Not Worthy

@AmbiePam (49126)
United States
May 11, 2008 9:24am CST
Yes, today is Mother's Day, but this discussion is relevant to me all year round. I love my mom so much. She is such a wonderful and strong woman. I don't know what I would do without her. But I feel like she got kind of cheated. I just think she deserves more. Now I don't want this to come off as I'm feeling sorry for myself, and I'm looking for compliments, because I'm not. What I'm trying to explain is that I think my mom deserved a better daughter than what she got. Actually I think she deserved two better daughters (I have a sister). My sister has done well in life, and loves my mom, but she doesn't speak very nicely to her somtimes. To be honest, she doesn't speak nicely to any of us very nicely, lol. I don't know how to explain my sister. She's such a good woman, but well, I think some of you remember my troubles with her. I treat my mom well, but on the hand I haven't done too well in life. I'm on SSI, and she and my father have had to pay for things like my recent dentist nightmare. I don't think she should have to do that, but she wants to help me whenever I can. I just can't explain how much I respect her. She has had so many health problems, and still she works her tail off to be the best she can be. She has sacrificed over the years, and I only wish I could show her everything she means to me. Granted I tell her, and try to show her, but it never seems like enough. I guess my question is, do you ever feel like you just can't do enough for your mom, or do you ever feel not worthy to be her daughter/son? Please don't think I'm trying to devalue myself or anyone. And I know some of you guys didn't have wonderful mothers, but maybe you had a woman in your life who was like a mother? I'd like to get your opinions on this.
6 people like this
13 responses
@ellie333 (21029)
11 May 08
As a mother myself I have no expectations at all from my children. All I want is for them to be happy and any sacrifices I have ever made have been becuase I have wanted to out of my love for them. Believe me if your mother coulkd read what you have posted she would be so proud of you that you feel this way about her. Even the smallest gesture can mean so much to a mum and from the sounds of it you have done many. You sound like a wonderful daughter. I myslef have never felt unworthy enough to be my mothers daughter and I feel I always do the best I can in any given situation. She knows I love her and I know she loves me and thats all that really matters. Unconditional love. Ellie :D
@AmbiePam (49126)
• United States
11 May 08
I know my mom knows I love her. And I'm glad she truly knows it. I just wish I could show her in so many more ways. You're a pretty good mom yourself, ya know?
1 person likes this
@ellie333 (21029)
11 May 08
Thanks AmbiePam, I try my best thats all any mum can do. Ellie :D
1 person likes this
@dodoguy (1297)
• Australia
12 May 08
Hi Spookybutt, I reckon you're being a bit hard on yourself - we mostly all do the best we can with what we've got in this life, and what we know and do is mostly learned by trial and error (except the rich bustards, that's why they stay rich - they're smart enough to get rich in the first place, and then they're smart enough to teach their kiddies how to be rich bustards too). So don't have a cow, man! You're you, and no-one else in human history can steal your story. Same for your mum. She is who she is - and who you ARE is way more important than what we manage to accumulate or how popular or lavish our lives may be. Padre Pio most likely would have waved his hands about and exorcised the bad spirits in the air around you when you get to feeling sad and depressed like that. Because that's what's going on - trust me on that (or better still, trust Padre Pio). Anyway, with your spooky credentials, you ought to be stirring up a storm in the nether worlds, irrespective of what's going on here. The world is not what it seems - not by a long shot. And I do think that anyone who's worth a pinch will always be concerned for the well-being of their parents. God commanded that we honor our parents, but we really shouldn't need God to instruct us in this - simple gratitude and natural justice, not to mention plain old logic, demands it! Our regard for other people is inestimably more important than our circumstances - at the end of time the latter will fade away to nothing, while the former will be treasured eternally.
@dodoguy (1297)
• Australia
12 May 08
P.S. You go, girl!
1 person likes this
@AmbiePam (49126)
• United States
12 May 08
I was starting to wonder where you were! I love what you said, that God commanded we be concerned for our parents, but that we shouldn't need Him to tell us that. So true! I always like getting your two cents.
