Did you ask your mother or your father when you needed or wanted something?

@anawar (2406)
United States
May 7, 2008 3:47pm CST
Most people choose one parent over the other when they need help. I usually went to my mom because I knew she would ask my dad. I rarely went to my dad first because he didn't talk much and I never knew what he was thinking. Who did you relate to best as a kid? Mother or father? Is it different now that you're an adult? If you're not an adult yet, which parent do you go to now?
1 person likes this
11 responses
@kbourgerie (8781)
• United States
8 May 08
I can't say I went to either, although if I did it would have had to have been my father. He made us work for our money and put part of it in savings. I worked from the time I was 12 babysitting and on base as a secretary during the summer months. I made enough that I was able to buy antique furniture of my own and saved some money, although not much, towards college.
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@anawar (2406)
• United States
10 May 08
Very impressive! Who did you ask when you needed permission to do something? Are you posted on a military base? Thanks for responding to my discussion!
2 people like this
• United States
11 May 08
If I had to ask somebody something it probably was my stepmother, my father wasn't home alot. We were stationed on military bases, but that was years ago. My father is now deceased and I am now just an ordinary citizen. LOL.
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@sisterjinx (1136)
• United States
7 May 08
My father was pretty stubborn and usually would simply lecture rather than help. And if I didn't agree with him he would simply stop speaking to me for whatever amount of time both of us were stubborn enough for. My mother I would only go to if I could not get help from a friend or other relative because she never thought that I was capable of anything anyway and asking her for help only made her believe it more. To this day she usually treats me like a child. So I seldom ask her for anything. We keep in touch to make sure each is doing well but we don't talk about anything real.
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@anawar (2406)
• United States
7 May 08
Hi. Thanks for replying. I think we must have the same mothers!
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• United States
8 May 08
lol I knew I had a long lost sister somewhere. :)
1 person likes this
@grace24 (1050)
• Philippines
8 May 08
I usually go to my mom than my dad because my dad is far from me. He is working in other country so that i always go to my mom. She is always there for me but both of them is good to talk to because they are both understanding and supportive to us.
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@anawar (2406)
• United States
10 May 08
It sounds like your family is very loving. It's awesome that your parents maintain a strong bond while your dad is away. Thanks for responding to my discussion!
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@SViswan (12072)
• India
22 May 08
I related more to my dad and would go to him when I needed something. I found out my mother was stressed out most of the time...and we didn't really get along well when I was growing up. It was always my dad I went to for help unless I was living with my mother when my dad was abroad.
@anawar (2406)
• United States
23 May 08
Sorry about your mom. I can't imagine turning to my dad for help. He helps me all the time, but I go through my mom! My dad is gruff and after all these years, I still get a bit nervous talking to him. Where did your dad go_ if you don't mind my asking? I'm always interested in hearing about travels outside of the United States.
@SViswan (12072)
• India
23 May 08
There's nothing to be sorry about. It was the usual generation gap during my teenage years...and we've come to a comfortable level now. We talk over the phone every week...so it's not bad at all. I grew up in the Middle East...Kuwait to be exact (I'm an Indian). But for a couple of years, my mom was in India with me and my sister while my dad was working in Kuwait. Right now, my parents stay in Africa and we visit them there once in 2-3 years. My parents have been to the United States for a visit but I've never been there.
@olivemai (4738)
• United States
8 May 08
Mom was home full time when I was a kid, so we did ask mom way more often than we asked dad! We would not ask dad if we could help it! Now I make sure that my kids can ask their dad for something, although I do have to encourage him to be nice about it and not make it sound like he is being bugged by them!
@anawar (2406)
• United States
10 May 08
Aren't men funny with kids? I think women got the mommy gene at conception. Some dads relate easily to kids, but I think the majority do not. I admire how you coach your husband's responses when the kids come to him. Good job fostering a solid and pleasant relationship between the kids and their dad.
1 person likes this
@olivemai (4738)
• United States
11 May 08
Thanks, although I am sure there are many times when he does not want to hear it! I have been to parent involvement events and father involvement is being promoted to try and get more fathers involved with their children!
@Pitgull (1523)
• United States
22 May 08
It's always been my mother. I never really had the option to go to my father (he didn't make himself available, like, ever....I found him when I was 21 and met him for the first time last November, he doesn't care that I'm alive) But I was able to talk to my mom. And get to focus on and learn who she was. At times it was difficult, we're both female mind you lol, but I wouldn't trade it for the world. I was able to talk to my mother about things I never thought I could mention to a single soul... I ended up with the best friend I could ever have, the beauty is that she will always love me :)
@anawar (2406)
• United States
22 May 08
What lovely feelings. You and your mother are fortunate to have this relationship. Sometimes fathers aren't worthy of our love and our moms make up for it. I never got close with my mom, but one of my daughters is the one person I know I can trust and that her love is constant. She sent me a card one time that said 'I love you for who are and because you love me for me.' So, even if I didn't get what I wanted from my mom or dad, I made sure my kids got everything they needed from me. And their father wasn't worthy of their love. Sorry you had to learn that about your dad.
• Philippines
11 May 08
The same with you, I always went first to my mom and very rarely with my dad. Maybe because that I am a girl, I know that my mother will likely understand what I need and my feelings, and also my mother and I are very close. I always talked to her almost everything, serious or silly things. She's the one I will talked if something bothering me or just wanting some advice. My father is a bit like yours, didn't talk much and very strict. Nonetheless, I am also close with him and he's the one I can talk to if I wanted something. :D
@anawar (2406)
• United States
11 May 08
Thank you so much for joining the discussion. How wonderful for your parents to have such a lovely daughter. I imagine their hearts fill with joy when they hear your voice.
• India
11 May 08
Yes friend....most people choose one or the other parent when they need help and i always used to go to my mom for whatever i needed.My dad was a bit of a strict nature and it was through my mom only that i got my things done.Now i am myself a mom and sadly but truely now i dont have my mom around as she is no more but honestly i miss my mom a lot but i know that even now she keeps watching me from far off..... have a nice day friend.......
@anawar (2406)
• United States
11 May 08
Yes, I'm sure your mom is with you and always will be. Thanks for sharing your story in our discusson. Sending warm regards and kind thoughts your way.
@jesbellaine (4157)
• Philippines
10 May 08
I alaways ask my Mother when I need something because Mom would understand why I need those things. Also, eventhough she would just ask questions like other parents do, she will give you space for explaining yourself and she doesnt judge.
@anawar (2406)
• United States
10 May 08
You have a really nice mom! Thanks for responding. It's nice to see your face here.
@sunkissed (4332)
• United States
8 May 08
anawar, I was very much like you were when I was a child.I would always go to my mother also if I wanted something because she was really the one that made the decisions. my dad too did not talk as much as my Mother did, I really did not know what was going on with him that much either.When we grew up it was differant my dad was more open, my parents got divorced, and my dad was more open, but I am sorry to say he passed away in 200. I really do miss him alot too.
@anawar (2406)
• United States
10 May 08
Oh, I'm so sad your dad passed on. I wonder what it will be like when my dad's time comes? He's 83 with several health problems. Every day's a blessing. You must have been so fulfilled and joyous when your dad opened up to you. Thank goodness he recognized the beautiful daughter he had and cherished her while he lived. Thanks for commenting in my discussion. It's always a pleasure to see your shining sun!
@excellence7 (3477)
• Mauritius
23 May 08
Mom, obviously :P She is more soft that dad, and im even more sure than she will not deny me and will more easily convince dad ;)