someone wake me up!

Philippines
May 26, 2008 1:40am CST
we've been almost 5 years now. but he is now as jobless as he wants himself to be. and he doesn't even care about it. i think he doesn't even think of me and our future. and im certainly not the type of person who would stick with someone who doesn't even have his goals. and who doesn't even know what he has to do with his life. as i see him he becomes more lazy everyday. it drives me crazy. coz i really do love him and wanna spend the rest of my life with him. i just don't know how to get through all this by now. i don't wanna marry someone who cannot even earn enough for himself. i will not definitely work hard to feed him. but i was thinking if should i leave him and find someone who can make a better living for me? what am i going to do? but i love him...
3 people like this
11 responses
@ratyz5 (7829)
• Philippines
26 May 08
The mere fact that he doesn't care about it, after being together for almost five years, just means that he also doesn't care about those around him. If he can't pull himself together for his own benefit, what good can he contribute for those around him, those that care for him. If he really does care for those people in his life, he'd surely find ways and start something right. Well, that's just an outburst.. do you know why he suddenly cared no more about having no job and being useless?
• Philippines
26 May 08
i don't really why he was suddenly like that. after loosing his job i know he was eager to look for one. but suddenly i noticed him not to care about it anymore. maybe he was tired looking for one. or maybe he loses his confidence.anyway thanks! it does helps a lot.
2 people like this
@ratyz5 (7829)
• Philippines
26 May 08
Hey, you two must've already established good communication with each other within those years that you have been together. If he is indeed really down from his first loss on the job and was just keeping a happy face in the beginning but, now its turning obvious that he now has no confidence or even motivation, you two might as well talk about it. Talk about how it affects you too. At least with you two together on the matter, you might find a solution. Benefit each other and even perhaps extend the relationship as it is more fortified after surpassing struggles together.. Now that was too optmistic.. I'm just saying that you can figure things out together.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
26 May 08
we do settled many things together before. but it felt like this one is different. when i talked to him about it. it turns out like i was looking down at him.
2 people like this
@Nan110 (469)
• United States
26 May 08
I can also relate to you. My husband doesn't have a job for 5 years we've live here in California. Jobs are very hard to find. Help your boyfriend by taking him to places to get some applications.
1 person likes this
• United States
26 May 08
Not having a job can be very stressful and you have to do everything in your power to keep trying.Never give up hope, and I am sure something good will come along. That is a good idea to go there with him , helps with the extra push.
1 person likes this
@aowaow (1517)
• Indonesia
26 May 08
Upgrade your communication skill. There is always a chance to hit a man's laziness, and it depends on how his personality is. Try to search in library or book-store, the books of how to communicate with different gender. Try don't waste your 5 years marriage. You still loved him, didn't you?
@aowaow (1517)
• Indonesia
26 May 08
I understand. Besides it's hard to find a job nowadays. The competition is getting tight.
1 person likes this
@kaezy_kulet (2465)
• Philippines
26 May 08
have you already tried talking with him about this? Try to talk to him tell him what you want for the both of you, then if still after that he just wants to be a bum all his life then decide what you want to do.continue with a relationship in which you know that in the future you might suffer or end it until you are not yet married with him. Life today is so difficult all the prices of our basis needs always increases almost everyday,what will happen to both of you if only you will work to live and survive? very difficult right?i already have experienced having a boyfriend who doesnt even have a goal in his life, he do not want to study,he wastes his parents money he is enrolled but does not go to school. after seeing that it makes me realized that "hey this is not what i want! i want to have a good life,a life with someone who can support me and not the opposite..i do not want a husband that will be a burden to me in the future" so then i decided to break up with him. it is easy for me to do that because we were just new then. So my only advice is talk to him first then decide on what you have to do afterwards. Hope that whatever decision you come up to you will be happy and will have no regrets.. Life is to short to be wasted on someone who is not worthy..live life the way you want to..enjoy your life^_^
1 person likes this
• Philippines
26 May 08
you really do have a point there. but i can't think of living without him. but anyway i'll consider your advice. thanks a lot. i felt relieved.
