A little thought goes a long, long way!
By mummymo
@mummymo (23706)
May 25, 2008 7:15pm CST
I have wanted to start this discussion for several weeks now but held back as I fear I am not enough of a writer to put my point across clearly and and effectively but I have decided now to bite the bullet and try my best!
We all know what an amazing site this is don't we? Most of us have received love, support, friendship, encouragement and so much more from the wonderful people who make mylot such a wonderful place to be. We have seen examples of what we can do when we work together whether it be the power of prayer, good energies whatever, or helping with petitions or competitions whatever . Unfortunately many of us have also seen the downside, the misunderstandings, name calling, flaming, stalking, full blown misery and heartache when people are negative or aggressive or just downright rude!
I am not aiming this discussion at anyone in particular or trying to cause any trouble but I am trying to stop the flames of negativity burning down the good that happens here on our wonderful site!
Can't we start using the positives and sharing out our strengths with each other, supporting someone who is struggling rather than taking them a bit further down, show someone the benefit of the doubt if we think someone is criticising us, be pleasant to one another even though we don't have the same opinion - it is possible to disagree with each others opinions without being nasty and hurtful!
I am not naive - I know that not everyone can get along , there will always be people who just have the wrong chemistry or just do not like each other and that is fine but in these circumstances can we not just either be civil or ignore each other! Animosity and bitterness corrupts, frustration and stress jades us and fighting and flaming , well that just frightens many of us!
Instead of tearing this wonderful community down around our ears with negativity and thoughtlessness can we not please show off the strength I know we have and pull together to make an effort at being positive and supportive and make this community of ours a shining example of what can be achieved by a community of this sort!
Am I wrong or am I naive or just plain cuckoo - I don't think so and I hope that many of you out there agree! What are your thoughts on this?
18 people like this
30 responses
@wolfie34 (26771)
• United Kingdom
26 May 08
Firstly sis, I wish to correct you on the following and I quote "I am not enough of a writer to put my point across clearly and and effectively" well that was certainly well put across, crystal clear and the point was sharper than the point of a dart arrow. Finesse! Seriously though you are right, but the positive side is that it is only a small minority of people who like to put others down, fuel the flames of animosity and to putting poison into the site, truth be known this happens to most sites out there, the odd few who enjoy putting others down, get a kick out of being nasty, well it's soo easy isn't it, I mean these 'people' for the want of a better word and they are certainly not animals, animals don't behave in this fashion, anyhow, I digress being behind the computer gives people the shield to attack without fear of reprisal after all they are protected no one sees them in fact they are anonamylies just a body behind a computer who can use words as knives to attack others. This site is and will always be a platform for this, but it's just a small platform. Everything in life has a positive and negative it's how people weigh it up. The positives for me on this side is that I've suddenly adopted a family, I've got a loving sister, friends who have supported, loved and offered me advice, constructive criticism and gave me a kick up the proverbials. I have made some wonderful friends and I am sure I speak for the majority of the members of Mylot that the reason they keep coming back day after day is because of the friendships they form, everything sadly has a downside but hey that's life, we have to ride above the waves of negativity and don't let them bind us down otherwise we fall victim to those who would love to push this site into their territory and enjoy the backbiting and what you mentioned, flaming, stalking, misery and heartache, but at the end of the day true friendship will withstand all that negativity and it'll not fall by the wayside. No amount of nastiness, negativity, trolling or attacks will ever take away from me the fact that I have made some beautiful friends on Mylot and a loving sister and that my sis, is one in the eyes for the collaborators of negativity.
