Would you hide from your relatives and friends that you have terminal illness?

@salonga (27957)
Philippines
May 21, 2008 9:02pm CST
My uncle just died this early morning. The news came as a big surprise to all of us because all the while we thought that he was not that serious when we visited him in the hospital. We just found out this morning that he already knew long before that he has lung cancer but would not want his relatives to know. His wife and her adopted child were the only ones in the know. We felt quite disppointed because if they had only told us, we could have had done our share to help him with his sickness. There are herbal medicines that we know that could have probably helped him or if indeed 'twas a hopeless case, we could have had at least took time out from our busy schedule to have more time with him. What do you think, if you are in the same situation, would you also hide your illness from your relatives and friends?
2 people like this
14 responses
@kaezy_kulet (2465)
• Philippines
22 May 08
i think my relatives has the right to know about my condition especially my immediate family,i will tell them if i have(hope not)a terminal or serious illness because they are the only one who can help me and in this cases family support is very important. emotional support is very much needed in times like this.. friends and relatives can give support for you to go on and have faith and be strong to all the trials that is going through. love and support is very much needed in times like this.
@salonga (27957)
• Philippines
4 Jun 08
We share the same views and for that I'd give you the best response! Thanks for sharing in this post!
• Philippines
4 Jun 08
thank you for giving the credit..^_^
• Philippines
23 May 08
If I were in the same situation, i wouldn't hide my illness from my relatives and friends. I would tell them the truth so that they would have time to spend for me than usual. In this case, i would probably be self-pity but knowing that i only have a short time to live i should savour the last moments that i have. Special people in your life give comfort and love and they would do everything to make you fine. Who knows? it might help your health back.
@fsound (757)
• Philippines
23 May 08
There are some reason why people hide their illness. Two reasons I think of is they will get embarrased and second it will cost a lot of money.
@YoungInLove (1254)
• Canada
22 May 08
I can see how your family would be upset adn wished they knew becuase they could have made more time for him, but at the same time I can see why he would want to hide it. He probably didnt want you guys to treat him any different, or better, or as if he were more delicate. That tends to happen when family finds out that their relative is sick. They tend to baby then, and then they wish that they would just be treated equally and not like they were dieing. I dont know, maybe he had really good reasons as to not tell you guys.
@golfproo (1841)
• Canada
22 May 08
Hi There, That is a difficult question. I do think the immediate family has a right to know, but at the same time you do not want to worry people and affect their lives in that way. In truth, they will find out soon enough anyways. I think I would have to tell my immediate family and hope they kept it between us and private. A tough question though. cheers,
• United States
22 May 08
I would never keep my diagnosis for my family. First, when you are facing a terminal illness, you need the support of people who care about you. Secondly, family members need time to cope with the illness and say good bye to you. Lastly, should important decisions need to be made about your care, you may not be able to make them. You should speak with your family members about your wishes. All in all, it is better to include people who love you when facing a terminal illness.
@mentalward (14695)
• United States
22 May 08
I would not hide it. It's not fair to your friends or relatives to hide something like that. They have a right to do whatever they feel about it, suggest treatments and the like, and/or prepare mentally for the end and be able to say goodbye.
@My2Cents (291)
• Canada
22 May 08
I think, for me, it would be a tough call when it comes to telling my children. They are very young. My husband? Definitely! My children, I may wait until the condition worsens as to not sadden them while I am still 'myself' - but it is a hard decision for me with that. As for my mom and dad. No, I think I may wait a bit - and that is a personal thing. I am not one to like pity, and I know that would be exactly how my mom would respond - that and it would turn into something about her - usually does. I would eventually tell everyone as my end came closer though. May help them prepare and heal faster when I am gone.
@lieanat (1140)
• Malaysia
22 May 08
Hi, salonga, I'll hide my illness from family and friends. Why I do so? Cost I don't want to burden them to worry about me and yet they can't do much for me as a doctor or give me miracle medicines...
• Philippines
22 May 08
I have encountered lots of people in my life who passed away. I just lost one last April 19 (My 30th birthday). I was heart broken and shaken for I lost a friend who's very dear to me. We never knew that would happen to him because he kept it all to himself and somehow made us question ourselves "why?". It will really depend on the situation you are in if ever you would like the people around you to know. If my case would be like your uncle has, I would do the same as well. My reason would be because I am a very cheerful person and I do have lots of friends, I would rather let them remember me as who I am when I was still living. Yes, it would really be a surprise but It would be easier for people to accept my passing as abrupt as it was. They wouldn't have a clue to my sickness so it means they will treat me normally. I hate to be pitied on by people especially by my friends. The good part about being quiet is that you'll be able to really distinguish those people who valued you throughout your last days (you know being sick you get cranky and all..utterly annoying person you'll become). Well, I do hope this would help you with your questions. Good day!
• Philippines
22 May 08
I'll do what your uncle did. I don't want any close relative of mine to find out what I have. I know from the start who are the people who love me and those who don't. My case won't change any of that and I wouldn't want it to. I can forgive what is there to forgive but that's that. Coping with cancer is hard. I don't want people to pity me in the end. I want to leave them a happy memory something that can inspire them rather than depress them. I know that they have their own problem to cope up with and I don't want to be a burden. The love and care they have shown before I got sick is enough and I won't ask for more.
@lucy02 (5017)
• United States
22 May 08
I am so sorry for the loss of your uncle. I don't think i would want my Mom to know if I was terminal as she has a lot of mental health issues. I think I would want to prepare my husband for it and would tell other family too. There is alot of lung cancer in my family. Do you mind telling me what the herbal medicines used would be? I am just curious as would it work as preventive medicine? If I could cut down my odds of getting this deadly disease I would very much like to.
@grammasnook (1877)
• United States
22 May 08
I am very sorry for your loss. I would not tell my family either, I am sure he knew his timeline a few months back. I am also sure he did this, not to deceive you but to make sure that everyone enjoyed thier life and he could see everyone happy and not sad about knowing he was dying. My thought is do not mourn me till I am gone, if you knew this when he found out you would have treated him different, he did what he thought was right so please do not be upset and try to understand him. I am sure he left with fullfillment within and was able to spend his time with his wife and his child. I wish you and your family my condolences along with the prayers of closure in this ordeal. Take care
@janaraji (154)
• India
22 May 08
My hearty condolonces for the demise of your Uncle. Its Human nature to hide their disease to others. But in todays toxic World 99% of the world population are getting any one of the disease like BP/DIABETIC. No doubt the main cause of these disorders is due to Stress/Life style/Toxic food and contaminated water etc, which makes the body organs disordered function. As you are aware DIABETIC is noot the disease it is only Disorder. As you mentioned the Natural Herbal Food suppliment will helps on these kind of disorders. My 80 years old mother suffered from High BP/290 Sugar/Concitipation etc . Spening lots of money on chemicals what i mean to say is Alopathic medicne never helped her.BUT THE HERBAL FOOD SUPPLEMENT WELNESS PRODUCTS HELPED HER TO FREE FROM THESE DISORDERS. There is no harm in telling others our disease. Prevention is bettter than cure . WHY CANT WE PREVENT OUR BODY BY CONSUMING WELLNESSS PRODUCTS AND BE HEALTHY? K.A.JANARHDNAN ( DUBAI JANA 0 Wellness coach entrepreneur