Do you think you have to have alot in common with someone for them to be a good.

@kiran1978 (4138)
Australia
May 5, 2008 7:55am CST
friend of yours? I think having a lot in common with friends definately does help the frienship and the longevity of a friendship. However I still think that is possible to have good friends who don't have alot in common with you too. For example my best friend Joyce we have alot in common and that is why I think we have been friends for a long time, 10 years now, we have alot of fun together. We both like: singing, kareokes, playing board games, BBQS, camping, going to the beach and teaching children. Having these things in common makes it enjoyable when we catch up as we like similar things, so it definately is a bonus if you have things in common. However I also have a good friend of mine who I have been friends with from highschool (14 years - friendship). We are like chalk and cheese in our interests however we have still managed to be good friends for such a long time. However I feel that since we went to highschool together that has bonded our friendship as we have that in common and we can always chat about the good old days. However do not feel like we have much in common today, but I still treasure our friendship. So what do you think, do you need alot in common with your friends, to have a good friendship? Please share your experiences with your frienships in your life. What is your longest friendship?
1 person likes this
16 responses
@dpk262006 (55793)
• Delhi, India
6 May 08
Given the choice, I would prefer a friend who has some common interests, as I have, instead of one, who has a different taste and hobbies. I feel it becomes easier to communicate and understand each other, when your interests are common, you can relate to each other very well and can give regards to each other's feeling quite nicely. Even when we have a friend who has common qualities, there would be some different traits also. Two persons cannot be exactly alike. But if the percentage of common interests between two friends is more, that would be better for me and I would feel more comfortable and easy in such a relationship. Very Good Post!
@kiran1978 (4138)
• Australia
6 May 08
WEll said, I couldn't have said it better myself, lol. It is alot easier to communicate with a friend who you have alot in common with plus I think you can have alot more fun too with someone you share similar interests too as you both enjoy doing the same things (well that is my experience anyway). You are right also about people having different traits, so we would not be totally alike lol, that weould be strange wouldn't it.
1 person likes this
@dpk262006 (55793)
• Delhi, India
6 May 08
Kiran, please do not say that you could not have said it better....you in fact did make your point very effectively. Thanks very much for your kind words of appreciation. Good friends like you and me think alike...LOL! Deepak
@kiran1978 (4138)
• Australia
8 May 08
That's right, lol!
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@ejaji123 (96)
• India
6 May 08
i think you have to have some things in common. but that doesn't mean you need A LOT in common. just at least a few things. because even if you like the other person, you need common ground to sustain your friendship. you also need to be able to spend time together. for that, you need to be able to do things together that you enjoy. my longest friendship is around 20 years.
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@kiran1978 (4138)
• Australia
6 May 08
20 years, wow that is a long time, it must feel good being friends with someone for that long. I agree with what you said you don't necessarily need to have alot in common but some is definately a bonus. Spending time together does bond you closer together, important to make time for friends.
• United States
5 May 08
I'm not sure if you so much need a lot in common as the ability to get along and be compatible. I, also, have a lot of friends that don't have a lot of things in common. In fact, a lot of them do things that I would never do or want to do. But, I'm still their friends for some other reason. I guess we just get along and like each other's personality and accept each other the way we are.
@kiran1978 (4138)
• Australia
5 May 08
I agree personality is an important thing when being someones friend. You seem like a very caring and sincere friend, what great qualities you have accepting people for who they are. I wish there were many more people in this world like this, accepting people for who they are.
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@Ravenladyj (22992)
• United States
5 May 08
I dont have to have ALOT in common with someone in order for us to be good friends but some similarities is needed IMO... How long are my longest friendships? I think the longest one is almost 35 yrs..then I have many that are 10, 15, 20 and 25 yrs long as well...
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@kiran1978 (4138)
• Australia
5 May 08
Wow Ravenlady, that is awesome, 35 years friendship with someone, you must be a very sincere genuine friend. Sounds like you have many long lasting friendships that is great. Similarities definately is an advantage. Do you have similarities with the person you have been friends with for 35 years?
