Mothering On Mylot

Regina, Saskatchewan
May 9, 2008 1:12pm CST
Giving birth doesn't make you a mother. Raising a child doesn't make you a mother. What makes you a mother is the ability to nurture, support, encourage and respect the people in your life. Mothering is the instinct to care for and nurture and raise the self esteem of growing organisms. You can have four legs or two, or even none at all and be a mother. You don't have to have given birth. Here on the lot, there are mothers of all kinds. Within this community are people with more problems and heartaches than Ann Landers has letters. We form our circles of friends and we let our hair down in our discussions. Our friends and others show up and offer us a kick in the butt, a hug, advice, encouragement, support, sympathy and love. They offer us the gift of the instincts that make them wonderful mothers whether they have children or not. I can't nurture to maturity a houseplant to save my life. But outside, I have ten green thumbs. I often wonder where I went wrong raising my own kids, but I have many 'foster kids' doing just fine. Mothering is not an equal opportunity talent. We can be successful on some fronts and not others. That doesn't make us bad mothers here, and good mothers there. It depends on the recipient to a great extent too. We all KNOW how stubborn the male of the species is! LOL Mylot offers a unique opportunity for all of us to hone our mothering skills. We offer our friends our love and support, we give them kudos on accomplishments and strength in darker times. We leave our words in their heads and our being in their hearts. Much of what we get from this site, we take off site if we are smart. We remember, take comfort in, draw strength from, the mothering we get on mylot. It is Mother's Day on Sunday. To all my fellow lotters - biological mother's or not, I thank you for giving me the benefit of your mothering instincts and wish you all a sunny warm beautiful day on Sunday to reflect on the warmth and love that surrounds every grateful 'child' you have mothered in your own special way.
6 people like this
20 responses
@tessah (6621)
• United States
9 May 08
i wish you a very happy and loving Mother`s Day as well
5 people like this
• Regina, Saskatchewan
9 May 08
You too tessa, you too! Make 'em serve you breakfast in bed! LOL
4 people like this
@tessah (6621)
• United States
9 May 08
actually other than the surprises im not allowed to see so theyre hidden in a backpack that ive been banned from LOL im having my butt hauled out to the local farm to pick out flowers to plant, and then to the local nursery to pick out trees and other plants to stick hither and tither around my yard to add to the landscaping ive been doing im very much looking forward to sunday!!
5 people like this
• Regina, Saskatchewan
9 May 08
Oh lucky you! My mother's day's used to be just like that! Going from nursery to nursery getting the new plantings for my gardens! I'm going to miss that so much this year! So get a small 'forgetmenot' in my honour, ok? LOL
4 people like this
@Hatley (164389)
• Garden Grove, California
10 May 08
thanks Sparks for your wonderful words. I am the same way with houseplants.i can grow a great garden outdoors but my greenthumb turns black when working with house plants. My own mom was anold fashioned mothering mom who taught me how to sew, clean house, garden, cook, andcan and I was so grateful to her for all she gave to me.Now I am a Senior and reflecting backshe was just one wonderful human being. I Have met a lot of great moms on mylot and I say Happy Mothers day to all of them and to you too Sparks.
• Regina, Saskatchewan
10 May 08
Your Mom sounds a lot like mine Hatley. Wonderful ladies of that day. We may do things a little differently in these current generations, but the instincts are the same and I see many of them coming into flower here on the lot. So green thumbs for a lot of people here too eh? LOL Happy Mother's Day to you too sweetheart.
2 people like this
@taface412 (3176)
• United States
9 May 08
Thank you so much Sparkofinsanity, you have a wonderful message to all of us out there. And I agree with you one hundred percent. You see, I do not have children but I know how I would raise my children, at least at the basic level. ANd when people talk about their kids and of course everyone has an opinion I always get in response "You do not have kids, so you don't know what you would do." Well, maybe I do not have kids, but I still know what I would think. Like you point out you do not have to physically give birth, or raise children in order to have a motherly instinct. ANd I think that it naturally kicks in at one point in a woman's life. Whether she has children of her own or not. So kudos to you for understanding the true nature behind parenting and the biological need us women have to comfort and soothe others in our lives. Happy mother's Day.