2 people like this
@novataylor (6570)
• United States
26 May 08
Wolfie, my sweet, I think it was p1kef1sh who clued me in as to your being mummymo's brother, and it makes so much sense to me. You're both the sweetest and the loveliest people and I care immensely for both of you. You know how I feel about you, Wolfie, I know you do. I'm just so gratified and happy to have been able to meet you both. You're treasures, rare and fine. XXX
2 people like this
@novataylor (6570)
• United States
26 May 08
Hey, you know I'm good for cheering you up - why didn't you send me a PM or something telling me how you were feeling? As one of your cubs, I want nothing more than for you to be happy, darling Wolfie. Next time, contact me. This particular cub will stroke your fur, scratch your whiskers, kiss your face and hug you within an inch of your wolfen life! I was feeling a bit down too, actually, this morning - my back is out, totally in spasm, and it's horrible, so I'm trying to take my mind off of it by typing here and speaking with my wonderful friends. And I've found that it always helps me to help someone else, to send out a little cheer, to listen, and just to read what so many of you have posted here. Well, that and the 3 pain pills I've taken already this morning, ha! Hey, a bit of a buzz couldn't hurt, ya know? Oh boy, now I'm rambling, sorry. Back to the point - contact me next time you need a smile and some love. I've got tons of both. XXX
2 people like this
@weemam (13372)
•
26 May 08
I say Amen to that sweetheart , I have been very luckyas I only one had someone be really unkind to me , In saying that all of my friends rallied round and gave him hell , In my life I try to always be kind to everyone and I take it hard when someone is unkind to me , this world could be a lovely place if more people would think before they speak , when that guy did it to me I was crying , I wanted to leave MY Lot and not hear from him again , but then again my friends stepped in and made me feel better again ,I hope a lot of people read this pal , most of them though WILL be your friends already and for what I can see they are all lovely ( just like you ) xxxxxxxxxxxxx
@mummymo (23706)
•
26 May 08
I remember that time only too well Mam and I remember clearly how upset you were, that really got to me too! I know there are far more positive people here than negative I just think that the negative is seeping into the fibres here and I want to try to cleanse that away! I know that it will mostly be my friends who respond BUT for once I am ambitious and want as many people as possible to read this and pass the sentiments on - kind of like a chain post! lol Here's hoping if we cam all stay strong we can make this place even better! xxx
@dana234 (2114)
• Spain
28 May 08
The next time please don't hold back for fear of not being good enough at writing. You've got excellent writing skills and always get your point across ¦-)).
I fully agree with you, mummymo.
Why respond to a discussion with negative or even offensive comments? It would be much easier and much more mature to just stay away. I find the variety of different opinions here inspiring and it doesn't even occur to me to give somebody a negative rating or write s.th. nasty just because I don't agree with them.
Just as in real life, tolerance is important. Everyone is different and that's what makes the world and this site so interesting. I don't expect everyone to share my point of view here, it's fine for me if people just want to hear echoes of their own thoughts, I don't criticize or attack them, just let them be. Surely this can't be too difficult?
XXX Dana
2 people like this
@mummymo (23706)
•
28 May 08
Thanks Dana - I knew that YOU would feel that way! As you said tolerance is the key along with some respect and consideration! I have had different points of view from many people here but that doesn't mean I argue with them or fight or moan about it - we just exchange our thoughts and feelings and sometimes we even become good friends! I can't help but feel that people who do not want to hear any opinion other than their own are missing out big time! xxx
1 person likes this
@Angelwhispers (8978)
• United States
27 May 08
Mo, You have done a wonderful job at stating how you feel, and presenting us all with a new challenge. What you are asking is admirable and actually what a new person would expect coming into our community and mylot family. Like any family I know we are going to disagree, that is a given, but as you say we should be able to do so with love and respect. You are not naive to expect what we all should be doing in our hearts and with our words to begin with.
If you do not have something nice to say, why say it when it concerns another mylotter. So I want you to know My MummyMO that I have taken notes and taken to heart what you are asking.
