I don't want to make another mistake. What kind of guy should I be wary of?

@anawar (2406)
United States
May 25, 2008 9:26pm CST
Okay, so I learned not to fall in love with a guy who steals my credit card_ but he seemed so sweet. Does anyone know the danger signs of the wrong kind of guy to date? Should I watch out for the super nice ones? What have you learned from past mistakes that might help me avoid falling for the wrong guy again? Or, can you think of any particular trait that screams out 'I'm the one?' I trust everyone. Who is not trust worthy and how do I know? I know I'm speaking in broad generalizations and it's hard to give a specific answer. Okay, I asked the same question in three different ways. Can you understand my meaning? 'Cause I'm kinda confused myself_ :)
7 people like this
21 responses
@Madona1 (2099)
• Gibraltar
26 May 08
Hello there, although you have failed once in finding your love one, you shouldn’t give up the hope. And you shouldn’t think some of the men are the same as they are individual. When you meet a new love one, what you should do is take the relationship in a slow pace. Meanwhile, use your natural feeling and judgement to sense and get to know him. You will find Mr.Right at the end. Good luck!
1 person likes this
@anawar (2406)
• United States
26 May 08
I failed more than one, sad to say. That's why I'm gathering words of wisdom from mylot. I will trust my natural feelings and not accept people who don't feel right for me. I'll be standing in front of Mr. Right when he finds me. Or maybe I'll never get involved again. You never know. It could happen. Does your avatar couple ever take a break from kissing? lol
1 person likes this
@Madona1 (2099)
• Gibraltar
28 May 08
Hahaha…you are sweet! The avatar couple will stop kiss when it is bedtime, which you may not see...just kidding! Anyway, wish you all the best on finding your other half.
@anawar (2406)
• United States
29 May 08
When do they go to bed? Oh wait, I think I just figured it out. I don't want to be there when they get into bed]?If I find another half of me I won't fit into my clothes anymore! LOL:) This is a test. Is this how you make smiley faces? If not, I'll look like more of an idiot than usual! [em][/em]
• United States
26 May 08
The Last Lecture, a book by a man named Randy Pauch, gave excellent advice in his book. He told his daughter, who was 18 months at the time, that she should pay attention this advice: when trying to figure out the good nature of a man, observe his actions and ignore what he says. The book's author is dying of pancreatic cancer, yet he's a very good-natured person giving advice that I think most people could benefit from. Best of luck to you, and I hope that you come to love someone who deserves it.
1 person likes this
@anawar (2406)
• United States
26 May 08
Interesting comment. He told his daughter when she was 18 months old? I'll look up that book on Amazon next time I go shopping. Thanks.
1 person likes this
• United States
26 May 08
Correction: his name is Randy Pausch. :D And Amazon's selling it for 12.07, 45% off list price. :D So exciting. Really great book that I was proud to add to my collection. Take care and have a wonderful day!
1 person likes this
@anawar (2406)
• United States
26 May 08
Thanks for the update! That's not a bad price to pay at all. It's another one of those cosmic moments. I ask for help, you mention the book, I take an interest, you check it out for me, and the book is on sale. Cool.
1 person likes this
• Australia
27 May 08
I reckon be wary of them all,if you always have your gaurd up you cant get burnt ,I seem to be attracted to the bad ones too so I cant talk but I know I am always a little wary of everyone these days,dont trust anyone til you really know them and dont let anyone close to your heart til you ae confident they arent going to break it and this could take years or months who's to say but just be wary of everyone and take care.
1 person likes this
@anawar (2406)
• United States
27 May 08
daniellegldn_ What a harsh world we live in. We have to be wary of everyone. Oh well. It is what it is.
@sbeauty (5870)
• United States
26 May 08
Never trust anyone that either comes on too strong or wants everything to move too fast. The best relationships are those that develop over time. You have to really get to know someone before you should trust them with anything, especially financial things. There are just too many people out there today who are all for themselves and don't care what happens to others. Basically, you can't trust much of anyone any more.