4 people like this
• Regina, Saskatchewan
9 May 08
Welcome to mylot taface. You are so right. One doesn't have to have children to have the mothering instinct. Mentoring, caring about, supporting and respecting your friends here for example, is a kind of mothering and EVERYONE can do that - even the guys! LOL
4 people like this
@taface412 (3176)
• United States
11 May 08
Thanks for the greeting. How was your mother's day? It's cold and rainy here, but it turned out well for my mom. My brother popped in for a surprise visit with my niece and nephew. Kids always brighten up a day even when the weather is less than appealing.
2 people like this
@kamran12 (5555)
• Pakistan
9 May 08
Hello spark!:-) You know how to write words and express your heart, that was very beautiful, as if you have poured your heart out giving tribute to 'mothers' in whatever form, shape and manifestation they exist. Bravo! Before I was a biological father, I was either a son or a fatherly figure to many; my siblings, cousins, younger boys in locality and even to my friends and my maternal aunts who considered me their elder brother even though I am much younger. But, when my son was born, my wife had to be readmitted for some reason and my son remained with me for two days and nights. That was a unique experience, as I came to know what joys and inconveniences, mothers face and feel, even if it is just related to feeding, cleaning and expressing love and comforting them. And then, I realized that mothering is a behavior, like you put it, where 'mother' is always available, alert and watchful, to the needs and requirements of the 'child' be it physical, emotional or spiritual. I mentioned it just to tell you how much I appreciate how beautifully you worded what was a random and raw thought for me. I am happy to have many good friends here with these 'mothering instincts', always there to help, support, teach, and stand by me. You have been a great friend with all your support, care and kindness and I would like to thank you and all others for this nurturing. Happy mothers day to all!:-) PS: Not all men are stubborn, even though I am, LOL!
4 people like this
• Regina, Saskatchewan
9 May 08
Oh Kamran, I am so pleased to see you on this thread! You made my point for me exactly! Lovely, lovely, lovely. You are easy to 'mother' my friend. You give back as much as we give, and that's such a gift for us all. Hugs to you!
4 people like this
@kamran12 (5555)
• Pakistan
9 May 08
You are a delight, spark, and I am honored to have best response in 'mothers' discussion even though I am a 'father', thank you!:-)
4 people like this
• Regina, Saskatchewan
9 May 08
Your father's instincts are as good as any mother's Kamran, as your response illustrated. You deserve best response. As soon as I finished reading what you said I hit the button without any reservation at all! Kudos dear friend! Hugs.
4 people like this
• United States
9 May 08
Sparks, beautifully written and straight from a beautiful heart. Happy Mother's Day from one Mother to another dear friend. Kiss
4 people like this
• Regina, Saskatchewan
9 May 08
Why thank you sweets. All of you here and those especially on my mass email list have been such a boon to me - this is my thank you. I love you all. And P1ke is so happy to be one of 'my girls'! LOL Happy Mother's Day to you too Angel. Hugs and kisses right back at ya!XOXOXOXOX.....
3 people like this
@p1kef1sh (45640)
9 May 08
Sparky I am not a mother, but I am a son and I have been so loved here that I feel that there are "Guardians" out there looking out for me. But I want you to know that despite your modesty, I think that you are a wonderful mother and that you sure as heck do have the nurturing spirit. So I'd just like to echo your sentiments to the mothers out there and send you my love for Sunday too. You are one special person and I know that I am not alone in sending YOU all the love in the World. XX
4 people like this
• Regina, Saskatchewan
9 May 08
AAAAAAAAAAW! Thank you P1ke. That means a lot coming from you. And I did say that you didn't have to give birth to have the mothering instinct! LOL
3 people like this
@myklj999 (22274)
• Olney, Illinois
9 May 08
And I suppose on Father's Day you'll just continue to dog us "stubborn" males of the species?
4 people like this
• Regina, Saskatchewan
9 May 08
Yep! LOL Would you expect anything else? Check back in June - I might surprise you! ROFL
2 people like this
@mummymo (23707)
9 May 08
Okay Spark my Darling - you have reduced me to a sobbing, gibbering wreck once again! What beautiful and insightful sentiments and so , so beautifully put! We had mothers day a few months ago and I celebrated with my children then but this is such a wonderful celebration to all of us with Mothering instincts here on the Lot. So I toast to you and all who have mothered me throughout my time on here! Cheers - To Mothers! xxx
3 people like this
• Regina, Saskatchewan
9 May 08
Cheers back at you mummy. What month do you celebrate in? I knew it was different across the pond, but not sure how different.