2 people like this
@novataylor (6570)
• United States
26 May 08
Mummymo, your words are more than sufficient here and your writing abilities are as good as anyone else's here. Well, none of us write like p1ke or Spark, but you know what I mean. I think that most of what I see here is of a positive nature, supportive and caring and friendly, but I've seen so much of the opposite side too, unfortunately. And it's hard to resist the temptation to write back, to answer what's been spit out so venomously and spitefully and hurtfully. I've gotten into the fray a few times, and I hated being there, but there are times we just have to jump in and fight. It's not in my nature to be a fighter, but it IS in my nature to protect and care for and nurture, and you know how it is, sometimes we're mother lions and we'll do anything to protect the ones we love. But that's different, I guess, than what you're saying here. There IS way too much intolerance, and just plain MEANNESS here and it turns my stomach to see it. I think there's only one real way to counter it and that's to just keep on doing what we're doing - keep on supporting each other, and loving each other and protecting each other and writing the kinds of posts that we write. There are a whole lot of us who project positivity and goodness and we've got to keep our presence here strong and out front. There's strength in numbers. And I think that for the most part, good prevails over evil, generosity over miserliness, happiness over anger, kindness over violence. So don't, whatever you do, ever take yourself out of here. You are probably the kindest and most benevolent presence we have. And I don't feel at all bad about saying that. I think that everyone will agree with me on that one and not be hurt, not at all. So, you may be cuckoo, you may be naive, but you're not wrong here, you haven't said anything that doesn't make complete sense, and I think that almost everyone who reads this will respond positively. Those that don't, well, screw them. They will appear, and be, small in comparison to the rest of us. Love to you, darling mummymo. XXXX
2 people like this
@mummymo (23706)
•
26 May 08
I definitely know what you mean about the mother lion nova - anybody hurts my friends , family or an innocent and I feel the anger and urge to fight for them so strongly - it is hard sometimes to try and see the whole picture instead of focusing on getting vengeance for what has been done - I once stood in front of my 6'4" nephew when someone was trying to start a fight with him and said they would have to go through me first - I was serious and my nephew still says I am scary when I get like that! lol There is far more good than bad here honey it is just that the bad seems to pervade into the depths of our community when it comes along, it weaves its way around to many peoples hearts and hurts them and I hate to see that type of pain! I am not going anywhere I promise I would just love for all of us to 'freeze' out the negative and mean and allow no room for it to take hold! I do try to thoughtful and see all sides nova but I wouldn't have thought I was the kindest although I thank you for seeing that in me - then again I think you can see right through to the heart of me! We are two of a kind my darling and if I can be half the woman you are I shall be more than happy! Hugs xxx
1 person likes this
@wolfie34 (26771)
• United Kingdom
26 May 08
That goes for the wolf too, anyone hurts my cubs and I am not the lovable, cuddly, placid wolfie any more, I show my teeth and claws xxx I am very protective of my friends, someone made a nasty comment on TerryZ recently and Wolfie wasn't having that!!!!! Grrrrrrr
1 person likes this
@AICIRT81 (847)
• United States
29 May 08
Well said! Like yourself, I get frusterated at all the negativity. It takes so much away from the site and detracts from the atmosphere. I tend to long in to mylot to relax at the end of the day. but lately, I haven't been visiting due to this issue. I like to share my thoughts and opinions. But the last thing I want to do is be bonbarded with the negative and rude comments that the inconsiderate post. There are polite ways to disagree and they should be used.
2 people like this
@mummymo (23706)
•
29 May 08
Totally agree here aicirt81! I thought I hadn't seen you around for a while and I am sorry to hear that you haven't been coming here because of this issue. I do hope that things are improving and I hope that you feel you can start spending more time with us soon - we need all the positivity that we can get to counteract the negative and rude! xx
1 person likes this
@weemam (13372)
•
26 May 08
I say Amen to that sweetheart , I have been very lucky as I only one had someone be really unkind to me , In saying that all of my friends rallied round and gave him hell , In my life I try to always be kind to everyone and I take it hard when someone is unkind to me , this world could be a lovely place if more people would think before they speak , when that guy did it to me I was crying , I wanted to leave MY Lot and not hear from him again , but then again my friends stepped in and made me feel better again ,I hope a lot of people read this pal , most of them though WILL be your friends already and for what I can see they are all lovely ( just like you ) xxxxxxxxxxxxx
2 people like this
@ItTakesAllSorts (4096)
•
26 May 08
You have put your point across very well mummymo and shown respect to all members here.
The reason I left here for ages was due to the horrible behaviour of certain person's who were just out to cause harm. I know when we expose ourselves on sites like these is does open us up to criticism and a chance for people to attack our vunerable side, which goes against what this site is all about.
I suppose it is no different being here to meeting people in the real world who get pleasure in attacking people.
I have not seen anyone being horrible since I have been back and I hope it stays this way as I am enjoying being back.
Big hello to you my friend xx
1 person likes this
@ItTakesAllSorts (4096)
•
27 May 08
Trans...my hero!!
I have missed this site so much, I am so enjoying being back.
