forgive or not..?

Malaysia
May 24, 2008 2:55am CST
I have a bestfriend. the very best one, she knows me more than my mother does.. (I guess hehehe)Last year she had financial problem and I borrowed her a big sum of money. Now it's been a year since I borrowed her the money but it seems that she still can't pay for it. Her life had improved (Thank God) but not quite good enough to afford paying for her debts. She still need time to balance her financial life. I totally understand that. But recently I had financial problem too...She knows about it..I didn't ask her to pay the money that I borrowed her..But suddenly she acts weird, she always try to avoid me. What did i do wrong? I didn't ask her to pay, I just need someone that i can talk with.. share my thoughts.. She seems don't understand that, and its really piss me off now... If you are in this situation, what will you do? Can you ever forgive her? Is she the kind of person that we can trust to be our best buddy..?
3 people like this
20 responses
@KrauseHome (33259)
• United States
25 May 08
Wow, I agree with others. You were a Good friend and lent her $$ when she needed it, and have been understanding enough to not ask her for any of it back wanting to be a burden, but yet when you are going thru some Financial problems yourself she wants to turn her back on you, and ignore you. To me, this does not sound like much of a Friend, and I would begin to wonder myself if it was me, if I was being played, and maybe she was never planning on repaying you? If it was me, I would be a little miffed and maybe hurt myself. For me, this does not sound like a Good friend to have, and maybe you are wrong not trying to get some of the money back before she tries to blow you off completely. For you, the choice is yours, but this does not sound like a good situaition for you to be in. Wishing you the best.
• Malaysia
26 May 08
wow.. you making me feel i should have a second thought hehehe but its cool.. am i wrong for not asking her to repay me.. but in her condition right now, i don't think that i should ask her to repay me yet.. her family is counting on her financially, because her dad past away about a year a go, her mom is not strong enough to help her, and she was the first child.. Maybe she already had a lot of stress from her family, thats why she's been avoiding me. maybe she just don't want to be burden with my story of financial problem. maybe she need her own space too.. God i hope that's why she avoid me..
• United States
25 May 08
Because your best friends life did improve with your help,you have already been paid back.God knew that you would be there for her when she needed you.I don't think God would expect you to want the money back.Its almost like asking for the help that you gave her back.You consider it a debt while God considers it giving with your heart without expecting anything back.If she pays you back then she will be in the same mess as before.You have helped her life improve.So the feeling that you get by helping someone and that seeing that her life has gotten a little better would be enough pay back for me.It is better to give than to receive.This is a better way of thinking about it.This way doesn't cause grudges and you still have your best friend.
• Malaysia
26 May 08
yeah.. i do think that way but what hurt me the most is she avoiding me when i needed support.. specially from amongs my family and for me, she is one of them..
@Hatley (157952)
• Garden Grove, California
25 May 08
gurlee maybe she is feeling really guilty for not having paid back that money. did you ask if she could pay just a little. and remind her that it has been a long time and now you are in need of some help. talk to her and be tactful and find out just what the heck is going on. I would talk to her if I was in your situation and find out and forgive her and ask her for some help.Maybe she just doesnt know 'how to go about approaching the subject.
• Malaysia
26 May 08
i tried to reached her but bad luck.. she really knows how to hide hehehe i won't ask her to pay me.. just want our friendship back to normal..
@youless (86625)
• Guangzhou, China
24 May 08
I think I will mind it very much and it does destroy our friendship. You are obvious very kind to her. It doesn't make a sense that she treats you like that. I think at least she has to give you an explanation. In fact she doesn't have to return all the money to you at once as she may not even afford it. However, if she is honest and cares about you. She shall return a little money to you step by step. It will be easier and it also shows that she wants to return money to you. If I were in your case, I thought I might not treat her as my best friend any more. As I trusted her so much, but she still treated me like that. It's so hurtful. I love China
• Malaysia
26 May 08
yeah its hurtful when you needed a friend to support you emotionally, they run away.. But i guess she have a reason, and i can understand if it is because she feel ashamed for not being able to help me.. I need to talk to her, i won't let money ruin my friendship with her.. she is more like a sister to me..
