Is it easy having your 1st child?

May 22, 2008 4:47am CST
Around 4 months ago, i discoverd that i was pregnant with my first child, i really liked this idea because i like trying out new things, and a baby would be something new for me. I also was really excited to start up my own little family. However earlier this week i went for a scan and the doctor said "i am awfully sorry bout this but you have had a miscarry." I was really upset but i had got really imuned to the idea, i even started buying things so i was ready. I know it was far too early but i like to be well prepared. But me and my partner discussed the idea of trying for another. we both agreed and have decided that when we are both fully over the loss, we are going to try again. So i need some advice, Is it easy having a 1st child? Is it painful? If it is really the most painfullest thing on Earth then why do people have a second, third or sometimes even fourth? How many children have you had? Is it hard to let go of your child when theyt have grown up and want to move on in life and start a family of there own?
3 people like this
12 responses
@sisterjinx (1136)
• United States
22 May 08
I'm so sorry for your loss. First make sure you give your body time to recover before you get pregnant again. I think they recommend six months. If you get pregnant too soon you could risk it happening again because your body is not ready. as far as pain. It depends on the person and what you choose. I had a difficult time with my first one because he was a big baby and I am a very small person. My daughter didn't have any trouble at all with her first one and hardly any pain because she got an epidural. Pain or not, being pregnant is one of the most amazing experiences. Feeling that life grow inside you and kick and move around. Holding that baby in your arms for the first time after it's born. You forget all the pain and only love is left. I gave birth to 3 children but I have 4 children because of a wonderful young woman I adopted when she was a teen. And I actually had 4 pregnancies, but like you I miscarried my first one. Letting them head out and down their own path is the most difficult thing. At least it was for me. You carry them in your body. You protect them and feed them and guide them for their whole young lives. Then one day they are grown and want to go out on their own. But if they do this then you have done your job right. It just means you raised an intelligent and independant person. Now I have 2 beautiful grand daughters to love and spoil and send home to mom. :) good luck with your own family pursuits.
2 people like this
@jashley1 (746)
• United States
22 May 08
Hello, All I can say are children are a blessing and I wish that all people would understand that! I'm very sorry about your miscarriage! I understand how that feels as my third child was a miscarriage. I'd say the first child, although very exciting, can be the hardest as it is totally new. It is a real adjustment. But once you have your first, it doesn't really matter how many more you have, it just seems easier and you're familiar with the whole "baby" experience! I'd say I've just been blessed to have pretty easy labors - painful yes, and I took the Epideral (spelled right?) everytime, but once your beautiful baby arrives, it was all worth it! The recovery afterward is more uncomfortable to me than the labor as you are very swollen and need to heal. But it's just "uncomfortable"...your body heals very quickly and it's all worth it. I've had three children (one miscarriage..would have 4 children). We are done because we finally got our boy after two girls! But you never know what the Lord has to say about all that. My kids are still ages 4 & under, so I'm learning as I go.
1 person likes this
• United States
22 May 08
I samantha! I'm so sorry about your loss. You will be in my prayers! I think their is nothing more exciting and scarey at the sametime about having your first child. Everything is new and you dont know what to expect. I know when I have my second child I will know what parts arent fun and so on. But with your first its such a big adventure and their wont be such a adventure to experience again. I think all pregnancies are adventerous, but not like your first. I wish you luck with you trying again. And once again you are in my thoughts and prayers dear!I think even though it is the most painful thing, you forget what the pain is like. And even though its is very painful its worth all the discomfort and pain when you see that little face for the first time look you in the face!
1 person likes this
@paid2write (5202)
22 May 08
I am sorry you have had to go through such a sad experience and I am pleased it has not put you off trying to start a family. I don't think you should worry too much about the physical pain of childbirth, because it will hurt you less than emotional pain can. You will feel such joy after the event, the pain will soon be forgotten.