Thanks my friend xx 
1 person likes this
@mummymo (23706)
•
26 May 08
I do so hope it stay that way too AllSorts as too many fantastic members have been discouraged and driven away or limited themselves in the way they post and respond because of the negative and the mean! You now how much this site , this community means to me and I want to see it be all it can be and more! It is great to see you honey, Hugs xxx
1 person likes this
@MsTickle (25180)
• Australia
2 Jun 08
I'm sure I'm not going to be the first person to burst your bubble Morag but that ain't ever going to happen. Particularly when people remain largely anonymous on a site like this.
Let's look at a hypothetical situation....we're pretending here. You have a lovely friend. You have come to know this friend and talk to them on the phone even. You think they are beautiful through and through. I know this person as well. I see someone two-faced, disloyal, critical, nasty, whingeing, pathetic, self absorbed and someone to be wary of. We won't always see things the same way.
We all have a good side and a dark side...every situation has this....it's how we achieve balance. When problems arise, I tell people to ignore the people behind it and they will eventually go away...but this doesn't happen. The troublemakers, whiners and those most critical and nasty get all the attention!!! It's the ones that have the big "followings" that worry me, those "good people " who would "never say anything to hurt anyone". When they turn nasty and show their dark side...they have a lot of people who go with them and agree with everything they say and do.
Apart from the sadness, pain, misery and unfairness, myLot would be a pretty dull place if it was only sweetness and love.
@mummymo (23706)
•
2 Jun 08
You are right tickle - others have tried to burst my bubble but I guess I am a stubborn one! lol I know that we cannot all like each other , that we see different people in different ways from other friends but that is life and shouldn't mean that we are nasty or abusive - walking away from it is a possibility. I guess I see things through rose tinted glasses sometimes but I like being that way - it is a big part of who I am. I guess that you are right in that we all have a dark side , I know I have although I try to always look at situations from different angles and look for the good - whether my dark side likes it or not! lol I guess we will have to agree to disagree on this one tickle as I often wish all of life could be sweetness and love but that doesn't mean I love you any less! Hugs xxx
1 person likes this
@worldwise1 (14885)
• United States
26 May 08
Your ideals are very commendable, mummymo, and I do believe that more often than not the chaff gets separated from the wheat here on myLot quickly enough. I also believe in the inherent good in most people and there are enough of our kind here to hold back the negative ones. I think it takes a special kind of person to go the distance on myLot and the trouble makers will soon become bored and just go away.
2 people like this
@faith210 (11224)
• Philippines
26 May 08
Hi mummymo! I absolutely agree with you. I hope that we can all have a peaceful co-existence here and have a smooth relationship. I do know that we are all different from each other and that all of us come from different backgrounds, culture and countries but that shouldn't be a hindrance for us to be able to share a beautiful site wherein we can learn from each other. We can always disagree on something without losing respect for each other. I have had a few friends here whom I learned to love and care yet are not here with us anymore because they have been hurt by some people here. I just hope that I won't be losing anymore of my good friends here including you, I would really be less happier if you my friends will be leaving one by one.
Take Care and God Bless! Happy Mylotting!
@mummymo (23706)
•
26 May 08
That is part of the inspiration of this post, the reason I really felt I had to step up and say something - we are losing too many good mylotters and disillusioning others because of this negativity and just letting people be nasty to one another! I my friend have no intention of going anywhere and I will fight (in a positive way) to making this site be all we know it can be and a place where nastiness is not allowed to flourish! Together we mylotters can achieve anything and I hope we can all pull together to show this! Hugs xxx
1 person likes this
xxx
Take Care and God Bless! Celebrate Life!
@Foxfire1875 (2010)
•
31 May 08
I would be good if we could do this but human nature being what it is there will always be people who are only interested in causing trouble and the best thing to do is avoid them because if you don't they just keep going.
It would be good if we could pm anyone without having them as a friend, as it would be better if some things were resolved this way rather than in public. Also I've said this before but an ignore button would be so much help because then if somebody really bugged you, you could simply never have to see anything they wrote and so wouldn't get riled.
