Is helping somebody genuinely a bad deed?
By comfort55
@comfort55 (1574)
India
May 11, 2008 2:18pm CST
This story is about my hubby's sister who was mentally redarded by birth. she was married at the age of 20 to a nice guy. She gave birth to 3 sons and then after few years her husband died.Now since my sis-in-law is mentally challenged, my husband and his brothers took the responsibility to look after her sons. 20 years back my hubby and his 2 brothers had a joint flourishing business and these nephews were employees in our business. After few years all the brothers separated in their business. Elder nephew joined business with us and we found a girl for him and got him married, had spent quite a lot on it. Just after his marriage my husband's business graph started going down and down,this nephew separated and his business graph started going up(they have a huge bungalow, four cars) with the result that it was becoming difficult for us to make both ends meet. After strggling for 15 odd years now we are doing well with His Blessings.
Now this nephew's younger brother is again mentally challenged, his mother(mentally challenged) got him married to a girl without our consent. He had 2 daughters from her and now his wife died. These 2 girls are so pretty and sensible, in the age group of 6 & 8 that I want to help these girls . My question is that many years back we helped our nephew and after that we had gone through a horrible time. Now I dread when I think about that time and when I think about helping these innocent girls. I want to put them in a hostel away from their mental father. Whats your opinion? Helping the boy 15 years back had resulted in our nightmares. Should I think of helping these girls?
2 people like this
5 responses
@checapricorn (16061)
• United States
11 May 08
Hi comfort,
I appreciate you and your husband's kindness and generosity to your relatives. I know HE is there wathing what you are doing and blessing you anytime you needed HIM. For me, I guess, these kids need your help and whatever bad experiences you have had to your nephew, May it won't hurdle you to extend your hands again for these kids! I know time will come that nephew of yours who just forgot the good things you have done for them, will regret. Life is not all UP, it's always unpredictable!
1 person likes this
@comfort55 (1574)
• India
11 May 08
Thankx CC for your kind advice. I am really in a dilemma as to help these girls or should I ask somebody else to do. Lord is watching us no doubt and he tests his creatures. After years of struggling now we are little comfortable but the fear stops me from doing so.
@checapricorn (16061)
• United States
11 May 08
I can't blame you also comfort. It's hard to trust again after that experience.We are just human being and we are not perfect in all what we think, you know! SO, if you decide not to help them, I won't blame you! As people say., hard to raise and help someone who will just ignore us in the future!
1 person likes this
@comfort55 (1574)
• India
12 May 08
I agree with you Oreo because if the Lord has given me the responsibility then I'll do it. I am observing that nobody else is coming infront and taking care of these girls inspite of their loaded wealth. Cant they see how these girls are doing under the supervision of this insane person. My heart bleeds but nobody else in the family is feeling it.
@joyce959 (1559)
• Philippines
12 May 08
I think doing a good deed to others is a good trait and should not be considered a mistake as long as you do it wholeheartedly and will not expect something in return. Whatever happen to your business has no connection with the help you extended to your sis in law and her sons.
Regarding the daughters of your nephew who has also mental problems, I think you and the other nephews who are now well-off financially should talk what should be done to the girls. You don't have to force yourself to take care of them, if its against your will. There are still some options I think.
By the way, I just wonder why the mentally retarded sis in law and the nephew were put into marriage. Has marriage cured the mental retardation?
1 person likes this
@comfort55 (1574)
• India
12 May 08
That's a good question joyce. Mental son of sis-in-law is her favourite because they would not do anything else and would stay together. Now since the elder ones got maried, this woman wanted her favourite son also to be in the same line. She found a girl from a very poor family( she used to stay in another city). I met this girl(wife) few years back, she seemed to be quite a sensible girl but maybe poverty had forced her brothers to take this step.
I know that its not a mistake to help others from any side but the point is that many bad things started happening immediately after the marriage one after the other. my husband and my son separately met with an accident and had a narrow escape. I can only say that maybe our bad phase had started.
As I wrote earlier I am insisting elder brother of this mental boy to think about the future of these girls and should do something but inspite of his promise he is not doing anything.
@wisedragon (2325)
• Philippines
11 May 08
I think if you have the financial means, their father is really incapable of taking good care of them and you have his consent, then you should definitely extend a helping hand to the little girls. God bless you for your kindness and generosity.
1 person likes this
@comfort55 (1574)
• India
12 May 08
Thankyou wisedragon! Famous saying "once bitten twice shy" is whats happening with us. Lets see how the things move.
@moneyandgc (3428)
• United States
11 May 08
I think that the examples you provided are not linked. I doubt that helping out your family caused your struggles...at least what I gatheref from the small amount of information given in the discussion.
In any case, I think you and your husband just need to follow your intuition and your hearts.
@comfort55 (1574)
• India
12 May 08
Thanx money for the response. On one side its the life of these innocent girls and on the other side is our bitter experience and a long never ending struggle though I can understand they are not linked to each other but I sometimes look back and ponder over the things that why they happened to us after doing good.
@Gollywog (1092)
•
11 May 08
This is a very difficult one, you made a mistake helping once, are you about to make the same mistake!!!??!!! I think you will feel guilty if you dont but how much presure can you risk putting on your family? It may be a dissaster? There must be people out there you can ask for help from, the girls could be put up for adoption that would take them away from there mental father, Dont feel guilty what ever you decide. I wouldnt like to be in your possition!!!!! Be brave keep smiling.
@comfort55 (1574)
• India
12 May 08
Thanx Gollywog for your suggestion. Its humanity which tells me that girls future is dark under the care of their father and so something must be done to make their future better. Now things are in our hands and we can take a step for the betterment of these kids.