1 person likes this
@anawar (2406)
• United States
26 May 08
sbeauty_ that's such a hard thing to consider. Especially if I don't have a partner. The thought of never trusting anyone again scares me. I get your point though. Caution, caution, caution. Thanks for the help. I think. lol
1 person likes this
@kenzie45230 (3560)
• United States
26 May 08
Here are some warning signs: A guy gets too involved too quickly and says he loves you right off the bat. Shows jealousy way too early - and too much - in a relationship. Is controlling - tries to tell you whether you can visit with friends and which ones. Has unrealistic expectations - is looking for perfection. Says you complete him. Says he needs you to complete him. Wants to isolate you from others - at first just when he's around, then later all the time. Blames other people for all his problems. In relationships, at work, everywhere. Is easily insulted or has his feelings hurt. Has rigid gender rules. These are all signs of someone who may be an abuser. If he/she exhibits them, run for the hills.
1 person likes this
@anawar (2406)
• United States
26 May 08
You got me on number one. He told me he loved me within days of meeting me. It felt like I fell in love as well, so I figured it was okay. Then I got to the part about blaming other people and gets easily insulted, and that was true. Thanks for making me remember all these warning signs!
1 person likes this
@dragon54u (31638)
• United States
26 May 08
I understand perfectly! If your boyfriend is short of cash, dump him. If he asks to use your phone to make a long distance call, dump him. In short, if he asks you for any financial consideration at all, get rid of him!!! When you meet someone you might like, don't tell them any financial information at all. If you have to lie and tell them you don't believe in credit cards, so much the better. Tell them you invest all your cash in mutual funds or something, then they know that your assets can't be accessed easily. Best of all, refuse to talk about money. It's NONE OF THEIR BUSINESS!! It's your personal business and only when you become legally his wife is it his business. And really, not even then. He has no right to your pre-marriage money. For the trait that screams "I'm the One", I would say that physical attraction should be tossed out the window. If you feel like a man is the perfect compliment to you, that's a good clue. Someone who shares enough philosophy with you to have common ground but can also teach you something. Ignore lust. That usually leads to bad matches. If you're into his mind and soul, lust will naturally follow but not lead. That is, you may not be physically attracted to him at first but as you get to know him the physical attraction will appear. Hope this helps. I've made a LOT of mistakes in my life and hope they help you out a little.
1 person likes this
@anawar (2406)
• United States
26 May 08
dragon_ I set up my prefences to not allow mature content, so I can't read your comments. I don't know how to change them.
@taface412 (3176)
• United States
29 May 08
Here's what I look for honesty and integrity...and usually you can tell by his actions in situations with his friends, you and others in general. Work ethics, because I work hard and I respect and understand anyone else who does the same. Reflects character in a big way. Realism is important too. Women definitely do not need men in thier lives who are not realistic about life, love and women in general. Oh and he has to have a nice set of shoulders....so my vanity came out there. Also, I am still single so go figure....But I know him when I see him and I don't bother with the rest. What is the longest that you've been single?
@anawar (2406)
• United States
29 May 08
I like a strong jaw line and good facial structure. Don't worry about being vain looking for shoulders you like. I need a certain body type as well. Gosh, he fit all of your criteria when I met him. It was months later before the falsehood of his life started showing through the life he projected. By then, it felt like love and it was too late. From talking to everyone on mylot, I learned to take my time next time. How long have I been without a relationship_ Too long.
@taface412 (3176)
• United States
31 May 08
The thing is the moment you realize those things I know your heart is in it and deeply, madly in love, but that is when your mind needs to step in and lose him, close yourself off to preserve your own feelings. I know easier said than done. But even if I have been in love with a guy for years if something serious is a problem I have realized I can fall out of love just as quickly. It's a gift and a curse, to quote my favorite OCD character Monk. But I am a firm believer in taking time in a relationship...it reveals all.