1 person likes this
@mummymo (23706)
•
31 May 08
I know exactly how you feel! Especially in a medium such as this where I think it is a bonus to have the ability to stop and think for a moment before you hit submit on an angry or aggressive response and may cause any problems to escalate! I know it isn't always easy to do that but it is something I try to bear in mind and I have used it to stop some very angry knee jerk responses myself in the past! xx
1 person likes this
@mummymo (23706)
•
31 May 08
I know these people exist and I do wish it were as easy as pressing a button not to have to deal with them but trying to ignore the provocation, though not easy, would work very effectively as they would get bored with no reaction soon enough! I just cannot understand how someone gets pleasure from causing pain and upset to fellow human beings! xxx
1 person likes this
@Foxfire1875 (2010)
•
31 May 08
I can't understand it either Mummymo 
, why some people find such pleasure in being nasty.
I try and be as helpful as I can here and not get involved in any of the nonsense but as you say it isn't easy to ignore, especially if someone is having a go at a friend 
, why some people find such pleasure in being nasty.
I try and be as helpful as I can here and not get involved in any of the nonsense but as you say it isn't easy to ignore, especially if someone is having a go at a friend 1 person likes this
@littlerockman (19)
• China
26 May 08
yes,i can't agree more with what you said.You have a high responsitive heart to this community,i appreciate you.In my opnion,there's no possibilty to content everyone,can we just figure out a device which can delete all the bad (what you referred to up) remarks out of this website?
2 people like this
@mummymo (23706)
•
26 May 08
First of all littlerockman Welcome to mylot and I hope that you enjoy it here. Please do not let my post put you off - there are many wonderful people here on mylot who ware warm, welcoming and positive, only a few negative and mean. I have found no effective way of blocking them but I think that ignoring them and refusing to fight would spoil their fun for them! xxx
1 person likes this
@TerryZ (22076)
• United States
3 Jun 08
Hi my sweet mummymo! I feel the same way you do. This really is a great site. I have met so many nice people with such love in their hearts. And when your down or something happens they are they for you. How good is that? Its helped me.I guess their are just cold heated people and people with a beautiful heart that care about people. So Im so with you lets all be happy. Hugs xxx
1 person likes this
@mamacathie (3928)
• United States
13 Jun 08
I agree with you 100%! I think we should all be like Thumper and "If you can't say something good, don't say nothing at all." If we cannot be supportive and encouraging we need to not join in the discussion at all. We don't have to answer every discussion, if we don't agree and can't do it in a nice way we need to avoid posting on it. If someone can't say something supportive, encouraging or nice to me on my posts then I'd rather they didn't even respond to my discussions. This is a great site and group of friends and I would love it to stay that way also. God bless you for posting this.
1 person likes this
@beautyqueen26 (16030)
• United States
15 Jun 08
Of course, you are right.
I'm happy that you posted this.
Unfortunately I have been the victom
of such abuse on Mylot.
And, I made the mistake of sticking
up for myself and lost many friends
by doing so. Some people actually said
that I was the mean one. How silly is that?
A woman can't even defend herself
against predators without looking guilty.
That's just sad.
The only positive part of the experience is that
I gained many new and better quality friends
by having a backbone.
It made me a stronger person.
I did not suffer from the experience.
Now I know to avoid speaking with
such negative people at all.
When I see them, I just turn and go
the other way. It's the best defense.
Those kinds of negative people have a
mouthful of venim and spite and plan to
shoot it at the first person who has
the nerve to oppose them.
I've been attacked for posting helpful
tips for posting on MyLot.
I've been attacked for posting good parenting
suggestions and helpful tips for nursing moms.
I just take it in stride and realize that
some people just don't know any better.
Maybe their mama didn't teach them any better.
They are just looking for a fight.
For whatever reason.
I try to avoid negativity and arguments.
I'm not naive either. I know there are
evil people online and in the world.
I am doing my best to be a good
MyLot community member.
I'm learning new ways to share everyday!
Be well.
Have a wonderful week.
1 person likes this
@mummymo (23706)
•
16 Jun 08
Beauty in my opinion you are a fantastic mylot member and a very good friend! I hate negativity and arguments and I do try to avoid it but I have to say I would never knowingly stand by and watch someone being attacked or bullied - then I am afraid I have to step in to defend them. There is no problem with having a backbone , in fact I think it is a terrific thing but some people use it for nastiness and do not like it when someone tries to stand up to them and make them more considerate of others. Don't let such people get you down sweetheart and don't ever feel as though you are alone. I am glad you made other friends through what has happened and that is what it is all about , learn from it sweety and move on - just as you have done. Hugs xxx
@beautyqueen26 (16030)
• United States
1 Jun 08
You are so right, mummymo. As I'm sure you know, I've been the target of a stalker this past week. Some of this other person's comments behind my back and on my own discussions have been very hurtful. I don't know why some people do these things.
