Am I a good mommy?

United States
May 2, 2008 2:19pm CST
My son was talking about how good his teacher was and then he said dad is (the) best daddy. I asked him if i was the best mommy and he said NO! MY hubby was talking to him about that and said I was a good mommy. Then my son looked at me and said mommy will you buy me ice cream? I just can not believe he said I was not a good mommy. BTW my son and hubby are in the kitchen fighting over the cookies. as I am writing this
3 people like this
28 responses
@pooh08 (672)
• Vietnam
3 May 08
I think you should spend your time for your child more. At that time, he will see that you are good mommy. The child was small. So maybe he doesn't understand what did he say. You should teach him step-by-step. Don't compel he what he should to do.
1 person likes this
• China
3 May 08
you are a good mommy!!! that is ture because you had already relized taht just giving what you son want is not right.and i think you can du better to your son. pay more attention on them and loved more about your family mambers. taht is ok. i promise you can happy to see other people happiness.
1 person likes this
@mbs730 (2152)
• Canada
3 May 08
I am so sorry, I can only imagine how much that hurts. How old is your son? I don't blame you either way for being upset regardless of age or phase. Its a painful thing to hear from your child. My son is just starting to talk (he is speech delayed and is 4) but I know he is more attached to my husband than me. I am too nervous around him and thats why and I need to stop that. But my daughter tells me all the time how I am the best and I love it. And after what your son said to you, he does not deserve that ice cream. Kids NEED to appreciate their parents!
1 person likes this
• United States
3 May 08
Boys will be boys!! He is probably just at that stage where they get embarassed by the "mom"!! I am sure he loves you just as much if not more than daddy. Most kids do.. lol.. Try doing a mommy and him date once a week and see what he thinks after that.
1 person likes this
• United States
3 May 08
oh I went through this with my oldest daughter to a certain degree and when it first began I took it really hard because she would rave over my mother-n-law (that i get along with) and I would feel like I was doing something wrong right when I felt like I was doing everything right, like taking her to park, book store to play, letting her participate shopping, just involving her so it hit me hard but when all was said and done she always came back and tell me how much she loved me and I realized it was alright to have those moments where I wasnt her best friend and it was alright to discipline but it is harder to do this with my youngest because she always runs up to me and hugs my leg which I love.
• Philippines
2 May 08
Oh That is not a nice thing to say to a mommy...Ofcourse you can tell for yourself if you are a good mommy or not. When my kids say they hate me I don't look at them and don't talk to them then they go to me themselves to say I love you. I know and feel that you are a good mom.
1 person likes this
@greenline (14864)
• Canada
2 May 08
Ofcourse you are a good mommy. But looks like there is some misunderstanding between you and your son. I suppose it would be nice to ask your son what he is dissatisfied about you. Yah , may be start by buying ice cream for him. But, make sure first what particular kind he likes ! That will help.
• United States
2 May 08
That is not a road that I want to go down. He will think every time he wants something all he has to do is call me a bad mom. He is still very young and I am not starting that
• United States
3 May 08
You are right, that is not a good road to go down. Youcan't buy love. But you can find little ways to surprise him and show him your love. Maybe wait a few weeks, and take him out for a cone, just the two of you. But make it about more than just the icecream. Talk with him, walk with him, show a true interest in him. Maybe take a bike ride(if he's riding yet) or play at the park, and sit on the swing next to him and race to the top. Or slide down the slide with him. Get involved in the things he enjoys. Make it about him:)
@DCMerkle (1281)
• United States
2 May 08
Anyone remember that show, "Kids Will Say The Darndest Things?" Well, what your son just said was what the show was all about. I bet he has forgotten why he said that. I bet he said it to be coy because Dad was around. BTW, who won the cookie fight? DCMerkle
• United States
2 May 08
Both my hubby had some and finally stop teaseing my son and gave him two.
@cher913 (25891)
• Canada
2 May 08
how old is your son? if he is a teenager, then i would start worrying, but if he is young, kids say whatever pops into their heads at the time and i bet if you asked him 10 minutes later, he would have said yes, you were a good mommy...not to worry!
• United States
2 May 08
he will be 5 tom.
@babykeka80 (2003)
• United States
2 May 08
It hurts your feelings I know. How old is he? My daughter did it to my husband and after she went to bed he was almost in tears to me. She is two. I reminded him that they don't always mean what they say. In fact a lot of times I don't even think they really know what they are talking about. My husband was just overwhelmed by it all. They don't see "good" mommys or daddys as being providing and loving they see them more as playing and giving them cookies. Does that make any sense? Don't let it get to you. I guarantee you are a good mommy and that little boy loves you endlessly.
• United States
2 May 08
he will be 5 tom.
@tilosky (30)
3 May 08
don't worry , i think he is just a kid but all mommy's are good and caring, he is just a kid that why he is saying that when he grows he will no how good mothers are
• India
3 May 08
Hi i know its hurting but understand he is a kid and he dont understand whats real love is. He feels who buy him icecream who give him gifts loves him they dont understand no one can love more than a mother. In my childhood i have also done this mistake but today i know my mom is the best mom :). so smile one day he will also understand
@cream97 (29168)
• United States
3 May 08
Anyone whom loves their kids is a good mother.... If the thought bothers you, then that means you are a good mommy!