3 people like this
@mummymo (23707)
9 May 08
We celebrated it back in March and I was pampered all day! Hope that your lovely son is going to pamper you! Tell him I said he is in trouble if he doesn't! xxx
2 people like this
• Regina, Saskatchewan
10 May 08
Will do mummy. He may not listen to me, but he'll listen to YOU! LOL Hugs.
2 people like this
@rev1wendy (611)
• United States
9 May 08
A suuny and blessed Mother's Day to you also, Spark. I can relate to everything in your post, from the housplants to four legs and the foster kids to the males of the species. I am honored to be counted among your friends. Rev Wendy
3 people like this
• Regina, Saskatchewan
9 May 08
Right back at ya rev. I too am honoured, to have you for a friend. Hugs and a Blessed Mother's Day to you. Make edgy do all the cooking! LOL
2 people like this
• United States
9 May 08
She's not going to be here until Tuesday. But she will be doing all the cooking for her brood. I have one of them with me and she will be as much help as a 7 year old can be. lol Her and her brother's have made me some wonderful (and some not so wonderful!) Mother's Day feasts. I love being a mom!!
2 people like this
• Regina, Saskatchewan
10 May 08
Well judging from edgy - you're a great one. Hugs to you for your special day!
1 person likes this
@cortjo73 (6500)
• United States
9 May 08
Thank you Spark! What a sweet thing to say! And, Thank you for all the mothering you have done on my behalf as well! It is nice to be appreciated and, I don't have any biological children but, I love that you have included me as a Mom! I love that! Thank you! Thank you! and Thank you! Happy Mother's Day to you as well!
3 people like this
• Regina, Saskatchewan
9 May 08
You're welcome. And I'm glad you saw that. That was the point really. There are so many lovely people here who don't have kids, yet they have great mothering instincts and it shows, and it helps so many of us. Hugs to you sweets.
3 people like this
@cortjo73 (6500)
• United States
9 May 08
Hugs back friend!
2 people like this
• United States
9 May 08
You're welcome honey now just remember not to run with scissors and close the door when you come inside because you weren't raised in a barn. I mother everybody. I even have a nasty habit of attracting men who have never quite been able to let go of the apron strings but at least it always made me feel useful. Then the day eventually came where I realized I wasn't being useful, I was being used. I still mother all those in my life, be it my friends, my children, my friends children, even my own step mother and my dad from time to time. It's a curse. Happy Mothers Day to you as well dearest. You did just fine in raising your clan. Don't let anyone ever tell you differently.
• Regina, Saskatchewan
9 May 08
Special hugs and wishes for you Cyn. My first hubby was a momma's boy. He still hasn't gotton over my cutting the apron strings! LOL No wonder his new wife hates me!
2 people like this
@Deea48 (1168)
• United States
9 May 08
Wow, now that was a wonderful read, thanks for the well wishes. Thank you forgiving us such a lovely Mothers Day tribute also, very well said. You have a wonderful , relaxing , reflective day as well Spark.
• Regina, Saskatchewan
9 May 08
Thank YOU Deea. You have a wonderful day too. I'll be thinking of you all. Hugs.
2 people like this
@ayessa (1586)
• Philippines
10 May 08
Hi Spark! I really love what you written. It has said a lot about being a mother. You had express what's the role of a mother to everyone. Happy mothers day to you!
2 people like this
• Regina, Saskatchewan
10 May 08
Well thank you ayessa. I don't know if you are a mother or not - but I do hope Sunday is a lovely and special day for you too!
1 person likes this
@ayessa (1586)
• Philippines
10 May 08
Actually Sunday is the first time for me to celebrate Mother's day I just gave birth 6 moths ago and we had a great plans ahead. Happy mother's day!
2 people like this
• Regina, Saskatchewan
10 May 08
Oh how exciting for you! Train the hubs early to treat you right then ayessa on this special day! After all YOU'RE the one who did all the hard 'labor'! LOL
1 person likes this
@novataylor (6572)
• United States
12 May 08
Spark, I so meant to respond to this in a more timely fashion - I'm so sorry. I was deeply touched by what you wrote, and had goosebumps throughout the whole thing. I love what you said about not having to have been a biological mother to be a mother. I'm such a mom, but I've never had kids, as you know. I love being a mom. So, thank you for what you said and the lyrical, melodic way you said it. What grace you have. I just love what Kamran said about your expressing what was just 'a random and raw thought' for him, wow, I felt THAT, you know? He does take your breath away sometimes, doesn't he? So, forgive me for being late? I know you do. Happy Mother's Day, Spark. I wish I could reach out and kiss your face.
