is her reaction right?

Philippines
May 11, 2008 5:15am CST
my friend had an affair with our committed co-worker and then suddenly this co-worker of ours got married. she was heartbroken but she doesn't want to talked about it. i attended his wedding together with other co-workers. after the wedding my friend ignores me and doesn't want to talk to me because she was expecting me not to be there which didn't happened coz i consider this co-worker of ours a friend also that's why i showed up at the wedding. i tried to talked to her but she continue to ignore me. its been a week now and nothing has changed. i feel tired talking to her and not getting any response. should i continue to talk to her even if it feels like i'm talking to myself or just let her be thinking that maybe it will pass or maybe, maybe i'll just forget about the friendship......
7 people like this
29 responses
@tessah (6621)
• United States
12 May 08
considering this man was already known to be in a committed relationship.. this woman really is a fool for even getting involved with him in the first place. she has no rights to feel injured because he married the person he was with.. did she figure hed just leave the one he was with for her cause she was putting out? and her being angry with you for attending the wedding of a friend even further is preposterous. i think yer friend likes to play the victim alot seeking attention.. and right now, you happen to be the one thats "injured" her. myself? id blow her off completely.. youve attempted long enough to try to repair this imaginary wrong. walk away.
• Philippines
13 May 08
thanks! i guess it is only an imaginary wrong :b
@teison2 (5924)
• Norway
14 May 08
I think she must have gone mad with love. I'd just say to her: I understand you are mad, but he is my friend also, and I wanted to be there on his day. I think it is sad that you do not want to talk to me. I will not continue trying and making myself sad and hurt, but know that I am here when you do decide to speak to me again.
1 person likes this
@meiteoh (421)
• Switzerland
11 May 08
For starters, she was silly enough to get involved with someone who was committed. It doesn't take a genius to know that in most cases, the guy won't leave. My guess is that she expects you and everyone else who is friends with her to side her when the guy got married. When you decided to go anyway, she saw it as a form of betrayal and promptly ignored you because to her, you were not a good friend. Some women have issues dealing with the truth - they prefer to live their lives in a fantasy, thinking that that someone is going to leave their partners for them and etc. It usually almost never works!!!! Her reaction is normal, for someone like her. I say this because if she was matured and intelligent, she would have not even gotten involved with this guy in the first place. And if she did and it got called off, she would also be matured enough to handle it like a grown-up. Personally, I wouldn't lose sleep over this - just let it go. The choice has been made for you already actually. So just play it by ear - if she does talk to you, then okay, talk back but otherwise, I would think that it's best to just let things be.
@meiteoh (421)
• Switzerland
12 May 08
Yup, definitely! Some women will need time to get over this sort of thing plus at the moment, being angry at someone else is a distraction from the actual source of hurt she feels (co-worker getting married). I would just let her be as well - if she thinks you're worthy of being friends, she'll be back subtly or otherwise. If not, then you know your place... :)
• Philippines
14 May 08
your right. her reaction was so immature. i've distance myself from her and just letting things be. thanks meiteoh!
@fifileigh (3619)
• United States
12 May 08
i think he used her before his wedding to have once last fling before he gets married. why did she accept when she knew he was engaged? i think leave her alone. she knew what she was getting into, a relationship with a committed man...what did she expect will happen..he will dump his fiancee for his fling?
• Philippines
13 May 08
i think she was hoping that would eventually happen to her but it did not...
@se7enthbird (8328)
• Philippines
11 May 08
the reaction was not right. she knows from the start that she will get hurt. you went to the wedding with all the right reasons. let her be with herself for a while then she will come to her sences again. if ever she will not talk to you ever again then go on with your life. she has the one with issues here and not you. you can get more friends in the future.
• Philippines
11 May 08
that's exactly how i feel. she's creating problem that should not be there in the first place. i think i'll consider your advice letting her come to her senses and if not go on with my life and find more friends. thanks se7enthbird!
@LittleMel (14055)
• Canada
18 May 08
No her reaction is not right, but who in this world can always be right and when it comes to love or lust it is easy to be blinded. she is definitely heartbroken, and no this is none of your fault. This is her time to learn and realize things the hard way. I don't know if she will ever talk to you again or if your friendship is strong enough to overcome this, but I would say for the time being, it really is up to you how you want to deal with her silence. You said she had an affair with a committed person, so she should expect the disappointment. If a committed person can have an affair, what makes her think he won't do the same to her? A relationship can end anytime for whatever reason even if there is nobody else involved but the two people in it. People or things change. I suggest you take a step back and leave her alone for the time being, if she really is your friend she won't let anyone get in between your friendship.
@shooie (4986)
• United States
18 May 08
One she knew he was in a relationship already when she got herself involved so was her mistake in the start. But you didn't do anything wrong I would of done the same as you and went to the wedding. I would still talk to her about just everyday things and or say hello. She'll snap out of it sooner or later. If she chooses to stay upset then shrug and move on. I wouldn't worry about it.
