I want it over but I dread it terribly!

@raydene (9875)
United States
April 30, 2008 10:15pm CST
Tomorrow will be our last good-byes to our Jason...I soooooooooo want it over and behind me... but at the same time I dread it awfully bad! I mean I have to be sure to sketch his face in my mind because although we have tons of pics of Jason it will not be the same as looking at the real him..It will be final.. He will be gone for good....It will be real and I will have to wrap my mind around the reality of his young man being really DEAD! But because I know how hard tomorrow will be I wish it over! Have you ever wanted anything done and gone but at the same time you clung to it like your very life depended on it? How can I so contradict myself? I just want to say God bless you all. xxxxx
6 people like this
8 responses
@Polly1 (12650)
• United States
1 May 08
May God Bless you to Raydene and the rest of the family too. You are feeling this way because you are human, totally normal. I dreaded seeing my husband in a casket, it was so real and final. I hated to leave him, I knew it would be the last time I would see him. How do you walk away. I don't know how, you just do. During times like this, its like you are on auto pilot, your head is in a cloud and you do the motions. Its almost like you are outside of your body. Many gentle hugs for you.
1 person likes this
@icyorchid (2566)
• United States
2 May 08
My God send you peace at this terrible time. You are feeling these feelings because you are normal. I dreaded going to my Aunt's memorial. I dreaded seeing her friends and talking and the only thing I wanted to do was curl up and cry. I cried for a week after she passed away and till this day, 3 years later, I still cry when certain songs play. Have faith and strength my friend
@gabs8513 (48803)
• United Kingdom
2 May 08
I know I am a bit late here and I am so sorry that I am I really hope that you know that I am with you at all times my lovely Friend I love you xxxxxxx
@makingpots (11928)
• United States
2 May 08
God bless you and your family Raydene. Of course you are having conflicting feelings right now. I'll bet it is perfectly normal. Just allow yourself to feel this way for now and don't expect too much from yourself. Your friends are all here to hold you up when it becomes too hard to do it yourself. Hugs!
@jamie08 (430)
• United States
1 May 08
God Bless you and your family also
@sirnose (2440)
• United States
1 May 08
Yes, i know that feeling,my nephew was murdered 14 years ago,it took me 3 years to get over it,so i know how you feel raydene.They say time heal all wounds which is true,you just hang in there and may god bless you and your family in this trying time.
@faith210 (11233)
• Philippines
1 May 08
Hi raydene! Yes, I felt that way when I was saying my last good bye to my beloved mother. During the last days, I made sure that I have sketched her face and all the details in my mind. My mind is like a tape recorder too, I try to play the sound of her voice and how she smiles and how she laughs over and over again. I dreaded the day but want it to be over soon. And as soon as the coffin was closed, I regret it. I have wished I could still hold her even she is so cold. I guess, the hurt of losing her will never lessen but somehow we will all learn to deal with it. Take care dear. My prayers to you, Wand and John. God bless!
• Canada
1 May 08
Thanks for taking us along on this journey with you, so you wouldn't have to go it alone. I hope all goes well for everyone...well, as well as it can be expected to go. You're all in my prayers. Thank you for keeping us posted.