@Diferay (50)
• China
24 May 08
"I love you more than I can say..." --By Diferay In my opinion,I think she is beyond the kind of person that you can trust to be our best buddy. To be a best buddy,we should help each other in daily life,especially in difficult time! And you have fulfilled your duty as her best friend,however,she try to avoid you when you have the financial problem. Maybe she feel ashamed on herself that she can not afford paying for her debts,but that is not the excuse!If I were her,I would try my best even I had not enough money. Money is not everything,and friendship is the most important,I believe.
• Malaysia
26 May 08
I strongly believe in friendship too... LOL
@mentalward (14716)
• United States
24 May 08
I would say that your friend is acting strange because she is feeling guilty about not having paid you back yet. She is avoiding you because she doesn't know what to say to you. It sounds like she needs to talk to someone about how she can repay you for what you lent to her. I think I would call her or write to her, or meet with her if that's possible, and ask her if she could handle paying you back a little at a time, even $5.00 or $10.00 a week because you really need the money. I do not know how much you gave to her, but I don't think that $5.00 or $10.00 a week is too much to ask. You will have to come right out and ask her because I doubt that she will bring up the subject of the money she owes you.
• Malaysia
26 May 08
Thanks.. good idea, i should write a letter to her.. Because she didn't even replying my text(sms).. but i wouldn't ask her to pay me know.. The friendship is more valuable then the money.. I still can find another way to solve my problem..
@zhpshql (695)
• China
24 May 08
Hi, I know this kind of friend, she don't want to meet you just because she feels guilty for you, as a friend, she should help you, but now she can't, if she has money, she will pay for the debt, I believe. To find a good friend is so hard that all through one's life there maybe no one can be regarded as the good friend. For me, I will forgive her, invite her to dinner, and tell she what I think,~~
• Malaysia
26 May 08
yeah..i have the feelings that she feels guilty for not being able to help me finacially.. I should talk to her but she's avoiding me, just hope things will get better soon.. I'll find a way to reach her.
• Australia
24 May 08
Wow thats a hard one,I mean you must have trusted her enough when you lent her the money,what happened to her?I think she is being really rude,she is avoideing you so you dont hassle her about the money,i would be upfront and tell her she needs to start repaying the money,if she was any sort of freind she would have said something her self by now and made some sort of effort to start paying it back!Good luck.
• Malaysia
24 May 08
I don't ask a lot actually. Its ok if se can't afford to pay me now, but at least be the "best-friend" that she used to be.. Don't avoid me now that i need support to carry on.. sometimes you just need someone to tell you tht everything will be just fine to keep your self esteem high, isn't it..
1 person likes this
@freedomg (1684)
• United States
10 Jun 08
That sounds like a pretty messed up situation. Your friend may just be acting strange because she feels bad that she doesn't have the money and wishes she did. Or she may think that you talking about your money troubles may be a round about way of asking. Before you decide anything I would sit down and talk to her. I have loaned money to friends before and had them just up and never repay it. Some of them were worth more to me as a friend than the money and I wrote it of with a mental note that loans to them are a gift and not to expect it back. The ones that weren't that close were cut lose,especially the ones that just keep borrowing form me. But every one was given a chance to try and talk it out. If it were you I'm sure you would want a chance to tell your side as well. Best of luck to you.
@carolscash (9503)
• United States
9 Jun 08
My best friend loaned me some money once and I never have been able to pay it completely back. I have sent her some money but never what I thought was enough. She never asks for it and completely cuts me off if I start to talk about it as she says it doesn't matter. I just hope that some day I can pay her back.
@subha12 (18462)
• India
28 May 08
i think what she is doing is not right. she should understand that you helped her when she needed. you lend her the money. now she should give them back when you need them badly.so ask her politely and make her understand you need them.
