The Journey Home

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When someone you love dies suddenly, just walks out the door and never returns, there is no real closure. Just this endless deep ache. I've lost too many in this way, so that when two days ago, the doctors informed me my husband of 34 years cancer had spread to his brain, initially I fell apart. Even though I cry suddenly now for the impending loss, I'm grateful. For God has graced me with the time to grieve and walk our journey together. Now there is the chance to forgive and let go of the hurts and just love him. He doesn't want to talk much, but he loves being touched or kissed gently, as he is in so much pain. At night, he reaches for my hand in the dark, and holds on for dear life. For some reason it hurts me more than anything else about this journey. He's like a little boy afraid of the dark, which just tears me up. That and the pain my oldest Cam is suffering, as they've been close since Cam came struggling into this world. Justin, not as verbal at home, as Cam, simply retreats into his world, and no amount of trying to help him express his grief right now works. The Cancer liason worker spoke with him, and said he will grieve in his own time and own way, to let him be. There have been so many small miracles in the love of my neighbors who sit outdoors with me, allow me to grieve, support us both and help in too many ways to count. This has become a journey of love with them, so we don't walk this path alone. David, who lost his parents in November and December of 2005, will go home to them, and one day, we will all be together again. In the meantime, the Circle Of Love keeps growing, and I know he'll not be truly gone. He is there in his grandsons eyes, build, smiles and more. So to those who have the time to grieve and see their love ones Home, be thankful. It is a gift granted to few anymore, and not to be wasted in holding on to past hurts and hate. Free yourself of them and just love them before it's too late, and they cannot hear your last words of love and forgiveness.