pregnant by another mans baby...

United States
May 6, 2008 8:32pm CST
Ok I am not in this situation but knows someone that is... It's funny because this person is close to me and is married but a year ago started cheating on her husband for what ever reasons.. She's to the point where she don't think that the unborn child's father has the right to know she's pregnant with his child.. Instead she wants to keep it a secret and her husband wants to raise it as if it were his own... Do you think even though she is married should be tell her boyfriend that she is pregnant? And what are your thoughts on this subject???
4 people like this
30 responses
@cupid74 (11394)
• Pakistan
7 May 08
Hmmmmm i think father must know that he is going to have baby like wise kid must know name of real father but if ur hubby knows that its not his kid and still happy to raise him, then the kid is lucky? But sure its unfair to her hubby, if he dont know that its some one else kid in her wife womb Take care
1 person likes this
• United States
7 May 08
Hi Cupid I can't agree more... I don't know why people think keeping secrets is going to help with anything, Than there is lying about them.. That's what gets me the most.. So so she does tell her boyfriend I'm not sure how he's really going to take the fact he's going to be a daddy, Not to mention he is much younger than her.. I believe he's 23 and she's 31 age isn't a problem but I don't think this guy is really ready to be daddy as of yet.. Than again that is just my guess.. But if you play you will pay not matter what!! Thanks for your reply!
@cupid74 (11394)
• Pakistan
8 May 08
Hi dear u r right, these things cant be hidden and u never know what would be face/feature of young kid. and age factor is not a matter, but what ur future plans are important, if its niot impulsive decesion of both then they must be aware of consequences. Or they might be think being married can cover their game anyway, cheating is cheating either to B/f or or to husband and not to forget infant
• United States
10 May 08
Thank you cupid... This whole situation I think is just really sad and I do hope that she does tell him than that way at least he knows that he does have a child even if he's not able to be around him, hopefully after he/she is born my sister will let him see the baby as well.. At least I know in my heart I would do that to me that would only be fair...
• United States
7 May 08
Ya know I don't know why peole have to go around cheating on husbands or boyfriends the way that they do. If you truelly love some one you wouldn't do this kind of thng. Yes I think she should tell for hideing things in the long run will only make things worse.
1 person likes this
• United States
7 May 08
Thank you for your comment! I can't agree more.. Sooner or later the truth will come out and when it does happen things aren't going to be so pretty.. I think that any female that becomes pregnant by a mans baby has the responsablitly to tell them the truth.. I would feel bad if he is the father and doesn't even know until the child is older in age than comes one day and says did you know you were my dad? It's happened before to other fathers cause mothers wouldn't say cause they have cheated on there other half to me it's just a sad situation!
1 person likes this
@msnbtech (284)
• India
7 May 08
ya what you said is absolutely right but cheating is really so sad!!!ok you posted a good comment. bye bye see you
1 person likes this
@maggie85 (34)
• China
7 May 08
I think if she dated with other guys, that means she doesn't love her husband anymore, or less than her boyfriend. If her boyfriend love her, ok, she can divorce and marry that guy, build new family, no cheating on her husband!And she and her boyfriend can have that baby
1 person likes this
• United States
7 May 08
Well her and her husband do have a child together.. They have struggled a few years and have had issues with everything from fighting with one another to talking about a divorce.. However that never did take place, he would threaten her with it but never go threw with it, Cause they would have 10 times over if ever were to happen...
1 person likes this
• United States
7 May 08
So, you are saying her husband knows that she cheated and may be pregnant with the other guy's baby, and he's ok with that? She still needs to tell the other guy. What happens if there are health problems with the baby and they needs his medical record? Not to mention the fact that he has a right to know.
1 person likes this
• United States
7 May 08
She just told her husband that she's pregnant not to mention she's been cheating on him for the last year... He is just finding this all out as things as the days go by... I think she should tell him cause your right never know when something might happen, how ever she's the type of person that thinks nothing ever will and doesn't wonder about them.. In a way it's a little sad... Thanks for your reply!
1 person likes this
@Sherry12 (2475)
• United States
7 May 08
That would be a sad situation to be in. I think she needs to tell the truth to avoid problems later on. She is very lucky her husband is willing to raise the baby. Is she sure the baby isn't her husbands?
7 May 08
Does the husband know that she cheated? Well even if he has forgiven her and wants to keep the child, both the child and father-to-be should know about each other. It will be hard but she will have to do this for her own peace of mind. I can't understand how people cheat on each other like this. Nor can I believe that a man can bring up another mans child and treat him like his own. Seeing as she was married when she had a boyfriend, it is no worse to be honest and tell him that she is pregnant with his child. I is a horrible situation, and I hope she manages to sort it out.
1 person likes this
@Adelida2233 (1008)
• United States
7 May 08
She should tell her boyfriend that she is pregnant regardless of what else she decides. This scenario is a little outlandish, but proves my point: She has complications with her pregnancy and becomes unconcious. Her husband rushes her to the hospital, not knowing anything about her being pregnant. The doctor's then go into the room blind, not knowin what could be wrong. Thats problem number 1. Problem number 2 would be, since they are married, her husband is legally next of kin unles it is otherwise stated. That means the doctors will tell him what's rong. When he finds out she's pregnant, you won't want him to be in a public place. I personally would choose to tell him about the affar, regardless of the outcome. My relationship is based on trust, and adultery is clearly a breach of that trust.
