Husband left and TOOK THE TWO KIDS!

United States
May 1, 2008 10:32am CST
After being married for 27 yrs my husband left one day and took my 2 youngest kids. They were willing to go and I could not understand it why. The youngest was 12 at the time. My ex later admitted he had been talking to the kids for two years telling them he wanted them to leave with him.He said he was "protecting " himself. He has always threatened he would never pay child support or alimony if I left and so I guess he was right. He isn't paying either one. What would you do if this happened to you? I have joint custody of my daughter . My son is now 18 so he is free to come and go as he pleases. Somehow my daughter who does live with her dad thinks I have to ask permission if I want to take her to a Dr appt or anything similiar. I am sure this comes from her dad. Of course he has so much venom and hate for me and who knows why. I am sure to him his reasons are valid....but he is lettig his own personal feelings about me spill over onto my daughter.
2 people like this
14 responses
@tjades (3593)
• Jamaica
2 May 08
A bad break up with kids involved is always a heartbreaker. I am sorry that you had to go through this. Your ex apparently really had things mapped out for a while before he made his move. I just hate it when the kids are used as a means of protection f/security for one party or as a source of hurt for the other party. it is just wrong. It is bad enough on them having to go through the separation but to suffer through the constant war between the parents. I am happy that your son has not left you out in spite of and I hope the girl will do the same. All the best. (lol)
@lingli_78 (12846)
• Australia
1 May 08
i am sorry to hear about your situation... looks like your ex is not a good person to me... anyway, i will never let my hubby to take away my children if we ever get separated (which i think we won't hopefully)... i think you have to fight to get your children back... go through the legal actions if you have to... i can only pray for you... good luck and take care...
1 person likes this
• Philippines
1 May 08
Oh that is not right. Your personal relationship grudges should be between the 2 of you and should not include your children. You should talk to him about this. Tell him he shouldn't do that.
• United States
1 May 08
i'm sorry - maybe this was a typo - but your profile says you are 38 - and ..."after being married for 27 years" but back to the point - this happens so much - and i am always sickened by it - a parent should not poison their kids against the other parent i know there are sometimes extremes - but the child will eventually see for himself that one or the other parent is a liar, cruel or manipulative, etc. i feel bad for you that your husband was so petty as to say he'd never pay you anything if YOU left - while probably planning the whole time to do this. there is probably nothing you can do except to wait and hope that he will show his true colors to the kids. i wish you all the best :)
1 person likes this
1 May 08
Im guessing when your daughter reaches 18 and is able to come and go when she pleases she may realise how spiteful your ex is being. He is doing nothing for himself in the long run and his children may hate him for poisoning their minds. Who does you son live with now? Whats his relationship like with his father now? Im sure your ex is telling her anything and everything to prevent you from taking them away from him. The only thing I suggest is enjoy the time you have with your children and just put up with whatever your husband says. Hope you manage to sort things out with your children.
• United States
1 May 08
My son is 18 yrs old now. He said he wanted to live where ever his little sister lived. She of course chose her dad. I am divorced from him now but he is still doing the same things .He did tell my kids that I stole all his money and I have paid the police off and even that I was going to kidnap my daughter. Now what sane parent even says that when the child is around. He did make her afraid of me. I am still trying to heal and recover from the emotional damage he has done to me and my children.Thanks for your comments
2 May 08
I cannot understand why your ex is so spiteful. He has pretty much brainwashed your kids to avoid child support as well as hurt you by talking the kids. The only advice I can offer is to have a frank and honest conversation with your daughter and explain how you feel.
@Hatley (164772)
• Garden Grove, California
2 May 08
I think if it were me i would get some legal counsel and take him to court. he is not above the law.he has to pay chid supportand if you can I would try to get complete legal custody of your daughter. your husband did a good job of brain washing those kids. what a shame and after twenty seven years.are you close to your daughter and would she willingly live with you? I feel so sad for you as I have never been in this situation so its hard to say what to do. but i would at least talk to a lawyer and find out what your legal recourse is. you might just be surprised If you have joint custody surely he has to pay for her care and medical costs while she is with you:? He should not be taking this out on your daughter. my prayers go out to you. let us know what happens.
1 May 08
If i were the mother,i would find a harmonios time and have a pep talk with my daughter and explain everything to her and ask her to spare some period with me for her to discover the real nature of me. i would also explain to her the advantages the father had over her since she was with the father for a long time.
• Philippines
1 May 08
the novel by Dobson "Love Nust Be Tough" can help and the Bible also
• Philippines
1 May 08
just go on living...he does not deserve you
• United States
1 May 08
That is absolutely crazy!! How can he just up and take the children like that?You know you could have fought that right? 27 years and bam, just like that? My ex used to brain wash my 13 year old saying the same thing, that he would take him with him once we broke up. It started taking effect with my son and after we broke up he would say that he wanted to live with his father but he is with me and I hav full custody of him also. That is terrible when they do that and I hate it when they involve the children; leave them out of it. How old is your daughter? I know where I live, a mother has up until the child is 21 to file for child support so you should do it. He has the nerve!
@Ldyjarhead (10159)
• United States
1 May 08
That's a tough call and I would hope that I'd never be put into that situation, but yea, I'd be telling the truth. I don't have much else in this world, but I do have my integrity. I've been pushed into a corner where I've had to do some things that I wish I hadn't, but knew it was the right thing to do. I don't know any other way to be.
@aowaow (1517)
• Indonesia
1 May 08
Can you both talk over with? I really adore if a family live in one peace. Relationship was built for years, but it can be done just in one day of signing divorce paper. What a waste to me. If only you both try to understand, those kids will have a good family with harmony of a father and a mother who are in love together. I respect for your both decision, but it's not too late to attach it back. Think about your two kids. I know how hard it is, you felt overwhelmed about your ex-husband. But that's a cost we need to pay for a marriage life. We cannot compare to our single life. So, it's up to you. Admittance is sometimes not bad for a relationship. Admittance is the key of a successful marriage.
@spoiled311 (5502)
• Philippines
1 May 08
whaat??? wow what a story...i dunno, i really cannot say what i would do. you are in a very unique situation, but i believe that there are serious legal and emotional implications here. so aside from a legal counsel, i think there should be counselors that should be consulted. i am not very familiar with your cuture, so i cannot really tell. but i do wish the best for you chill. good day! :-)