@dizzblnd (3073)
• United States
3 May 08
As a mother of 2 teens, I have been told.. when they were 4 and 5... "i hate you" "you are the worst mommy" you name it.. they have said it. Now that I look back.. I realize, at that age (your son's age) that they do not know what they mean when they say that. You are asking a child, who has not seen the world, has little or no comprehension of the words "good" "bad" hate" or any others that have deep seeded meanings. When you asked him that question.. he may have been thinking of a time that he was mad at you for not letting him have ice cream in bed (or something that he wanted to do that you said no to) so he may have been responding out of a recent memory. You will hear much worse, AND much better from him as he is growing up. He will be testing you and daddy, pushing his limits, and seeing what kind of reations he may gat from you as he gets a better understanding of words and feelings..etc. Until then, don't take bad the things he says to heart, let the words bounce off of you and into oblivion. Continue to show him the love and respect that do now, and one day.. out of the blue.. he will come and give you a big hug out of the blue and tell you how much he loves you.
@chrissieatu (1033)
• China
3 May 08
I am not sure how deep it hurts because I am still too young to feel that. But I am sure it sucks for a mother. I hoped I did not say that to my mum before. However, you son is just 5 and I can see that you can understand your son does not mean it. Children are always pure. They do not care about that much as long as they feel happy. I am also sure that you are a good mommy.
@dawnald (84146)
• Shingle Springs, California
3 May 08
It hurts when our children say things like that, but children just call it like they see it at that particular second in time. Doesn't mean he doesn't love you or think you're a good mom, not at all. Probably just means that at that particular moment he was annoyed at you about something. Just keep doing the best you can. Don't take that sort of thing too much to heart. Tomorrow he'll probably turn around and tell you how great you are!
• United States
3 May 08
I think toddlers equate good or best to that person whom he/she felt closes to. Toddlers is at that stage that they can't express their feelings yet and get confused with different kind of emotions. Most of the times, they are upset if we don't give in to what they wanted and we will not be on the top of their list. I got a 4 year old daughter and she told me I am the best mommy and if she is being reprimanded, she tells me she doesn't like me. Hearing your child tells you she doesn't like you brings the childish part of you and I wanted to tell her "fine, let us see if you can find another Mommy that will take good care of you like me..." But instead, I will go on her eye level and ask, "why you don't like Mommy? Is it because I won't give you any marsmallow/candy/cookie? Tell me why. And all times, my toddler will point out the reason and I explained to her that it is ok to be upset with Mommy but.......then I give her my reason for telling her no. I think it is important to guide our children and explained to them all these emotions so in their own way, they will learn how to cope up with it. As they are growing up, there will more things they will say that will upset or hurt us but we have to remember that we are still the parents and when they are all grown up, they will be thankful of the way we bring them up.
@gemini_rose (16193)
3 May 08
The thing I have learned about kids over the years of having them is that they can say things that are very hurtful to parents!! They say as they see, so one day they could be asked something and they love mummy and not daddy and then the next day it can be the other way around. My hubby has had his feelings hurt on more than one occasion by his children apparently liking me more, but I told him do not take it personally, they do not mean it. When they turn on me, I just ignore them!! Or tell them that if I am such a bad mummy then they will not want their pocket money anymore, then they soon love me again!!
@se7enthbird (8328)
• Philippines
3 May 08
i think it is okay when a son tells that his dad is a good daddy. my son is only two and before all he says is daddy. actually he cals me didi. when my wife is teaching her to say mama my child will say mmmmmDIDI with a big grin. and when he has a boo boo because he bumps his head he calls didi more than mama. everytime my sons has his vacination and it hurts he screams for didi. of course my son loves his mom but i think it is okay if the son is much closer to the dads.
@yoj118 (329)
• Philippines
3 May 08
My little girl did something like that once..When we we're fighting over something that I don't like her to do then she just got mad ( but mildly) and said she doesn't want me anymore and that I'm not a good mom.. I was shocked to hear that... I tried to think of a lot of things like maybe she was influenced by what she's watching or by some kids who also talk back to their parents... I was so confused becauise I never expected her to say such a thing to me, she was just 4 years old... But then after all the argumnents with her, I finally pacified myself and talked to her softly, telling her how much mommy loves her and everything that mommy does is for her own good... she just cried and hugged me so tight and kissed me that I even got myself out of balance... right there and then,, I know she didn't mean what she told me a while ago.. Kids today are just easily influenced by a lot of things which affect their manners and attitudes.. Your kid may have said something like that, but it could be just an influenced by someone he might have heard that saying too...He really didn't mean what he said.. You know more than us if your son really loves you... because you're his MOM.. and I know you're doing just fine!!! Don't fret... Btw, Happy Mother's Day in Advance!!!