1 person likes this
@subha12 (18453)
• India
26 May 08
i think you have to take the acll yourself. now he is lazy and does not bother to find a job. it sems he is happy taht you are feeding him. its not right actually. he needs to think it otherway. make him understand this.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
26 May 08
thanks for the advice. helps me feel better.
1 person likes this
@metschica25 (5407)
• United States
26 May 08
I am sorry this sounds like a tough place to be in, I agree how can you move forward with someone when there is no way to get there. If you love him you will just keep talking to him and try to give him the extra point. Tell him you want to be there forever by his side , but he has to put forth an effort or there wont be a future. If there is a future it will be a hard one of just struggle . It is hard for all the weight to be just on your hands. Best of luck to you both . It never hurts to keep trying and one day he just may wake up .
1 person likes this
• United States
26 May 08
What you need to do is leave this guy alone. There's no way you can get through to him. Your love isn't going to make this guy change, there isn't anything you do to make this man change, and there aren't any answers you can get from here to make him change. A person has to want to do things and this man doesn't. He has no interest in you and he's taking each day as it comes. This man doesn't care if you love him or not. He's immature, selfish, and satisfied with his life as it is. You need to growup and accept the fact that this man doesn't love you and get him out of your life as soon as possible. At this point, this man isn't making you miserable. You're making yourself miserable and unhappy by trying to stay with him when you know how he is. You need to leave men alone and give yourself the chance to learn, grow, and mature so you won't be about the business of being with the impossible or finding someone who can make a better living for you. You need to set some goals for yourself and work on them and be responsible for making your own living and helping yourself. As time goes on, you'll realize your life shouldn't be centered around a man. By staying with this man and refusing to move on, you're being selfish and immature by demanding your own way. Spending your life together should include marriage between two mature people and you're a long ways from that.
1 person likes this
@posham (1237)
• Philippines
26 May 08
wow.. that's a burden i'm not willing to carry... i know love should be enough but is it really enough? won't the financial crisis tore you guys apart in the long run as you go bitter and him more insecure? i don't know.. how far are you willing to go?.. in my case, i can give way for about 3 more months... anything beyond that without any effort exerted is appalling...
1 person likes this
@lingli_78 (12844)
• Australia
27 May 08
well, i definitely wouldn't want to marry a man who is lazy and does not care about his own future... i don't want to suffer for the rest of my life because of him... he can looks for other woman and leave me alone... i will leave him no matter how much i love him... i know it is easier to say than done... but i treasure my life and i don't want to waste it with a man like that... take care and have a nice day...
@cutepenguin (6457)
• Canada
26 May 08
My husband had similar problems - he had no idea what he was going to do with his life, so he avoided thinking about it or working on any goals. In the end, last year, he went to counselling, which really helped him figure out his life and how to get going on it. During this, he did work, but I still paid the bulk of bills, so it was a bit frustrating to watch him flounder around. All of this took 5 years of my life, and to be honest, I am not certain I would do it again if I had the chance of a do-over. Right now, everything worked out - he has a good job, tomorrow he receives his degree, and he's a very good man - but it was a lot of work. So as someone who has been through this, I'd advise you to either get him into counselling with a counsellor who specializes in anxiety and time management or to get out. You can't make someone change. No matter how much you push, prod, nag, encourage, support, or stand by someone, unless they want to change, they won't.
@Hatley (164469)
• Garden Grove, California
26 May 08
i think you need to read what you wrote to us and really think about it. You have invested five yearsin this guy and he has not proven that He cares all that much. If I were you I would takea hard look at what 'you wantout of life, marry a guy who wont work'and support him, thats not really what you want,is it? I think you need to kick him to the curb and get on with your own life.You will have a chance to meet someone who does care about you and about himself and his goals. give yourself that chance.