2 people like this
• Regina, Saskatchewan
12 May 08
"Smackaroonee" - just got me kissed by Nova! Lovely! Better late than never sweets. No forgiveness needed. I'm a little behind in my responses too, so I know how it is. Kamram is a treasure isn't he? He got best response and I really think he deserved it! Hugs and my phones will be up and running soon, - same number too, so I'll email you when we can talk. I can hardly wait.
1 person likes this
• United States
12 May 08
Me too, Spark, me too....
2 people like this
@mbs730 (2152)
• Canada
10 May 08
That was beautiful, that truly was and thanks for sharing. Happy Mother's Day to you too. If your intentions are good as far as nurturing goes, then that makes you a mother. And I am sure I am making some mistakes with my kids too... but who said we have to be perfect?
2 people like this
• Regina, Saskatchewan
10 May 08
Thank you mbs. And you're right - who said we have to be perfect? LOL Can you imagine a perfect mother? I rather think that would be a horror show. Like a Stepford wife! LOL
1 person likes this
@mbs730 (2152)
• Canada
10 May 08
hehe yeah you have a good point there
2 people like this
@olivemai (4738)
• United States
10 May 08
happy Mother's day! Thanks and you're welcome to all!
2 people like this
• Regina, Saskatchewan
10 May 08
Hey Olive - you have a great weekend you hear? Hugs sweets.
2 people like this
@olivemai (4738)
• United States
10 May 08
Thanks! I am trying to do that!
2 people like this
@Ravenladyj (22937)
• United States
10 May 08
WOW!! what a truly awesome Discussion! and yes a "mother" can mean a lot of things and one DOESNT have to give birth to be a "mom" in someones life..I know that i'm "mom" to a lot of ppl (and many of them regardless of age call me mom LOL) and I know there are ppl here that I'd say are "mom" type figures for me without a doubt (though I'd bet they dont even know it ) Happy Moms Day to ALL of us mums and yes thank you to the "mom" figures I have here on the Lot that have made my life that much better...ROCK IT HARD!! You are all fabulous!!!
2 people like this
• Regina, Saskatchewan
10 May 08
Well I would vote you the Mom with the most enthusiasm, that's for sure! Have a great weekend Raven. The sun is shining here for the first time this week and my white tulips are ready to burst open and soak up that sunshine. Life is good.
1 person likes this
@cream97 (29166)
• United States
10 May 08
Much appreciated! You can be a woman without being a mother. A mother is a natural instinct. You are still able to operate as a woman even if you have never given birth. I will teat you the same way. Thank you!
2 people like this
• Regina, Saskatchewan
10 May 08
You're welcome cream. I hope you have a lovely day on Sunday. Hugs.
1 person likes this
@anex08 (868)
• Philippines
10 May 08
ohhh! that's so warm,,, thank you so much. this post melted my heart and made me feel I am a mother too even without a child. Happy mother's day to you spark!!
• Regina, Saskatchewan
10 May 08
Thanks anex. Welcome to mylot - you'll learn about all kinds of 'mothering' here for sure! Hugs.
1 person likes this
• Canada
12 May 08
Hi Mom! Happy Mother's Day. I love you. You have 'mothered' me very well, thank you. I think I am growing up pretty well because of your tutelage. What do you think? Are you proud of me? Have I heeded you when I should have? I can't see how you 'went wrong' with your kids. I think you did an amazing job with what you had available.
1 person likes this
• Regina, Saskatchewan
13 May 08
Happy Mother's Day to you too. Did you get my roses? Goodie says when she put her nose to the screen to smell them, she got a bee up her nose! LOL Only Goodie! Yes, I am extremely proud of you. More than you could ever imagine. You haven't always heeded me, but you have turned out so much better than I prayed you would. There are times I haven't heeded you either, but with age comes flashing light bulbs in the head don't you know! LOL I love you too sweets. Thank you for the endorsements. They mean a lot coming from you. I am very blessed in my friends.
1 person likes this