@littleowl (7157)
6 May 08
HiKiran-to me its a fifty thing my best friend I've known for 39yrs we have not always had a n awful lot in common until a few years ago-but even so now we still have 'disputes' about things yet after venting them to each other we give it a rest-also I lived with her brother for 5yrs and through my teens we had an off relationship-yet other friends I have mostly do have a lot in common but at times they can be elusive because of their work-hugs littleowl
@kiran1978 (4138)
• Australia
6 May 08
Sounds like you have a very open friendship with your friend of 39 years, I think that is great is is probably what has bonded you two together so well. Great to hear you also have friends that have things in common with you too. I think you are a great friend, I am sure you would be an even better friend in real life. Take care.
@littleowl (7157)
7 May 08
thank you Kiran-when I make friends with someone I'm like a leech and dpn't let go of that and for as long as we have known each other on here you were my first friend so I class you as my friend and even though we live so far apart it seems like I know you anyway-so you will have my friendship for a while yet!! hugs littleowl
@kiran1978 (4138)
• Australia
7 May 08
Ohhhhh thanks that means so much to me, I feel exactly the same way, you are a special friend. It has been a privlege being your 1st friend. I like it how you referred to yourself as a leech, I am like that too with close friends. Good to never let the real true friends slip away. I really enjoy chatting to you my friend, who knows maybe one day we could catch up for a cuppa, my relatives all live in the UK, have cousins, aunties, uncles, my half sister and grandparents there. Have not been there since I was 12 years old though. So if I ever win the lotto I am there, going to need the lotto to pay for all my big tribe to come there.
@gemini_rose (16194)
5 May 08
Oh dear, it is a bit hard for me to participate in this one as I do not have any friends in my real life!! But never mind, I do think that it is important to have things in common to retain a friendship, or else it would be hard to keep it going. If you spend a lot of spare time together then it would be hard to do so if you had no common ground to go on.
@kiran1978 (4138)
• Australia
6 May 08
I don't understand how you don't have any friends in real life, I know we have discussed this before. But you are so bubbly and easy going people are crazy not to be your friend. Look at how many friends you have made here. I find you really easy to talk to and funny. Wish you lived in Australia, you'd be great fun to hang out with. I agree with you it does make it alot easier to have frienships with people who have common interests.
@gemini_rose (16194)
6 May 08
When I am friends with someone I am friends with them, this means sharing everything, the good the bad etc. I give everything and ask for nothing except loyalty. I never got any of it with any of my friends, when I needed them to be my friends the most they let me down in the most hurtful way possible plus they were all gossiping behind my back when they should have been supporting me. I lost my trust of people big time, withdrew from them all and started keeping myself to myself. I recently made a new friend, I had so much in common with her and I thought I had found a good friend. Whatever she told me went no further, not even would I tell my hubby if she asked me not too. I told her one thing, one thing in the whole time that was really important for her to keep to herself, by the end of the day she had blabbed and nearly caused world war 3 for my sister in law. She also just uses me when her other friends are not around, she and her hubby have a circle of friends that they socialise in heavily and she makes it so obvious that I am not included in that circle. I could go on, but to tell you the truth it hurts, more than I realise. I do not understand how someone could be like that. Sorry to go on a bit!!
@kiran1978 (4138)
• Australia
7 May 08
Hi geminirose, don't be sorry for going on, that is what friends are for. I am like you when I become friends with someone I put everything into it and sadly sometimes it leads to being hurt or used by friends. I understand why you would want to stick to yourself as you have lost your trust in alot of people. I don't think it is fair what your friend did to you, some people don't know how to keep things to themself and not blab they don't think how it will effect others. This has happened to me too on quite a few occasions, you think you can trust someone and they reveal everything you say to other people. I hope though that you will still try and let other friends into your life as you may miss an opportunity to find real genuine friends that will be there for you. I am so glad to have met my best friend, the one you see in my new avatar (again- I know lol), she means the world to me and has been there for me and most importantly I trust her completely. So please don't give up on friends, just be selective, throw out the dud chocolates, lol, and pick the good ones. (Just made that saying up then, he he)
@rhane7315 (5674)
• Philippines
7 May 08
yeah i agree with that because you can exchange some stories if you really have a lot in common with your friends. the longest friendship that i've got was 10 years
@kiran1978 (4138)
• Australia
8 May 08
Yes it is good to hear stories about things you are interested in. 10 years is a great long lasting friendship!