@flowerchilde (12518)
• United States
12 May 08
Well... I love my mom a lot and I am very protective of her, but my siblings and I had a very rough childhood at her and my dad's hands.. I won't get into that.. I for one, have forgiven them and now love them dearly.. My birthday was last week, and I was pretty bummed because I'd just had a big blow out with my daughter, which will happen if you ever talk to her in the same manner as she talks to you.. I don't know where she ever got it from, but she is just so abrasive.. Well, I do know where she got it from, from fighting with her brother all her life.. (but isn't that somewhat normal?) She blames me for that, when I never knew who started what when they would argue and she's going on 26 now and hopefully will get over it soon! The thing is, hubby and I do a lot for our two adult kids. They still live at home and don't pay a dime.. plus I babysit a lot for my daughter who has a daughter and another on the way, which of course is good news.. and it's all been great having them all here and even helping to raise our grand daughter.. I felt a little better when both my birthday card and my mother's day card from my daughter and grand daughter referred to all I do to help them and how I'm always there for them when I'm needed and all.. so that was good Just wish she'd cut me some slack once in awhile.. which I guess she did just yesterday when she was on the verge of a snide remark to hubby over some harmless question he asked from the other room.. but I said he's had the flu for two days, just cut him a little slack.. Can't believe I got away with it! I did leave the room right away, maybe that helped.. With her, I think it's just a deeply ingrained habit from years of arguing with her older brother (they say they hate each other from time to time, and they are both too much alike!) - but I hope they both grow out of this tendency! Well, I didn't mean to carry on so.. thanks fer letting me vent
@AmbiePam (49126)
• United States
12 May 08
Wow, you are quite a mother! You and your husband are sacrificing an awful lot for her. I lived with my parents for more years than I would have if I had not have been sick. I never had problems with my mom, but I really did with my dad! LOL, but I didn't have a leg to stand on, because like you said, I wasn't paying a dime of rent either! I did take up doing their laundry, but good grief, that was the least I could do.
1 person likes this
• United States
13 May 08
I know you said you weren't looking for compliments or anything, but I have to say, you sound like a very nice daughter! (I think my daughter is real good too, just needs to get over the habit of quick response!)
@winterose (39918)
• Canada
11 May 08
the best thing you can do for your mom is to be happy and respect yourself, as a mom myself I know that is what all moms want for their children bar none. After that everything else falls into place.
1 person likes this
@AmbiePam (49126)
• United States
11 May 08
Happy Mother's Day winterose.
@mtdewgurl74 (18118)
• United States
12 May 08
Alot of us feel that at one time or another about our mothers or parents. I know I have. I don't know if I could ever make it without my mom being there when I needed her emotionally or help me me when I needed it most. I try to pay her back by always helping her when I can. I didn't have money for mothers day but I fixed her he most favorite meal of Salmon filet,with seasoned rice and Spring steamed vegetables and her favorite for dessert. She said she enjoyed every minute of it but yet I still felt it wasn't enough that I didn't do enough for her to show her that I love and appreciate all that she ahs done for me and all that she has done to help make me the person that I am. My husband thinks I do to much but how can one do to much for their mother who raised them and cared for them since birth and beyond the call of duty. She still is someone I turn to in time of need or for opinions and advice. Without her my life would seriously be incomplete. I know this because when she moved to New Mexico so far away I felt lost and so alone. It had always been me and her against the world then it was just me. And without her I was just a little teeny weeny little small squeak in a big big pond. I felt so alone. Thankfully she moved back.
1 person likes this
• United States
12 May 08
Your sister may have done well in life financially. However, mothers look for appreciation not how well their daughters do in life. I am sure your mom thinks you are so great just because of the kind of person you turned out to be. My mom is a fantastic person. I could never tell her or show her enough.
1 person likes this
@sid556 (31005)
• United States
12 May 08
Well thanks for making me cry...again. My daughter wrote me a letter very similar to what you just wrote here...a bit different in her situation but basically the same thoughts. She handed it to me in the car on our way to go out for breakfast and got me all teared up. My 14 year old was reading over my shoulder and she too got all teared up. Trust me on this....you are worthy and your mom would not want a "better" daughter. Print your letter off for your mom and I guarantee it will the be the best gift she got!
