Getting married

some shmucks ;] - some people getting married
United States
May 9, 2008 8:27am CST
Yesterday my boyfriend came home from a trip to a cabin with his father and we started talking about his sister's wedding coming up. I have to drive to his house (3 hours away!) by myself for it and I told him he is paying for my gas! He complained about it since "she will be my sister-in-law one day"... I told him that not how it works, but also that I am not going to marry him! I have told him a million times I am not going to get married, but he doesn't believe me. Now I am afraid he is going to propose to me or something! I will have to say no and that would be both LOL and embarrassing (for him, mostly hehe)... I hate when boys don't "get it"... next thing you know he's going to expect me to get knocked up... jeez.
15 people like this
29 responses
@makingpots (11922)
• United States
9 May 08
It sounds like you two want very different things out of life. What is it that keeps the two of you together for this long? It's none of my business, just curious.
4 people like this
@spoiled311 (5502)
• Philippines
9 May 08
hi molly? but why wouldn't you want to get married? lol anyway, yeah, i think your boyfriend doesn't get it. oh...that would be a scene when your boyfriend proposes at his sister's wedding. lol what would you do? well, i guess you better prepare for the inevitable huh? hahaha take care dear!
3 people like this
• United States
9 May 08
Why would I want to get married?! I am a free spirit and I don't like to be too tied down. Plus, why would I want to pay just to prove I love someone? If he proposed at her wedding I would be mortified! I would have to say yes just to save both of us from the embarrassment and then later let him down easy... hehe
1 person likes this
@NVMapper (115)
• United States
9 May 08
Sounds to me like your already married, i.e. came home. But if you want to continue to assert your independence, tell him you don't even want to go watch two people get slaved to each other. That should open his wallet.
3 people like this
• United States
9 May 08
I told him I didn't want to go. I am not close to his family. His sister is a nice girl and all, but I do not want to drive 6 hours total just to see her walk down some dumb aisle while I sit alone and my boyfriend is up there being best man or whatever he has to do. I don't want to get dressed up and deal with his stuck up family asking me annoying questions about my tattoos and looking at me like an alien.
1 person likes this
@tessah (6621)
• United States
10 May 08
if you have no intent of spending your life with this man.. maybe you ought to cut him loose so he can find someone to be with that wants the same things in life he does.
2 people like this
• United States
10 May 08
Who said I didn't want to spend the rest of my life with him? You don't need to be married for that.
@tessah (6621)
• United States
10 May 08
no.. you dont. but he wants marriage and that peice of paper commitment, and he wants children.. and you do not. so really itd be best for both of you if you ended it.. so you could find others that wanted the same things you do from life, rather than you being pressured and him going without. youll both wind up unhappy that way.
1 person likes this
@magikrose (5424)
• United States
9 May 08
Sounds like you 2 are in 2 diffrent stages in your lives right now. He is ready to settle down and start a family and you are not ready for that. I think you 2 really need to sit down and have a serious conversation as to where you both want this relstionship to go and figure out if this os really what you want to do with your lives. It is important for every couple married or not to agree on what they want to do for there future.
2 people like this
• United States
9 May 08
We will never be in the same place in the relationship because he wants to get married and have kids one day and I never want to. We talk about it all the time, but he plays it off as a joke. Unless he changes his mind, I'm not sure what he thinks is going to happen!
1 person likes this
• United States
13 May 08
Then you should break up with him. There's no point in leading a guy on in that way when he wants to get married and have kids and you know this. He could be spending his time elsewhere in a relationship that he feels will lead to marriage and children.
@MsCYPRAH (398)
10 May 08
Your boyfriend is refusing to listen to your words. He is only hearing what he wants to hear. He obviously sees you as a possession and the quicker he can own you, the better he will feel, so he keeps going on about marriage, though you keep saying no. Often marriage is a way of keeping control of someone, to keep them from achieving their desires, or from anyone else having them. Just like getting them pregnant would stop some women in their tracks and keep them dependent on the men. So you must not look upon this as a joke, otherwise he will think you are joking. And I wouldn't wait until he proposes. I would sit him down one day and say how much you like him (if you do) but he should stop mentioning marriage. That he will drive you away if he keeps talking about it because you are not ready for settling down and will only be ready in your own time, not his. Otherwise, without realising it, if you say nothing, you could find yourself being carried away by the moment when he proposes and doing something which goes against your instincts, only to pay miserably for it later on! Try to be clear in what you do when it comes to other people, otherwise you will end up giving ambiguous and confusing signals, or others will often deliberately misinterpret what you say for their own benefit. Good luck.
• United States
13 May 08
I don't think that it has to do with control or stopping people from achieving their desires. I am married and nothing of the sort has happened. They have been together for 2 years, and he is probably in love with her and the next logical step to him when you are in love is marriage. She never wants to get married ,therefore he will never be satisfied with her and keep bothering her about it, as others have said they really should have a discussion about where they are in their relationship because she cannot fulfill what he is looking for if he wants to get married.
