Hubby not helping

@mentalward (14695)
United States
May 19, 2008 1:37pm CST
My husband and I bought a new home in Virginia and moved from Maryland. Right before our move my mother was diagnosed with cancer and was quite debilitated. My son moved up from southern VA to help me with my mom. She died 3 weeks later and, as I was sole executor, I had so much to do. My son stayed at her place until everything was moved from there to our new house in Virginia. Then he moved here to help me with the overwhelming task of sifting through, not only my mom's things, but our things as well because everything was in boxes. My husband intensely disliked the fact that my son was here and didn't raise a finger to help me. He did not help me with moving my mom's things, either. He pretty much became a hermit. He treated me like a criminal simply because my son was here. My son will do anything to help anyone but my husband simply did not want him here. He was actually going to leave me because my son was here. It wasn't until I ended up in the emergency room because I couldn't take the pressure (I'm living with fibromyalgia and lupus as well) and the strain and tried to kill myself. THEN he started acting a little better... not much, but some. My son has since moved into his own place and my husband treats him with respect. Does anyone else have a spouse who acts like this with your own family? Things are very much better between my husband and me but I can never forget the pain he put me through last year. I would love opinions, please!
1 person likes this
2 responses
@kykidd (6819)
• United States
19 May 08
I have the opposite problem. I have been with my boyfriend for 5 years now, and his children refuse to treat me with any respect. They prefer to act as if I don't exist and they refuse to even meet me. I really don't understand how they can feel this way, and don't respect their father. Like I said, I haven't even met them, so they have no reason not to like me.
1 person likes this
@mentalward (14695)
• United States
19 May 08
Did your boyfriend leave his family to be with you? If that's the case, his children are mistakenly holding you responsible for the breakup of their family (instead of their father). Children tend to act out their feelings without examining where they came from or why they're feeling that way.
1 person likes this
@kykidd (6819)
• United States
19 May 08
No, actually he was with someone else for 10 years before me. They are adult children.
@mentalward (14695)
• United States
19 May 08
Wow! Then they really do have problems. But I don't think it's anything about you, it's totally about them. It sounds to me like they really have issues with their father that they need to deal with before they can accept him and his choices.
@babykeka80 (2003)
• United States
19 May 08
I personally would not have dealt with this man, even though you chose him to be your spouse, treating my son or myself like this. I hope it makes him feel good about himself to treat someone that way. Especially after you had just lost your mother and were sick yourself. I think whatever his reasoning would be is pathetic. No matter how old your son is or the circumstances he should always feel welcomed into your home. Your husband is childish and should not behave this way. It is not beneficial to you or anyone else. I am sorry that you have to deal with that.