@anawar (2406)
• United States
31 May 08
taface_ Time does tell all. I always think of it in German. Wir werden sehen. We will see. Not that helps anyone here, it's just a phrase stuck in my head. Don't worry, I'm on my guard now. The next guy will have to be freaking Sir Lancelot or someone like that before I'll even talk to him.
@grammasnook (1877)
• United States
26 May 08
The only advice I can give you in this, would be to follow your instinct.. we all get gutt feelings from something a person did that made you feel uncomfortable dont just dismiss the feeling pay attention to it. We have built in security most of the times, always look for the worse and hope for the best. As soon as you feel like you are being used or taken advantaged of leave you are probably right.
@anawar (2406)
• United States
26 May 08
True words, thank you. I do overlook my own feelings. It's crazy, but I feel responsible for taking care of everyone. If I see someone has made a mistake, I think they don't know what a wonderful person they are and I'll show them their inner beauty by loving them. I believe everyone is good inside. Somehow, that always gets me into trouble.
• United States
26 May 08
Yes I believe there is good in everyone too , but there is also alot of bad. You dont have to put up with . Please know love should not be hard but easy.
• United States
1 Jun 08
Maybe you could put all guys on a probationary period, where he has to prove himself. You would purposely not fall in love with him until that time was over. And, he could prove whether or not he was in for the long haul or just being a player and some loser. Best wishes for finding a new honey. Be well. Good luck!
@anawar (2406)
• United States
2 Jun 08
beautyqueen_ how many guys can I put on that probationary period?
• China
30 May 08
Money is not the most important thing,but if the man is not willing to spend money for you,he doesn't love you very much.If the man don't give you his key,and keeps his phone when he takes bath,he does not trust you and does not love you very much.Else,aways look at his eyes,what he say and what he does can be cheat you,but his eyes can't.
@anawar (2406)
• United States
30 May 08
It's true, the eyes can't lie. Thanks for the good advice. I'm getting better at learning to look for the right things in a person because everyone here on mylot cares for each other. That's a good thing to have in a personal relationship as well. Remembering how people on mylot help one another. That thought would not have entered my mind if you didn't take the time to comment on my discussion. Thanks!
@greenline (14864)
• Canada
29 May 08
When you think the guy is really sweet, that is the dangerous guy ! You may also notice that the guy breaks promises numerous times. That is another dangerous guy ! I hope that helps. Best wishes to you !
@anawar (2406)
• United States
30 May 08
I always ask people not to make me promises, just do it. You're right though, he did make promises anyhow and he broke all of them. Little stuff that added up. The super sweet guys sometimes have personality disorders and they are so charming in the beginning_ they are irrestible. Thanks for the advice. It does help. Did you learn what to watch out for by getting burned? Or are you just one of those really smart people?
@sunkissed (4332)
• United States
29 May 08
Well anawar, nowdays I have to ask if they have a car, a job, and if they have a house and live alone!!Also if you can communicate with them, are they easy to talk to.I am like you I trust anyone, and end up getting walked on and hurt.Make sure that their ex's are really in the past.That they are secure, do not need to borrow money from you.Yes, watch out for the super nice ones. I found out that a lot of them are "wolfs in sheeps clothing".Once they get you, they will change.Watch out for the clingy jealous ones, the control freaks.Well you are a very smart lady, I think you really can spot trouble a mile away bt now.I wish you the very best.
@anawar (2406)
• United States
29 May 08
I am hopeful that with everyone's help, I can get it right this time. It may mean I'll always be alone. It's the basics, like you said. Especially, not only do they live alone, but do they have their own place? If I plan on staying with anyone, I'm also watching out for guys who get paid cash for their work. That means, if we grew old together, he won't have anything for retirement. Including social security. Oh, make sure they have a bank account. It's good if they have medical insurance, even though it's more and more difficult to get health insurance in this crazy country!
