Do you think that this could have been handled much better?

@cream97 (29166)
United States
May 19, 2008 10:56am CST
My father-in-law and my mother-in-law have no where to stay. They were living with my sister-in-law, which is there daughter. Well they all were asked to leave the apartment that they were staying in.. Which was their daughter's apartment.. My father-in-law should have tried to find a place to stay, without waiting until they all got to the point of being kicked out. He is a senior citizen.. My mother-in-law is not. He would tell my sister-in-law boyfriend that they had a place to stay. Which they did not. If they really has a place to stay, then he would be living there and not with his daughter. As of now, I think that my in-law's are staying in a hotel. My sister-in-law is staying with her boyfriend's sister. Why would my father-in-law allow this to happen... For a whole year now, he has been moving from place to place... His house went up for foreclosure recently... They both have no where to live. They cannot come and stay with us, because that will be a bad choice, plus I have no room for them. I don't understand why he won't just get in his own place, instead of trying to live with others. If it is too hard for him, then he should tell others his circumstances, rather than keep quiet. My father-in-law is known in the family to be stubborn and full of pride. Maybe that is why he has such a hard time getting finding a place to live. I feel very sorry for him and my mother-in-law. She just chooses to go along with anything that he tells her, just to keep her quiet. Thank God, that they don't have any little ones with them. All of their children are grown.. Should I feel guilty that they have no where to stay?
3 people like this
12 responses
@shooie (4986)
• United States
19 May 08
No you should not feel quilty about it. One thing if they are able to afford to live in a hotel the money that they would be spending there am sure would pay for a small play to rent. He is retired and should have retirement pay coming in no? and you didn't mention if you mother in-law was working or not and if not shame on her if they are hurting and she is not working. I could see them staying with kids if they were elderly and ill but other wise no. I am like the other person that commented. Check into some programs for them if they won't.
2 people like this
@cream97 (29166)
• United States
19 May 08
Yes, you are right! My father-in-law is getting his retirement and I heard that it is not much.. My mother-in-law does not work, she just sits around all day doing nothing for herself, but just being nosy.. They are not ill, trust me on this... My fil works almost every day for very long hours... My mil just goes from house to house just to sit until he gets off from work..
1 person likes this
@sunkissed (4332)
• United States
19 May 08
You should not feel guilty at all. It seems to me that your Father-in -law got hisself in this situation, he has to get hisself out of it. He will qualify for assistance in getting a low income apartment, he needs to go apply for one. He can not depend on his kids to bail him and his wife out.
2 people like this
@Madona1 (2097)
• Gibraltar
19 May 08
Hello there, no one can help your parents-in-law but themselves. They are the senior citizen; they should be entitled to apply the council house. Besides, do you know why they like to stay with the relatives even though they have to move place to place? Is it because they like to be looked after? Is it because they can save more money? Or is it because they won’t be lonely? Every case has a reason.
1 person likes this
@cream97 (29166)
• United States
20 May 08
I am not sure. It may be because my mother-in-law is a very lonely woman. She likes to talk a lot... She does not work at all. She sits down almost all day doing nothing.. My father-in-law likes to get too comfortable while staying in someone's home..
@kykidd (6819)
• United States
19 May 08
I think people get themselves into situations. You could try and find out if there is some kind of housing assistance program that they would qualify for, but you shouldn't feel guilty. Isn't it odd how sometimes one person in the relationship just keeps quiet and lets the other one make the decisions for them.
1 person likes this
@cream97 (29166)
• United States
19 May 08
It is crazy.. It is like she is scared of him or something... I feel so bad for her. What ever dumb decisions that my fil makes, she will have to go along with it, like it or not! How sad!
2 people like this
@jonesy123 (3950)
• United States
19 May 08
No you should not feel guilty. The foreclosure is a sign that they handled their money badly. They are living elsewhere rent-free in order to safe money and probably other living costs. They should apply for public assistance and may be able to move into a public housing unit rather than to live off their relatives. That said, even though you guys may not have the place for them to stay with you, they may expect some monetary contribution. They raised your husband after all. As it looks right now, your family needs to get together and figure out a plan about how to apporach your FIL and to discuss the situation with him. This is no way for them to live. Stubborness and pride can be a curse at times. Keep us updated on the situation.
