet peeves. It's silly stuff he does that makes me a little crazy, but endears him to me just the same.
1 person likes this
@minnie_98214 (10574)
• United States
27 Apr 08
Thats funny you just described me I do the same things to my hubby and it drives him crazy lol. But what drives me crazy is when he will bring a snack to bed. Not only do I have to listen to him chomping away but then you got the bag crinkling and crumbs in the bed oh drives me crazy.
1 person likes this
@mmiller26 (1932)
• Canada
28 Apr 08
Eating in bed is just...unhygienic. lol.
• United States
27 Apr 08
yes I am currently battling when you shave clean the sink out thing! he doesnt get it and Its been almost two years. Also in the morning if he's awake he thinks I need to be awake . And I dont like it when he leaves his coke cans or whatever laying around etc. Any suggestions? I feel your aggravation!
@mmiller26 (1932)
• Canada
27 Apr 08
Some things, you just need to talk about. I'm a firm believer in communication. If he's leaving his crap around with no respect to the fact that you have to clean up after him, you either need to go on strike until the place is such a sty that he says something (clean up after yourself, just not after him) and then point out that all the things that are left out are his. And let him know that if he's awake, it's okay for him to get up without you. Let me know how that one turns out.
@palonghorn (5486)
• United States
28 Apr 08
I had to really think about this one lol. I could give you a list 5 miles long of things that bugged me about my ex-husband, hmmm maybe that's why he's an ex LOL However, after thinking about it, the only thing my s/o does that bugs me, is, he will not wake me up, even if I want to get up early, or like if I'm taking a nap, he would let me just go on sleeping for hours, which if I do then I won't sleep good at night. I know, not really anything that I can't live with. Other than that, there really isn't anything that he does that bugs me.
1 person likes this
@lingli_78 (12845)
• Australia
28 Apr 08
my hubby has ADHD and can't concentrate at all... he tends to forget things very easily... things that i told him to do and the next minute he will forget about it... urghhh, i am so mad sometimes because he doesn't make any effort to remember and can only say sorry everytime... sorry, i forget... excuse me, sorry is an easy word to say... but if you had hurt people's feelings and did not do something important and bear a great consequences, what can you do???
1 person likes this
@subha12 (18453)
• India
28 Apr 08
i am not into any relationship. but i think few guys have this atitude. they do not think what teh other person may not like at that point of time. have a clear chat with him.
1 person likes this
@emma412 (1156)
• United States
28 Apr 08
Oh yeah, there are some pet peeves of my husband's that drive me up a wall! But I find that it's that way with my close friends too. I think it just comes with being close to someone and spending a lot of time with them. My husband is constantly caring his throat and it drives me crazy! Sometimes I just yell at him to stop it and he doesn't even realize he is doing it. There aren't any "deal breaking" pet peeves though. Just little things that get on my nerves when we spend too much time together. They are all things I can get over, I love him more than his pet peeves annoy me.
1 person likes this