Let's talk about In-Laws

United States
May 3, 2008 8:46am CST
Do you get along with your in-laws? Do you have any stories to tell about them? I think I could write a book about all the reasons I dislike my in-laws. They are so stubborn and hard headed, and controlling. We are financially better off than they are, but they have always found ways to make us need them. We moved into a home that we thought was in a great neighborhood. Soon we found out there was a convicted rapist in the neighborhood and began looking to move. The in-laws bought us a house without so much as saying a word to us, and because we wanted out of our situation so quickly, we took the house. Now we have asked them to put it in our names and we'd continue to pay them for it, but they want no part of that. They are struggling and not even able to pay the taxes, but they won't get out from under the house by giving it to us. They control every aspect of the house, we aren't even allowed to dig up a nasty, dead bush in the front yard! We don't want to move due to the location. This is the best neighborhood we've ever lived in, and we don't have the credit to buy our own house, so we feel stuck. My mother in law is also controlling when it comes to my kids. She's the type who thinks I'm doing everything wrong! Now mind you, I have five kids who I've given birth to. She has 2 kids that she adopted, the youngest was 6 months at the time of adoption. She has argued with me over everything, including the best time to start them on sippy cups and when to break them of bottles. My oldest son is left handed and she even tried to tell me to force him to be right handed by tying the left hand behind his back! My father in law went so far once as to tell my husband he shouldn't be with me. His problem with me is I am just as stubborn as him, and I refuse to be controlled. My husband will become a door mat to them, but I won't, and they don't like that. We have had a sour relationship with them for years, and it's sprialling more and more out of control. Recently it's been more due to my father in law blaming us for his financial problems. We never asked for this house, and to be honest, he's not paying anymore than he was, cause he used part of the loan for this house to pay off his mortgage. His problem is after buying the house he went out and bought a van he cannot afford. We pay him weekly, and have not been late since Christmas. Around Christmas time my husband was taking severe paycuts due to a mistake his company made, we were losing $120 a week. We basically paid half rent because we wanted to do Christmas shopping for the kids. We assumed he'd understand, as these are his grandkids. Nope! Instead he screamed at us that our financial issues aren't his problem, and he needed the money to get his wife Christmas presents. Well the list goes on and on, like I said, I could write a book. I almost already have!
2 people like this
9 responses
@Swaana (1208)
• India
4 May 08
It is really very tough to have such people around. My MIL was a very great lady. She is no more now, and I really fell her loss more than anyone else. She had always treated me like her own daugther (rather grand daughter). She and my grandma know each other for a very long time. So she have an extra affection towards me. Though I dont get along (even still) with my FIL that much, I dont bother much about the fact that he doesnot interfere much in my business. He have understood that I can also manage things pretty well like his other two DILs and his daughter. I am the youngest of all the three DILs. It is high time you tell them your point of views. If you are not ready to leave this particular locality, if possible find another house in the same locality and move out of the house. This will allow you to have some breathing space and also they will also understand what you felt by taking over the house. Dont worry much and spoil your health. Learn to take things cool, infact, I have dealt with my FIL in that manner and am still dealing with him. I dont talk sensitive issues when my DH is not around.
1 person likes this
• United States
5 May 08
I have stood up to them once, and they backed down immediatly, but they are the type of people who think that if a week passes everything will be fine and dandy again. My husband continues to tell them my feelings, because If I speak to them I will blow up on them, and that would create concequences we can't afford, such as losing our house. As far as moving, unless we are forced it's really out of the option. We have bad credit, can't afford much rent, and have 5 kids. The current situation would be perfect if they weren't so controlling. We want to buy the house from them, I think I mentioned that. We could then turn it into a 1 family, 6 bedroom, 2 bathroom house, but they won't allow us. They haven't even paid the taxes! Moving will be absolute last option, due to cost. Eventually, one way or the other, this house is ours, unless the town takes it for non payment of taxes.
@sisterjinx (1136)
• United States
3 May 08
Well let's see. My mother-in-law has passed now. But, even though I hate to say this, the whole family breathed a collective sigh of relief. She was just odd. This woman spent the last 10 years of her life making mine a living h***. She swore that I was the daughter of satan. (I'm not joking she actually believed this) She called the state on us numerous times with completely ridiculous charges that of course were all proven unfounded. The state actually just stopped taking reports from her at one point. They called her a vindictive something I can't remember the actual term but they wouldn't take any more reports from her. She was trying to get custody of our daughter. She couldn't have cared less about the boys. She once told me she would never love our older son the way she loved our daughter, in front of our son she said this. He was 4 at the time and he always remembered it. She would call me and chat with me and be all friendly. Then she would call someone else in the family and run me into the ground. She actually physically attacked my sister-in-law, who married my husband's brother, one time. She got her butt kicked and never did it again but the fact is that she was trying to choke her. Now my father in law and his wife are another story. They have always been supportive and for the most point not judgemental. I keep in touch with my step mother in law on a regular basis. We get along fairly well. We are very different people but we just accept each other for who we are. My father in law is very keep to himself and doesn't really give opinions that he feels serve no purpose. They have both helped us when we needed it. I can see why he and my mother in law split up at such a young age. I'm not even sure how they got together in the first place lol.