@cream97 (29166)
• United States
19 May 08
Yes, and I truly feel that is what has caused them both to not have a place to stay.. So sad!
@cream97 (29166)
• United States
19 May 08
Yes, all of a sudden he is now claiming the right to be a senior citizen... Why could he not claim it, when he was staying with his daughter. That was the perfect time to get their own place..
• Bahamas
20 May 08
I can understand your feeling compassion for them, but not guilt. You have nothing to feel guilty about in my opinion, as you said your father-inlaw should just handle his problem. There's nothing wrong with being proud, but letting pride controle your life is just foolish. We're all human and will need help from time to time, so we shouldn't be to proud to ask for help.
@cream97 (29166)
• United States
22 May 08
Yes, being too proud to ask, makes things so much harder for a person..
@sisterjinx (1136)
• United States
19 May 08
I don't think you should feel guilty. If you can't help them then you can't help them. I feel bad for them and I know what they are going through. My husband and I lost our house a year ago. We had been planning for a long time to become full time RVers and so this is what we did. We had enough money left to buy a cheap camper and a vehicle to haul it. We sold everything else we owned to get the money to travel to a warmer climate. But if we had not done this, we would be living from one friend's house to another right now too. Apartments are too expensive. Social Security or Disability does not support a family well enough. It would barely pay the rent much less utilities. You might mention to your in laws that it is less expensive to live in a campground. They can do a little research and find monthly prices that range around $300 - $400 a month and include elec, water, sewer, cable and sometimes wifi. A lot of older people are doing this because it is more affordable. Of course if you live in a colder area they might have to move to a warmer area because you can't heat a camper in the winter up in the colder regions well.
@cream97 (29166)
• United States
19 May 08
Smart thinking! It is great that you both had money saved up for the hard times. But sadly, I can't say the same thing for them. My fil took a second mortgage out on his house. What he did with the money, no one knows for sure, but only he does..
@kenzie45230 (3560)
• United States
19 May 08
It sounds like someone needs to call a social service agency to try to help them. Living in a hotel is costly, and if his retirement isn't much, how long will it take before they are truly homeless? Sadly, it could be that he is no longer able to make wise decisions to care for himself and his wife. Perhaps someone else needs to be in charge of their finances.
@cream97 (29166)
• United States
19 May 08
I would assume that he can't take care of himself, being that they are not in their own place yet.
@lingli_78 (12844)
• Australia
20 May 08
well, i don't think that you should feel guilty at all about your father-in-law situations... he brings it upon himself... what does your hubby say about this matter??? if his children doesn't want to help him anymore, then i don't think you should feel more obligated to help them as you are not their biological daughter... sorry if it sounds a bit harsh... but this is what i think... take care and have a nice day...
• Canada
20 May 08
i really feel sorry for them. But don't be disheartened. now u have a great deal of responsibility. u anyhow manage to get them with u as as possible . wish u good luck....
@Hatley (164485)
• Garden Grove, California
20 May 08
You should not feel guilty as your father in law got himself into this trouble so should get himself out of it himself.I would talk to him and suggest that he work something out for himself to get into housing even if he has to get help from county people or social security or whatever. you do not owe them anything.
@dragon54u (31636)
• United States
19 May 08
As someone else said, they don't seem to have handled their money very well. Have you ever thought that his lack of action might be due to depression? You can't do anything about it but it might help you understand the situation and realize that it has nothing to do with you or what you cannot do for them. Maybe you could visit them, armed with some social service numbers, and during the visit make sure that they call those agencies? It may be time for him to go into assisted living, which Medicare will probably pay for if he's mentally unable to care for himself. I wish you luck. This would bother me very much if it happened to my (ex)in-laws but then, I have enough room to take them in.