@phoenix25 (1543)
• United States
29 May 08
I usually go with my gut instinct when it comes to guys, but I have noticed that some girls' guts just don't seem to tell them when to stay away. I think one good thing to look for is body language. When you talk to him, does he look you in the eye or is he constantly checking his cell phone for text messages or constantly looking around the room when you're talking with him or hanging out with him? Is he honest with you? This can be hard to prove, but does he seem to dance around direct questions that you ask him? If he can't seem to give you a straight answer, you might want to keep looking. The super nice ones aren't always bad, but then again you never know. Just try to take it slow and not put too much of yourself on the table, so to speak, before you have a chance to really get to know the guy. There's nothing wrong with making him have to work for it and earn your affections.
@anawar (2406)
• United States
29 May 08
How very perceptive. I am all to willing to give my love away. I like the idea of making a guy work for my love. I was thinking that very same thing earlier this afternoon. Funny you should mention it_
• United States
29 May 08
In my case I would avoid the guy that I wanted most lol lol I seem to fly around all the pretty flowers and land in the cow crap when it comes to men!
@anawar (2406)
• United States
29 May 08
If you're saying you make the same bad choices as I do, we'll be a case of the blind leading the dumb. You can be blind, I'll be the dumb one.
@Hatley (164468)
• Garden Grove, California
27 May 08
Be wary of the guy who brags and makes himself out to be JOe GotRocks because he usually is an office boy in the firm. Also a guy who has the manners of gorilla, and avoid the one who talks about his mother all the time as he might be a mama's boy.Avoid the one who ' tells loud and irritating jokes. thats all I can think of.
@anawar (2406)
• United States
27 May 08
Hatley_ those are all good suggestions for watching out for the bad guys. I don't think I ever heard the expression JOe GotRocks before!
@metschica25 (5407)
• United States
26 May 08
Yes , always listen to your gut it could make all the differnce. Stay away from someone who doesn't have any goals in life or who hasnt been able to hold down a job.There could be some hidden issues. Someone who drinks too much and who spends too much time with his friends . Sometimes being too nice is not always because they are a fake . They could just be a nice man. Love is a risk , but for the most parts you should just know . Bad boys sometimes really are just bad boys.
@anawar (2406)
• United States
26 May 08
The more I read, the more I think, 'yup, I fell for that one too', yup, I didn't consider this suggestion or that. I think holding down a job and having a steady career top the list. I was raised strictly, so I loved the bad boys. Big trouble, never worth the pain. Stay away from the bad boys, ladies! Thanks for pointing out this very important issue. I agree there are nice men who really are nice, but_ There is a particular kind of man who acts nice and is very charming, irrestible. They have psychological problems that add up to big trouble. Watch out.
@muralirv (572)
• India
26 May 08
I can understand you.First analyze the guy whether he flirts too much;secondly check is he going to spend for you?.Next avoid him if he is asking any money from you or phones from you.This would be the easiest way
@anawar (2406)
• United States
26 May 08
He didn't flirt with anyone, he was very quiet and people were amazed how much he opened up after meeting me. I did pay for his cell phone, he never did give me the money. At first, he paid for everything, creating an illusion that he had more than enough money. I'm learning how many errors in judgement I did make and I won't make the same mistakes again.
• Philippines
22 Jun 08
never give yourself right way without giving him the test.
@ash6666 (819)
• India
28 May 08
We cannot pre dictate the terms to find the suitable other half.Its the heart which speaks when we come accross some one.And coming to the point of doing a mistake by selecting a wrong one ,we cant know about the other if wont be close.But you should be careful that the situations wont get out of hands.Some times Mistakes only teach us the right path.
@kun2349 (23475)
• Singapore
28 May 08
There's no definite answer from a guy's point of view.. Because there are some guys who are really sincere and that's the way they are.. while some guys will tend to be lazzing around, but deep in them, they are actually very faithful and down to earth in relationships.. So it's actually quite hard to judge on the outside.. Maybe u can start off by being frenz for much longer period of time, and if the guy is sincere, he will be patient for your sake..