I have given up trying to figure out why I have been targeted. My only intention of posting on MyLot was for a creative outlet and to make a little bit of extra money for my household, so we could buy food. For almost three weeks, we've feared that my spouse would lose his job and we would be homeless. We have such little money to spare anyway and would be totally broke and homeless within a month or two without his income.
So, I came back to MyLot after a five month hiatus to try to generate a little extra money for our food bill and daily expenses. And another member got personally mad at me for posting so many discussions. I tried my best to follow up, but I wasn't fast enough for their taste. I am not making this up. I'm quoting from something they posted on many of my discussions. Really, how fast did they really expect a response?
It's funny that you would bring this up, considering that I have been going through all this at MyLot. It has made me want to quit posting. But, then I would lose the small amount of income that MyLot brings. And, we would go hungry. I can't let my little girl go hungry. But, the hurtful comments made about me behind my back by another mylot member has made me rethink staying at mylot. I hope mylot does more to keep the negativity down.
I guess I should have shared that last part about money difficulties with the other mylot members so they would know why I've been posting so many discussions. Thanks for bringing this up. If I've said anything to hurt anyone's feelings either here or elsewhere in my own discussions then I do sincerely apologize. I'm a good person at heart and hate conflict. But, I simply can't roll over and pretend other people are not being mean to me.
1 person likes this
@mummymo (23706)
•
1 Jun 08
Sweetheart it is so good to see you! I was not aware of what was going on with you til I caught a reply you made to me on another persons post and I was very sad to hear what you had been going through! I do no know what has happened but for some reason you were not showing up on my friends list anymore and I KNOW i didn't delete you - this is the second time that has happened to me in a month and I can only apologise and let you know I have put in a friends request again!
I can never imagine you setting out to hurt or insult someone else my friend as I have always found you to be very friendly and thoughtful and don't think you would be otherwise unless you were having to defend yourself - my advice is to ignore anyone who is trying to harass or bully you - if you do that chances are that they will get bored and leave you alone although I do understand that it can be very hurtful and demoralising to hear and see people being nasty!
I do understand what you mean about worrying over bill and job security as we are in a very similar situation with my other halfs job being shaky right now - the company he works for is a global company and are shedding a large percentage of jobs many of which will be from the location he works at so I do understand how you feel and you have my prayers. As for letting others drive you away from mylot please don't do that - there are always going to be differences of opinion but there are many good people here! I am way behind with things here right now but I plan on getting to your discussions tonight! Hugs to you my friend and it is so good to see you! xxx
@Hatley (163781)
• Garden Grove, California
26 May 08
mummymo I love what you said. I have beentrying to
be more positive, and not to be so thin skinned,'but
sometimes remarks people post just seem to feel'
like barbed arrows thrown right at you. I guess I
need to toughen up a little. but we should all be'
more careful of how we respond and think before
we write it down. I know yesterday afternoon I was in
pain and feeling grouchy so I was finding myself
letting this come through in how I was responding'
to others. we need to all be so much more postive
and supporting of each other.
1 person likes this
@mummymo (23706)
•
26 May 08
Hatley honey I have never seen you be anything but caring and positive! I hope you are feeling better today and the pain isn't as bad - I know how consuming pain can be! As for being thin skinned well we all are sometimes it is how you respond when you feel hurt that matters - instead of lashing out maybe we are better taking a bit of time and seeing if there is something positive we can make of things! xxx
@Hatley (163781)
• Garden Grove, California
3 Jun 08
mummymo you are so right. when we all support each
other we can do all sorts of postive things. so we
just need to bring out the positive sides of things
and not be so darned negative. It just takes a bit
of being thoughtful and kind and respecting each others
'points of view and we can turn this into a really
happy place to visit and share friendship and care
for each other.You are not naive at all.
1 person likes this