1 person likes this
@mentalward (14695)
• United States
22 May 08
I'm so sorry for your loss! I know it can be devastating. I went through something similar. (You'll see about that below.) Oh, giving birth is one of the most painful things you can go through, unless you try meditation, like Lamaze. I did Lamaze and felt no pain, until my husband slapped a wet washcloth on my belly during a contraction because he thought I looked hot. Very stupid! I went from my concentration and breathing to instant pain! But Lamaze really works. The reason women have more children after that is because the instant your baby is born, you forget all about the pain. You have such a marvelous little 'gift' that the pain you go through seems like nothing at all. I've had 2 children. The first was natural childbirth, the second was cesarean because he was breech (sitting sideways instead of head down). I was pregnant a third time, but that turned out to be an ectopic pregnancy (in my fallopian tube)which ruptured requiring immediate surgery. After that, I decided no more kids, but only because I had enough. My first baby was the best ever. He loved to sit in my lap and let me read to him. As he got a little older, he loved to sit and let me teach him things, like colors, letters of the alphabet, stuff like that. My second baby, however, whoowee!! What an armful! From the moment he could crawl, he was off and running. He didn't like to be held. He had places to go and toys to see. (He was later diagnosed with ADHD with an emphasis on the "H"... hyperactivity.) So, I had my arms full with him. They were 2 1/2 years apart, so I had a hyperactive baby and a toddler to deal with. I didn't need any more kids. Oh, in letting go when they're old enough, I had no problem. My only concern was that they had enough to eat. They always did, it's just something I worry about. Hope this helps!
@Gemmygirl1 (2870)
• Australia
28 May 08
I cant answer all of this but i'll do what i can :) Having a first child isn't overly hard at all i don't think, it's more of a scary thing but only because you have a tiny little person that will be 100% reliant on you. We have 1 child (she'll be 2 in just over a week) & another due in 6 - 7 weeks (6 weeks until the C Section & 7 until the actual due date). I have always believed that a miscarriage or not being able to fall pregnant is a sign of your body telling you that it's not ready for a baby. It took us quite a few years to fall pregnant with our first child & i put it down to the fact my body needed to recover from a big car accident & it knew it wasn't ready to handle the stresses of pregnancy. I think you need to let yourself recover, you also need to make sure you & your partner have mourned & have moved on before you try again. Since your body had started the process it needs to heal some from what it did originally go through. Oh & as i have always been told & totally agree with - don't go getting too excited when you find out you're pregnant & don't rush out & buy things at least until the first trimester is over - it's kind of like jinxing yourself - after that first 12 weeks, then the main risks have passed & you should be safe!
@lingli_78 (12844)
• Australia
23 May 08
i am so sorry to hear about your loss samantha... i don't have a child yet and never been pregnant before... i am also trying very hard to conceive and hopefully it will be happening really soon... good luck, take care and have a nice day...
• India
23 May 08
This is a wonderful discussion. I'm sorry, I'm not married yet but I get to learn a lot from these discussions. Thank you for bringing it up and I'm soon to be married.. Looks I'm already educated on a lot of things through Mylot. Thanks to all who've posted their responses here.
@k101707 (102)
• United States
23 May 08
Hello, I am 17 years old and I will tell you that having the 1st child is hard. I know my age is young but I had my first baby in October. It hurt really bad but it is all worth it. My baby was sunny side up (facing the wrong way) so she was born by c-section. I am verry sorry about the miscarriage. I cannot even imagine what you have went through. well good luck in everything. Ps: I did'nt mean to scare you with the hurting part.
@ayessa (1586)
• Philippines
23 May 08
Sorry about the lose. Im also a first time mom. I just gave birth 6 months ago. I can say that giving birth my daughter is such a wonderful feeling, although it is really not all good feelings but I sum it as it is. Maybe labor pains makes giving birth such a nightmare. But I am lucky becuase I just suffered labor pains for just 3hours (Unlike others who suffered for several hours and even days) and my baby was out already. The moment I saw my baby I feel so blessed. She was very healthy and lively. Everything that i've always prayed for. HAving my first baby is a combination of hardship and joy. Since I don't have any background of how to take care of a very young baby but reading articles on parenting really helps a lot for me. And it's such a wonderful feeling that I'm also learning together with my baby. And I also discovered that having a baby around makes me forget about my problems. If these were all I would feel everytime I'd have a baby then I'll go for another one as long as we can support them.
@snowy22315 (52716)
• United States
23 May 08
The body has no memory of pain. it is painful,but you will live through it, just like when it is time for your children to leave the nest. You can only hope you have done the best for them, and they will make good decisions on their own.
@mamuzo (225)
• South Africa
22 May 08
Hi Sam, I'm so sorry about your loss. I can understand you being anxious about this. It is not a play in the park but it the most wonderful thing any woman could ever experience. I have 2 boys, and we want to try for a girl. The experience of having life growing inside of you, depending on you for every breath ... it's a wonderful feeling. Giving birth is sore yes but it's pain you easily forget once you have the your baby in your arms for the first time . . . this is why I am trying for my my 3rd without any jitters at all. Good luck to you and your partner and hope it turns out well this time!