Please Help! I need advice on my realtionship problem!

United States
May 25, 2008 5:49pm CST
Hi everyone, I just wanted to ask you guys your opinion on a stiuation that I am having with my bf of 3 years. When we first met he knew I had 2 children, twins that are 7 years old. We agreed that since he is from a very STRICT CULTURE (Afganistain) that we would want for me to wait to meet his parents and let them know about the children. It is now been 3 years and I still have not met his parents and we are still hiding the fact that I have children. Today I brought up the topic because I had requested one of his cousins as a friend on the website facebook, he felt that I should not let her no anything about the children because he dont want his parents to find out throuugh her. I love this person, and he is wonderful to my children, but most of the time I feel out of place in this realtionship because I am not Afganistan. What should I do? Do you guys think that i am wasting my time on trying to build something with this person. Your advice is needed because I feel like I am in a bind here.What would you do. I feel like I am in hid-out but he is such sweet person and very good to me. HELP!!
1 person likes this
2 responses
@TheCatLady (4691)
• Israel
1 Dec 08
I hate to be the one to inform you, but his parents will never accept you. First, you are an American girl. They will want him to marry an Afgani girl. Second, you have kids and obviously aren't a virgin. Having kids out of wedlock is very bad in his culture. So is divorce, if you were married to the children's father. If the children were the product of rape, again it's bad because it means you aren't a virgin. Even if you are a very young widow, his parent's wouldn't want you as a first wife. Second or third, maybe, but not first. A lot of men from that part of the world have American girl friends while in college and while they are young, but when it comes time to settle down most drop them and marry someone their family would approve of. I would give him an ultimatum. Tell him you want to meet his parents with your children or it's over. Tell him you want him to tell them in front of you that he intends to marry you. Give him a very short time limit, 1 month or less. Preferably much less.
1 person likes this
• Canada
26 May 08
Well it is a difficult situation. However it has been three years and he has not introduced you to his parents, or even told them that you have kids, that he is helping to raise? I don't think you should be a hideout, I think after three years that it is time for a " I need to meet your parents and we need to tell them I have kids, or there is no way that I can continue to hide this." I would hope that he would see no matter how they react, it would be better them hearing it from his mouth than for them to find out accidentally because you cannot continue hiding it. Along with this is the fact that your kids are 7 already, and kids are smart, what is this doing to them, when they have him, and he is good to them, but they still don't have that "family" sense of love that they could have. I would just not settle for less, in the end the ones that will get hurt the most by this isn't him, you or his parents...but your kids will get hurt, because they will grow up wondering why they weren't good enough, why they had to be a hidden fact? It is hard enough for kids to grow up and it might not be a problem for a few years yet, but by the time a few more years go by...it could become very problematic for you to try to answer their questions, when you don't really know the answers yourself!