@sk66rc (4261)
• United States
18 May 08
There's an old saying, "you can lead a horse to a water but you can't make it drink!" You can offer her a friendship & your help but if she's not willing to accept them, there's nothing much you can do... If the friendship with her is an important one, just let her know you're there for her when she needs you & leave it at that... Flip side of that, I had a situation with a "friend" of mine at the time that fell apart because of the money issue... Someone told me "hey, if you lend someone $20 bucks & never see him again, it's probably worth every penny!!" Let it go & see what happens...
@fec139 (803)
• United States
18 May 08
she's hurting, which is understandable. So her actions and reactions are irrational, at this point. Give her time, and think how it must be for her to have to work with him. I once got involved with a co-worker who was separated from his wife.....five months later,3 weeks before his divorce was finalized, they reconciled and he dumped me. I continued to work with for about 3 years until he, thankfully, moved on.. But I can't tell you how painful it was to see him with his wife at company functions. While I was dating him, he swore up and down that they would never get back together and in fact, she got engaged to someone else!! I never ever got involved ever again with a coworker. It's such a bad idea. I also never got involved with a separated man, only after divorce. I had a man who asked me out. He and his wife had separated. I said "show me the divorce papers, and I will date you"......he went back to his wife... your friend walked right into an emotional landmine. But if you ever are able to talk to her again, say this "what kind of man is engaged to one woman, and goes to bed with another? Once a cheater, always a cheater, so you're lucky it was not you walking down that aisle"
@KrauseHome (35529)
• United States
15 May 08
Personally, why should this co-worker be upset? I agree with everyone else, if this man was in a committed relationship when she had an affair with him, why should she be upset when you attended the Weddomg? If anyone should be upset, it should be the woman he married as he had an affair with someone else while committed to her. Just my thoughts.
• United States
14 May 08
Wait a minute, here. She was having an affair with this "taken" guy. "Taken" guy gets married and doesn't tell her, so she feels heart broken. She thinks that you shouldn't remain friends with him because he broke her heart? Makes sense... NOT! He broke HER heart, not yours! You have every right to pick your own friends, and she should not be telling you who to be friends with! So what if she's ma dat you? I'd act like it didn't bother me at all. I would ignore her if she starts trying to be buddy-buddy with you again, like nothing ever happened. Like the song says, "Let's call the whole thing off!" People like her don't deserve friends.
@kg_gurl (220)
• United States
14 May 08
I think she's being childish. I mean if she wants you to understand her, she should also understand you. You are not taking sides because you consider both of them your friends. I think you should just stay out of it so that you won't be caught in the middle.
14 May 08
I don;t think it's right of her to be quite that bad with you - but how long has it been? Do you think she might just need some time. Because it must be realy hurtful to her. I've been with a guy before and then discovered he was engaged... obviously it's not a nice feeling. So I think you should hang in their for your friend, until she comes round to the idea, and then you can help her get over it!
@rhettaa (214)
• United States
12 May 08
She chose to get involved with someone she knew was already involved. It's not fair for her to expect anyone else to take sides. Just be polite to her, and pretend that you don't even know she's not talking to you, but don't try to make her respond. Keep your remarks friendly and brief and let her get over it by herself.
@mefadon3 (298)
• United States
12 May 08
Let your friend cool off some. She is obviously embarrassed. She was a weekend jump off and she knows it and everybody in your circle of friends knows it. I hope she learns a lesson in this. A jump off, is the side girl or guy and that is all they are. I am not trying to pick at your friend or anything like that, but it is what it is.. You should not sleep with people that are committed and expect more from them than they are willing to give.
@cskey3 (20)
• China
12 May 08
It's hard to say.Have you think of her feelings.
• India
12 May 08
hi actually this is one of the most sensitive situation its up to your friend to believe you if possible try to send her a text message tell her that you still wanted to be her friend and dint want to show her anything by attending the marriage try to give her social support if she's a bit depressed thats what you can do cause she'snt supporting you at this time what a feel is its better not to lose a friend...............
@kalav56 (11502)
• India
12 May 08
she should keep your friendship and her feelings regarding the other person separate. Anyhow, right now she is heart broken. So, let her be. Time will take care. you just go the way you are without showing any special like or dislike for the matter and the discord.
@subha12 (18453)
• India
12 May 08
i think she is over reacting. but whatever may be the case at time these reactions can't be just avoided. as you attended his wedding, she thinks you are against her. so she is acting this way.may be time will give her fare idea
@anawar (2406)
• United States
12 May 08
What a mess! Friends are for fun and we trust them. Right now, you're not having fun and the trust in your relationship has shattered because of your friends mysterious and completley unfair treatment of you. I don't think I would want a friend like that. If she wants to ignore you, let her ignore you. Don't worry or try to figure out why she's upset. You got it right in your last sentence. Maybe you should forget about the friendship. See if she comes to you. Let me know how it works out.