I think I need super nanny...

United States
May 4, 2008 11:23pm CST
I'm not sure if I'm just overreacting and it's simply just typical of a 2 year old or not but my son is seriously starting to frighten me now. It's almost nonstop from the moment he wakes up until the time he goes to bed, he whines and cries and throws fits incessantly! For absolutely nothing! I do not spoil my child and no one around me does either but he acts like EVERYONE does! He throws a fit and whines when he wants something, when you don't give it to him, even when you DO give it to him! He can just want some cheese puffs and, instead of asking for them nicely like he WAS doing, he just starts screaming and whining and pointing to them. And when I calm him down and get him to ask for them nicely and I give them to him, he starts crying and whining about GETTING them! He'll even go so far as to yell, "No!" at you and then he throws them away! This is a typical situation and I'm not making it up. My wife and I separated 6 months and she has hardly ever seen him since so I'm raising him alone and I'm running very thin on patience any more. I love my son more than my own life but I'm starting to worry that he's going to continue getting worse and worse as he gets older and I won't be able to contain him. Is there anyone out there that can possibly give me some tips or advise?
5 people like this
15 responses
@tessah (6621)
• United States
5 May 08
its called the terrible twos for a reson.. and temper tantrums and "fits" are typical behavior. children that age are testing their boundaries.. and testing YOU, to see just how much they can get away with. my daughter did the same thing.. and the only thing that seemed to work was to completely ignore it, and her.. and making a point of making her aware she was being ignored until she was finished with her tantrum. id literally step over her body as she lay kicking and screaming and punching the floor srawled out in what has now become known as "fit position" and tell her.. you enjoy your tantrum.. im ignoring you until you are finished.. lemme know when yer done" and id quietly go into the bathroom and close the door. not only did it give me a breather and a chance to check myself.. but she DETESTED being ignored!! the tantrums got sorter and shorter and within two weeks time.. they ceased entirely. oce she understood shed get no reaction whatsoever.. she stopped the behavior. shes 8 years old now.. and truly an absolute joy to be around every single day. give it a go.. youve got nothing to lose, and it wont hurt any. good luck to you
2 people like this
@barehugs (8986)
• Canada
6 May 08
Yes, this Problem will only get worse, unless you get a Handle on it! Your son is getting To Much Attention, and he's playing you like a fiddle. Begin by finding something to do around the house. Keep an eye on your child, but do not make it obvious. Let him whine, cry, or yell as much as he wants. Turn the radio or TV up loud, so he is not the only noise going on. If he throws a tantrum, kicking and screaming, think of a song to sing, or whistle if you can. Continue to ignore him, and when he gets tired of it all, he will come around, and be Human again. When you tell him "No!" never back off! Never give in to his wants, once you have said "No!" Let him learn that No! means NO! All kids need to learn this, but when the parents waver, and give in, it spoils the child. When he yells "no!" at you, don't let it bother. Just ignore it, and it'll go away. AS Far as his eating is concerned- don't give him snacks between meals. Make sure he is good and hungry when its his time to eat. When you do this, he will eat anything that's put in front of him. If he still wont, don't get upset, just tell him Dinner is Over! (( and BY GOD He'll eat at Suppertime.)) I raised 4 good boys and never had a moments problem with any of them! Happy Parenting!
• United States
5 May 08
Aw, yeah...the terrible two's, and the even worse threes!!!! Just chill, as others have said, he's testing your boundaries. "No!" and "Dat!" are going to be his favorite words. The reason? He's actually struggling with English grammar and syntax. He doesn't really know how to say what he wants, so he throws a hissyfit. Mommies invariably already know what kids want, and give it to them before they even know they want it. Daddies can be a little more challenged. Try to keep a routine. I know it's hard, but if they know what to expect everyday, they won't get so huffy. As for crying and screaming, do the big ignore, as everyone has said. Do give him the appropriate words for his want, such as: "Daddy, I would like some cheerios, please." or "May I have some cheerios?" Just repeat it, repeat it, repeat it, until you're blue in the face. Eventually he'll get it. And talk to him - talk to him like it's going out of style. He will stop and listen, and learn more language than you'd expect. As for Mommie being away, that's a whole 'nuther bag o' worms. You will be called upon to act as both parents, and that means doubling your time with him. Look for clues to what calms him, too. Find your funny face armory. When he freaks, make a funny face at him. Find your humor - do something unexpected, like putting a pot on your head. Now watch as he grunts in astonishment and has nothing to say except for a giggle! Add in a song and he'll be flummoxed. ;)
@nixxi76 (3192)
• Canada
5 May 08
Has your son been around another child that does the same thing? He may have picked this up from the other child or a tv show that he's been watching. Does your son go see his mother at all? How does he act when he's with her? Sometimes it's a certain babysitter's habits that the children pick up on.
