Im a stay at home mom.....so what

My daughter - ONE of the reasons I stay at home.
@ambkeb (782)
United States
May 17, 2008 10:26pm CST
Something really irked me the other day and I thought Id share and see what your opinions on this topic are. My father in law and his wife came to visit. They live in another state and have never even met my almost 2 year old daughter. The wife and I were talking and she started to tell me all about my brother in laws new wife (who by the way no one has met...except in laws) She was going on and on about how this woman was going to school to become a psychiatrist for children and making a huge deal out of it. Dont get me wrong school is great...I love the idea of bettering onself. It just isnt for me...I always hated school and gave college a shot...just got bored with it. But after she was done bragging about this woman whom I have never met she simply stared right at me and asked what I was doing these days. When I told her that I stayed home with the kids she got this look on her face like I was a bad person or something. The only response to that was..."OH" and she stared out of the window until the men came back in the room. This woman is hag. Not just for that but for MANY other reason she has done to my husband and her step kids. She thinks she is better then everyone and isnt afraid to tell you that. But if you had been me at that moment...would you have said anything to her? I just kept my mouth shut because I really dont like this woman anyways and usually keep my answers short and sweet. But could I have taken that "OH" wrong and maybe she just didnt have anything to say to it? I dont know what would you have done?
6 people like this
19 responses
• United States
18 May 08
I think you did the right thing to keep your mouth shut and not say anything. It does no good to get into a pissing match with that woman. She seems to be a busy body to be saying things like that to you. My children are grown but I was a stay at home more for many years and my children are better productive children for it. My children knew how mom was-- They did not get have to spend more time with the sitter then they did mom. I think kinds need mom's more then society lets on. You did the right thing.
@ambkeb (782)
• United States
18 May 08
I agree that kids do need moms more then society lets on. They tend to sort of "push us moms aside" Ive been on both sides, full time working mom and stay at home mom. In my opinion the stay at home mothers tend to work a lot harder then the working mother. Thanks for the support and your post.
2 people like this
• United States
18 May 08
When I was a stay at home mom 25-30 years agon I go the same kind of abuse you do. When people heard I was a stay at home mom it was. "So what do you do? I would say "I am a house wife, or stay at home home mom I would get the "OH you are not smart enough to work, or the big "HO" like you did. I know your daughter is better with with someone who loves her then a wearhouse with all those other chidren.
• United States
18 May 08
I forgot to tell you I did go to college and I did work for 20 years as a nurse when the kids started preschool that was when I went to school. Then I worked nights and hubby worked days so the children did not have to have day care. I would be still working if I was not disabled. I love working out of the home but my children are grown so I do not have to stay at home to be a mom. But when they where little that is where I needed to be.
• United States
18 May 08
Hello ambkeb, I would have to say you probably did the right thing not saying anything, you would have been justified in letting her know that staying home and teaching your children your ethics, values and morals is what you feel is more important so your children won't have to be one of your brother-in-laws wifes patients, hehe. but it is probably best since she is family and an "elder" you did the respectful thing and her "OH" may have been just a lose for words, or trying to get a rise out of you, either way you didnt give her that satisfaction so you did good. :) I have to work outside the home, but I remember when I was a stay at home mom I wish I could do that again :)
@ambkeb (782)
• United States
18 May 08
Thank you for the post. In my opinion I think she was trying to get a rise out of me. That is just the type of person she is but hey...like you said...I did good :) LOL Thank you again...
1 person likes this
• United States
18 May 08
your welcome, and if I were you I would be very proud that you are able to be home with your children.
@kezabelle (2985)
18 May 08
Aww firstly your daughter is really cute secondly dont let the woman annoy you, what she thinks doesnt matter as long as you and your husband and daughter are happy who cares! I am a stay at home mum to my girls 4 and 2 years we love it ive never had anyone say or suggest im doing wrong, infact my MIL likes that im a stay at home mum its about the only thing I do right lol! If you arent going to be seeing her mum dont worry about her let it go like I say long as you are happy nothing else matters.
