How often do you ask others for help? What prompts you to ask?
By mommyboo
@mommyboo (13174)
United States
April 29, 2008 11:41am CST
I only ask others for help for one of two reasons. Either I actually NEED help because I cannot accomplish something on my own, or I am asking somebody whose responsibility it is to do something because I am not willing to do somebody else's job.
I tend to have problems with some people, mainly people who don't know me well or who have good intentions offering to help or getting in my business and helping when it isn't really help. Does this happen to you, and how do you deal with it?
Bottom line, if I need it, I will ask and I'll be pretty specific about what you can do to help me. If I haven't asked, I don't want any help, no offers, no suggestions. Why do people find this so hard to understand? Doesn't that seem clear to you?
1 person likes this
4 responses
@edgyk8inmomma (2157)
• United States
29 Apr 08
I am not good asking for help when I need it. I try to take care of everything on my own, and a little of other people's problems and needs as well. So when someone offers to help me, I accept it thankfully. Most of the people who I am close to, know this about me, so they wont wait to be asked, because they know I will push myself to far before I break down and ask for help.
So as an answer to your question, no I don't think that is clear. People who care about you, may think you are taking on too much, maybe they can see some of your stress coming through to the surface, maybe they want to help you out before you get to a breaking point. Does that mean you have to accept their help? No not at all, if you really don't need it, or know the person isn't REALLY going to be that much help and it would be easier to do yourself. Then just politely tell them thanks for offering, but I'd rather take care of this one, I'll let you know when you can help me in the future.
1 person likes this
@mommyboo (13174)
• United States
29 Apr 08
The thing is, I am VERY good about asking for exactly the type of help I need, if I need some. For instance, right after my daughter was born I would have LOVED for people I knew to come by and bring me heat and serve meals, pick up my home, run errands, etc. The problem is, everybody including my older kids JUST WANTED TO HELP BY DOING THINGS WITH THE BABY. AND... only if she was happy. Any other job I might want somebody to do, they didn't want to do, and if she was crabby or fussy or upset, nobody wanted to help then either. /sigh
I do accept help from some friends who know what bothers me, but sometimes I offer help to them when they are overwhelmed, so it's kind of a back and forth that we do. We are both refreshed after a well needed break that the other forced us to take.
@dawnald (85130)
• Shingle Springs, California
29 Apr 08
I'm like that too. I just like doing things for myself unless I absolutely can't. But I've come to realize over the years that people mostly mean it kindly when they offer. So sometimes I will let them if it isn't something too intrusive. Generally I just say "no thank you" and hope they get it. :-)
@mommyboo (13174)
• United States
29 Apr 08
I mostly get irritated with people because of the REASONS they try to help. Some people believe me to be younger than I am, so in their opinion I don't understand because I'm young. Other people look at me and think I need help physically, like I can't lift something, open something, or perform a certain job. While I don't always mind somebody offering, they need to be ready to move on if I say no, not argue with me about how they need to do it for me because they know I can't!
I can lift more than my weight with a squat bar, and more than half with my arms and shoulders =)I only *look* small and defenseless =D
@34momma (13882)
• United States
29 Apr 08
I don't mind people offering their help even if i didn't ask for it. i welcome any help that i can get. when you get two people together you can come up with better ways of getting things done. i don't think everyone is as bad intentions, but if you feel that vibe then you can just say no thank yo