1 person likes this
@momathome (476)
• Canada
5 May 08
This is a tough situation and i'm sorry you have to deal with this. Could his behavior be from the fact that he misses his mom. Babies need there mothers. I know my 2 year old boy is mommies boy for sure. Its such a critical time she needs to be there for him. Just have a little patience and show him lots of love, he is probably just reacting to your separation and even at such a young age they know whats going on. My 2 yr old has fits and whines alot and its hard not get frustrated you just gotta keep doing what you're doing and he'll grow out of it you'll see it will get easier wish i had some better advice for you. Just give him lots of love. Good Luck things will get easier you'll see!!
1 person likes this
@sisterjinx (1136)
• United States
5 May 08
Honey, he's depressed and he's 2. The only way he knows how to express his growing sadness is to act out like this. As I was reading this I was thinking it sounded like the symptoms of depression but he is so young. Then you added the information about your wife and that cinched it. This little boy is depressed. He is in pain, all the time. And he is too young to understand it. I suggest finding a good child therapist now. He is so little to be feeling so much that he cannot express. A good child therapist will be able to help him express it and understand it so that he can get through this. I know it's difficult but try and be patient with him. Give him as much love and understanding as you can. And find someone professional to give you advice. I know how to deal with depressed people at ages teen and up but for a two year old I can't begin to give you decent advice. Good luck and I'll keep you in my prayers.
@magrylouyu (1632)
• United States
5 May 08
I am so sorry to hear your going through this. My daughter who will be 3 on the 13th does this as well. She will whine over nothing at all. When she goes through this "spell" you cant even say her name without her flipping out! It's bad. What I do is I just put her in her room for like 30 minutes. I go in every 5 minutes and say "are you ready to come out?" If she replies with a harsh "NO!" then she stays in there for another 5 more minutes. And so forth for about 30 minutes. Maybe you can try doing that? Good luck and I hope your son gets better with this. I know how hard it is as my stepsons mother never sees him and she lives 10 minutes down the road!!!
1 person likes this
10 Jun 08
you poor thing!! i would receommend using a naughty step and cutting out all rubbish from his diet. I put my eldest on an all organic diet and it did wonders for his behaviour!
@karinna (234)
• United States
10 Jun 08
i have a 3 year old girl, she has her days but i am a child of 10 other brothers and sisters so i learned early how to control (i got lucky) what i do with my little girl is, when she acts out she goes in a time out, i have a wooden chair i painted time out on and i sit her in it for 3 mins (they say to give time outs by age) if she trys to get up i do not yell or talk to her i just put her back in her chair. if she wants something but doesnt ask the right way she will not get it until she asks properly. i keep her busy by coloring, buildng blocks, she likes to make forts with blankets and chairs and she likes match box cars. i normaly dont tell her no, i explain to her why she can not have or do something this way she learns to understand. and as far as your x she needs to get involved not just show up sparticly because thats only confusing the child and its unfair to you and the child. good luck
@jashley1 (746)
• United States
9 Jun 08
The best advice I can give you is to have rules and standards of behavior in your home and be consistent in letting your child know that anything other than that kind of behavior is unacceptable. Kids are very smart and if your son has experienced you giving in to his tantrums and needs in the past due to his screaming and whiny behavior, then he will do it again and again to get his way. Kids at that age are learning how to react to their emotions and it's your job to teach them. You let your son know that it's not ok to have that kind of behavior and that you are daddy and you are not giving in to his demands. He needs to learn that yes means yes and no means no. When he acts in those ways you need to set him aside, explain to him in a loving way that it's not ok to act that way, and if he does it again and again you need to implement discipline tactics such as timeouts or toys being taken away, etc. But always communicate. After time outs give him hugs and love so he knows you still love him, but it's just something you need to do. After all - how he turns out will be a reflection of you. He is a child, and you are the parent. You should never get to a place where your kid frightens you. Your child should always respect you and your role in his life. It may be hard now, but you will be thankful later.