1 person likes this
@ambkeb (782)
• United States
19 May 08
Thank you and thank you for the post as well. We wont be seeing her anytime soon. SO your right...thanks
@razcal2267 (15577)
• United States
18 May 08
She just might not have had anything to say but from all that you have shared it doesn't sound like that was the reason. I would have said something but more to get under her skin rather then it being what I actually believe. I know this because I have . Now not in my own "defense" mind you but for my sister. There is a member of her husband's family that is very judgmental (well they all are but her more so then most) and she said something to my sister about not understanding why she is only a stay at home home. Asking her if she just doesn't need fulfillment in her life and yadda yadda. I saw my sister getting more and more angry just biting her tongue so I spoke up. WTF I don't care this woman isn't related to me. I told her that just because others make the choice to let their children be raised by strangers does not make them better because they bring home a paycheck. I also asked her if the reason her 3 children want to have nothing to do with her now that they are grown was due to the fact that she her job was more important then helping to raise her children or at the very least watching them growing up from more then the sidelines. That shut her up real fast! I do not actually believe the majority of what I said to her but. What I do believe is that every family makes the choices for their needs and that no one has the right to look down or build up others just to get their opinions voiced.
1 person likes this
@ambkeb (782)
• United States
19 May 08
Aww...you are a great sister! Some people just dont understand that there is more then just the whole "staying at home" part of being a stay at home parent. Thank you for the post.
@Antianara (608)
• Australia
18 May 08
if this woman behaves like you say then I don't think you took it the wrong way. I've known people like that, just ignore her people like that just aint worth it
1 person likes this
@ambkeb (782)
• United States
18 May 08
Yes, she is like that...and as sad as it is to admit most of my husbands family are. Thank you!
1 person likes this
@Adelida2233 (1008)
• United States
18 May 08
I applaud you for not doing what I would have done...I do not have kids, so I have no idea what it is like to do everything that you do on a daily basis. My mom worked from home running the business end of my dad's dental office. While I didn't really get it when I was little, it would have been much easier for them to just go work for other people, but they didn't. My mom stuck it out and took care of me at the same time. As for my mother in law comparing you to a woman that you've never met, you did the best thing you could do, ignore her. What you and your husband choose as far as working/kids are concerned is not her problem. Just stand your ground and tell her to back off! :)
@sid556 (31019)
• United States
18 May 08
I would have done just as you and let it go. You know this woman and it isn't worth getting into a battle of words over. You don't like her anyway so you shouldn't let her opinion matter to you. If you and your husband are happy with the choice of you staying at home with the kids then that is all that should matter. It's nobody elses business.
1 person likes this
• Bahamas
18 May 08
In my opinion there's no other way to take that oh. I'm a working mom but i wish i could have stayed home with my kids when they were younger. Some people dont realize how much work is involved with being a stay at home mom.Your stepmom sounds like she's very opinionated, and is under the impression that you dont do anything important with your life.I'm not a very confrontational person, so i would have left it at that. You did the right thing, besides she doesn't play a major role in your life and it's not like her opinion matters, as long as it works for you and your family who cares what ms.snooty thinks.
@ambkeb (782)
• United States
19 May 08
She is a very opinionated woman. And you are right she doesnt really have a role in our lives at all. Thanks for the comment. I like the Ms. Snooty LOL
@eagle_f15 (2054)
• Malaysia
30 Aug 08
Hi although this is a 4 months ago discussion but would still like to respond - What you are doing is great - a fulltime mum taking bringing up your daughter. This is what I intend to do when the first baby comes. A fulltime stay at home mum. My husband and I both work from home. I teach music classes at home and also am a tupperware star consultant. So when the baby comes I'll still be at home. And hey what you did was right by keeping your answers short and sweet. Don have to say much cos after all they (your inlaws) are here for a short visit only and then they'll be gone. No point to argue. In the early days when my husband and I just moved into our apartment, my mum in law did say some stuff about our house and setting too when she came back. (she works and lives in another state and once in a while she would come back but not staying with us. She stays with her other two daughters just down the road). When she did mention stuff which wants to make me say something back, I just kept quiet. The thing is she only going to be here for a short visit after that she's gone.......
@carlaabt (3508)
• United States
19 May 08
I'm not sure if I would have said anything or not. I know it would have made me mad, though. I hate it when people act like my job isn't as important, just because i don't bring in a big paycheck. Right after I quit my job (my son was 14 months old), I was back at my parents' house for my sister's wedding. One of my other sisters asked me how work was and I told her that we had decided it was best for me to stay home with my son instead of working, and that I was doing a few things from home. One of my other sisters said "Oh, I would like to be a stay at home mom for a couple of weeks, but once I got everything done that I wanted to, I would be bored." I didn't say anything, but only because my son and her two little girls were standing right there. It just made me so mad, and it made me think she must be incredibly stupid if she doesn't realize how much work is involved with actually being the one taking care of your children. She does have 2 kids after all, but they only spend 2-3 waking hours a day with her, so I guess that's why she is clueless.
