HELP!!! I can stand the way my child has started talking to me.

@cmelton (160)
United States
April 30, 2008 8:50am CST
I have a 9 year old daughter that has started in the past year that has started talking back really bad, smart mouthing, and just plain out being rude. Everyone says that she's getting to that age, but it is not acceptable to me and sometimes it really hurts my feelings. I have talked to her, taken things away, punished her. It works for a few days and then shes back to the same thing. Any advice?
2 people like this
7 responses
@roniroxas (10577)
• Philippines
30 Apr 08
ouch this is any parents fear. i have four children and i am so lucky that they grew up to be good children. they are all teens now. every once in a while they will answer back but because they are just reasoning out iwth something. there is this daughter of mine once talked back to me without respect i cut her hair short. she hates short hair and from then on she never did talking to me with out respect. i know she is so scared that i will cut her hair again. i even told her that next time i wont cut her hair... next time i will shave her head. i dont know if this will work for you. i just wanted to share this. children differs depends on what country you are. hope it will work out for the two of you.
1 person likes this
@cmelton (160)
• United States
2 May 08
She would die if I cut her hair. You may be on with something.She is a wonderful child outside of the house. Never gets in trouble, well behaved, good grades. She just got an award for terrific kid, and thats completely based on behavior, so I know she's capable of it. Thanks for sharing!
@maliki2 (255)
• United States
30 Apr 08
As it may be not acceptable to you, maybe you need to stand back and take a look. Kids at that age say alot of things just to be "cool" or to be in the "in" crowd. Alot of times they don't even know what they are saying or what is being said. If they hear older kids or friends saying it, they may think it is normal. I wouldn't take it personally, it happens with alot of kids these days, and lets hope she can break out of it :)
1 person likes this
@cmelton (160)
• United States
2 May 08
I think you may be right. And I am guilty myself of being sarcastic, and I have even heard her say things that I say. Thanks
@shymurl (2769)
• United States
30 Apr 08
I have a 10 year old and an 8 year old that is going through the same phase. My 8 year old is doing it because she sees her brother doing it. I have done the same things as you, talked to them, tell them why it's inappropriate, taken things and so on. But still they continue to do it. a few friends of mine that has 10 year olds are saying that they are having the same problem. I hope it is just a simple phase and they grow out of it fast. Good luck.
1 person likes this
@cmelton (160)
• United States
2 May 08
I hope it is a phase that they grow out of fast too. Thanks and good luck to you!
• United States
30 Apr 08
I agree with the previous post. She not only has to understand it's not acceptable behaviour, but she has to realize her unacceptable behaviour has concequences. She has to be taught that her behaviour has responsibilities and she must be made accountable, otherwise, she will develope the idea that anything she does is okay. When she displays this type of behaviour, she also needs to be taught 'she is child, and YOU are the parent'. It is a child's responsibility to respect you as her parent. She has developed this behaviour from watching someone else disrespect their parents or someone disrespect you. She has seen someone treat you (or someone else) this way, whether in real life or on television, and has not seen that person pay consequences for their actions. She undoubtedly sees that the person talking back and smart mouthing, along with being rude, doesn't face any correction. If they can get away with it, let's see how far I can take it. From personal experience, a parent has to do what they can to teach a child respect. Moreover, a parent has to teach a child there are consequences for mis-behaving. Privledges or toys can be taken away for a specific time period to demonstrate the consequences. Otherwise, the child will never understand boundaries of anykind. Of course, there's always a good old fashioned spanking. That NEVER killed anyone and always taught the principal of being responsible for their actions. While many parents these days, 'don't believe in that kind of punishment', other punishments must be kept in force to make a child realize there are always consequences to bad behaviour. If you have already 'punished her' by talking to her and taking things away, you might need to look deeper to try and determine what causes the bad behaviour. While she might be 'at that age', she is certainly 'testing the water' to see how far she can push and what results her pushing brings. Maybe the punishment isn't severe enough? It's a battle of wits and will power to see who is the stronger...
@cmelton (160)
• United States
2 May 08
Great comment. Spanking did work with me so maybe thats what I should try. I don't think taking things away or not allowing her to do things is a great help. Or I just haven't found the one that works. Thanks again!
@Ravenladyj (22993)
• United States
30 Apr 08
but it is not acceptable to me thats the bottomline. Its NOT acceptable and I realize you've said you've spoken to her but since that doesnt work its time to REALLY put your foot down IMO and start actually punishing her for it...It ISNT acceptable behaviour at any time and I think you need to nip it NOW because if you dont it will only get worse and as she gets older the harder it will be to get it to stop ya know..
1 person likes this
@cmelton (160)
• United States
2 May 08
You are right if I don't deal with this now it will get worse.I actually started punishing her this week and seen an approvement. She seems to think before she smarts off now. Thanks for your comment.
@megaplaza (1438)
• Nigeria
30 Apr 08
i think you should just punis her, but should let her know whey she is been punished.
@megaplaza (1438)
• Nigeria
30 Apr 08
i gues you shouldn't just punish her for misbehaving rather you should try and let her know why you are punishing her for. i can remember when i within that age range, i always keep cool when my mum lets me know the reason why am been punished.