thing to decide right now about my situation..what to do now?

wow that's a tough situation.... your wife sounds like she is very outgoing for your parents no reason they shouldn't accept her and since they are pretty well off I would def cut them off and yes most certainly start saving for your future it's nice to help your family out but you and your wife are clearly being taken advantage of, if your own parents say they only want you for your money it will be hard on your feelings but I would let them go completely. It is not fair to you or your wife, you did nothing wrong don't even feel guilty. Sorry your in such a sad situation...hope you get your problem resolved.

Hi venkat, I believe you may have done the right thing by moving away. This sometimes happens in families, and it is really sad when it does. Your wife sounds like a very nice person, how does she feel about your parents now? They may have a change of heart later and feel bad about the things that they have said and done. I hope that sometime you will be able to forgive your parents and want to see them again. Blessings.

keep your money for your future, one day you will have a family of your own, and there will be no money for them, furthermore tell your parents that you are their son but you are not their slave, you are married now and you have a wife and if they cannot except her and all the good things she has done for them then you will not accept them anymore either.

venkat as they are not treating your beloved wife as they should I think its time you saved for your own future and cut down on what you give to your parents.right now your first obligation is to your wife.since they do not feel that they need you for anything other than that money do not feel obliged to assist them further.look now to your and your wife's futures and save for that. God bless and happy future.

Well I think that you should not continue supporting your parents if this is what they think of you. You should think about your financial future and you should not allow them to treat you this way. I think you should continue to love them and contact them but don"t give them anymore money.

If they have the means to support their life by a pension of their own, whether they choose to use it for your sister or for their own life, stop enabling them. And that is in a sense what you are doing. I know it is hard when it comes to relationships with parents. Maybe if they learn to live on their own money they will realize your sister has her own family, being married and all. and no one should ever be taken for granted when they care about people. ANd the fact that your wife still respects them as people shows a lot of character on her part. Good luck.

thank you so much for best response, hon, I really appreciate it.

Hmm, typical situation!! Your post reminded me of four lines of poetry. My Mom is currently writing a critique of the life works of a popular Konkani lyricist, and recently she read out four lines out of his lyrics because it struck her in a special way. Roughly translated, here they go: "Mother, you are special coz you are mother If my wife can't adjust with you, let her go I can get another wife; it is possible But, you mother, I will never get another mother again." These four lines hurt me in an odd sort of way coz once in the remote past, I was a wife; a sort of animal expected to adjust with horrible in-laws. My education and the simple fact that I was a writer (quite a popular one in Konkani) and a lecturer in a reputed college did nothing to raise my reputation in their eyes. Needless to say, the marriage broke coz most men in this society believe a wife is easily available. If one can't adjust with their Mom or if their Mom does not like the wife, they can obtain another. My ex was not an exception. Your post sparked hope; it is great to see that men are changing, especially Indian men!! It is also great to note that you understand and support your wife. Even if a woman is not educated and a bit dumb, she does not deserve harsh treatment from her in-laws. If I were you, I would give top priority to my marriage. I would provide for my parents financially coz after all they brought me to this world and took care of me. If they fell sick and needed my attention, I would rush to their bedside and take care of them. But my wife would come first, naturally! The girl who left her parents to share my life would naturally receive my greatest care, love, and support, and my duty to my parents (especially if they are financially well off) would come next. Cheers and wish you all the best.

Hi venkat2002! I think it is just right that you have to put your foot down on this. You have such a kind wife and it is just right that she should be accorded the same kindness that she has freely given to your parents. You have to let your parents know that your wife is your family and your priority. If they can't respect her, then it is about time that they have to go on life without your help. Your wife is very understanding for she is letting you freely give money to your parents. But I guess, it is about time to save for your future. Even if they are your parents, they have not given you and your wife the respect and consideration both of you deserve. It is time to teach them a valuable lesson. Let them feel how it is to live without you. In time they will realize the value of having a son and a daughter in law who have been always there for them but have lost them because of their wicked behavior. Just my thoughts dear friend. Take care and have a nice day!