@bellaofchaos (11550)
• United States
18 May 08
Ok seeing that your son is escalating in behavior I have to ask some questions . 1.) Does he see his mother at all? 2.) How involved was she with him while you two were together.(just trying to figure out dynamics here. For example is she barely spent time with him there then how much of the behavior is missing mom and how much is just change of environment.) 3.) Do either of you have medical history of mental illness in the family. 4.) He is 2 correct? 5.) do you live with your son by your self or with other family? Ok I'll go the route that his mom spend an average amount of time. There are two things going on here One is he is two and he will test his boundaries. The second one is that he has had a big change in his life from being with two parents to have two parents that live seperately. Now think how hard it is for a two year old to understand what is going on. Also think of if you were two how would you express your feeling about this. He doesn't know how to express those feelings properly yet. I say it's a little of both one testing his bound and the other trying to tell you that he is upset or that something about the change has upset him. Start by ignoring his behavior and when you do this firmly say until you can ask nicely then I'm not listening and have fun with your fit. Two if this doesn't work and keeps getting progressively worse try this I have learned this from my TSS and BSC for my son. It's called color therapy .. Ask him to draw what he is feeling and express it on paper .. What this does is gives him an outlet for his anger or sadnees or aggression and by the time he's done he has calmed considerably and then you can ask him questions about the picture he drew. Another technique you can use is Make a puppet that is happy and a puppet that is sad. Basically make a puppet for every emotion and teach him which puppet goes with which emotion and then when he is upset have him go to the puppet that best fits his emotion. That way you at least now what he is feeling. It might also be a great idea to get early beginings involed with him they will come out and evaluate the child and see if he needs help in anything they stay with the kids until they are 3. I'll pm you the information. that way you have it. But they are a really decent program. They help my son with speach therapy and he was also socially and developementally behind.
@Hatley (164647)
• Garden Grove, California
6 May 08
hi I feelfor you I am senior citixzen now bUt I have been there and done that. you are the unfortunate dad of a child who has entered the terrrible twos tantrum time in a big way. hewill outgrow this and be asweetie pie by three. but right now he is growing and getting so much info so fast he is on overload and he cannot quit figure it all out, imagine if you were that age and all this comes flooding in on you and you do not yet have all the tools you need to handle all the growing you are doing,you would be banging your head on the floor too. he needs to be stopped from hurting himself and just hold him firmly and say no no .he will relax and soon will probably fall asleep. they tire so easily at this time and some of theirfrustration comes from being so tired they cannot think and from wanting to say something and not having all the vocabulary yet. the fits are from pure frustration poor baby and he needs you to act as his savior. grab him and hold him and let him just relax. I know this works. I am now 81 but my son went through it too. it will pass.
@kezabelle (2985)
5 May 08
You arent alone but I admire you doing it all by yourself because my daughter is 2 and she can be just the same. Its simply them testing their boudaries of what they can and cant get away with. My health visitor asked one time if my daughter was throwing tantrums I said yes wondering why she wanted to know and she told me its a good thing. A child will tantrum if they dont get their own way so it shows there are boundaries and rules in place and thats a good thing. It will pass just keep on doing what you are if my youngest screams for something she doesnt get get it, ok so it causes more screams but it also teaches her that screams dont get you what you would like only a please or thank you will do that. Is there anyone who can have him for a few hours to give you what I imagine is a well needed break, im doing this with my partner but its still hard and time out just for me certainly helps me feel more able to deal with the normal everyday hurdles that come with a toddler! xxx
@palonghorn (5486)
• United States
5 May 08
He's acting out towards his mother, but because of his age, he doesn't know how to tell you this. That being said, even a 2 year old understands 'no' and timeouts. When he wants something and starts acting this way, sit him in a chair and tell him he will stay there until he stops. When you do give him what he is asking for, sit him at the table and give them to him, do not let him yell and throw them away. Mostly, be firm, be consistant all the time, and it will take more patience then you ever thought you had. Been there, done that.
@lingli_78 (12845)
• Australia
5 May 08
i can really understand your frustruation as i had seen many children at that age do the same thing as your son... they throw tantrums at their parents and yell at the top of your voice... if you want to teach your son to behave, you have to be firm and stern with him... ignore him completely when he does that... if he does that in a public place, leave him and tell him that you are not going to take him to that place anymore because he is not behaving... send him to his room everytime he throws a tantrum for a time out... take away his privileges and things that he likes from him (for example his toys or games) so that he will feel the pain and he won't dare to do that again in the future... reward him with praise whenever he is behaving and be a good boy... good luck and hopefully your son will change for a better... take care and have a nice day...