How do you heal a broken heart?

United States
May 9, 2008 3:09am CST
I know everyone deals differently. What is the longest it's ever taken you to get over somebody? What do you feel is a normal, healthy amount of time? What did you do to get over that ex? Just curious as to what you all think. In the past I use to not even think about it I guess, but This last one has taken me more then two years to get over. Still not over it. I feel like I should be by now.
1 person likes this
16 responses
@winterose (39922)
• Canada
9 May 08
it can take you much longer than that, psychologists say it can take from 2 to 10 years but they also say every one is different and it will take whatever it takes. and that is just how it goes, there is no such thing as it take exactly so much time, it gets a bit easier as time goes on and that is it. Two years is still fresh for some people. It took me 10 years to fully get someone out of my system, not I didn't cry over him 10 years later like I did the first 4 years but I would have taken him back in a second up until 10 years and then I realized all the feelings were gone.
1 person likes this
• United States
14 May 08
10 years is awhile, how long was the relationship?
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@winterose (39922)
• Canada
14 May 08
the relationship was basically a year, but the heart does not work on a time schedule, that is the problem, I am a therapist, I have to reiterate it is different for every one but that is the time frame 2-10 years that most people fall into. Of course like in my case, when it was 10 years it did not hurt like it was the first 4, but it was at the 10 year mark that I finally realized I was no longer in love with him.
@jesbellaine (4157)
• Philippines
10 May 08
I cried myself into sleep for couple of days; Lay low then think of the reason why we broke up; After that, go out with friends and families; The best is that realizing the things that I still have in my life that will never change without him... that is how I mend my broken hard... believing that there will be new love on the way sooner or later.
1 person likes this
• United States
14 May 08
Thank you for your response. :)
@twoey68 (13651)
• United States
10 May 08
When I split up from my ex it just took time and understanding from my family. I got through it and got back on track. As painful as a broken heart is, there is always a lesson to learn. With my last one, I learned that there are some things I can't forgive. **AT PEACE WITHIN** ~~STAND STRONG IN YOUR BELIEFS~~
1 person likes this
• United States
14 May 08
Thank you for your response. True there are lessons to learn.
@whyaskq (7532)
• Singapore
9 May 08
A broken heart need another heart to heal. . Many do say time will heal, maybe it is true for others but not for me. You may forget about the broken heart but you can never forget the hurt. How do I know if I am healed? When I can meet the broken heart with a peaceful heart.
1 person likes this
• United States
14 May 08
Thank you for you response.
@aiyreen (286)
• Philippines
9 May 08
acceptance. accept the fact that it's over and it's not the end of the world yet
1 person likes this
• United States
14 May 08
Thank you for your response :)
@gemini_rose (16193)
9 May 08
2 years, gosh that is a long time, to be honest with you it has only ever taken me a few weeks to get over someone, if that!! I just used to get it out of my system and then go out and get drunk, I used to go out every weekend so it did not seem to take long to get over a broken heart!!
1 person likes this
• United States
14 May 08
Thanks for your response. I'm not a go out and get drunk kinda girl. But I tried that for awhile too after we broke up.
@myxymica (43)
• Philippines
9 May 08
it's been 2 months since me and my ex broke up, he's my first boyfriend, and he broke my heart, and it so so painful up to now.. all im doing is just to pray and pray cause up to now.. im still hurt.
1 person likes this
• United States
14 May 08
*hugs* The first one can take awhile to get over. I'll pray for you too.
@Rozie37 (15503)
• Turkmenistan
9 May 08
I believe that forgiveness is the most important ingredient for getting over someone. Not just forgiving the person, but also forgiving yourself. Once you forgive from the heart, the healing process can truly begin.
1 person likes this
• United States
14 May 08
Thank you for you response :)
@meiteoh (421)
• Switzerland
9 May 08
It took me about six months get over No 1, about close to a year to get over No 2 and nearly two years to get over No 3. It was different because of the length of our relationships. I noticed - not just with myself but with other people - that the longer you've been together, the hard it is to let go. This has a lot to do with the amount of emotion you've invested into the relationship, the memories that you've built with that person over time and even the relationships you have began with other people that are linked to your ex. Of course, what happened leading to the break-up is a huge factor as well. It was hard for me with No 3 because I lost a lot of friends while I was dating him and I lost a whole lot more after our break-up. It didn't help that there were a lot of bad issues so much so that it took me a year to really decide if my hubby was worth trusting. Do you know why you doubt that you're not over the whole thing? Is it because there was a lack in closure, unresolved issues with the ex or...?