Well, it sounds like you are in a tough situation. And no one can tell you what's best for your life. But if I were in your shoes(and thankfully I'm not) I would cut off my money. If your parents are doing fine without it, and you are beginning to feel consious of your future. Then you have to do what's best for your family. If your parents can't handle it, then they are showing you how they really feel. It hurts me to hear thing like this, since I have such a great relationship with my parents. I really feel for you and wish you all the best. Support your wife, and comfort her. ~peace and blessings~

Family isn't about people who use you and make you feel bad about yourself. Family is about caring like you do for your wife. And like your wife does for you. I'm sure she is less than happy about your parent's treatment of her but is being the bigger person for your sake. It's okay to stop paying your parent's way. They are not entitled to it. It is MORE than okay for you to set boundaries of acceptable behavior towards yourself and your wife. If they choose not to honor those boundaries then they have chosen to not be a part of your life. Not you. Ask yourself...would you expect your children (when and if you have them) to do what you are expected to do by your parents? If the answer is no, then you are being asked for too much. I'm sorry this is happening to you. It is horrible to be treated this way by strangers and devastating when it is family doing it.

Is it not most likely a cultural heritage that dictates your caring for your parents and any other elderly relation? Perhaps this is making your wife feel guilty as well as yourself? As I am not fully schooled in your cultural background, I am not aware of what monetary provisions are made by children for their parents in retirement or old age. If your parents are indeed receiving a large enough pension, it would seem that it would be an advantage to you to remain in control of your own earnings, rather than passing on a large sum of it to your parents, who appear to be wasting it. My only suggestion would be to speak with a neutral counselor or even an attorney to inform your parents of your situation, which is to save money for your own future, particularly since they seem to be quite comfortable with their own pension. If you choose to inform your parents of your intentions, you will probably have to be prepared for a backlash of guilt and blame towards you, as they have obviously become comfortable in utilizing your funds and have at the same time begun to feel entitled to them. It is your choice to break the cycle in order to have a more productive life for you and your wife. You obviously have not signed a contract with your parents to provide these funds, so there is no legal binding--other than what I said in the first of this posting--a cultural obligation. Possibly a cooling off period with your parents would be good for you, and for them. The best to you and your wife in whatever you decide in this matter.

Hello Venkat, how are you today? Just happened to be coming across your discussion and I am very sorry to hear that you've found yourself in such a torn predicament. It must be very difficult for you. Well how do I start this out, It sounds as if your parents are upset because you chose to marry this particular young lady, that happened to be your wife. So I am not sure what their reasons might be for dis- liking her but the point of the matter is that you like her and you thought enough of her to marry her. But sometimes parents just want to have so much say in their children's lives and I find that goes on quite a lot within the indian culture and sometimes even in many other cultures. Anyhow, what I want to say to you is to just give your parents some time. It will take them a while to get used the idea that you are now married and that you are making your own decisions. You should stand your ground with them and let them know that you will not tolerate being manipulated or mistreated by them. Now will you allow them to continue to mistreat you wife. Also you need to kindly tell them, that you would appreciate it if they would treat your wife with a little bit more kindness and respect because as of this time, she is your other half. As for you giving your parents money, well let's just say that is your own personal choice whether you choose to do this or not. Since it sounds like to me they have plenty of money of their own. Not to mention, the fact that they aren't suffering, for anything, so I would have to say, why don't you just stop giving them money because you are not obligated to have to do so. Not unless it's something that you'd simply choose to do out of the kindness of your heart. Finally Venka, if you've tried a few of these things that I have mentioned, such as having a little heart to heart talk with them about your wife. As well as stop giving them money because you have your own bills to pay and things that you'd like to do in life with your money. And if they still want to continue acting unpleasant to you and your wife. You may find that you might need to distant yourself away from them for a little while...... if for no other reason, so as to protect yourself from further abuse and mistreatment. God bless you my friend, you will be in my prayers.