1 person likes this
• United States
3 May 08
OMG if my MIL were that bad I would have to kick her butt. But my in laws did that too at one point, sort of. They never came out and said they liked any of my kids more than another, but 2 years ago on X mas, they had not been invited for the twins Birthday in November, so they brought the twins b day presents on X mas. They told my older son, then 9, that the twins would have more presents than him because of their birthday. I mean hello? Why not just buy them less and forget about their birthday? It was a month prior and they were 4, not like they'd remember!
• United States
3 May 08
Wow Im sorry you have to deal with that stuff fro your husbands family, I also have had a those types of in-laws, When I was married to my husband it never felt like we were a family, they always made me feel like an outsider. they would always put down my parenting, when we split up his dad even went so far as to threaten me when me and my ex were fighting about custody. then once they figured out what there son was like and that all the problems they had with me they should have had with him (there son) they changed (they relized there son is a patholigical liar) now that me and my e are no longer together I have a much better relationship with my ex in-laws I couldnt stand them before but now it wierd cause things are so different. I dont know maybe in retrospect they knew all along that things wouldnt work out with us who knows but I dont think that in-laws need to remember that there the GRANDPARENTS and they need to just be that unless asked otherwise...
1 person likes this
• United States
3 May 08
Yes that is so true. They are just the grandparents. They have done their job of raising their kids, and now the kids are having families of their own. They need to butt out and just be grandma and grandpa.
@walijo2008 (4648)
• United States
4 May 08
I only have my mother in law, since my husbands father passed away before we were married so I didn't ever get to meet him. But I get along great with her, she's a nice lady, and her and my mother get along real great, its scarey sometimes, they will gang up on us sometimes..lol. The thing is, she's not here, we only see her every few yrs. she's a missionary in Africa, so she only comes home every 3 yrs or so. She was here last summer for 3mos. she drove my husband crazy the whole time,he says she always makes him feel like he's 12 yrs. old again, but she and I had a blast all summer, I hated to see her leave, but she'll be back to visit in 2010.
1 person likes this
@maliki2 (255)
• United States
3 May 08
I have a large family of in laws on my wifes side. Unfortunately they like to stick their nose in alot of our business. This creates problems for me and my wife. The worse thing about this is they can't get their lives straight and they are trying to tell us how to run our lives. I think this is the type of problem with most in-laws in the family and your not alone. We just have to learn to live and deal with it.
1 person likes this
@manalove (65)
3 May 08
This is why I live 11 to 15 hours in driving away from my inlaws. Good luck
3 May 08
Tell them that you are your kids mother and you will raise them how you see fit. That you are the woman of your house and she is the woman of her house to respect you in your home or she may go home.
@amerexp (25)
• United States
3 May 08
I thought my in-laws were bad! Yikes! I would do whatever I had to to get out of that house, whether it was renting another one or something else! Your husband needs to learn to "leave and cleave" and to stand up for his #1 family first...which, of course, is you and the kids... As for your bossy MIL, I'd flat tell her to raise her kids her way and you'll raise yours your way. I wouldn't worry about what your husband thinks at this point as he doesn't seem to care about what his family is putting you through... The biggest lesson I have learned is to not become financially indebted to the in-laws.... My husband and I started our won trucking company 5 years ago and are still in debt to his mom for $100,000. Ever since then, She has my husband wrapped around her little finger for WHATEVER! She even took it upon herself to give my first daughter her very first haircut even though I asked her not to!
• United States
3 May 08
Actually my husband is very understanding of how I feel, and most of the time he feels the same way. He has tried to talk to them and tell them to stop what they're doing, but they don't listen. Sometimes he just doesn't want to say anything to them because he hates to listen to his father gripe, but he won't let me do it because I will make his father too mad, because I won't take his SH**. We don't want to move, we love this house and this neighborhood. It would devestate us and the kids to have to leave. But the house is more his father than his mother. If it were her choice she'd give it to us no questions asked. That is what we want, we want them to sign it over to us, then we'll take out a loan and pay them off, while fixing it up a bit. His father won't allow that to happen because then he'll have nothing to control.
@Bebs08 (10690)
• United States
13 May 08
I think the problem here is you are living too close to each other that's why they know every step you are doing. It might be better if you will live a little distance. You can afford now to have a house of your own. Leave that house for them and your problem will be solved.
• India
3 May 08
Well, I detested them. They are ex in-laws now coz I have left their son forever. The biggest problems arise in a marriage when the son can't get it into his hard head that he is married now and that his priority is his wife and any kids that might be born and not his parents. I don't mean to say that parents should be neglected. But why marry if you feel your wife has to live with your parents and do as your Mom says? Frankly, I had enough and I quit. Haven't regretted it so far. Cheers and happy mylotting