Adoption vs. natural child birth

By Amy
Abernathy, Texas
May 15, 2008 7:16pm CST
Their are arguments on both sides of this issue. Some believe you can't love adopted kids as much, and don't know the problems they might have. Some feel you can love them just as much, and its pro-life to help the lives already here, aching for a forever family. That you never know what problems your own children might have, chemical imbalances that cause behaviour problems or diseases caused by recessive genes. What's your stance? Why do you feel this way and have you always felt this way? If you do want to adopt, how do you think your friends and family would react - would you care or would the precious life of a child over ride this?
7 responses
@jennifer611 (2502)
• United States
16 May 08
Hi! Nice discussion. well, I believe that if someone feels they can't love an adopted kid as much as a natural child, then I would say adoption wouldn't be good for that person. I think a adoptive parent can love an adoptive child as much as their own, and if they don't have that type of love to give then they shouldn't adopt. I don't have any plans on adopting since I have 3 children of my own and one on the way. in the past I have thought about foster parenting before I had the 3 I have now. maybe later down the line when my kids are older I can still look into that, who knows. if I did adopt, I do have a supportive family who I know would do everything to make the child(ren) feel loved and as much a part of the family as my other kids and any other person in our family. if they were the type of family who were not supportive, it wouldn't change my mind. I have never been one to let others opinions keep me from something that I really want. a lot of these kids don't even know what family is, what being loved feels like. that breaks my heart and for the people who do have big enough hearts to take in these children and love them as their own and show them what family is and what love feels like, I applaud them. they are very special people (as close to an angel as you can get).
• Abernathy, Texas
18 May 08
Great response! I love detailed, interesting responses like this, packed full of insights about my fellow mylotters. You sound like you're a great mom, and should you decide one day to foster or adopt when they're older, those kids will be as lucky as you! I'm glad you're family's views wouldn't change your mind - but gladder that they're so supportive. Perhaps, one day, your children will adopt. BTW - congrats on the bun in the oven.
16 May 08
Personally I don't want kids, never have done. However, if I ever did get broody (heaven forbid... I'd make a terrible mother and I know it) I would much rather adopt. There are hundreds of thousands of children that need a loving home. Why make another little life when I could SAVE one? I have very strong beliefs on this, and they go against the current 'have your cake and eat it' social mentality. I would prefer that, rather than people trying to have children that they adopt first a foremost. I certainly do not like IVF; if you can waste that much money and time conceiving why not spend it on saving an already born child? Human nature? Hormones? The biological imperative to pass on your own DNA? I've never felt it to such a degree it takes over my rationale*... so it comes under one of those many things I don't understand about people because I've never experienced it. *My partner says it is rational to want to pass on your DNA if you believe that your genetics are worth passing to the next generation. As my genetics are somewhat flawed I do not find it imperative to pass them on.
• Abernathy, Texas
18 May 08
I agree wholeheartedly. If someone is truly pro-life - they will save the life of those already here. Sounds to me like you're a gem and would make a great parent. And surely you've had enough heat and pressure for long enough (seems like eons when we're in the thick of it) to be a diamond. A flawed diamond is worth more then a perfect pebble.
• Philippines
16 May 08
Of course it's very different when you adopt another's child and bear your own child. But when it comes to loving the child, I believe it's up to the minds and hearts of the parents. Some parents may love their own child more than their adopted one. While some love their adopted child more than their own child. If the parents are quite sure of their feelings and mindsets regarding the adoption of another child, then I don't see the point in questioning their love for that child. Whatever happens to that child, they would accept it and continue loving the child despite his/her defects if ever there will be.
• Abernathy, Texas
18 May 08
And would you adopt? How would your parents feel about it?
@grammasnook (1877)
• United States
16 May 08
Honestly I dont believe it is the fact of loving another child more, I believe you love them differently. When I met my husband he always said he would love my boys like his own, then when the time came and we had more children he confessed he cant love them the same it is different but he doesnt love them any less. This is when actions show a different bond between biological and not yours. He is my boys dad, and my boys are his sons never once have they said this is my step son/father.
• Abernathy, Texas
16 May 08
Nice distinction there. I love how your answers are detailed and clear by the way.
@pyewacket (44036)
• United States
16 May 08
I think actually one takes a chance with children whether they are adopted or not. Natural biological children can develop just as many health problems as adopted ones, so that shouldn't shun people from wanting to adopt children. As for me? If I did adopt children and the reaction friends or family might have? In my opinion, who cares..it would be my decision not theirs and their opinion wouldn't bother me at all
• Abernathy, Texas
16 May 08
Dat's what I'm sayin'!
1 person likes this
@jillhill (37383)
• United States
16 May 08
My son and his wife might adopt. They have one but my daughter in law has heart problems and it might be difficult for her to have another one. My daughter married a man with custody of his kids. The first day I met them I asked them if I could also be their grandmother. I love them just as much as I love my other grandkids and they are treated equally.....so in a sense they were adopted by our family. And the best part is.....they love me too!
• Abernathy, Texas
16 May 08
Oh wow, I love this story. You've adopted them as your grandchildren! He must be a wonderful man to have gotten custody. I know courts usually award custody to the mom.
• United States
16 May 08
Adoption is a great option for those who cannot bear children of their own, however I have always felt the desire to be a mother and have my own children. But that does not mean that I wouldn't ever consider adopting a child. If I ever were to decide to adopt a child, it would obviously be a family decision. And too bad to anyone else that didn't like it.
• Abernathy, Texas
16 May 08
Yes too bad to them - its totally a family decision! I think its a great option for every family to welcome a homeless child, aching for a forever home and parents to love them. And those parents can consider these children their own. There are millions of children already here in the world who want homes. I bet you are or will make a great mom!