@sunshine4 (8709)
• United States
7 May 08
There are alot of factors that are involved in this. First off, does the husband know that it may not be his baby? If not, then she has to break the news to her husband and who knows, he may just kick her to the curb. I think regardless, she has to let the boyfriend know that she is pregnant. Is she 100% sure that it is the boyfriends baby? The best thing for the baby, in my opinion, would be to not tell the boyfriend~ but then, what if something happens down the road and this baby needs something to keep him alive from his real father. It is a hard one! I guess first off it would depend if the husband knows it may not be his. Then she would have to break it off with the boyfriend and never see him again~
• United States
10 May 08
I agree sunshine, However she's so hard headed right now that nothing you tell her is going to change her mind... I can understand that there might be problems not saying for a fact there is going to be but she needs to get some responsibility and start acting like an adult... the sad thing is she already has a child age 3 that she's hardly ever around with.. I am afraid once this little one is born she's going to do the same thing...
• United States
23 Apr 09
I think the truth will eventually come out someday and it will be worse then if she was honest up front about everything. She will probably lose her husband but it sounds like she needs to. She can't be trusted. 1 she is cheating on her hubby and 2 she is going to let him think the child she is carrying is his. It just seems so wrong somehow! I don't see how any good can come from this! This is just my opinion though and this conversation was from a year ago. I am sure this is most likely solved anyway;-)
• Australia
12 May 08
Firstly, this girl needs to stand up and own up to this, because if she hides what has gone on, she will get found out. It may not be straight away, but it will definately happen, and if she is going to pretend that the baby is her husbands, she is a fool to think that it is not going to destroy her marriage. How is he going to feel when he finds out that the child he is bringing up, is not his mat all. I dont think that there is anything more deceitful to do to another person.
@gemini_rose (16193)
12 May 08
I can see why she wants to keep it a secret from the real father, and in an ideal world it would work. But the real world has a nasty way of throwing these secrets back at us when we least expect it. If for instance the child became seriously ill and only the biological father could do anything to save it then they would have to inform him and if the child was older then the real father would be devastated to know that they had kept it from him. If she did not want this man to know that he is the father, then realistically she should not have allowed it to happen in the first place, or she should not have had the affair.
@anniepa (27238)
• United States
12 May 08
Wow, better you than me to have a friend with this kind of problem! Obviously, she has to tell the truth because who knows what the consequences of keeping it secret may be, even years down the road. These things never come out very well if they're kept hidden! If her husband knows he isn't the father and still wants to raise this baby as his own she should be one very thankful woman, in my opinion. I hope for everyone's sake things turn out well for all concerned but I thinks she should tell the baby's father the truth because he does have a right to know. Annie
• United States
12 May 08
Just wanted to add more because some people are saying she should tell her husband, from what you wrote it sounds as if the husband knows it's not his, it's just the boyfriend that don't know. I understand the medical issues but that could be dealt with if it come us at a later date if the Dr.'s say the child is sick because a genetic problem from the fathers side then yes you would need to get ahold of the boyfriend. But otherwise, in this day of age it is best for a child to have a stable home it is hard enough in this world without going back forth between parents.
• United States
12 May 08
Her situation is really sucky, but on the other hand she is lucky to have a husband that is willing to do this. I think it would be healthier for the husband to raise the child and the other guy not to know. Even though it seems he has the right. I think it is better if a child grows up in a home with two loveing parents then have to be tossed back and forth between two parents that fight over him/her.
@freak369 (4929)
• United States
11 May 08
What happens if they kid looks nothing like the father or there are some genetic or medical issues? Better to come clean and be honest and say that there is a chance that he isn't the father. Play with fire and eventually you will get burned.
@Pitgull (1523)
• United States
10 May 08
If someone has a child, they deserve to know. He's not even given the opportunity to raise his child, or know it exists? She should be honest with her husband, and if she is still sleeping with him, he should know so he can go get tested. She's been with someone else. She was married, signed a contract, spoke her vows....and decides to abandon her commitment, for a man that wasn't even worth it (she doesn't think he should know about his child?!?!) Unless he is just a bad man and shouldn't be around kids, then I don't understand. Regardless, her husband should know who's child he's really raising, and not be under any illusion. What, when her conscience catches up, in 15 years, then she'll tell him? Yeah, good for the kid...
@barehugs (8986)
• Canada
8 May 08
These things are very common out there and people just never know! I know a single girl, who never intends to marry. She set out to have 3 kids by 3 different men. Needless to say she succeeded and today she has a Lovely Family! Also I know a guy who married, met his new wife's sister and fell for her also. He has a family by his wife and his sister-in-law works full time and gives her pay checks to him. They all live together and, in the Family car the sister sits in the front seat, while wife and mother sits in the back with the kids.
@Hatley (164654)
• Garden Grove, California
7 May 08
I have always thought that honesty is the best policy and that applies here also. She messed around on the side'and got pregnant with her lover's baby so sh owes it to him to tell him. undoubtedly he will not want to have anything to do with the baby anyway so hopefully nothing else will change. How does she know for sure its not her husband's baby in the first place?
@nixxi76 (3192)
• Canada
7 May 08
Well if she's looking forward to legal matters when the child gets older then I suggest she tells her boyfriend. I think the right thing to do here is tell her husband the truth since she made her own bed and it should be up to him or not if he wants to stay with her. If she does decide to notify the father of the baby and he wants visitations and she's trying to keep it a secret from both the father and her husband, I'm sure she will get away with it for some time probably until the child turns five or so but then eventually it will all catch up with her and someone is bound to find out because the child will be all mixed up and confused and start talking and mentioning names.
• India
7 May 08
ok this is a real complicated one. huh i am sure a lot of poeple have gone through this but never had the guts to voice it out. it is complicated, what your friend really needs to do is first decide what she wants out of her life. does she want a life with her husband or not. what you are doing here is ruining 3 lives. your husbands, your childs and your own life. who are you being fair with. as i said first she needs to decide, was her affair a mistake or does she wanna carry on with this new man?