May 24, 2008 6:28am CST
I found my father after thirty-four years. The relationship started out good through emails, but now he doesn't email me unless I email him. Is he letting me take the lead, or putting sole respinsiblity of this relationship on me so he can avoid any, especially after 34 years? I am confused, because my mom tells me one thing, and he adamantely denies another thing. And not knowing him, makes it hard for me to just blindly accept anything he says at face value. What would you do, for it's an awkward situation. Now I am not so sure about this relationship, nor how to feel.
• United States
24 May 08
I would suggest what you wrote here, to put this exact thing into an email and share it with your father. Sometimes we have to put the ball in thier court. Plain out ask him do you want this relationship? He is the only one that can answer the questions that you have my friend. Be prepared for the worse and hope for the best. You must put yourself and your family first and if he would like to be part of your family that would be wonderful but set the ground rules either you are in or you are not. I had to do this with my father in law which we found him 30 years later. I would not set my children up for pain. He plain out told my hubby I Love you with all my heart he has been very active in all our lives for 13 years now :) darlin sometimes you have to throw your fears out there to get the truth you need to hear.
• United States
8 Jul 08
Hi grammasnook, I have another dad issue I want to ask your advice about, cool? After I tried to explain to my biological dad how I feel and why, both in an email and in a letter, he shruggs me off. I can be very forward when pushed, but part of it is 34 years of built-up repression, too, ya know? I just didn't see the point of letting things fester by not saying anything of how I really feel inside about the situation. So I told him so, and gave him a piece of my mind in doing so. What gets me is when a child does this and puts it on the line, most parents would take that as a clue to act and do something about it. He hasn't and probably won't. His life is too neat now. He even sent back my letter via the words "Return to Sender." What would you do?