1 person likes this
• United States
14 May 08
I guess It's because I really invested alot into the relationship. for a long time I never got an answer on why he ended it. Plus we tried to be friends, feelings were still there, we went back and forth for a while. Anytime we would get close he would pull away. Also I really don't have alot of people in my life I share things with, so he was my best friend as well as my fiance. So with him gone, who do I have to comfort me?
• Philippines
9 May 08
hmm..... its not a big deal to heal a broken heart nowadays.. ITS JUST A matter of Accepting the regret you'd make though IT's you who made that CHOICE to have heart broken.. once in our relationship to somebody ends..just remember that there is BETTER on it that's why it did not long last...and move yourself to get into it..^_^ ## GIVE YOURSELF A BREAK...free and live as happy as you can..!! just PRAY to GOD.. @jam@ ~live life~ be contented ***
1 person likes this
• United States
14 May 08
Thanks for your response. I suppose I can kinda see where you are coming from saying I chose to have a broken heart, but Feelings are something some people can't push aside.
• United States
11 May 08
Healthy? I never been considered myself as healthy.When my heart is broken , it hurts for years and years.It doesn't go away until something else comes along to mend it. If nothing comes along, then I will still have a broken heart.
• United States
14 May 08
I guess I am kinda in your boat. I used to have a new guy right away, or I would be the one doing the heart breaking. With this one though, I haven't even bothered to look. I just kinda became bitter about the whole idea of relationships :/
1 person likes this
• United States
14 May 08
When you don't look , that's when you will find something good. So just keep doing the things you like and see what happens.
@MsTickle (24991)
• Australia
13 May 08
Do you know what? I've found that the best way is to fall in love again. Some memories will fade away completely, happy ones and sad one...we don't really have control. Some things will stay with us. It depends on the intensity and the realness of the relationship.. Sometimes there is just a feeling of loss, sometimes of longing to be with someone. Sometimes there are happy memories and sometimes there is pain. Our mind and heart have their own way of dealing with things. If you keep busy, and spend time with friends - turning to old ones for comfort and making new ones to make more memories, then you are doing the best things for yourself. Wallowing in misery and self pity are a big no-no. Just accept things and move one and good luck to you.
• United States
14 May 08
I have a bad habit of wallowing. But I will say now I only think of him from time to time. Thank you for your response.
2 Jun 08
It is just time that helps heal, unfortunately there is no real quick fix. I suspect at least a couple of years are needed to get over a serious love. I hate it when people have their hearts broken.
• New Zealand
20 May 08
Sometimes we are only able to get over someone when we fall for a new one... but it's not always the solution... it takes me months or even years to get over somebody... but still I am never able to totally for get them... they remain in my heart as they remain in my life... I always end up as their best friend no matter how much they've hurt me in the past...
@maquisa (316)
• Philippines
19 May 08
when it happened to me 1 week cries,drink and lots of sadness,i really pity myself and even got confined thanks god coz my medicard really helps me a lot hahaha,i feel so alone and ugly...but then with prayers he give me strenght to move on...it all depends on the person and how he/she accept that they has been dumped...i really appreaciate the movie,What Happens in Vegas...itz really nice one...ALWAYS THINK THAT HES NOT THE ONE,,,,,,,Thanks GOD 5yrs relationship is over!Im free...
• Philippines
19 May 08
It hurts. i got over my first one because of my second one, i dont know if im the real problem in the relationship but during my first one i just found out that he was sending letters to his ex about a girl he likes and that was within the relationship we had. he did apologized and explained to me about it, but ever since then my love was draining, and i found one great guy along the way while i was mending my broken heart. although my ex did love me, and still loved him at that time, i couldnt trust him anymore, and i go insane thinking what's next i wouldnt know that he would be doing. so i have my second bf, it was great at first with Pete, but as time went on, how he treated me was the same as how he treated his friends. And i put up with it for a while until just now, i saw something that made me really change my mind and my heart is broken, so i looked up here so i would also know from you guys how you mend your broken heart. when i come in relationships i dont just go and say this is it for the moment now, i dont expect anything but with Pete he was the only one i was scared of it scares me because i see him as someone who i can be with for the rest of my life, until now, its all shattered. i know i have to accept, but i wanted to know from him i was a good girlfriend. i never let him down not once. and it just hurts when u put your heart into something and trust someone for it only to get your heart broken.i dont even ask for much, just a simple "i love you" or "how are you today" was ok for me. it really hurts. i told myself ill give my self time to mourn and a deadline to stop feeling grief. one day ill be ok, but now, ill cry until i cant cry anymore.