The Journey Home

United States
November 2, 2006 1:47am CST
When someone you love dies suddenly, just walks out the door and never returns, there is no real closure. Just this endless deep ache. I've lost too many in this way, so that when two days ago, the doctors informed me my husband of 34 years cancer had spread to his brain, initially I fell apart. Even though I cry suddenly now for the impending loss, I'm grateful. For God has graced me with the time to grieve and walk our journey together. Now there is the chance to forgive and let go of the hurts and just love him. He doesn't want to talk much, but he loves being touched or kissed gently, as he is in so much pain. At night, he reaches for my hand in the dark, and holds on for dear life. For some reason it hurts me more than anything else about this journey. He's like a little boy afraid of the dark, which just tears me up. That and the pain my oldest Cam is suffering, as they've been close since Cam came struggling into this world. Justin, not as verbal at home, as Cam, simply retreats into his world, and no amount of trying to help him express his grief right now works. The Cancer liason worker spoke with him, and said he will grieve in his own time and own way, to let him be. There have been so many small miracles in the love of my neighbors who sit outdoors with me, allow me to grieve, support us both and help in too many ways to count. This has become a journey of love with them, so we don't walk this path alone. David, who lost his parents in November and December of 2005, will go home to them, and one day, we will all be together again. In the meantime, the Circle Of Love keeps growing, and I know he'll not be truly gone. He is there in his grandsons eyes, build, smiles and more. So to those who have the time to grieve and see their love ones Home, be thankful. It is a gift granted to few anymore, and not to be wasted in holding on to past hurts and hate. Free yourself of them and just love them before it's too late, and they cannot hear your last words of love and forgiveness.
4 people like this
6 responses
@ladylike (31)
• United States
2 Nov 06
Your words are beautiful and since i have endured so much loss in my life i am aware of the pain one suffers in grief. My heart goes out to you and your family. I can honestly say that you never get over the grief i am living proof. But the good memories are the best.
2 people like this
@sakash (122)
• India
2 Nov 06
I can also understand how much grief you are in. I had to console many in many such situations. But have found out some facts that will help us come out of this grief and have success fully applied them. 1. One who has left has only left physical body and has not gone away for ever. We will be meeting them in future not physically but for sure. 2. One who has left the physical body has become free from it and is a relief for them. They don’t just leave us and forget. They still care for us from the other side. So don’t grieve too much they also feel us only that they cannot communicate physically. 3. There is more peaceful world up above and it is much better there then on the earth now. So be happy that your beloved has reached it first. 4. People leave this world only when what they have come to accomplish is over. So give them farewell with lots of love and not grief. Do you send someone from your house to a better place with grief or love?
• United States
2 Nov 06
i dont like to be in such situations
1 person likes this
@Polly1 (12648)
• United States
4 Nov 06
My heart goes out to you. Wow you have been so blessed, I know it sounds strange to be blessed when someone you love is in so much pain and will be leaving you. I just lost my husband this past year. It was sudden, but I am thankful that he wasn't alone. I was with him. I still see him die before my eyes, but I do feel blessed that he wasn't alone. Just know that when he does go, he won't hurt anymore and somehow you and your family will get thru it. The first year will be the hardest. Like you said you have this time to love. May God Bless you and your family.
1 person likes this
@chalmette69 (3010)
• United States
2 Nov 06
You have written this is such a beautiful way, I am so sorry for all the loss you have indured in your life, I myself have went through many deaths in my life as well, I guess it is just part of life, and be glad for the time you had with them, I guess we should all live each day as if it were our last.
1 person likes this
• United States
2 Nov 06
Your words are very poetic and bring healing to many. Thank you for your contribution to this community.