@mistissa (1348)
• Netherlands
6 May 08
I think it s ok to have a lot of things in common but it is not the main reason to be friends with someone. It is all based upon one's personality. You can have totally different interest and nothing in common and still be good friends. Because you fill each other up
@kiran1978 (4138)
• Australia
8 May 08
Hi, I think personality is definately important aswell as things in common you are right.
• India
6 May 08
never!!!!! it is not at all necessary tahat we should have common with someone to be good.. i have lots of friends who r different frm me . But they are my close friends..
@kiran1978 (4138)
• Australia
6 May 08
I am not saying you can't be friends with friends who you don't have alot in common with I just find from my experience that I am closer to friends with similar interests as we have done many fun activities together that we both enjoy doing. I am glad you have many friends with varying interests to you and that you have formed close friendships with them also.
• United States
6 May 08
I think that sometimes it is best when you have a lot in common with your friends, and I agree with you when you have stuff in common with friends it allows for a lasting friendship, and more opportunities to stay in touch. Sometimes though it is nice to have friends that have different interests than you - I think it allows a person the chance to broaden their horizons. Sometimes you will meet someone and think that you have absolutly nothing in common - only to find out that some of the other persons interests are things that you later become interested in.
@kiran1978 (4138)
• Australia
6 May 08
Yes that is true having a friend with interests different to yours, could broaden your horizons, good point you got there.
@chrissieatu (1033)
• China
5 May 08
I don't think my friend and I need to have a lot in common. Rachel is my best friend in university, but we are quite different. That something we are in common may be that we are both genuine to friends. That genuiness take us together. My point is friends do not need to have a lot in common. (Of course it will be better for the realationship if my friends and I have a lot in commmon.) As long as I think the others has that something that I think we can be friends, I will make friends wtih him/her.
@kiran1978 (4138)
• Australia
6 May 08
You make a good point, I think it is also possible to be friends with someone you don't have alot in common with. But it does help a frienship if you like similar things as you can do activities together that you both like. Being genuine to each other is a great quality to have in frienships.
• United States
5 May 08
i like to have alot in common when i find a friend but its hard for me to find a real friend ive only had 2 that i thought that were real and they screwed me over and i shared things i would never tell them now i have 2 more girl friends and im kinda scared to shre my likes and dislikes cause i dont want to be hurt what do i do
@kiran1978 (4138)
• Australia
6 May 08
I can understand you being scared to open up to friends again. I too have been betrayed by friends I thought I could trust. However I am not going to let this stand in my way of letting other friends into my heart as there are some real true friends out there that will respect you and be friends for life. So give these friends of yours ago, you will soon know whether you can trust them or not.
@lvaldean (1613)
• United States
5 May 08
I think relationships, whether friendship or otherwise, are built on many different foundations shared interests being only one of these. I have friends from all over the world. With some I share interests in the work that we all have in common and from there we built friendships and found other common ground. Many times this common ground included family, travel, books, music, education, and other things that surprisingly crossed cultural boundries. I have friends that have shared my life for 30+ years. We have grown in different directions over the years and yet we remain close. Each time we talk it is as if distance and time do not exist for us. I have friends that looking at us you would never guess that we could be friends, we come from such different places, generations, or otherwise. Yet we have crossed all that off the list to find common ground. Friendship is a heart thing. We find something in another person that touches us. Certainly common interests is part of how we bond with some people but it isn't what keeps us bonded.
@kiran1978 (4138)
• Australia
6 May 08
Great response, I agree with you common interests helps the friendship but it is not what bonds friends. It is great how you have some great frienships from all over thw world and 30 plus years, wow, you must know some of your friends really well.
@julyteen (13261)
• Davao, Philippines
9 May 08
much better if you have lot of common specially the likes? i can't imagine going around with friend all he had to do is opposite my planned it very difficult. if you have lots in common anywhere you go he/she always agree with you. i have friend since high school (16 years) and now still we go out every time we meet, shopping, beach, camping and of course doing our business.
@tjades (3594)
• Jamaica
7 May 08
No we do not have to have a lot of things in common. I like having friends with different temparaments and and interest. For example I am a christian but I have never had a best friend who is a christian. My friends just have to be people who know how to be frank and keep it real. These people are very much hand selected even though i may have many friends.The special ones are very few. As much as just two. (lol)
• Philippines
7 May 08
if you have a lot common in your friens you will surely understand each other...like what i've been experiencing since i foun out my friends attitude that we have in common...