@metschica25 (5409)
• United States
27 May 08
A real friend is hard to find and it sounds like you and her would do anything for eachother . Money always makes things much harder and makes people feel uncomfortable . I think she is acting differnt because she knows you need the money , and she just doesnt have enough to help you out . I bet she feels like she let you down. You and her need to sit down and get everything out in the open. I dont see why she cant help you out as much as she can , you have to give back , you know.
@mialei23 (2386)
• Philippines
25 May 08
Its really hard when were talking about money matters.I also experienced someone owed me a money not just a best friend but a relative also.But if I realized that they can no longer pay me back I just think of good karma I can receive. Maybe your friend is just paranoid that she think your asking for her debts. Sometime it is nice to be frank to those people around you but some times they tend to misunderstood your intentions. Just try to talk them fairly and if you think they don't understand you someday they will when those things happens to them, well life is like auto-reverse. I can forgive easily those people who tend to ignore some things they need to clear up. Well, its life no one perfect, right?
@syeryn (574)
• United States
24 May 08
Ouch, this is a tough spot to be in and I am sorry that you find yourself in it. Unfortunately without specifying the terms of repaying the loan to you back when you loaned it to her she may feel that she can take as long as she wants to begin giving you payments for it. I think sitting down and telling her how you honestly feel about it would be a good avenue to take. Otherwise resentment could linger and build and you will have lost your best friend anyway. If she truly is your friend she will understand, make the effort to return to the way she was before and perhaps even offer you a little bit of money each week towards the loan.
@kg_gurl (220)
• United States
24 May 08
Hi. You know you could ask a lot of people this question and a lot of them would share their thoughts. We could speculate on what she is thinking and the meaning of her actions but none of us could be really right or wrong. I think what is best is you should try talking to her. If she is really avoiding you, try to find a time to confront her or surprise her maybe. Ask her what is bothering you. If she is your best friend i think she will explain. Ask her then see what her reaction or reasons are, then maybe you can judge from there if she is just feeling guilty because she can't help you or if she's really running away. Don't be too aggressive though because she might be defensive. Ask her nicely, talk to her, explain your reasons, tell her you just needed a friend right now and your confused why she's hiding. I think it's the only to know for sure what is her side of the story. But this is just me. ~
@ynigz1 (472)
• China
24 May 08
Oh, she's still in her financial problem, and maybe worried that you ask her for the money, which she don't have now.
• India
24 May 08
As per my openion she has not understood the relationship which you want to established with her. Everybody in this world has a problem and financial crisis in some level. But helping others with a true feelings need a big dare to ignore our own problem and keeping someone's problem in the priority. I believe that a true friend can understand such things but not a selfish person. I think you should avoid her till she come to know you true feelings. best of luck and have a nice day
• China
24 May 08
Maybe your friend can't return you the money, so she want to feel ashamed to see you. I guess so. If really so, you should have a honest conversion with your friend. Sometimes good communcition is important.
@lingli_78 (12852)
• Australia
24 May 08
i don't think that your friend is being very nice at all... you helped her when she is in trouble and now she tries to run away from you when you are in need... the least she can do is to be there for you if she can't help you financially... sounds to me like she is trying to get away from her responsibilities of paying back her debts to you... if i were you, i will definitely ask her straight in her face to return my money after the way she treated me... no questions asked... good luck... i hope you can sort this out with her... take care and have a nice day...
• India
24 May 08
If she is your best friend then i think there is nothing to hide from a best friend. Even you think something bad for her you can tell her. In simple you can approach to her and say what you want to say. If you wants to end up the relation then also i suggest you atleast once you have to tell her what you are feeling. And if am in this condition i will first tell her that just tell me what happened to you why you are behaving like this with me if you think that i am your best friend than tell me. And you are saying that she is not in a good condition to give you the money you can ask her to help you somewhat that she can afford.