1 person likes this
@jillhill (37384)
• United States
12 May 08
My mom was my best friend. She was also one of the smartest, most talented person who never took credit when credit was do! You are right.....sometimes you don't feel like you do enough in return for all our mom's do....but now that I am older and so are my kids....the greatest joys I get are from helping them....so in a way your mother is satisfying herself by doing for you! My mom is gone....and I miss her so very much! But I have wonderful memories and a warm heart everytime I think of her.
1 person likes this
@Hatley (164652)
• Garden Grove, California
11 May 08
I did feel like that a lot of times when I was a young woman but again I did try to show her how much I loved her and how much I appreciated her.My bighurt was that my husband and I were not able to care for her in her last year and she had to go to a convalescent hospital. that made me feel really bad as I would rather have had her with us but we were having a really hard time just barelymanaging to keep our house and she had insurance that covered her stay there' but I did not want to do that at all. She had alzenheimers and did not know me at all the last few months .that was so hard for both of us.
@grammasnook (1877)
• United States
11 May 08
As a mom I would like for you to know that just knowing you think I would deserve more would be enough. I am not sure how old you are but did you know that a card sent out of the blue brightens any moms life. You are right she did not have to pay for your dental nightmare she did it because she loves you. As long as you keep on giving her love that is all any mom can expect. Our jobs as mothers are to give our children ( adult children as well) the love and support they need and just pray that what we have taught them will be passed down to our grandchildren. If you want to show her what she means to you take the time to make her that special certificate and frame it she will definately treasure it forever. Your mother has given you the foundation to be the great mom she is and that will shine while you are raising your own children. She will hear all those little things she use to say to you being said to her grandchildren. As a mom you just want to know you were the best you could be. Reach down deep and realize you are a wonderful daughter and she is proud in things you do.
1 person likes this
@gabs8513 (48716)
• United Kingdom
11 May 08
Sweetie your Mum would not think that way believe me She loves you both the way you are and would never swop you for anything in the World, believe me my Girl and I have had some run ins with one another and still do sometimes but not often, she is very strong willed lol but believe me no one is allowed to be horrible to me or anything as she will be there She did it here on mylot lol when someone insulted me last year My Son is more like me but yes we have had words and he thinks he has let me down he is worth nothing, I told him to never ever say that again as he is worth everything and has not let me down, never, that everyone has a bad time in Life, and with Love and support from me and his Sister we will get him through it and we are doing I would never swop my Children for anything just like your Mum would not either You are her Baby and of course she will help you as she loves you very much so never say your Mum was cheated as she was not You are a lovely Person and got a bad Deal with your Illness that is not your Fault and you did not deserve it, your Mum loves you both the way you are Love and Hugs to you
1 person likes this
@DonnaLawson (4032)
• United States
11 May 08
I had the best mother in the world, and I am sure that many of you think the same way.. But when you think about it, a good mother will make sacrifices for her children, my mother did and I have been doing the same with my son.. Before you become a mother and you experience the world from a mother's viewpoint, you really can't understand why a mother would deny herself the things that she needs just so she can give to one of her children, but that is just he way it is.. A mother's love is unconditional and never ending.. Mothers are never given enough credit, nor enough love, nor enough of anything that we owe them.. I no longer have a mother to give anything to, but before she passed away, she was the best mother.. I do wish that I had done more for her, gave her more, in the line of gifts, time, love or anything else that she would ever have wanted or needed, but I can no longer do that.. I had 7 sisters, and everyone of them was good to my mom in their own way but I also had a sister who thought that it was all about her, so she did cause a bit of problems for my mom, but she can't do that anymore, whe will have to handle her own problems in her own way from now on, because my mom is no longer here for her to take advantage of.. Happy Mother's Day to all Mothers on Mylot..
1 person likes this
@KarenO52 (2951)
• United States
11 May 08
I would bet that your mom feels very lucky, and even blessed to have a daughter like you. I believe that you probably show your mom your appreciation of her every chance you get. You probably even help to make up for your sister's lack of regard for your mom's feelings. I hope you have a great Mother's Day.
1 person likes this