@winterose (39918)
• Canada
10 May 08
do you never want to marry or you just don't want to marry him? You guys are really need to have a serious talk as to where your relationship is going and what you each want out of life.
2 people like this
@the_ruler (1446)
• Turkey
11 May 08
I definetely agree with you winterrose. The situation is a serious one and expectations are different from each other. If the people are making assumptions of others' feelings then the relationship or "love" is not on very good roots and may collapse.
@checapricorn (16066)
• United States
9 May 08
wow! that will be sad for him, maybe he is expecting that you're also thinking that your relationship will end up to marriage! ANyway, I hope he just tease you about the gas, LOL, He needs to handle it!
2 people like this
@cortney09 (1346)
• United States
9 May 08
I loved reading this article. Although I am married, you would not believe how many strange looks that my husband and I get when we tell people we aren't going to have children. I mean what's wrong with us not wanting kids. Anyway, I wonder if your boyfriend thinks you will change your mind or if he thinks he can change your mind.
2 people like this
@Lakota12 (42684)
• United States
9 May 08
as it is his sister he should pay for the gas and if he does ask ya all ya can do is say no and thats that and no to being kncked up!
2 people like this
• United States
10 May 08
What does "knocked up" mean or refer to?
1 person likes this
• United States
13 May 08
knocked up means getting pregnant.
• United States
13 May 08
Oh sure! Now you tell me....I told Great Grandma that i was going out to get knocked up after the softball game during dinner, and she threw her hands in the air, screamed, then tipped backwards in the chair!!! Wow, thankfully we had a digital camera ready. We got some great shots.....lol
@firefire (15)
• China
10 May 08
hehe... some question want ask you don't you want to married with you boyfriend? or you want keep the single life forever? or you don't love him? maybe this question is not polite but i want you think it carefully because i don't wanna you after the lose of regret
1 person likes this
• United States
10 May 08
I never want to marry anyone. I do love him very much! I don't want to marry him for a number of reasons, but they have nothing to do with him personally. They apply to everyone.
@laglen (19782)
• United States
13 May 08
I agree he should pay for the gas. Why do you not want to get married, is it him? Or not now?
1 person likes this
@DavidReedy (2411)
• United States
13 May 08
hmm, I'm afraid that any comment I could make could be taken wrongly... or, worse still, correctly. The fact is, he's living in the "norm"--that is with expectations based on the "natural order" of things... One of you is going to have to give, and one or both of you are going to be truly unhappy... Perhaps you both need to do some soul-searching? And decide if you're "right" for each other, or not?
• United States
12 May 08
all you can do is tell him one more time that you are not going to marry him. and I guess get ready to really embarrass him at his sister's wedding if he still doesn't hear you. And by the way tell him that he is springing for the gas or you won't be attending.maybe that will get his attention.
1 person likes this
@subha12 (18453)
• India
12 May 08
i think for some reasons you fear marriage. but then why are you into arelationship? actuall;y any relationship can very obviously end into marriage. so it is nothing exceptional a si think.
1 person likes this
@toosh21 (800)
• Australia
12 May 08
lol! I always said I would never get married - my mother has been married & divorced 3 times & I didn't see the sanctity in it. My husband however wouldn't have children unless we were married & I wanted children so we got married - he wasn't worried if we didn't get married ever, he just wanted to be married if we were going to have kids. I love being married and am glad we did it, but I understand you not wanting to get married & your boyfriend should respect your feelings!
1 person likes this
• Malaysia
11 May 08
What a complicated situation. Normally, every single girl in this whole entire earth has a same dream. Getting marry and has a happy family. But in your case, lol!! I have no word on that and a lot of questions cross to my mind. One of it is, since you know by all means you are not going to get marry with him, why do you still date him around? It pointless because you know what do you wish precisely. I think it's better for you to find your Mr. right so maybe you will plan for getting marry. my personal opinion is it sort of like playing with his heart because you really know you are not going to be with him in the end while he's trying his hard to has a family with you.I'm sorry to say this and I know I don't have the right to say those, but that's my personal opinion.
10 May 08
I never wanted to be married and have kids either. Then, after 6 years of living together, I accidently got pregnant. I cried. My BF got excited and started talking about getting married when his parents came down for the holidays, etc, two seconds after we found out I was preggo. We did get married then, mainly so I could be covered on his health insurance for the pregnancy. Fast forward 8 years, two more kids, and I have never been happier. I LOVE my family, I love my three kids, I love the thought of being with my husband forever (even if in this day and age, that's not a guarantee with ANY marriage). We've been together for 14 years total, married for the last (almost) 8 years. I am so glad I changed my mind. If I was you, I wouldn't go to the wedding if I didn't really want to. You may have a great time if you go, but if you feel that strongly, then skip it. Tell them you are sick, or you can't get off work, or just flat out tell them the truth, that you don't feel like it.
1 person likes this
@Treestar (10)
• China
10 May 08
I Can see your boyfriend want to marry you very much ,why no ?you dont love him ? but i thank that is inpossible,time ,you need time .i usually hear that don't want to get maryy which is the boy ,now become the girl . hehe
1 person likes this