• Canada
19 May 08
Wow, she sounds like a complete wench! There is absolutly nothing wrong with being a stay at home mom. If it had been me, I would have chewed her out something fierce for that judgemental little "Oh". I think that was tremendously rude of her. I mean, even if she didn't love the idea of people being stay at home moms, she could have said something more pleasent to you just to keep the peace.
• United States
18 May 08
It's best to ignore those who are too ignorant to realize their own stupidity. There is no job more important than raising a child. You should be proud and stand tall. I guarantee your salary is worth much more than any dollar amount the best educated and career oriented woman could ever make. There's no price on laughter and sloppy kisses from your child. Being a stay at home mom is a very noble and beautiful job.
@Hatley (148965)
• Garden Grove, California
18 May 08
I would have told mother in law that the job you are doing is one of the most wonderful and praiseworthy jobs that anyone could ever do. raising children to be good loving productive citizens is a wonderful job and its not easy either as you are literally on 24/7 days a week. not every woman is cut out to be a professional but that does not make homemakers any less valuable. we should all take our hats off to mothers who take care of their homes and their children.
18 May 08
Hi, I would have done exactly the same as you and kept my mouth shut except to say that you were doing one of the hardest and most difficult yet most rewarding jobs of all and that is bringing up your daughter. I get so angry when people put you down because you decided to make some sacrifices and stay at home to look after your children, be proud of the fact that you are there for your daughter. I have 2 kids, a son, James is now 22 and a daughter, Jenna who is 18, I made the decision when James was born that I wanted to bring him up - we didn't have family that could help out, so I stayed at home and I am so pleased that I did. Both of my kids are happy, and well adjusted, and confident. I'm sure this is because I stayed at home and didn't farm them out to childminders ect. Be proud to be a stay at home mum.
• United States
18 May 08
Obviously she has a problem with stay at home moms...which she shouldn't. if anything she should be happy your able to spend more time with your kids, cause its healthy for them. i personally would have said something to her...but thats my nature. im more confrontational than some can be.
@gemini_rose (16194)
18 May 08
Your daughter is a real cutie!! She has the same colour hair as my son. I have 4 children and I stay at home with mine, and sometimes you just do get those that seem to look down on you for staying at home with them. Like it is wrong or something. I hate it when it happens because I always feel like I have to justify why I stay at home with them, and yet why should I, I want to do the best by my kids and I believe that is being at home for them when and if they need me. This is mine and my hubbys choice, and really at the end of the day, it is me that is making a big sacrifice if someone wants to be funny about it, because like I say, I have given up having that working social life to be at home with my kids. Staying at home with them can be very lonely at times, I have no friends or nothing. All I know is that I am here for my kids when they go to school and there to pick them up and there all the time whenever they need me, and if there are those that think that it is bad then tough!!!!
• Philippines
18 May 08
After reading your entry i feel like that woman just stumped on my greatest dream and goal in life, to be a housewife and a good mom. I am currently working while I have a baby on the way. And believe me, I can't wait for my maternity leave. I'm planning to leave my job once I have my baby because I think I'm a better mom and housewife than an employee. And when it comes to "work" I think there are lots of things to be done at home than anywhere else. I don't know with her she's probably lazy at home or she doesn't know how to do household chores. If that is the case then what a shame for her! Just ignore her. If she thinks she's better than anyone else then she's fooling herself. Seems like she was never a mom and a housewife. From my point of view I think she's someone who can never be satisfied with anything in this world or maybe she's a frustrated "wanna be." Maybe she wanted to be something but it turned out she's nothing.
• United States
18 May 08
That woman probably haven't discover how hard it is to be a stay at home mom. Hard and yet fulfilling. We have so many things to balance. I think that woman was not informed that as a stay at home mom, if we are to be given a salary for all the work we do (driver, cook, counselor, nurse, etc) we will be earning so much. It was good that you didn't say anything because she doesn't deserve a comment because she might not understand it anyway. Like you, I am a stay at home mom. Although I got a part time job telecommuting but it is my choice to stay this way rather than going to the office and working fulltime. I have two daughters and they are at this age that I needed to be with them. If I am confronted with your situation, I would say, I am a Management Coordinator and if she will ask, I would enumerate how I run the household...:) But then it depends if the person is worth the time and the reply.
@cjgrooms (4457)
• United States
18 May 08
I wouldn't bother listening to ignorant people if i was you. And this woman sounds REALLY ignorant! There is nothing wrong with working or going to school if thats what you want to do, however everybody is not cut out for that. So why should they do something thats going to make them miserable and pay somebody else to raise their children just to pacifiy some haughty, snooty person? If more women were able to stay home and raise their children juvinile hall and the prison system might not be so overloaded!